Author Topic: At what point do you say you are no longer addicted?  (Read 287 times)

Redfire03

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At what point do you say you are no longer addicted?
« on: May 15, 2019, 11:53:00 AM »
Hello everyone just a quick question I would like input on. To start off I am 14 months pmo free. Once I realised the that this addiction existed and was what was destroying my life I cut it out immediately and have never viewed porn have never had a temptation to do so... it's like I failed relationship to me that I no longer care about in my eyes. I am proud of myself for letting go so easy. However I have yet to be intimate with someone since my hardmode start and not fully sure the damage that was caused is repaired. But after this long and be able to acknowledge that porn was a choice and I chose to stop viewing it and stop masterbating.. would you consider me cured of this addiction? An addiction to no longer pmo since I now know how intimacy is truly supposed to be?

aquarius25

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Re: At what point do you say you are no longer addicted?
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2019, 02:41:12 PM »
I think that really depends of your views of addiction. I know my husband is almost 3 yrs porn free (next month is his official date) and he views himself as an addict for life but the difference is weather he is choosing to be recovering or not. He says he likes this because there will always be a tendency buried deep in his subconscious. He says that he has heard of several men who walked away for years only  to be right back at square one. Every time he asks them what happened he hears different versions of how they let their guard down and figured this was in the past and somehow they are back at square one. So for him he doesn't believe in "Cured" but more that he is consciously choosing to recover. No one is ever fully recovered because we are all works in progress right? We are all recovering from something, lol. I agree with this thought process because it encourages continued growth no matter who you are, how long it has been, and where you are in life. There is always room to grow.

I am sure other people share different perspectives. You just need to figure out what is the right one for you. Just like no two addicts are exactly alike no two recoveries are exactly alike either. Good luck and many blessings to you!

Redfire03

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Re: At what point do you say you are no longer addicted?
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2019, 04:00:49 PM »
I totally understand. Just curious on people's opinion and I like yours aquarius and I follow your thread and admire you for your help and strength and guidance you and your husband have and I hope that you two are continued to be blessed. You are a strong person for helping him.

Pete McVries

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Re: At what point do you say you are no longer addicted?
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2019, 06:24:42 PM »
I'm 'only' 130 days clean but I suppose, I'll be addicted for life as well. The neuronal pathways won't go away. More than a decade of frequent PMO is deeply ingrained in my brain. It has gotten a lot easier to stay clean and most days I don't think about P or rebooting itself but once in a while I get mildly triggered and than I have to choose not to give in and fight the urge or craving.

I also think that porn will become more stimulating over the course of time. VR is only the beginning... It will always be tempting, so the solution is to never go back or try the newest gadgets.

In conclusion, I consider myself a rebooter for life.
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Six months clean and counting...

foo

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Re: At what point do you say you are no longer addicted?
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2019, 01:34:44 PM »
I am treating this as a lifelong addiction. I am currently 'sober' and have no interest in PMO but I'm aware the weakness will always be there, ready to consume me again.

Redfire03

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Re: At what point do you say you are no longer addicted?
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2019, 05:40:11 PM »
I have never really believed in addiction it seems to be so common and argued alot if addiction is real. I believe in choice, I choose not to do drugs or smoke.. I choose to drink when I do drink. I chose to watch porn..... it's all in how I was raised I was told dont to these things they are bad for you... so I didnt or it was illegal and you could get in trouble.. so I didnt.  So I understand people call this an addiction and I support it. But from my perspective I chose to view porn every time I watched it. Yet not knowing its destructive power.  If i had known I would have stopped. Please input as much as you want. No judgment.

PurpleDaze

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Re: At what point do you say you are no longer addicted?
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2019, 06:56:48 PM »
Hi,
I wanted to thank you for your response to my newbie post on the other thread. My husband doesn't call it an addiction, he refers to it more of a habit that he didn't realize would hurt us. He has gone cold turkey for two months so far and as the SO I am just sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop. He is aware of this site (he looked at it briefly when this first came out and I discovered this site in my research mode), but he certainly hasn't read it as much as I have. He seems to think it is no longer a problem or desire, now that it is out in the open. You have much more time behind you in your progress. There are so many forms of addiction, it may be a matter of perspective. I believe one always needs to guard against the tendency of any addiction, habit, or issue in your background. For example, just because someone was raised by abusive parents, they don't have to necessarily become abusive parents when they have kids. Sure, it is the example they were raised with and the "role model" they had, but because of the negative affects they themselves experienced on the receiving end of the abuse, they can make a conscience decision to parent differently. It will be difficult for them, and they need to stay aware of that tendency whenever a child pushes their button, but they can choose to do it differently than the abusive example with which they grew up. Hope you get the connection here, whether it is labeled an addiction, a tendency, a habit, etc, awareness and choice are key!   

aquarius25

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Re: At what point do you say you are no longer addicted?
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2019, 08:05:06 AM »
For myself I tend to see the line between habit and addiction is about your brain and dopamine. I know for my husband it may have started as a habit but at some point his brain started receiving dopamine hits from this and he defiantly crossed a line. The things he viewed were not something he wanted to view. Yes there is choice involved but at a chemical level when someone is "addicted" your brain is defiantly fighting against your choice. Now let me be clear, I am not saying this as an excuse at all. It is a battle he created, he chose to view in the first place but at some point there is a line where it goes beyond choice and that is addiction. That doesn't mean he can't choose to quit, but more that he has a lot more of a hurdle to over come. It isn't just choosing not to view porn like choosing not to wear a certain shirt or something. He has to detox the loss of dopamine that his brain is receiving. His brain will do whatever it can to continue to receive that hit of dopamine that it is dependent on. People can experience addiction with all sorts of things, try to stop eating sugar cold turkey, it is not so simple, lol. I truly believe that self control is a character trait that our culture doesn't really encourage and as a result of not teaching it in early stages of development it has made it a lot easier to become addicted to things. Sorry, side rant, lol. SO for my husband, yes he has a choice, but being aware of his addiction and equipping himself with the education of what his body and brain are doing to literally fight against him he has a better chance of success. He will be better equipped to not fall into "choosing" to watch porn. He will understand when every part of his being is craving that and he can start to recognize when his brain is trying to rationalize how "just one look won't hurt anything". He now recognized that is his brain crazing dopamine and he can do something about it.

Understanding addictions is not excusing the behavior. Accountability is still there and he is still responsible for his actions however, not being fully educated and understanding the full severity of the situation may set a person up for failure and could just add more shame which in turn creates more urge and desire to go back to the addiction. Also for an SO it helps me have a better understanding of what is happening. I know the person he is and the person he is when viewing are two very different people. He looks back on his actions and is flabbergasted by what he did and how he behaved. It helps me to be more understanding and not take everything so personally and internalize all of it. I would say this perspective has helped my recovery as much as his.

Again this is just my perspective. You certainly don't have to agree.  Whatever works for you in your recovery is great as long as your are recovering!