Author Topic: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!  (Read 453 times)

Lysandros

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My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« on: May 30, 2019, 03:44:52 PM »
Hey Guys. 21 Year old Male Here.

I am currently addicted to porn and am starting my journey to cut it out. I have had some ED in the past but not severe, but still that is a warning sign to me.

My last two sexual encounters have been fine which is a good sign but i am still nervous about my ability to perform sometimes. I Feel that by stopping watching porn, i will regain some confidence and become healthier in the mean time.

I have just come out of a relationship so my libido is at a all time high which feeds my porn addiction. My recovery starts now. Today is the last time i will watch porn and i will document my journey below.

I would appreciate words of encouragement at this time.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2019, 05:58:59 PM »
Welcome to the forum, man! I've had a lot of encouragement posting here regularly. People have great insights and are helpful, but even just writing my own thoughts out has really helped a lot too.

It's so great that you've decided to cut this junk out of your life. We're all fighting it together!

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2019, 03:49:10 PM »
Thanks for your support.
Day 1 was hard but day 2 has seen me in a little bit of a flatline. Morning wood but no arousal all day which is weird. Urges are going already and I don't feel the need to watch porn which is good but having no arousal is abit scary. Starting meditation later so I'll see how that helps and will try and chill out during flatline.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2019, 06:12:34 PM »
Yeah, I think chilling out is a good strategy. I've sort of realized that anxiety is one of the things that fuels my addiction, so worrying about things doesn't help.

And I don't know, but I don't think there's much reason to worry about arousal now. I've heard of guys relapsing because they ended up looking at porn or masturbating real quick just to see if everything was working right. I feel like our bodies will know what to do when the time comes if we just focus on getting healthy without "checking up" on it all the time. Plus urges aren't as bad when you're not feeling aroused, so just count it as a freebie lol.

Lero

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2019, 06:27:46 AM »
And I don't know, but I don't think there's much reason to worry about arousal now. I've heard of guys relapsing because they ended up looking at porn or masturbating real quick just to see if everything was working right. I feel like our bodies will know what to do when the time comes if we just focus on getting healthy without "checking up" on it all the time. Plus urges aren't as bad when you're not feeling aroused, so just count it as a freebie lol.

I know exactly what this means. I've been there. It might sound crazy to say this but that "empty feeling" that I used to experience, feeling no arousal and no urges (maybe a flatline, I don't know) used to make me feel strange. It was supposed to be something good because I had no urges but I still felt weird like that. I would check out to see if I could arouse myself and I could only do it by watching P  :D That's how you relapse. I'm not doing that anymore. By the way, I'm in the middle of such period right now. In the last three days or so, I haven't had urges and I've been feeling "empty", asexual, if you want. But I guess, at the end of the day, because there are no urges either, I should be happy about it.

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2019, 11:07:59 AM »
Day 3 and still no arousal. I did feel a fleeting feeling of something earlier but I'm still not sure. I'll take your advice and refrain from "checking" and just sail through it. I'm not particularly worried anymore as I read it is pretty common and it does return when you start to heal. Luckily, I am not in a relationship so there is no pressure for me. Hope you guys are hanging in there ok!

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2019, 12:49:48 PM »
Update. I just had the feeling like an errection was going to form on and off for about an hour and just got a random semi with a tiny bit of arousal. Has anyone else experiencee this and is it a good sign?

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2019, 04:36:42 PM »
Day 4. Random bout of arousal around lunch time. Nothing since then. All in all a pretty easy day.

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2019, 02:42:13 PM »
Day 5 and . Low but some libido, feeling good. No urge to watch porn

Lero

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2019, 01:40:13 AM »
That's good, man. This is my 4th day so I guess we are in the same place.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2019, 06:40:09 PM »
Keep it going!

You're probably doing it (and just not writing about it here), but don't forget to fill your life with good things. If we just cut out porn, we are still leaving a gap in our lives that porn can fill back in. But if we live productive, busy lives, there won't be room for porn.

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2019, 02:42:17 AM »
6th day! Feeling great. Quality of morning wood has improved massively and feeling calm and content. Thanks for the encourage BlueHeronFan, I'm trying my hardest to fill my life with all of the things I enjoy the most. Keep it up Lero! I'm feeling better already and it has only been 6 days!

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #12 on: June 09, 2019, 05:38:27 PM »
Day 7 , one week completed! Finding it very easy so far which is good! Hope I can making it to 2 weeks !

BlueHeronFan

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #13 on: June 09, 2019, 05:57:39 PM »
Congrats on a week! That's awesome!

I know setting and achieving smaller goals on my way to bigger goals has been really helpful. You've already made it a week, so you know you can do it again. I feel like the first week has usually been fairly easy for me, so just be prepared for the challenges. I don't say that to bum you out or anything, just to help you prepare yourself. It seems like things always get harder in the day or two before I meet my goal, but then they get easier again for a while.

Keep up the great progress!

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2019, 05:19:45 PM »
Day 8! Thankyou for the support BlueHeronFan, I appreciate it alot. Today has been a day of anxiety. I seem to have convinced myself that I may have symptoms of low t (despite being only 21) as the symptoms are very similar to flatline. I am deciding weather to go and get myself checked out along side this.

Today was still no urges to M or watch P, just an urge to find a romantic interest for the companionship. Is this a good sign? Just going though a day of sorry is all .

LeanAndBop

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2019, 02:37:19 PM »
Hey man just want to show you some support. I know those days of anxiety, it sucks. I had one of those days today too. It's so unpleasant, you just want the angst to disappear but it won't.
 
Hope you're well.

Best wishes

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #16 on: June 12, 2019, 05:59:27 AM »
Day 9 & 10 were better! Arousal is coming back slowly and flacid size has increased dramatically.Im finally feeling abit more normal but still have a long road ahead. I would like to thank LeanAndBop for his support, I hope your ok buddy!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #17 on: June 12, 2019, 06:23:04 PM »
Glad you're feeling more normal! It is a long road, but there are little signs of progress along the way. Keep it going!

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #18 on: June 14, 2019, 04:16:26 AM »
Day 11 and 12. Libido is back in full force. Going on some dates next week in order to try and get used to real people again, wish me luck! Thanks BlueHeronFan, I hope your ok!

benhlau

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2019, 05:20:59 AM »
I've heard of guys relapsing because they ended up looking at porn or masturbating real quick just to see
cách chữa bệnh lậu đơn giản nhất https://suckhoe24gio.webflow.io/posts/benh-lau-la-gi

Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #20 on: June 14, 2019, 05:33:13 AM »
I'm not going to do that. Everything I will do from now on is with a real person in a no pressure environment

BlueHeronFan

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #21 on: June 14, 2019, 06:53:18 PM »
Good luck! (You said to wish you luck, lol)

Yeah, I think one of the dumbest mistakes (maybe a little harsh) I've heard of is using porn or masturbation just to "check" on their recovery. Why would looking at porn tell you anything about your progress towards real, healthy sexual relationships? Of course it wouldn't, and it's just another trap that our addictions set to trap us. Way to be for seeing through it.


Lysandros

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #22 on: June 17, 2019, 09:10:24 AM »
Day 13,14,15. Morning wood every morning that lasts for 5+ minutes. Feeling arousal to real girls and no urge to watch porn. M urge but am controling it well.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!
« Reply #23 on: June 17, 2019, 07:18:43 PM »
Sounds like progress, congrats on getting through two weeks!

Good to stay aware of those urges. For me, I usually hit difficulty somewhere after the second week, so that's just something to be aware of. Don't be too shocked if the urges come back with a vengeance sometime soon, but just remember that they will pass if you let them.