Author Topic: 90 full days, I'm not healed yet.  (Read 2040 times)

winerbr

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90 full days, I'm not healed yet.
« on: May 08, 2019, 07:10:35 PM »
Hi friends, first of all I would like to say that I am Brazilian and I am using the translator, I felt this need to talk to you in a forum from another country, I am very distressed to speak the truth.

I lost my girlfriend due to PMO and I have no prospect of change, in a while ago I managed to stay more than 60 days without PMO and we had amazing sex, but after numerous relapses she lost her patience with me .. unfortunately

I'm addicted to videos like, pussy, cuckolded, gangbang, femdom chastity, I've already masturbated more than 20 times, taking turns in online games and pornography, I want to get rid of it, I think of suicide and the like, my life is good in others But that sucks.

I would like anyone who comments to talk about which country / state that speaks, I think it's nice to have help from people who (probably) will never see in life, I need a lot of fight brothers :(
« Last Edit: October 04, 2019, 08:10:49 PM by winerbr »

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2019, 07:13:06 PM »
remembering that today is my day "zero" and I will have the commitment to post my progress here, I was accessing pornography on tv but I managed a way to block the browser for it, and you are from where on planet earth?

Another curious question, do you gringos have the view that Brazil is land of whoring? or a very corrupt or violent country? It's more of a curiosity and they do not have to respond if they do not want to, thank you.


LeanAndBop

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2019, 07:25:17 AM »
Hey, I hope you're OK. This sounds very hard. I know this feeling of hopelessness. You've been through a difficult experience. When I feel this low it usually passes and I'm sure it will for you. Everything is temporary. No?
Getting to 60 days is amazing. If you can do it once then why not again? And why not more? Keep learning and trying to do better.
I wish you all the best,
From the UK

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2019, 08:53:13 AM »
thank you friend of the united kingdom, I hope you are winning this fight against addiction too, today is my day 1 and I hope it is the last day 1, I can not take it anymore, if here in brazil pornography already causes so much damage, imagine then for these where the internet exists the longest.

kadeshzelbriel

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2019, 10:50:50 AM »
Power to you brother, wishing you the best. I know you feel so frustrated, that sounds really really difficult. Have some patience with it - it's not linear, it's normal to take a lot of time to get over this thing. Just keep remembering why it matters to you, and don't get too discouraged with relapsing. Every day is a new day.

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2019, 05:10:27 PM »
That is what I think, the problem is that I am already 5 or 6 years trying to do this and I can not, it is one of the biggest challenges of my life, if not the biggest, but we will see, tomorrow is the 2nd.

kadeshzelbriel

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2019, 07:05:28 PM »
Have you thought about hiring a coach or a therapist to support you and explore what's going on for you there? If you feel stuck, usually it means you need to broaden the approach - there's only so far you can get with willpower alone.

LeanAndBop

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2019, 07:28:41 AM »
thank you friend of the united kingdom, I hope you are winning this fight against addiction too, today is my day 1 and I hope it is the last day 1, I can not take it anymore, if here in brazil pornography already causes so much damage, imagine then for these where the internet exists the longest.

Thanks this is kind of you. I know that feeling. Hoping it will be last day 1. You are not alone. Taking it one day at a time or even a few hours at a time had been useful for me.


winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2019, 09:50:36 AM »
today is day 2 already, thanks to the anonymous colleagues of other nations, we are going to the last day 2

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2019, 04:32:19 PM »
day 3, all right until here and sometimes during the day I feel horny, but it's a matter of seconds.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #10 on: May 12, 2019, 12:11:43 AM »
Keep it up! We are rooting for you! In my experience the journal and the forum can be a big extra help. If you did 60 days you can quit it for good!

Decapitare

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #11 on: May 12, 2019, 08:48:21 PM »
Hi man! I'll answer in english, because I believe there are more people that have to read it. My story with porn is like yours. These fantasies change our brain for real. But if you stay away from it, your brain will turn off the sinapses that give you dopamine when you watch stuffs like those. I wrote a post about this, but with 60 days I was able to have sex with my girlfriend. So there is hope, relax. You can change it

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #12 on: May 13, 2019, 03:45:17 PM »
Thank you friends! I'm coming in a week and I hope to stay strong, I even wish a flatline for me, yesterday I was in the dorm bed and I was looking for a way to fall, albeit unconsciously, and you are from which country?

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2019, 05:17:28 PM »
fall again and I'm hopeless, I'm posting here the next few days to see how far I can go that way, good night everyone.

LeanAndBop

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #14 on: May 15, 2019, 07:51:49 AM »
Hey man I'm in the same boat. Feeling hopeless. You're not alone. You can do it dw.

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2019, 07:32:10 PM »
thank you, now I have managed to recover some of the strength after falling for two days without stopping, let's see if it increases some victory.

LeanAndBop

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #16 on: May 24, 2019, 07:22:07 AM »
Hey man how are you doing? Glad you've got some strength back. You're not alone.
Wishing you all the best  ;D

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2019, 03:58:00 PM »
Hello gentlemen.
It's been a long time since I made the last post here, I was sunk in PMO, I ended up losing my relationship as I feared, so many bad things happened, I started another reboot and now I'm in the range of almost two months without practicing PMO, there are evils coming for good.
I'm here from Brazil reading reports, and posting my story, I was flatline practically from the 20th to the 40th, then I had sex three times, working perfectly twice, and on the third brooch, but keep firm, I'm firm in reboot!

