Author Topic: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"  (Read 12541 times)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #425 on: August 09, 2019, 06:08:17 PM »
Keep it up!

I've said it before, but we can all benefit from hearing it again. These feelings will pass. I remember always giving into these urges because it felt like that was the only way to get rid of them. That's not true. They will eventually go away on their own if you continue to ignore them.

You know, this is probably the last phase you need to sort out and then you are good to go (your edging to fantasies and subs). But don't get sad about it. One day everything should "click".

I kind of want to quote this right back to you! Make it through this long, strong wave of urges, learn that you can survive without acting on them, and go forward with the confidence that you do have it in you to deal with urges when they arise. It was a huge step for me to quit all the edging and P subs, but it did finally click. It was another huge step to learn that I can live through hard urges without giving in. In a lot of ways, that might be one of the last phases you need to sort out. Getting over that hump once has made a huge difference for me in the months since.

Keep it going! One more day!

squid

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #426 on: August 10, 2019, 12:10:27 AM »
Keep it up Lero.  I love how active you are on here, you can do it man.  We are all in this and we're going to make it.

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #427 on: August 10, 2019, 04:56:04 AM »
I kind of want to quote this right back to you! Make it through this long, strong wave of urges, learn that you can survive without acting on them, and go forward with the confidence that you do have it in you to deal with urges when they arise. It was a huge step for me to quit all the edging and P subs, but it did finally click. It was another huge step to learn that I can live through hard urges without giving in. In a lot of ways, that might be one of the last phases you need to sort out. Getting over that hump once has made a huge difference for me in the months since.

Keep it going! One more day!

Thanks, man. Yes, I guess my last phase is dealing with those urges and craving for dopamine. After this I should be alright.

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #428 on: August 10, 2019, 06:37:45 AM »
Keep it up Lero.  I love how active you are on here, you can do it man.  We are all in this and we're going to make it.

Thanks, man.

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #429 on: August 10, 2019, 09:35:59 AM »
Day 20

I'm bullied by a very violent and desperate craving for dopamine. Trying to ignore the P flashbacks is exhausting in itself. I'm still very irritated. I snap easily and have no patience for anything. Everything annoys me. Everyone pisses me off. Words remind me of words said in dialog of porn scenes or names of porn movies. Names remind me of sluts that I've seen in porn. I look everywhere and I see "PORN" written in big letters. Everything is porn. I can't breathe. It's like a voice whispers in my ear, over and over again: "Porn, porn, porn, porn". Quitting porn is not hard, it's brutal.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2019, 01:53:46 PM by Lero »

mranoym31

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #430 on: August 10, 2019, 10:08:06 AM »
Keep it up Lero. Write that emotion of you. It helps yourself and others!
AUGUST 3RD 2019
AUGUST 26TH 2019

Do or die

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #431 on: August 10, 2019, 11:57:17 AM »
Congratulations for your 21 days success
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #432 on: August 10, 2019, 01:27:43 PM »
Keep it up Lero. Write that emotion of you. It helps yourself and others!

Sure, man. Thanks.

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #433 on: August 10, 2019, 01:28:03 PM »
Congratulations for your 21 days success

Thanks.

pichaelthompson

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #434 on: August 10, 2019, 01:36:43 PM »
I hate that even when I am thinking of NOT PMOing the thought is still distracting me from the goals I want to accomplish outside of this. Sometimes it is important to train the brain to focus on important things that have nothing to do with PMO, or nothing to do with resisting PMO, if that makes any sense. You are doing really great, keep going cause your progress is truly an inspiration!

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #435 on: August 10, 2019, 01:38:24 PM »
I hate that even when I am thinking of NOT PMOing the thought is still distracting me from the goals I want to accomplish outside of this. Sometimes it is important to train the brain to focus on important things that have nothing to do with PMO, or nothing to do with resisting PMO, if that makes any sense. You are doing really great, keep going cause your progress is truly an inspiration!

Thanks, man. You know, I kind of accepted the idea that porn will invade my mind constantly for a period of time. It's inevitable, I guess, because I'm an addict and this is the withdrawal. I know it's annoying, like I do something that has nothing to do with porn but all of a sudden I'm "looking at" a porn flashback. Porn occupies a big part of my mind daily. One day it should fucking leave me alone.

pichaelthompson

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #436 on: August 10, 2019, 01:44:35 PM »
I agree, to a certain extent. But I think there is also a balance to accepting it as a presence in your mind and taking steps to give it as least energy as possible. I've also accepted that P thoughts will always come inside and out of my brain, probably for the rest of my life, but I think we have the power to affect the intensity and frequency of these thoughts, outside of just distancing ourselves from PMO and fantasizing; even if they are microscopic changes that aren't always noticeable. Best of luck to you

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #437 on: August 10, 2019, 01:44:42 PM »
I've experienced the true withdrawal this time. You don't know how it feels until you starve the addicted brain for a longer period of time. Then it reacts violently. After going through what I've been through during this streak, I don't want to go back there. You see, I want to quit porn. That's the truth. In order to quit, I have to go through the withdrawal all the way sooner or later. It won't get easier. If I relapse now, next time it won't be better. So I might as well keep going and be done with this.

