Way to recognize your patterns and to prepare yourself and get through the day. That's a big deal. For a long time, I wasn't really aware that I was on a regular cycle, and I usually thought I was doing better than I really was. When I started counting days, I realized that my relapses were happening at regular intervals. If you can see it coming and recognize that it's always possibly coming back, you can deal with it way more effectively. Sending you more strength and encouragement for another day!
I'm sabotaging myself like an idiot. Sometimes I get this feeling like I know everything I should do but I don't do it at all.
It would probably be helpful to go back in time and retrace the steps that lead to your binges/lapses. I think you're right on in thinking that alcohol might be related. Really think about the things (feelings, behaviors, thoughts) that come before a relapse.
(staring more at girls around town, feeling hopeless, etc.) It can be difficult because it means looking for behaviors that might seems harmless (I'm single, so why not stare at girls when I'm out and about, right?) but that ultimately lead to trouble
About two years ago, I hit what one might call PMO rock bottom. I PMO'd about 8 times that day, when my previous high was 3. Any type of P, P-sub imaginable I flooded my brain with from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep, about 16 hours. This was all during being on NoFap and having built up some pretty good streaks, one past 90 days. While I had struggles with relapsing after that too, I slowly started to deny the urges I identify, and right now I am on a triple digit streak feeling pretty good about the future. I am not writing this to say that I am a model for success, I just want to let you know that things can always be better if you make the decision to not act on these urges. Not only that, but do so in a way that you believe is best for yourself such as limiting factors such as stress, anxiety, depression as much as possible. For me, that meant a lifestyle change that allowed me to feel good while doing healthy things. I encourage you to find a strategy for dealing with urges that will make the process as easy as possible (although it will still be very hard). Find something you can commit to 100%, so something that involves a type of healthy reward. If this strategy is cared for, curated, and flexible enough adapt to life changes as well as your needs and goals, your progress will feel less stagnant and your urges will be dealt with more effectively over time.You CAN always do it, no matter what, and that's an undeniable fact. For me it is always hard to truly believe that almost all the time because the idea of saying no to PMO through multiple times every day and through weeks, months, and eventually years seems painful to the point where I fear for my sanity. When I relapse, that feeling increases, and when I am on a good streak I feel better about it, although it's still hard to believe. But no matter how I feel, the level of truth it holds always stays the same.
I've been there, man. I don't know if it's helpful, but I know that it took a while for me to be able to commit to what I knew I should do. Knowing how to avoid triggers and keep yourself safe is one thing, but actually doing it is another and that might take a little more time. It's all a process, and you just have to keep at it. Learn, commit, and follow through. I've found it's a lot easier to follow through when I'm still dealing with small triggers. It's easier to catch myself having a porn fantasy than it is to stop myself from clicking a link after googling something P related. I used to think that thoughts were harmless (they're not P after all!) but they're deadly: they always lead me to where I have no power to resist.
A plan is always a good idea! Having a vision for you want to be will help you optimize your plan so it will benefit you in the most effective way. If you can see who you want your best self to be, and I mean really see- like be very specific about it, every decision you make can go towards that vision which will in turn reinforce your belief in that plan, which will alter your vision as you carry out your plan. Then the cycle of Vision -> plan -> changed vision -> changed plan can continue lol. Best of luck!
Way to go getting back to your plan. Decide what you're going to do before you actually have to make the decision. I think it's also really important not to give up on your plan if you do happen to slip again. I always tend to give up on things after a relapse because I just figure they didn't work. More recently, though, I decided to commit to doing all the things that have helped in the past and to do them all together. I've had a lot more success fending off triggers because instead of doing one thing on-and-off, I'm doing like seven lol. Don't worry too much about the mistakes. Learn from them, but focus on where you're going. The advice to have a vision for where you want to be is awesome.
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Topic: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod" (Read 32154 times)
