Author Topic: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"  (Read 41484 times)

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #900 on: October 01, 2019, 07:33:48 AM »
Day 7

1 week on hard mode, again. This is another checkpoint. You know, I've noticed something: I couldn't go past day 4 and now 7 days is easy. Actually even 10 days is easy. My "muscle" got trained and now it can handle it better.

Another thing that I want to say: The city has "TRIGGERS" written in capital letters all over it. For a P addict, this is suffocating. Too much "softcore P" disguised as advertisements everywhere I fucking look. At the same time, girls look so uninteresting because they are not on a screen. Their skin looks so "weird", so unappealing. I feel no interest to engage with them. Ha! It makes me laugh like the Joker from the new movie. I am stimulated by advertisements but not by real girls. This is the true definition of P addict, man. Only 7 days won't turn things upside down but I'll get there.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2019, 07:35:22 AM by Lero »

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #901 on: October 01, 2019, 12:46:50 PM »
So I came back to say this: You are only defeated when you give up. So never give up. Learn everything about your P behavior, see what mistakes you make, what are your triggers, what things to avoid etc. And then make quitting P your no. 1 priority and do everything it takes to make it work. Excuses are only ways to remove yourself from this. Fuck excuses. We don't remove ourselves from the recovery path, we don't step aside. Learn everything about your P world and even when you don't have mood, push through it and everyday do the things that must be done for your recovery. Who does this can't fail. It won't be an overnight thing but this will eventually lead us where we should be. Peace. God bless.

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #902 on: October 01, 2019, 02:04:00 PM »
Yep.
The only way to fail is to quit.
"For the just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again."

This is a proverb of the Bible showing that the righteous person will fall sometimes. Because we are humans and not gods. Nobody is perfect.
But the righteous gets back up again.
If you fall every day of the week, what do you do ?
You get up on your feet and start a fresh second week.

Dont quit. That is pivotal.

Yes, we shouldnt find excuses.
The lazy person finds excuses why they have no succes, the righteous person finds a way to succes.

Quote
1 week on hard mode, again. This is another checkpoint. You know, I've noticed something: I couldn't go past day 4 and now 7 days is easy. Actually even 10 days is easy. My "muscle" got trained and now it can handle it better.

Congratulations for this week. This is a great accomplishment so far.
Day by day, we will do it.
I am glad that you noticed an improvement in your "muscle".
It is the proof that you have already gone far on this journey.

How far is it gonna lead us ? It is fascinating to think about it.

Now you are not that fapper anymore. You changed. You are not that person that would fap when they feel bad. You are a person that face their negative emotions.
The new you is taking over. Now, when you fap, it is an accident of the old you that unleashes for a moment.

I have noticed that in me.
Even after a relapse i regain momentum to start a streak again. Right away.
Whereas in the past, it would take me weeks to try again a streak.
But now i have switched from PMO being the norm and nofap abnormal, to PMO being awkward and abstinence being the norm.

Thank God.

Quote
Another thing that I want to say: The city has "TRIGGERS" written in capital letters all over it. For a P addict, this is suffocating. Too much "softcore P" disguised as advertisements everywhere I fucking look. At the same time, girls look so uninteresting because they are not on a screen. Their skin looks so "weird", so unappealing. I feel no interest to engage with them. Ha! It makes me laugh like the Joker from the new movie. I am stimulated by advertisements but not by real girls. This is the true definition of P addict, man. Only 7 days won't turn things upside down but I'll get there.

I appreciate your cold and realistic outlook on life  :)

Probably that in the past, you did not even acknowledge those things.

The nofap journey is just to see reality as it is.

Harsh.
But TRUTHFUL.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #903 on: October 01, 2019, 02:20:46 PM »
Arthur, as always, thanks for investing time and energy into checking me out. I appreciate it.

