Author Topic: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter  (Read 316 times)

Lukeless

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Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« on: June 18, 2019, 07:07:20 AM »
I am Lukas, 28 ,from Germany. I discovered nofap in March 2015.

I first discovered the positiv side effects of nofap during my time in therapy in August 2014 without knowing it. My therapists said, that fapping to porn wasnt an issue. That my problems are deeper.

Before that therapy I was rock bottom. I broke up my bachelor degree, haven’t left the house and fapped 3-4 times a day. I didn’t had any hobby’s, was in a new city and had social anxiety, depression and some kind of compulsive disorder.

After therapy and while there I started painting. Later on you I sold some of my paintings and had some exhibitions. From May 2015 to May 2016 I worked part times at ups, while working on my self and kept my painting profession alive.  I didn’t had a driving license, an own apartment or much money at that time.

In June 2016 I started a new bachelor in commerce and trade. I will finish it this july.
But I want more. I have still a big lack of concentration und problems with brain fog. It’s hard to perform on the level I want to with these issues.

I am still fapping 1-3 times a week, but I want it to stop completely.

I recently moved to a new city, because I was promoted to be a store manager. I am doing a dual bachelor kind of thing.
I am afraid of intimcy,and i am not really able to have deeper connections to people. I still feel kind of numb, and often hopeless. I am afraid of the total reboot to be honest.

I hope the real reboot shows me who I am, despite being afraid of it. And I think it will give me the power for greater achievements.

I have also changed my habits from drinking, gaming, smoking weed and wasting my time to working out, going for a run, meditating and taking care for myself and working on a decent job.
By the way I got my driving license, have an own apartment, paying my bills and saving some money for the future.

I want to be able to have a romantic relationship, be less afraid of bigger goals and to the things I want to do.

I have fapped today, because I felt hopeless and afraid, because of the upcoming presentation for my bachelor degree.
BTW. I met a girl online and will visit her this week. She’s great and supportive and there is this tingling in my brain,that she’s too good for me.

I am thankful for standing up again, and joining this community.
I will write every Sunday in this journal, and a accountability buddy would be great .

Thanks for reading,and sorry for my English.

Lero

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2019, 10:19:55 AM »
What's up, man? Welcome to the forum.

Lukeless

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2019, 03:00:16 PM »
Sup Lero?
Today was a good day. After relapsing this morning I put myself together, read something about habits, meditated and got some work done.
And I went for a run.
Hope I can continue this hab it's for the better.

Lero

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2019, 03:08:48 PM »
That's productive time. You didn't waste it with PMO.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2019, 05:52:37 PM »
Welcome to the forum!

This is a good community of guys working to beat this addiction. I've learned a lot here, and I'm sure you will too!

Lukeless

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2019, 05:21:39 PM »
June 20th.

Day was really nice.
Met this girl, but while talking about specific topics like old relationships my insecurities came up. I felt a bit depressed.
Wehn I got home I almost relapsed, because of these feelings. but then I was thinking about you guys and the girl, so I fought it.
She told me later that she understands me and my relationship issues.
That helped a lot

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2019, 05:41:01 PM »
That's awesome! Thinking about everyone here has definitely saved me from a relapse or two. Glad we could haunt you in your time of need.

Negative emotions are always the first step to a relapse for me. It's good to recognize that connection and to work on taking care of your feelings in healthier ways.

Keep it up!

Lukeless

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #7 on: June 23, 2019, 11:28:20 AM »
23. june

Last days felt pretty good. Went for a run yesterday and better concentration.
Today I am very tired. Went with a date to the zoo and we had a good time. But there were no real sexual desire towards her. I am a bit sceptical if it makes sense to keep on dating, or if the flatline hits.
Because in the last couple days I am more on instergram and Facebook, for whatever  reasons. Should I stop using them, so the process will be better??

I am although not sure if I should keep using dating apps to get laid. I have read it slows down the reeboting process, too!

Amy suggestions what to do?

Ob the one side I want to do a good reboot, but on the other side I want to keep dating, to get laid, by using dating apps.

What have you expirienced guys?

A great day everybody

Lukeless

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2019, 01:28:16 PM »
Day 6

Hey guys, how is everyone doing?

When  I wake up this morning, it was hard to get out of bed. Havent slept much and activated to soonze Buttons.
But after two glasses of water the world looked brigther for me.

Work was ok for me, but the temperatures were killing me.
After work I went to my sister to see my newborn nephew. I arrived after an drive, that took me half an hour. Sweat everywhere and too less water during the day let me look half dead.

My sister was scared when she saw me. And I told her about my Situation, that I dont like my Job actually, that I am bored and hate what I have to do there. I dont like it to work for that  employer, because I am convinced, that the corporate philosophy is fucking rigged. It manipulates the employees and exploits their Soul and life energy.
I was always too busy doing a good Job and be liked by everyone there. But deep down in my heart I hate everything about it.

I wanna do something with numbers, which is more creative and fullfilling.

I almost fapped when I went home, because of the bad Feelings, that came up during this conversation with my sister. I feel Kind of lost and in the wrong place.

At the Moment I just want to be alone with that bad Feelings and try to understand them. Can nofap really provide me a better understand for my own purpose in life. Or is there some way I  can explore what I really want. Its just a Feeling, that  I want to work more with numbers.

I really dont know what I want in life. Have lost my path? I dont know, I feel very irritated and want to get rid of those Feelings.
But not with fapping! not  this time! I will be strong. We will be strong for each other.

Great day everyone!

Lukeless

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #9 on: June 25, 2019, 03:41:26 AM »
day 7

And I relapsed to shemale porn!
The session took almost 30 minutes, and I felt how the sensation went stronger and stronger. I couldn't resist. My whole body was shaking and my mind went crazy.

Now I feel ashamed, and less energized.
I know it's not the end of the world, but my process is slowed down by that.

I guess browsing facebook/Instagram and dating sites triggered this behavour and the fact that I am hungry.

My actual plan was to study, but I was the whole time distracted by my smartphone.

It's crazy, but my urges yesterday were much heavier, than today. Today I was just stupid.

I am thankful today, that I  don't hate myself for that.
But I am anxious about to be forever alone because of this narcissistic habit.

Lero

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #10 on: June 25, 2019, 05:31:56 AM »
Good, you identified what caused the problems. This is an important step.

Mrblueberry

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Re: Journal for better life quality- German rebooter
« Reply #11 on: June 25, 2019, 05:47:36 AM »
Yo dude i read you journal,

Lets fight this drug together buddy, it is not easy i know. Don't get hung up by the fact you relapsed. Fighting porn is much harder when you get stuck in negative thoughts, therefore i would recommend to replace negative beliefsystems by positive beliefsystems.

The way i managed to do so was by reading books ''the power of now'', and i watched a couple real social dynamics vids by tyler. Mostly the real social dyn stuff is about getting good with girls but the underlying message is to be okay with who you are, positivity, feeling much better overall, be present in the moment, drawing a good state from within without depending too much on external sources.

O and about the insta and fb thing, i believe that instagram and facebook is causing depression and inadaqoute feelings. It seems like the rest of the world is happier then you and social media pulls you out of your own life. 

greetings from the netherlands
Keep up the good fight!

« Last Edit: June 25, 2019, 05:49:39 AM by Mrblueberry »