When you think you've reached your limits, it's only the beginning. Being pushed past the limit, that you think you have, and still going on, is very revelatory. It tells you that you can do more than you though you could. You see that you could face hard urges and still continue the streak.

I don't want to start over again and experience this shit. I'm doing this now and end this.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2019, 01:47:17 PM by Lero »

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #438 on: August 10, 2019, 01:46:22 PM »
I agree, to a certain extent. But I think there is also a balance to accepting it as a presence in your mind and taking steps to give it as least energy as possible. I've also accepted that P thoughts will always come inside and out of my brain, probably for the rest of my life, but I think we have the power to affect the intensity and frequency of these thoughts, outside of just distancing ourselves from PMO and fantasizing; even if they are microscopic changes that aren't always noticeable. Best of luck to you

I see your point. I think I've been trying something similar.

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #439 on: August 10, 2019, 02:02:17 PM »
No indulging in porn flashbacks, no edging to porn flashbacks, no peeking, no edging to porn substitutes, no edging to porn, no PMO, nothing. Absolute starvation for the addiction. I followed the best path for another day. Last time when I deliberately searched for porn material was 20 days ago. This is the cleanest streak I've ever had since I've discovered porn. I've had hundreds of moments when I wanted to do something but I didn't. I kept going through the urges, through the hard craving for dopamine then I looked back and I said this to myself: "It's possible. One day you will look back and say that it was hard but now you are done with it. You will congratulate yourself for going on, for not indulging in any porn behavior. One day you will think about it and feel good that, during the hard times, you didn't feed the addiction. Now you are free."

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #440 on: August 10, 2019, 02:16:48 PM »
Remember, there is not such thing as "impossible case". I used to think I was one. I used to think there was absolutely no way I could quit porn. Now I feel like I actually have a big chance. I've exceeded my limit. I used to relapse constantly after 4 days. After the first PMO, I binged, as many times as I had time to until I went to sleep. I reached a point where I wanted to PMO one more time but I could not get an erection. I jerked off to porn for about 15 minutes to finally have another O. I went to sleep and said to myself: "Some people can do it and some can't. And I can't. It's as simple as that. I could never beat this shit. I'm done. I will die a porn addict." It's true that it took a lot of time after that to reach 20 days. It was hard. Very hard. Some people have more success, other need more work, but all of us have the potential to be in the same place. After years of being a "4th day relapser", I exceeded my expectations. I was dumbfounded to see my streak going so smoothly. 20 days of not watching absolutely anything. I didn't search for any material. One year ago such thought would've made me laugh and say: "Get the fuck outta here. I could never go 20 days without doing anything." All of us here have the potential to beat this fucking poison. If you think you can't do it, I'm sorry to bring you the news... The good news: You can.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #441 on: August 10, 2019, 05:19:13 PM »
You can do it! The harder it gets, the more progress you're making! Your addiction is backed into a corner and fighting for its life. Don't give any ground, stick to what works, and come out of this on the other end successful!

Maybe even rub it in a little by going off and focusing on bigger and better things just to show your addiction you don't even miss it.

Sending strength and support your way!

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #442 on: August 11, 2019, 04:27:59 AM »
You can do it! The harder it gets, the more progress you're making! Your addiction is backed into a corner and fighting for its life. Don't give any ground, stick to what works, and come out of this on the other end successful!

Maybe even rub it in a little by going off and focusing on bigger and better things just to show your addiction you don't even miss it.

Sending strength and support your way!

Nowadays I feel like my chance is better than never. The way things have been, I would only relapsed if I wanted to.

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #443 on: August 11, 2019, 04:28:54 AM »
3 weeks

The craving for the dopamine hit is strong. The strongest so far. It's deep and violent. It runs from head to toe. I feel it in my whole body.
« Last Edit: August 11, 2019, 07:21:22 AM by Lero »

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #444 on: August 11, 2019, 10:46:35 AM »
I am extremely irritated. I walk around angry as fuck, I snap in a second, I want to smash things. This fucking cold turkey is killing me.

pichaelthompson

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #445 on: August 11, 2019, 12:52:45 PM »
You can do it. Whatever happens, you can always do it, and deep down, maybe so deep it cannot always be found, you know that inherent truth. This shit is hard, for everyone. We are all fighters, and being a fighter means being able to take a punch but to keep on swinging. Wishing you peace down the road, because it will come in waves eventually.

