Author Topic: "Hard Mode" is the best "Mod"  (Read 12540 times)

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #500 on: August 17, 2019, 09:58:05 AM »
It's the withdrawal Lero.
The dopamine wants you come back to IT
Same happens to me, urges, cravings, anxiety, bad sleep, restlessness, change of mood frequently, anger, sadness, depression symptoms… comes to me all these days but we have to fight against it.
It's very difficult to avoid all these feelings and these thoughts because the addiction is with all of us for very long time and knows our triggers and what happen after.

We have to:
- Identify our triggers
- Change our behaviours
- Replace bad habits like this one for good ones

Thanks, man. It seems that we have almost the same number of days.

Free-man

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #501 on: August 17, 2019, 10:13:31 AM »
Yep, we are close to complete the:

1 month
30 days
720 hours
43200 min
CLEAN without porn in our lives

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #502 on: August 17, 2019, 12:38:34 PM »
Yep, we are close to complete the:

1 month
30 days
720 hours
43200 min
CLEAN without porn in our lives

Of course. Man, when you look at the number of minutes...  :o That much without porn for me?
« Last Edit: August 17, 2019, 03:30:31 PM by Lero »

Free-man

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #503 on: August 17, 2019, 04:35:48 PM »
we almost climbed  the 1/3 of the mountain

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #504 on: August 17, 2019, 04:42:25 PM »
we almost climbed  the 1/3 of the mountain

Yes, man. It's been hard.

Do or die

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #505 on: August 18, 2019, 12:21:10 AM »
Yes bro you are successful rebooter now. You just need to reboot your health now. So concentrate on your health problems now
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #506 on: August 18, 2019, 03:50:33 AM »
Yes bro you are successful rebooter now. You just need to reboot your health now. So concentrate on your health problems now

Thanks, man. Focus on your recovery too and make it to 2 weeks this time, after 10 days last time.

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #507 on: August 18, 2019, 06:24:17 AM »
Bro feeling withdrawals are much better than relapse. Be there . fight and guide us.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #508 on: August 18, 2019, 06:25:40 AM »
Bro feeling withdrawals are much better than relapse. Be there . fight and guide us.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #509 on: August 18, 2019, 02:34:46 PM »
Day 28

4 weeks without P.




« Last Edit: August 18, 2019, 04:13:58 PM by Lero »

NewStart04

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #510 on: August 19, 2019, 02:01:34 AM »
You reached a month! That's fantastic!

I am hoping that during this next month of your journey, the relentless fantasies, flashbacks and urges that have been plaguing you begin to die down and become less noticeable. Either way, I think you have the fortitude to bring yourself to two months (my longest streak) and beyond.

Best of luck!

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #511 on: August 19, 2019, 03:18:19 AM »
You reached a month! That's fantastic!

I am hoping that during this next month of your journey, the relentless fantasies, flashbacks and urges that have been plaguing you begin to die down and become less noticeable. Either way, I think you have the fortitude to bring yourself to two months (my longest streak) and beyond.

Best of luck!

That will be Wednesday (31 days, some months have 30 days I don't know, Tuesday - Wednesday is 1 month anyway). But yeah, just a day or two. It still looks so unreal to me even though it didn't happen by luck, I know how I got here.

Many thanks for the wish and support, man.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2019, 03:22:05 AM by Lero »

NewStart04

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #512 on: August 19, 2019, 04:40:13 AM »
Yea, the duration differs depending on the calendar month. I use 7 days = a week and 4 weeks = a month, so that I have a fixed basis for what I mean by a month, but I understand if you are using a different duration. A 31-day month's worth of progress is definitely more than a 28-day one. 

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #513 on: August 19, 2019, 04:40:57 AM »
Yea, the duration differs depending on the calendar month. I use 7 days = a week and 4 weeks = a month, so that I have a fixed basis for what I mean by a month, but I understand if you are using a different duration. A 31-day month's worth of progress is definitely more than a 28-day one.

The months don't even matter. The days matter.

Pete McVries

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #514 on: August 19, 2019, 07:58:41 AM »
Congratulations on a month clean! Keep on grinding!

I just wanted to quickly comment on the 1/3 of the mountain comment. While that might be true when it comes to abstaining from PMO, there are always new challenges. Once you've reached the mountain top, there might be a really cold and rough lake that you need to pass through next. And after that you might need to find your way through a thick forest that you can get lost in easily. And so on...

