Author Topic: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"  (Read 12341 times)

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #200 on: July 12, 2019, 05:01:01 AM »
You might call it a little success, but I'd say it's still something to celebrate. Between getting through something stressful without PMO's soothing embrace and also getting out of bed instead staying with the fantasies, you're showing yourself that you can do what you need to do to stay clean. You're recognizing that porn is a coping mechanism, and you're getting away from situations where you are most vulnerable.

They might be small successes on their own, but keep doing these small things and you'll end up in a much stronger place.

Congrats on getting through another day! Just focus on getting one more under your belt!

Thanks, bro. I appreciate that.
« Last Edit: July 12, 2019, 05:04:14 AM by Lero »

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #201 on: July 12, 2019, 05:01:58 AM »
Every day you succeed is a every step you follow towards your full reboot. Every 1 day of reboot is important . because your brain rewiring itself, your dopamine receptors is recovered slowly . so be there till full reboot. All the Best.

Sure, man. Thanks.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #202 on: July 12, 2019, 05:02:49 AM »
You got this Lero!  I believe you have the strength to live how you really really want to.

Thanks, man.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #203 on: July 12, 2019, 10:03:54 AM »
Day 5

I had the same problem as yesterday: I woke up and got attacked by craving for edging to fantasies and P flashbacks. I had to leave the bed earlier again because I felt like I was tied there, fighting the urge with willpower alone, and it would've been just a matter of time. Once I start, I can't stop and I would've moved to P right away. Anxiety was alright but I had a lot of obsessive thoughts.


Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #204 on: July 12, 2019, 10:40:13 AM »
Congrats on walking away, man! I hope that something beautiful happens in your day today, and I hope you experience your mind quieten. In the infinite empty space of your consciousness, may you experience deep peace. May that peace not be lacking in anything, and may it not be wanting either. May you experience a happiness that is beyond and before all opposites or duality.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #205 on: July 12, 2019, 02:22:59 PM »
Congrats on walking away, man! I hope that something beautiful happens in your day today, and I hope you experience your mind quieten. In the infinite empty space of your consciousness, may you experience deep peace. May that peace not be lacking in anything, and may it not be wanting either. May you experience a happiness that is beyond and before all opposites or duality.

Thanks, bro. I appreciate.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #206 on: July 12, 2019, 02:25:26 PM »
5th day ends without problems. Last time I relapsed on the 5th day.
« Last Edit: July 12, 2019, 02:35:27 PM by Lero »

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #207 on: July 12, 2019, 06:01:37 PM »
Way to go!

The more we flirt with urges, the stronger they get. Really proud of you for putting that garbage in it's place and getting out of bed and getting through the day.

5 days is awesome (and measurable progress since your last relapse). You're right: once those urges set in, it's only a matter of time, so don't give them the time!

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #208 on: July 13, 2019, 03:30:59 AM »
Way to go!

The more we flirt with urges, the stronger they get. Really proud of you for putting that garbage in it's place and getting out of bed and getting through the day.

5 days is awesome (and measurable progress since your last relapse). You're right: once those urges set in, it's only a matter of time, so don't give them the time!

Thanks, bro. I appreciate it.

« Last Edit: July 13, 2019, 03:52:42 AM by Lero »

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #209 on: July 13, 2019, 03:56:47 AM »
Day 6

I feel kind of... apathetic? I have no urges yet. My energy is pretty low and my mood too.

« Last Edit: July 13, 2019, 04:26:36 AM by Lero »

achilles heel

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #210 on: July 13, 2019, 06:05:51 AM »
Congratulations on almost completing the first week, you pulled yourself out of the abyss once again and that's awesome!  :)

If your energy is really low, force yourself to do some tasks that don't require lots of physical or mental effort, like washing dishes or doing something in the household. The feeling of getting things done can help you activate your motivation to do other things as well.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #211 on: July 13, 2019, 09:21:51 AM »
If your energy is really low, force yourself to do some tasks that don't require lots of physical or mental effort, like washing dishes or doing something in the household. The feeling of getting things done can help you activate your motivation to do other things as well.

Thanks for advice, man! I'll try that. And thanks for the support.

squid

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #212 on: July 13, 2019, 12:36:06 PM »
We are on the same day Lero!  My energy levels are also low and My urges are pretty weak.  I'm definitely in a flatline.  Exercising for 30 minutes a day has helped me get more energy.  We got this man!

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #213 on: July 13, 2019, 01:42:48 PM »
We are on the same day Lero!  My energy levels are also low and My urges are pretty weak.  I'm definitely in a flatline.  Exercising for 30 minutes a day has helped me get more energy.  We got this man!