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #18 on: August 26, 2019, 12:26:32 PM »
I'm close to 50 days and despite having a good erection a few days ago, I was flatline again for a few days, and today I woke up with morning erection, and a big craving to see porn today, but I'll be strong, I'm in a good mark and wish luck to all sufferers.

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #19 on: September 05, 2019, 04:30:12 PM »
Today officially complete 2 months of reboot, without any pornography, masturbation and orgasm, just real sex ... The only contact I have with the digital medium is social network, but I have no cracks with pictures of women or anything, normal use without any kind of stimulation.

Today I tried sex and had only a strong initial erection, then I had nothing left, my brain damage can be very large, I really didn't realize it would be so much.
I know I posted a few posts ago that I had a wonderful sex, but when things like that happen today, our brain tends to rationalize that reboot doesn't work, I know it's a lie, but it's hard to convince yourself that A logical truth, I didn't want to be those guys that only heal after straight months of reboot, maybe 7 8 or so, I really wanted everything to be easier, but let's keep going.

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2019, 10:02:58 AM »
I'm 70 days without practicing PMO and I'm happy, I'm only 3 weeks to be able to complete my first goal and hope not to fall again, hope you're strong and cheer for you here in Brazil, I don't have such a compulsion for porn anymore extreme, but i know i'm still weak to be able to stay totally away, sorry for errors of agreement, i'm using translator as i told you, my english is very weak, very weak.

squid

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2019, 01:31:22 PM »
Great job dude that's awesome!

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #22 on: September 22, 2019, 06:43:31 PM »
Today I was with a woman and during the kiss I had a firm erection, with oral sex too, but at some point when we were really alone to have sex, I couldn't get an erection at all, as if I had turned off a switch on my body, which could it have been? Do you have any thoughts on what it can be?

78 days today and there is little to reach 80.

I keep firm away from addiction and nothing new to declare, my only fear is taking more than 6 months to recover, I saw reports of individuals taking more than 1 whole year.

In almost two days I will almost reach the 80 day mark of reboot, and I confess that I have little hope that I will be fully healed by 90 days, right now I am very hopeless about the process, I was home alone all night and have passed until the moment several thoughts of relapsing, to see if I'm having erection with P, and I know I'll have ...
Some women call me on whats and having virtual conversation my head hurts, I feel that comes a very strong horny but it is for virtual conversations, if it is a real contact I would hardly have all this horny, so I cut the conversations, I I can only take everything so far because I have an almost moral obligation to reach 90 days, it seems like a symbolic thing to me, but unfortunately I still have a lot of fissures with these things, right now I could be opening P because I haven't put it yet a password on one of my blockers, and just thinking about P my heart speeds up, asking for it, I don't want to fall, now at the end of this post I already put a password that I don't know what it is, but I can't imagine myself all my life like, running away from myself.

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #23 on: October 01, 2019, 03:35:27 PM »
4 days left for me to get to the first 90 days of reboot, today I had two sex without any problem, but I used viagra, I'm not confident yet to try without, but despite the heavy flatline, I feel better, almost reaching the 90 days for the first time in your life.

winerbr

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Re: Will it be forever?
« Reply #24 on: October 04, 2019, 08:10:06 PM »
Well, I'm going to sleep in a little while and when I wake up, I will have already completed this much desired and suffered mark of the first 90 days of reboot.

When I found out that something was not right with me, it was around 2013 and 2014, before I was with any woman I was afraid something might happen and I blinked, it seemed that I already knew the storm I was going to face, and since this moment ... It has become a real terror for me, has brought me incorrigible consequences that I can't count here, but you can be sure that these are horrible and distressing things.

It was more than 5 years trying to reach this first mark, and always relapsed, in the hundreds of times, so many nice women that I lost to addiction, so many good things that I could have lived, but I arrived .... That first goal later After so many years of trying, I came to think that I could never, and several times decided to give up fighting and indulge and live without a relationship with anyone.

If you consider that there were months that had 31 days, I am already on the 90th, but the 5th was as a reference mark to say that I closed a month, I confess that I am not fully healed yet, I still feel flatline despite signs good sometimes, but this dead cock is distressing, feeling hopeless and feeling worse than a piece of shit. Not to mention the days of boredom, thinking of accessing something to relax, this addiction is very complicated.

Anyway I appreciate who accompanied me and motivated me in some way so far, it is even paradoxical to know that so many guys with so many stories of sadness, we will never see or meet each other personally, maybe one or the other, but it is scary to know that these characters here in the forum can be a brother of mine, my father, my uncle, why not? A close friend ... So many with their personal anguish, their internal wars and often having to fight silently and swallow defeat after defeat.

I sincerely feel happy, although I don't feel fully healed in full 90 days, now I got it ... This new year I kept my promise, after so many broken promises, this year I reach 90 ... This year is going ! 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017 ... Every year was the same thing, some days, fall after fall, new promises, new expectations and new falls, depression, nice people leaving my life, me falling behind, and this The monster doesn't even seem to exist near me.

But that's it, I'm not going to be too long because it makes no sense, I just wanted to let a mini vent on all this, and now remembering that day 5/7 where I went through so many bad things, if I could go back in the past I would thank myself for can stand firm, even with so many uncertainties I have about the process.

Hugs and let's go together.