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #446 on: August 11, 2019, 01:02:40 PM »
You can do it. Whatever happens, you can always do it, and deep down, maybe so deep it cannot always be found, you know that inherent truth. This shit is hard, for everyone. We are all fighters, and being a fighter means being able to take a punch but to keep on swinging. Wishing you peace down the road, because it will come in waves eventually.

Thanks, bro. Good luck to you too.

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #447 on: August 11, 2019, 01:25:09 PM »
I had a MO session that didn't involve any P, either watching it or thinking about it. I saw that it could be possible and I got curious at the thought of MO-ing for the first time in my life without even thinking about P. I don't seem to enter any flatline because my libido is high. I felt like a horny motherfucker  :D

I started MO-ing as a kid, before starting to watch P at 13, and I never MO-ed without thinking about something I'd seen in movies. This is the first time when I actually did it the way it's supposed to be done.

After this, I've noticed a few things:

1) Vanilla MO is...boring. It doesn't compare to the chemical hell of P.

2) The MO session made me tired. It made me consume a part of my energy and I don't like that. Abstinence from ejaculation had built up some energy bag in me and it seems that an ejaculation (especially one that involves intense arousal), depletes that. Now I understand why Mirko Crocop said: "Sex? Neccesary evil but I don't like it." Hahaha! But it's true. Some people prefer how they feel when they abstain from O (more energy, more aggression etc. I've been experiencing these too).

3) The chaser effect is a killer. It seems that it's a type of craving on its own and, despise being lower in intensity than the "usual" craving, it's more debilitating. It seems to mess up with my head a lot worse. Maybe because of the P binging, still so familiar to me. The idea of: "You did it once, now you need to do it again." It's either how my brain got trained or it's a thing on it's own. I don't know.

4) The follow up of MO feels lonely.

I don't think I like vanilla MO. I don't think I will do it again despise the fact that it lowers my extreme urges significantly. I don't think I want to use this anymore for lowering the urges because of the things I wrote above. I considered it for the days when strong urges would drive me crazy, but I don't think it will remain an option. I think I like more how I feel when I abstain from O.

Still 3 weeks without P. The idea here is to avoid P in any shape or form, including thinking about it.

« Last Edit: August 11, 2019, 01:30:43 PM by Lero »

Lero

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #448 on: August 11, 2019, 01:37:11 PM »
Tomorrow, a new week will start. Things that I want to do:

1) Don't watch any P or substitutes;
2) Don't drown in P flashbacks and fantasies;
3) Stay away from alcohol;
4) Start my plan for losing some weight (I'm a little bit overweight);

Jay2019

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Re: The solution is complete starvation for the addicted pathway
« Reply #449 on: August 11, 2019, 05:08:51 PM »
I had a MO session that didn't involve any P, either watching it or thinking about it. I saw that it could be possible and I got curious at the thought of MO-ing for the first time in my life without even thinking about P. I don't seem to enter any flatline because my libido is high. I felt like a horny motherfucker  :D

I started MO-ing as a kid, before starting to watch P at 13, and I never MO-ed without thinking about something I'd seen in movies. This is the first time when I actually did it the way it's supposed to be done.

After this, I've noticed a few things:

1) Vanilla MO is...boring. It doesn't compare to the chemical hell of P.

2) The MO session made me tired. It made me consume a part of my energy and I don't like that. Abstinence from ejaculation had built up some energy bag in me and it seems that an ejaculation (especially one that involves intense arousal), depletes that. Now I understand why Mirko Crocop said: "Sex? Neccesary evil but I don't like it." Hahaha! But it's true. Some people prefer how they feel when they abstain from O (more energy, more aggression etc. I've been experiencing these too).

3) The chaser effect is a killer. It seems that it's a type of craving on its own and, despise being lower in intensity than the "usual" craving, it's more debilitating. It seems to mess up with my head a lot worse. Maybe because of the P binging, still so familiar to me. The idea of: "You did it once, now you need to do it again." It's either how my brain got trained or it's a thing on it's own. I don't know.

4) The follow up of MO feels lonely.

I don't think I like vanilla MO. I don't think I will do it again despise the fact that it lowers my extreme urges significantly. I don't think I want to use this anymore for lowering the urges because of the things I wrote above. I considered it for the days when strong urges would drive me crazy, but I don't think it will remain an option. I think I like more how I feel when I abstain from O.

Still 3 weeks without P. The idea here is to avoid P in any shape or form, including thinking about it.

I'm impressed you didn't look at P after all that temptation.  You kept posting, talking about it, and trying to deal with it.  Congratulations on getting past such powerful cravings.  Keep going.