Author Topic: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"  (Read 12446 times)

Do or die

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #800 on: September 17, 2019, 09:53:02 PM »
Develope a permanent thinking to stop PMO. This is developed by meditating daily. Because you also want a permanent solution to PMO. You never want relapse after 30-40 days.
So lere meditation helps for me. You also try it.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #801 on: September 17, 2019, 10:07:55 PM »
But what is meditation for you ?

What do you do exactly when you meditate ?

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #802 on: September 18, 2019, 07:14:09 AM »
Yes, absolutly. And congratulations for not binging.

That is why having a spreadsheet is not necessarily a bad idea. Because you didn t binge, you dont go back to rock bottom 0.

Of course you go back at day 0 but the benefits of your last streak are still here.



No man, I don't feel any "benefits of last streak still here". My mind doesn't work like that. I only feel good when I have a number of continuous days away from P. It's twisted. The only difference between binging and not binging is how miserable I feel in the next week. Feeling completed fucked up vs feeling better.
« Last Edit: September 18, 2019, 07:16:57 AM by Lero »

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #803 on: September 18, 2019, 07:16:31 AM »
However, what i found out is that after a PMO the cravings for that particular scene are gonna be very strong for a few days or even weeks after, ofi dont binge.
Because my brain wanted to "exhaust" that scene to the max, and me not allowing it is unbearable for the brain.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Something else that happens to me is that I get those thoughts like: "Man, you didn't watch this scene and that scene, they are your favorite. You know, why don't you watch them now because you're missing them and then you can reaaaaally start your streak." Yeah, sure. Fucking stupid thing.

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #804 on: September 18, 2019, 07:19:43 AM »
Day 3


Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #805 on: September 18, 2019, 10:33:59 AM »
Quote
why don't you watch them now because you're missing them and then you can reaaaaally start your streak.

And this crap thinking patern is related to that damn "one last time and then i quit" mental-ity.

I have thought like this so many times. It comes down to the fact that we dont want to feel uncomfortable.


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No man, I don't feel any "benefits of last streak still here". My mind doesn't work like that. I only feel good when I have a number of continuous days away from P. It's twisted. The only difference between binging and not binging is how miserable I feel in the next week. Feeling completed fucked up vs feeling better

Could we not consider "not being completly fucked up" as a substantial benefit ? ;)

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #806 on: September 18, 2019, 10:37:49 AM »
And this crap thinking patern is related to that damn "one last time and then i quit" mental-ity.

I have thought like this so many times. It comes down to the fact that we dont want to feel uncomfortable.

Yes. Watch my favorite scenes one last time and then I could quit. I miss my favorite scenes and stuff like that. I can't believe how those thoughts invade my mind, man. I mean, I relapsed watching some scenes and then the next day I had this exact thought: "Fuck! I didn't watch that scene, that scene and that scene!" Like it was the end of the world or something. You can't really rely on your fucking brain, man. You gotta think deeper.

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Could we not consider "not being completly fucked up" as a substantial benefit ?
Yes, I guess we can.

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #807 on: September 18, 2019, 10:54:14 AM »
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You can't really rely on your fucking brain, man. You gotta think deeper.

Behold a very profound and meaningful quote.

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I can't believe how those thoughts invade my mind, man.

Think about how many times you have done PMO in your life.

I dont know if you read it on my journal but i calculated that i MO' d approximatly 5040 times in my life. Think about the effects on the brain.
It is basically my whole life. My whole education and world and my everything is PMO-reward-based. My most tremendous rewarding thing that i had going on for me in my life was PMO !
If i had trained to play piano instead i would be a genious.
No wonder those thoughts invade your mind. Becaause your memory and thinking patern is FILLED with PMO.

We should not be too stern with our brain because actually, considering how deeply habituated we are to PMO, the reboot is not that hard to be honest (at least for me it doesnt seem to be that hard).
Now that i have read scientific info and tips and strategies and that i journal here. Those things were necessary for victory. I couldnt do without those tools.
My point is that i think the brain has a formidable ability to recover and heal.

But it is what it is.

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #808 on: September 18, 2019, 11:38:48 AM »
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the reboot is not that hard to be honest

I don' t mean to sound cocky and arrogant.

It is very hard and i am expecting tough times ahead.

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #809 on: September 18, 2019, 12:44:06 PM »
Think about how many times you have done PMO in your life.