The good news is, you are both able-bodied and able-minded to meet these challenges. And you grow with each new accomplishment. But it's important to step up to the plate and travel at your own pace.

If I'm not mistaken, you struggle with social anxiety a bit, so rewiring probably seems like a nerve-wrecking thing right now. And it can be at first, but most likely you will get used to it and in the end enjoy it to the fullest.

Take care!
nine months clean and counting...

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #515 on: August 19, 2019, 08:22:42 AM »
Congratulations on a month clean! Keep on grinding!

I just wanted to quickly comment on the 1/3 of the mountain comment. While that might be true when it comes to abstaining from PMO, there are always new challenges. Once you've reached the mountain top, there might be a really cold and rough lake that you need to pass through next. And after that you might need to find your way through a thick forest that you can get lost in easily. And so on...

The good news is, you are both able-bodied and able-minded to meet these challenges. And you grow with each new accomplishment. But it's important to step up to the plate and travel at your own pace.

If I'm not mistaken, you struggle with social anxiety a bit, so rewiring probably seems like a nerve-wrecking thing right now. And it can be at first, but most likely you will get used to it and in the end enjoy it to the fullest.

Take care!

Thanks, man. I appreciate the encouragement and support.

I suffer from anxiety, it's true. Social anxiety and panic disorder. I actually have some mild-OCD too and some hypochondria-like manifestations (or maybe this is the OCD, I don't know). I'm dealing with some emotional stuff. The rebooting so far has been tough. I don't want to think about the number of days, I've no idea when I'm done with this, maybe after a long time, this is just the first month but I've noticed some changes already that I like. The disappearance of all the emotional problems is not one of them though, and maybe not P is the one guilty for them or maybe it is and I still need more time. I have no idea now. I have to eliminate potential causes and see what's the problem. P is one of them.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2019, 08:49:03 AM by Lero »

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #516 on: August 19, 2019, 08:24:15 AM »
Day 29

29 days without a relapse. I'm accepting my withdrawal suffering, waiting for the day when it will be gone.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2019, 08:26:40 AM by Lero »

achilles heel

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #517 on: August 19, 2019, 10:50:33 AM »
You are amazing, almost a month complete after you couldn't go a week not long ago!  :)

This is the right track, just keep going and things will become easier. Just remember all the suffering you went through, now it's important to go the rest of the road to success! It's totally worth it and you can do it!

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #518 on: August 19, 2019, 10:57:25 AM »
You are amazing, almost a month complete after you couldn't go a week not long ago!  :)

This is the right track, just keep going and things will become easier. Just remember all the suffering you went through, now it's important to go the rest of the road to success! It's totally worth it and you can do it!

Thanks for the support, man. I appreciate it. You're doing great too.

I am surprised myself. Even though I know exactly how I got to this point, and that it was not by mistake/luck etc., it still looks so unreal. Probably I've found my way. I don't want to relapse and start again from day 1. I will have to go through those urges again to get back to day 29 and I really don't want that. The only thing that takes away the urges is time. I have to accept that I am addicted and withdrawal cannot be avoided. It's suffering but there is no other way. You know, I look at it in this way: I've covered a part of the road of suffering already.

 

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #519 on: August 19, 2019, 12:40:44 PM »
Congratulations lero. I am also at this point at some time. Lero just understand that everyone has different withdrawals and withdrawaw time period . so be strong at this point . withdrawals are always better than a relapse.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #520 on: August 19, 2019, 12:42:46 PM »
Congratulations lero. I am also at this point at some time. Lero just understand that everyone has different withdrawals and withdrawaw time period . so be strong at this point . withdrawals are always better than a relapse.

I know.

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #521 on: August 19, 2019, 05:03:36 PM »
Way to be, man! Stay mindful and keep it going!

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #522 on: August 20, 2019, 04:30:16 AM »
Way to be, man! Stay mindful and keep it going!

Thanks, man.

Lero

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #523 on: August 20, 2019, 09:54:59 AM »
1 month

Some months have 30 days so it's safe to say that I have 1 calendar month without this fucking poison. It's been very tough. The hardest thing I've ever decided to do in my life. Because this is "1 month anniversary", maybe this post will get long after writting some of the things I've realized so far.