Sure, man. Let's go all the way.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #214 on: July 13, 2019, 01:43:45 PM »
The 6th day ends without problems. Last time I reached the 6th day with edging but this time I didn't.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2019, 01:53:48 PM by Lero »

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #215 on: July 13, 2019, 06:20:00 PM »
Awesome stuff!

A certain level of apathy has been hanging over me for the last few months of recovery. It's a pain, but part of me is convinced it's just the kind of apathy and blah-feeling that I used to hide with PMO, so I'm feeling it full-force now. The pain of progress, I guess.

Keep edging and all the rest far away, and make it through another day! Rooting for you to finish the week strong!

Do or die

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #216 on: July 14, 2019, 01:31:29 AM »
Go towards freedom man. Little bit apathy is there hand there till it not go.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #217 on: July 14, 2019, 04:50:36 AM »
1 week

Thanks everyone for the replies.

Today I have 1 week without PMO, without edging and without peeking, something that I haven't accomplished in a long time. Last time I reached 1 week but with edging.

Today I woke up to hard urges. The hardest this week. My balls were like concrete. Every inch in my body felt like PMO would be the greatest idea, that the pleasure would be awesome. The rational part of me was the only one that said: "No, you must not PMO and you know why." But I had to leave the bed earlier again to avoid edging and it sucks because today is Sunday and I didn't want to. It's rainy outside too. I felt like I was stuck inside. I went to the kitchen then came here to write this, trying to distract myself from all the P flashbacks that bombarded my mind and gave me a rush of arousal. I must not concentrate on them because it's like playing with fire. Sooner or later I'll burn myself up. I also had to stay away from watching some movies and TV series because they contained triggers. Everything is a trigger for me right now. Even words. I hear/read words and they remind me of words said in the dialog of P scenes. I even visualize the scenes and I get a rush of arousal. I hear/read names and they remind me of P actresses.

I'll try to find something to do today so I could be away from getting lost in my head and thinking about P all day. Peace brothers. The next checkpoint is 10 days. We have to make quitting P the number 1 priority and do everything it takes to make it happen.

Every day without P teaches us that we can stay away from it. Every time we go through urges, it teaches us that we know what to do. We have to keep doing it even if it sucks. Just keep moving. It's like walking down the road while the wind blows hard. You just have to keep walking.

« Last Edit: July 14, 2019, 09:52:05 AM by Lero »

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #218 on: July 14, 2019, 01:48:24 PM »
Day 7 ends with problems. I edged for about half an hour. I had very hard urges and I couldn't control myself. FUCK! I stopped myself before O. I don't even know if edging is considered a relapse. God damn! I can't believe this, man!

zander13

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #219 on: July 14, 2019, 01:58:39 PM »
I'm here to deliver some sobering truth: edging is what you're addicted to, not the orgasm. Edging is the larger of the two demons. It's the one that you should focus your energy on harpooning. Edging is keeping those dopamine levels jacked up. That's the high. The orgasm isn't good either, trust me, but edging is something that should be avoided always.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I've learned all of this info the hard way. Edging is just another way of saying binge-ing, which is another word to say "using". I've edged my way into an oblivion in the past, and every time I relapse, I edge for hours on end. Until the orgasm becomes a sad little act where I mercifully cum into a used Aquafina bottle and finally decide to re-enter reality. Avoid this behavior.

On another note, the first 14 days are the toughest when it comes to abstinence. Getting through those first two weeks is as much a matter of luck as anything. You gotta resort to a "whatever it takes" mindset.

After the first couple weeks, it becomes more of a "can I endure these withdrawals?" Which is something that only each individual person can answer for themselves.

Hope all this helps.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #220 on: July 14, 2019, 02:07:31 PM »
I'm here to deliver some sobering truth: edging is what you're addicted to, not the orgasm. Edging is the larger of the two demons. It's the one that you should focus your energy on harpooning. Edging is keeping those dopamine levels jacked up. That's the high. The orgasm isn't good either, trust me, but edging is something that should be avoided always.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I've learned all of this info the hard way. Edging is just another way of saying binge-ing, which is another word to say "using". I've edged my way into an oblivion in the past, and every time I relapse, I edge for hours on end. Until the orgasm becomes a sad little act where I mercifully cum into a used Aquafina bottle and finally decide to re-enter reality. Avoid this behavior.

On another note, the first 14 days are the toughest when it comes to abstinence. Getting through those first two weeks is as much a matter of luck as anything. You gotta resort to a "whatever it takes" mindset.