You know, I used to be a person who when things failed I hardly could get back at it. But this was also a reason why for many years I kept failing my recovery. After a relapse I would be defeated. But, one day I had a new perspective about it. I said: "You know, I have enough knowledge about how to approach this. I've been reading and watching stuff. I am no expert but I know more than a few years ago, that's for sure." This gave me a new perspective. Now I said instead: "If I still relapse it means I'm not there yet. There are still things that are not alright. Maybe this relapse is even necessary for me to learn. Relapse after relapse until I know everything. As much as those relapses suck, they teach me. The idea is that now I have a plan. It's not perfect, it can't be, I am no expert but I have a way to approach this. What I have to do is to tweak the plan. Eventually one day it will really work. So, a relapse is not the end of the world. It teaches me stuff. There is no point in getting depressed about it because I have my plan. I will analyze the situation, add to the list the new tweak and start again. Those cycles eventually should lead to me knowing everything about this and then everything should start working". This changed everything for me. It moved me from being a guy defeated after every relapse, feeling miserable, drinking and stuff, to someone who has a plan, a goal, a vision, and tweaks things to reach it one day. It rearranged my life. Now, this is not a success formula for everyone. I feel it's what works for me. I have this feeling inside me that this is it. I encourage everybody to find their way.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #904 on: October 01, 2019, 05:50:28 PM »
Good stuff getting through a week! I'm excited that you're seeing that it's getting easier to rebuild a streak now. This is why, like you said, it's so important to remember that giving up is the only true failure.

Maybe you'll managed to just up and quit completely one day, but that doesn't seem super realistic. More likely, as you keep doing what you know you should do and commit to a new lifestyle, your relapses will just farther and farther apart and eventually fade into memory.

Keep fighting, keep winning, one day at a time!

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #905 on: October 01, 2019, 05:55:21 PM »
However, there is a danger of considering the relapse as a learning opportunity, in that you may start subconsciously to see it as a good thing.

If you think you learn from every relapse, there is the danger of seeing it as a good thing in a way.

I know for me relapses have taught me the same thing over and over again, and by now i should know but i dont apply correctly.
Because learning is one thing. Applying is an other.

The plan is never gonna be perfect to the t, but we can do it today anyway.
Our knowledge should be sufficient by now.
At least the intellectual knowledge.
Then there is the deeper knowledge of something that you practice a lot. And you learn by repetition, and in our case, ny suffering the withdrawals.

You are on a good streak. This could very well be the last streak.
You could be free today for life.

Why would you not ?
Why would you relapse again ?
At day 10 ? At day 12 ? At day 40 ?
No !
You dont have to.
My point is that if you are subconsciously waiting for your method and understanding to be perfect, you will wait till the cows come home.

I understand what you are saying and of course every relapse should teach us things, but at the same time we dont have to relapse.

Because eventually the goal is still to overcome addiction for good and get rid of it for good (even though we know that there is always gonna be a potential danger).

 The goal is to not relapse, and relapse is still a failure.

A good streak that you got here.

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #906 on: October 01, 2019, 05:59:23 PM »
But blueheronfan is right :

With the relapses getting farther and farther away from one another, they will eventually fade.

Every day without poison is good.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #907 on: October 02, 2019, 03:56:15 AM »
Arthur, I understand what you mean. It's not like I love relapsing but if I still relapse it means that I'm not there, something is not right. That's why I see a relapse like a teaching opportunity. Of course we need to apply what we learn so let's apply it. Sometimes you can relapse a few times in the same way but we really need to make an effort to get out of this circle of repeating the same mistake. Take me for example and my drinking. One of the relapses thought me I should've quit drinking. Now I need to really apply this because I will relapse over and over again because of drinking if that's what I really want to do. Of course I don't want to relapse anymore at all.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #908 on: October 02, 2019, 03:57:26 AM »
Good stuff getting through a week! I'm excited that you're seeing that it's getting easier to rebuild a streak now. This is why, like you said, it's so important to remember that giving up is the only true failure.

Maybe you'll managed to just up and quit completely one day, but that doesn't seem super realistic. More likely, as you keep doing what you know you should do and commit to a new lifestyle, your relapses will just farther and farther apart and eventually fade into memory.