I've been reflecting on my addiction and I think I've understood a little bit how it works. I've had an uncontrollable craving for porn and I believe it is activated by some triggers. This is a (maybe incomplete) list of my triggers: Lack of dating life in the present, lack of sex, anxiety, stress, having a hard day, fights with people, feeling depressed. I've realized that when I have this craving to search for porn, it's because of at least one of those triggers. It works something like this: Lack of sex? PMO. Feeling sad about being single? PMO for soothing. Anxiety? PMO to relax. Basically, I guess if I draw the line and come to a conclusion, PMO is really my form of soothing/antidepressant/comfort/escape-distraction from reality. I've trained myself without realizing to expect something to comfort me at the end of the day. It's like when you are a kid, you hit your finger, you start crying and your mom hugs you. I knew that no matter what happened during the day, I could always run home and ask porn to "hug me". I didn't know how to deal with my discomfort in other way and this is because of having porn in my life since I was 14. I grew up on a porn antidepressant prescription. Quitting this addiction cold turkey has revealed a lot of things to me. It pushes you to handle your life without resorting to porn which is how it's supposed to be. It's a new teritory for me which seems scary now: Dealing with my life without the soothing of porn. I think I need some time to get used to it.

After a month without porn, I've noticed some changes:
- More energy;
- More mood to do things;
- I tolerate things more;
- I have an overall sense of well-being. I am not anymore the sedated, aloof, apathetic zombie;
- I enjoy some things more;
- Less brain fog;
- Better concentration ability;
- More patience to do something until it's finished;

Things are clear: Abstaining from porn makes me function better overall. There are little nuances in the way I conduct myself that I've noticed. Maybe others too.

The last list is the good part. The bad part is, of course, the withdrawal.

There is no addiction without withdrawal. Unfortunately, if we want to quit porn, we need to face the withdrawal. I've come to accept the suffering because going crazy about it won't make it go away. I still need to go through it. Only like this I could reach that day when everything is over.

For many days I walked the thin line between relapsing and continuing. I've had days when I was sure I was going to relapse. My whole body felt like this. I think the craving for porn, that I discussed earlier, makes the urges strong. That overwhelming "arousal". Maybe it's because of the anticipation. A trigger makes me crave porn for soothing and then the anticipation of an eventual porn session activates the arousal.

However, the streak got longer and I didn't want to go back to day 1. I want to quit porn so much so I have to start again when I reset my streak after a binge. And starting again means that, if I want to reach 1 month one more time, I will have to go through those hard days again. The strong craving for porn, the strong urges. I don't want this. I don't want to re-live those days again because they've been fucking hard. So this is one of the reasons why I am so stubborn to go on. Also, I've covered a part of the withdrawal period, I have less now than when I started (30 days less). Sometimes, sitting down, doing some thinking and rationalizing everything could save you. I don't want just to follow my impulses as long as I can think.

Anyway, I want to say one more thing: It's possible. I considered myself a hard case after seeing how I kept relapsing every 4th day (with binge). I thought I had no chance and now I've made it to 1 month just like that. Also, some people from this forum have contributed to this streak. I walked and they pushed me from behind.





« Last Edit: August 20, 2019, 10:36:49 AM by Lero »

achilles heel

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Re: I am not going back to P
« Reply #524 on: August 20, 2019, 10:43:09 AM »
1 month

Some months have 30 days so it's safe to say that I have 1 calendar month without this fucking poison.

Congratulations on your amazing success! :)

Quitting this addiction cold turkey has revealed a lot of things to me. It pushes you to handle your life without resorting to porn which is how it's supposed to be. It's a new teritory for me which seems scary now: Dealing with my life without the soothing of porn. I think I need some time to get used to it.

This is the crucial point: You will need time. We grew up with porn, I also started at age 14 and after years and years of using this drug to escape reality, we won't enter a shiny happy world. There will be difficult situations putting us on temptation again and with every time we say "No!" the cravings become less and we are one step closer to a healthier and more fullfilling life.

I want to quit porn so much so I have to start again when I reset my streak after a binge. And starting again means that, if I want to reach 1 month one more time, I will have to go through those hard days again. The strong craving for porn, the strong urges. I don't want this. I don't want to re-live those days again because they've been fucking hard. So this is one of the reasons why I am so stubborn to go on.

The same thought helps me a lot too, just keep remembering this even if you go on another month or even further. It's easy to forget all the suffering after a relapse and return to our ever helping medicine.

Just keep going, you're through the worst stage yet and from now on it should become a little easier. If you don't lower your guards, you will succeed! :)