I dont know if you read it on my journal but i calculated that i MO' d approximatly 5040 times in my life. Think about the effects on the brain.
It is basically my whole life. My whole education and world and my everything is PMO-reward-based. My most tremendous rewarding thing that i had going on for me in my life was PMO !
If i had trained to play piano instead i would be a genious.
No wonder those thoughts invade your mind. Becaause your memory and thinking patern is FILLED with PMO.

We should not be too stern with our brain because actually, considering how deeply habituated we are to PMO, the reboot is not that hard to be honest (at least for me it doesnt seem to be that hard).
Now that i have read scientific info and tips and strategies and that i journal here. Those things were necessary for victory. I couldnt do without those tools.
My point is that i think the brain has a formidable ability to recover and heal.

But it is what it is.

This is real talk, man. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yes, I can't know how many times I've PMOed in my life but thousands of course. Like you said, if every PMO session had been a piano lesson, I would've been fucking Rubinstein by now. You see, I cannot say it otherwise: I like PMO. I like how it feels after I wait a number of days to build up urges. It's an activity that brings intense pleasure. This only fact would be enough for me to PMO all my life and if it wasn't for what I know about P now, I would definitely do this. For me, before the self-medication aspect of it, it is pleasure. But this very pleasure fucked me up. Isn't it ironic? Something that makes you feel good affects you that much? Slow suicide is no way to go. It is true that P is so much a part of my brain that it's very hard to unglue it from there, it's like the symbiote for Spiderman. I won't say rebooting is easy, maybe for you. For me it is brutal. I am aware of this, I don't like it but I will have to do it. Yes, I too know many things about how to do it but the pain will still be there.

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #810 on: September 18, 2019, 04:48:30 PM »
Man, i like PMO too.

It is pleasurable. I like doing it. I have had great times with it.
Those 2D wimen love me ! Them pixels really do love me ! They are always here for me whenever i want. They dont complain or whatever... Are always cheerful and ready... You get what i am saying.
But it is poison.

Like i said somewhere else : Not all pleasure is good for us.

Read that again.

Something that is pleasurable is not necessarily beneficial for us. It is a twoedged sword.
You can use sex as a tool to bond with your wife, or misuse it and destroy yourself.

And we have to learn that principle that not all pleasure is beneficial.
It is cruel but it is what it is. Rather : it is tough.
But life is tough. The lion eats the gazella alive, the africans children starve, mexicans are being kidnapped by mafia, and the PMO addict is in a snare of pleasure.

Think about that :

When you were a kid you wanted to eat only ice cream and candy, alright ?
Well thank God your parents forced you to eat your veggies.
Now you know and you eat your veggies because you have learnt.

Well, i dont know about you, but i havnt had strong warning against PMO (and warning REALLY strong would have been necessary). So no wonder if i fell in the snare.

No wonder. We are normal men. Very normal.

Actually i remember as a 14 y old, i thought PMO was a first step to becoming a sexually mature adult. I thought i was becoming more an adult by doing this, and that it was the first step before sex.

And because i was insecure, i wanted to be like everybody else and feel more "like a man". Bullshit.

And i found it was pleasurable.
You know the rest of the story. 14 years later here i am. 5040 times later.

The bottomline is that i love PMO very much.
And i hate it with a perfect hatred.

Not all pleasure is beneficial.

Arthur to Lero.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #811 on: September 18, 2019, 04:54:02 PM »
Arthur, I know exactly what you're saying. I thought masturbation was normal and everybody did it but I didn't know that masturbating to P was my mistake. I didn't have any warning against P. I never bumped into anything telling me what P did to us. I only discovered in my 20's. But I'm up for the task to get rid of P from my life. I also hate P and PMO with passion.

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #812 on: September 19, 2019, 06:25:11 AM »
Day 4

If someone tells you, "It's a lovely day," agree with them because of course it's a lovely day. Don't be afraid to believe this.

« Last Edit: September 19, 2019, 08:27:47 AM by Lero »

Arthur2

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #813 on: September 19, 2019, 01:14:09 PM »
My friend Lero has relapsed 4 days ago but he got back on track very quickly.
That' s neat.

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #814 on: September 20, 2019, 06:53:11 AM »
My friend Lero has relapsed 4 days ago but he got back on track very quickly.
That' s neat.

Thanks, man.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #815 on: September 20, 2019, 06:53:44 AM »
Day 5

Checkpoint saved.

