Author Topic: Would really appreciate some help, feel so worthless (LONG STORY)  (Read 256 times)

Michaatje

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Hello fellow rebooters.

I am a 26 year old male and started with PMO when I was 14 years old. Shortly after I started PMO I got a gf and I had no sexual problems whatsoever. That changed when I was 16 years old. I had PMO-ed almost every single day up untill then and remained doing so until almost 4 months ago. Sometimes I would PMO including edging for a long time for 3 or more times a day, although that was kind of rare for to do. Anyways, when I was 16 and tried having sex with my gf I couldn't get it up. I thought something was wrong with me. I eexercised almost every day, ate healthy so I didn't know what was wrong with me. Since that experience I have refused almost every sexual contact with potential girls because I was so scared about it happening again because I kept having difficulty getting hard and PIV was always impossible for me.

 More than a year ago I saw videos of Gabe Deem, Noah Church and other role models. I have been trying to quit porn since then and although I relapsed many times, sometimes for months, the last couple of months have been relatively easy. Since then my mood has improved, I sleep better and have more energy. My sensitivity has improved and sometimes I get random boners. Also during kissing with my current partner which is something that I didn't experience for the last 8 years. My girlfriend knows about my recovery and is very supportive. I didn't PMO or MO the first couple of weeks since I started dating her. Around that time we started fooling around, no PIV though. My erections were fluctuating. Sometimes I had MW, sometimes I didn't. I had a flat line for the at least three weeks. Sometimes it feels like I am stuck in a flat line after not O'ing with my gf for a couple a days. The last couple of weeks my erections during the fooling around havent been what they were since I started recovery. My girlfriend notices it and I feel less of a man. I don't know what I should do. Should I abstain? I have read that rewiring with a partner can be beneficial. I do smoke, maybe it's that? I went to the doctor a year ago and he said my ED wasn't anything physical but probably performance anxiety. To be honest, I am always scared when I am intimate with my girlfriend. I wonder if I will get hard (enough), can keep it up. Back in the day those fears would kill my erection. It doesn't anymore, but my penis doesn't get fully hard anymore. I orgasm maybe once or twice a week with my girlfriend. Oh, and I got diagnosed with a depression again but I am not taking medication and I have been under a lot of stress lately so that might be a factor as well.

So basically my question is, should I change anything? Give it more time? Does anybody had a similar experience? Thanks for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day! Keep up living a better life!



Redfire03

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Re: Would really appreciate some help, feel so worthless (LONG STORY)
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2019, 12:33:06 PM »
Biggest thing is stop PMO. Once I realised this was an issue I stopped. Our stories are very similar and age as well.. i put my focus in on the gym i go just about everyday and it has helped me very well to push porn out and make me feel comfortable with myself. I can stress how important it is to work on you and your mental health. Get off social media... all of it.. stop letting pixels take over your interests. Get in the gym, go walking, fall head over hills in love. Rewire... but dont over do so much to soon it's a process. Let her understand and better even encourage her to look into this herself. Women are effected my this as well not just men.

Michaatje

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Re: Would really appreciate some help, feel so worthless (LONG STORY)
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2019, 02:44:46 PM »
Thanks a lot for responding. I just wish what I could do to improve my recovery. Your advice is more than welcome and I put more effort in being outside. Luckily the weather is improving and I enjoy walking! Best of luck to you!

deepk07

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Re: Would really appreciate some help, feel so worthless (LONG STORY)
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2019, 02:21:56 PM »
i was thinking to write sth here but after reading your story. i think i dont have to now cuz your story is very similar to mine. but i hope both of us get out of this victoriously. im starting onto this journey of no PMO from today. wish me luck