After the first couple weeks, it becomes more of a "can I endure these withdrawals?" Which is something that only each individual person can answer for themselves.

Hope all this helps.

Thanks, man. Yeah, this makes sense. Fuck. At least I didn't edge for too long. I can't believe this.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #221 on: July 14, 2019, 07:01:29 PM »
Yeah, I think zander13 is exactly right.

For the last couple years, my relapses were almost 100% PM and no O (or accidental O). I used to give myself a pat on the back and like I was okay as long as I didn't O, but I was still completely caught in an addictive cycle, and my binges were way worse because I could edge for hours and hours without ever stopping. O was even a disappointment because it meant I was basically done for a while. All that to say, edging is not okay just because there's no O. There isn't like a cutoff where something is okay vs not okay: as long as it's something we keep coming back to compulsively, it's part of an addiction and we have to give it up. For a long time, too, I wasn't even really using porn, not anything with nudity or sex, but I was still edging for hours on end every few weeks while watching sexy stuff online. Looking back, I'm not sure how I could ever think that was any better than straight-up PMO. It's all the same garbage.

But, hey, you made it through a week, and now you know you can! And if you can do it once, you can do it again. Focus on doing what worked and avoiding whatever it was that tripped you up this time. I know how intense and relentless those urges can be, but they do pass if you let them. Focus on something else and keep yourself busy on something good while they rage. I always, always caved when they got intense, but it has been a huge turning point for me when I actually experienced the urges die down. It took a couple of days of being sort of zombie while they were bad, but they finally went away for a while and I learned that I could outlast them. I'm not going to say experiencing that once will fix things forever, but I think it will make a difference. Urges, even really strong ones, eventually give up if we ignore them.

Tomorrow's a new day! Start fresh and stay strong!

squid

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #222 on: July 14, 2019, 10:15:18 PM »
You got this Lero!  Go for another 7, you just did it and can do it again.  Be careful about the chaser, it's a killer.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #223 on: July 15, 2019, 01:20:04 AM »
Yeah, I think zander13 is exactly right.

For the last couple years, my relapses were almost 100% PM and no O (or accidental O). I used to give myself a pat on the back and like I was okay as long as I didn't O, but I was still completely caught in an addictive cycle, and my binges were way worse because I could edge for hours and hours without ever stopping. O was even a disappointment because it meant I was basically done for a while. All that to say, edging is not okay just because there's no O. There isn't like a cutoff where something is okay vs not okay: as long as it's something we keep coming back to compulsively, it's part of an addiction and we have to give it up. For a long time, too, I wasn't even really using porn, not anything with nudity or sex, but I was still edging for hours on end every few weeks while watching sexy stuff online. Looking back, I'm not sure how I could ever think that was any better than straight-up PMO. It's all the same garbage.

But, hey, you made it through a week, and now you know you can! And if you can do it once, you can do it again. Focus on doing what worked and avoiding whatever it was that tripped you up this time. I know how intense and relentless those urges can be, but they do pass if you let them. Focus on something else and keep yourself busy on something good while they rage. I always, always caved when they got intense, but it has been a huge turning point for me when I actually experienced the urges die down. It took a couple of days of being sort of zombie while they were bad, but they finally went away for a while and I learned that I could outlast them. I'm not going to say experiencing that once will fix things forever, but I think it will make a difference. Urges, even really strong ones, eventually give up if we ignore them.

Tomorrow's a new day! Start fresh and stay strong!

You know what's funny? I don't feel any relapse repercussions. I woke up and had the same kind of urges like yesterday morning. And I also feel like I'm energized, like I function on batteries. I edged for a little bit yesterday, not hours. It was like 15 minutes or whatever, I don't know, I didn't count. I'm not saying it was alright, but I was able to stop once the urges went away. I started edging, had intense arousal then it just died after about 5 minutes and I stopped too. Then a few hours later, the same thing happened. I started edging, I got aroused but then after about 5 minutes it disappeared and I stopped again. In the past I didn't use to do this. I would keep edging over and over again for hours, despise the arousal going away almost completely. I mean, there was some small noticeable trace of arousal but I said: "This is not intense enough for me to keep edging". And I quit. I don't know, I don't want to consider it a relapse because I don't feel like that. I actually feel pretty good, and I know how a relapse kills me. I will keep the counter going and try to avoid doing this shit. I did a stupid thing yesterday and I shouldn't have to.

Lero

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Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Reply #224 on: July 15, 2019, 01:21:48 AM »
You got this Lero!  Go for another 7, you just did it and can do it again.  Be careful about the chaser, it's a killer.

Man, I don't even feel like I relapsed. I feel like I usually feel when I don't.