Keep fighting, keep winning, one day at a time!

I get it.

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #909 on: October 02, 2019, 05:34:14 AM »
I remember how you hate relapsing.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #910 on: October 02, 2019, 05:48:25 AM »
I remember how you hate relapsing.

I hate relapsing for sure.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #911 on: October 02, 2019, 06:03:37 AM »
Day 8

I just joined the "Sober October" challenge on reddit nofap. I mean, I'm not there but I'm in it. I want to go all this October without P, PMO and MO. Peace.

Update: Today I was this close. Fucking addiction is suffocating at times.
« Last Edit: October 02, 2019, 04:31:29 PM by Lero »

Free-man

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #912 on: October 02, 2019, 07:29:45 AM »
hahah I like sober october term!

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #913 on: October 02, 2019, 09:22:54 AM »

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #914 on: October 03, 2019, 03:59:12 AM »
Day 9

"Day 9" is always my "Deny" day for P. Urges raised their intensity today.

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #915 on: October 03, 2019, 06:03:24 AM »
Congratulations lero
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #916 on: October 03, 2019, 06:30:51 AM »

dusty

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #917 on: October 03, 2019, 08:56:38 AM »
Good progress Lero, I think if you have 9 days already it'll be easy for you to get a perfect lifetime streak.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #918 on: October 03, 2019, 10:29:25 AM »
Good progress Lero, I think if you have 9 days already it'll be easy for you to get a perfect lifetime streak.

I wish. No, bro, it's not easy at all. It's hard as fuck. The brain prioritizes the high of PMO above the long term well-being. I have no chance with this shit. That's why I'm doing my thing and I'm trying not to give it what it wants.

achilles heel

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #919 on: October 03, 2019, 11:41:01 AM »
Congratulations on your first week, great to see you're back on track! Tomorrow will be the return to the two digit number and as you said about your "muscle", you are going in the right direction! :)

Another thing that I want to say: The city has "TRIGGERS" written in capital letters all over it. For a P addict, this is suffocating. Too much "softcore P" disguised as advertisements everywhere I fucking look. At the same time, girls look so uninteresting because they are not on a screen. Their skin looks so "weird", so unappealing. I feel no interest to engage with them. Ha! It makes me laugh like the Joker from the new movie. I am stimulated by advertisements but not by real girls. This is the true definition of P addict, man. Only 7 days won't turn things upside down but I'll get there.

I know and hate this feeling and I definitely had this changed during my longer streaks. When back in the porn trap it even turns me on more to receive nude pictures by a girl than actually be with her - this just feels wrong, it doesn't feel human!

I haven't drunk in a week and I don't plan to but I have moments when my mind wonders to "Man, let's have some fun!" I don't need any obstacles right now

Also congratulations on this, I can totally relate to what you wrote on my journal about the button to escape reality and make it easier to socialize. It's also a feeling of missing out something, of not being part of the newest drunk episodes with the "entourage". I think this restlessness ("Something needs to HAPPEN now") is a common thing most addicts share, but I haven't found any key to actually leave it behind.

I hope everything works out well with your new job and you keep advancing in days clean!

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #920 on: October 03, 2019, 02:55:46 PM »
Achilles, thank you man. I appreciate taking the time to check my journal and give me advice. God bless. Peace.

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #921 on: October 03, 2019, 11:07:03 PM »
Congratulations lero. As i read you hope for lifetime reboot. Its possible lero  . we has a fear of relapse , because of our past relapse. So fight that fear also. Then you definitely do it.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #922 on: October 10, 2019, 05:51:45 PM »
Thinking about you and your fight for freedom. Whatever's been going on in the last few days, we're here to support you!

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #923 on: October 11, 2019, 02:34:44 AM »
It's great to know from you again Lero.
You have completed 1 week. Go for the next one!
Stay strong man

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #924 on: October 11, 2019, 06:06:54 PM »
We miss you man.