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #816 on: September 20, 2019, 07:17:17 AM »
Good luck Lero, I've just read your last entries and see that you struggled a lot last weeks. I am so impressed by your determination. It's a kind of trait which I sometimes lack.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #817 on: September 20, 2019, 08:45:02 AM »
Good luck Lero, I've just read your last entries and see that you struggled a lot last weeks. I am so impressed by your determination. It's a kind of trait which I sometimes lack.

Thanks, bro.

You know, I believe that determination can be trained. I wasn't born with it. Years ago I didn't make any progress because I was not that determined. But then I've realized something. I got my determination through knowledge. I read everything I could about how to run a successful reboot and then I said: "I know what I have to do. I'm not lost, I'm not hopeless, I'm not doing this in vain because I won't do this however I think I should do it, but I will do this following the strategies, advice and everything coming from successful rebooters, from scientific data and stuff like that." From here on, all I had to do is to keep trying until it was going to start working. This was the determination: I know the plan, now I have to keep trying until it will make me win. Of course, I will have to tweak it, add new things, eliminate other things, pay attention, identify stuff and everything else. I've had my moments when despise knowing what I had to do, I still relapsed. But this didn't mean that I was useless, that I wasn't capable of doing it, it meant that I still made some mistakes. Back then my mistake was "edging a little bit to fantasies and flashbacks or some soft stuff like social media pictures, without watching P, won't do any big harm". I had to eliminate that and I did. This made me accomplish a 40 days streak and I've lost it again because of a mistake. I knew that drinking made me relapse but I fell into the trap of thinking: "Come on, man, I drank a few days ago and I didn't relapse, I drank before that and I didn't relapse, I can handle it now." I drank too much with some guys then I came home at 10 PM and started a PMO binge. Obviously, I needed to eliminate this mistake too which I didn't. I relapsed the next time again because of drinking because I thought that drinking less wasn't going to make me relapse (as it didn't during my 40 days streak, only drinking a lot finally made me relapse so this gave me the wrong idea), I only drank 2 beers and it was enough to make me relapse again. I finally had to say: "Man, are you going to keep drinking no matter how less and keep relapsing and starting all over?" If I stay away from drinking, this streak will get bigger. I will tweak things until I won't make any more wrong steps, whatever that day will be, I hope it's closer than I think.

squid

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #818 on: September 20, 2019, 12:27:49 PM »
That's inspiring stuff Lero, it's awesome how you keep moving forward and never stop!
« Last Edit: September 20, 2019, 02:34:33 PM by squid »

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #819 on: September 20, 2019, 01:32:36 PM »
That's inspiring stuff Lero, it's awesome how you keep moving forward abd never stop!

I have no other alternative, man. I remind myself I am 29. I already know about P addiction, how long am I going to be an addict? I am almost in my 30's. Knowing how much this stupid thing affected me, I don't want to get too old still being heavily invested in P and having this feeling that I've never been at my full potential. There is no other alternative than being that determined to quit this.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #820 on: September 20, 2019, 07:18:08 PM »
I remind myself I am 29. I already know about P addiction, how long am I going to be an addict? I am almost in my 30's. Knowing how much this stupid thing affected me, I don't want to get too old still being heavily invested in P and having this feeling that I've never been at my full potential. There is no other alternative than being that determined to quit this.

I'm right with you man. I'm getting close to my 30s and I'm realizing that I don't want P to continue to be a part of my life. There really is no alternative, and it's awesome to be connected to other guys who are working on a better life too.

I will tweak things until I won't make any more wrong steps, whatever that day will be, I hope it's closer than I think.

And I think this is exactly right too. There's no other way to do it. Every relapse is a chance to learn about another trigger and to make another tweak. Even a relapse can be a sort of progress if it's not a relapse for the same reason as the last one.

But congrats on 5 days! You and I both know that the earliest days of a streak are the hardest. Keep at it and keep learning!

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #821 on: September 21, 2019, 04:38:01 AM »
Thanks Blue Heron.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #822 on: September 21, 2019, 06:29:24 AM »
Day 6

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #823 on: September 21, 2019, 06:57:58 AM »
Its good to see you at day 6. I am at day 4 today.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Lero

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Re: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"
« Reply #824 on: September 21, 2019, 07:45:23 AM »
Its good to see you at day 6. I am at day 4 today.

Thanks. First week is actually easy for me. Then the hard part starts.