Author Topic: Sex with wife when rebooting  (Read 240 times)

Archer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Sex with wife when rebooting
« on: May 06, 2019, 11:14:33 AM »
Need some advice.
Long story short. I’m 38, male, married for 10 years now
I have ED for as long as I can remember, and been using Viagra and Cialis for several years, as to keep a healthy sexual relation with my wife, but it’s crap anyway, since when she wants to have sex, and I haven’t taken any pill, I can´t get a hard erection, or I lose my erection in the middle of it
Been using porn for the past 20 years or so (since I was 17) and I finally discover this website and others talking about PIED, and everything starts to make sense. This is my 10th day with no PMO, and so far so good. I really don’t miss porn that much, but since I work alone in my office, is not easy to stay away from porn and masturbation……but I will, I know I can and I will
I haven’t told my wife that my ED is probably a PIED, and that I have been using porn for as long as I can remember…..mainly because I don’t want her to think her husband is a “degenerate”, and because I want to be 100% sure I have PIED….I can’t risk to have another wrong diagnose since I went to have all kind of medical test (even a dopler scan) in order to dismiss any physical problem (I didn’t have any)
The big question is: Shall I tell my wife about PIED at this early stage of rebooting. I really want to have PIED, because that means that there is a cure to my problem….but I’m not 100% sure my ED is because of heavy use of porn  and I don’t know I will get better or not, so I don’t want to give her false hopes.
And the second question is: I’m going on a “romantic” trip with my wife (no children) in 1 month from now. Obviously I want to have sex with my wife and so will she ….Having sex during the trip will affect my rebooting process??.....I still intend to stay away from porn and masturbation, but I don’t know if having sex will affect or not my rebooting process

Thanks for all the advice, comments and personal experiences
« Last Edit: May 17, 2019, 08:22:50 AM by Archer »

Archer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2019, 09:07:14 AM »
Hi Guys

Since nobody as answer my post yet, I decided to keep writing because I have seen in the past that helps me out with my ideas.

Please forgive my poor English and grammar, but I’m from South America and English is not my mother language

Anyway, I’m still troubled since I don’t know what will be better……to tell or not to tell. I think is always better to be straight forward, but in this particular case, I don’t know if it the smart thing to do, at least until I know for sure my ED is because of heavy use of porn. On the other hand is very complicated to keep my wife of the dark …..anyway, all ideas and comments are welcome, I can really use some advice

This is my 12th day with No PMO, and so far so good……I haven’t feel any of the symptoms I have seen so far from other people, but obviously my hand still shakes as to not type the wrong words on the browser.

I really want to give up porn and masturbation…..I know for sure it doesn’t help at all, so even if I don’t have PIED, getting rid of Porn and M, will improve my life. What really troubles me is that I don’t know if having sex with my wife will affect my rebooting process. I’ve seen many people arguing that having sex with a real person (my wife in my case) is just fine, and even a good thing to do, but also I’ve seen others that says that you should stay away from any forms of sexual interaction at the beginning of the rebooting

Thanks a lot for all the comments


Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 265
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2019, 09:32:09 AM »
The best piece of advice I can give you is to listen to your body. If you have the feeling that being intimate with your wife is forced and that you, so to say, have to force sex and force erections then perhaps you should refrain from sexual activity for a while. Flatlines are definitely real. I only had one and it took about 26 days to get out of it.

I wish you all the best!

kenny

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 47
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2019, 09:44:16 AM »
Hey Archer,
I will give you my opinion and share a little bit about what I have gone through.

I am reading the book called "Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself" by Dr. Joe Dispenza right now.
In this book, he explains the science behind our thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and actions, and how we end up being mostly a program of our past. By the time we are 35 years old, we are not running our lives anymore. 95% of our day to day actions are just habit behaviours.  You have 60 to 70 thousand thoughts every single day, and 95% of those thoughts are the same repetitive thoughts as the day before.. then those thoughts lead to the same choices. Those choices lead to the same behaviours. Those behaviours mean you will have the SAME EXPERIENCES.  The same experiences will create the same emotions... and those emotions will lead you back to the same thoughts over and over again.  So you are stuck in a hamster wheel!!
So you need to think GREATER than your emotions.  Your body wants to product the same chemicals and send them to your brain every day.. but you need to stop the cycle. You need to focus and think differently.  You need to work on creating a new program for yourself. 
The best way to do this is to meditate.

My advice to you is to DEFINITELY cut out the P and MB.  Do you have any clue what your body and mind are like when you haven't used P or MB'd for 3 months, 6 months, 1 year?   You keep doing the same thing every day... and somehow you want to have a different result!  I was the same as you, but I am learning so much.   
The only way you will ever know how your body and mind can be without P and MB is to DO IT.  Commit to going without it indefinitely.
Let your wife know what you are doing and what you are learning. And kindly ask her to be patient with you through all of it.  That trust and honesty and communication can open up a higher level of love.   If she doesn't understand and she is upset with you, then you must be patient with her. 

This is ONLY MY OPINION.  You will know what is best to do.  But my main advice to you is to ABSOLUTELY stop PMO, P, MB... everything. 
Break the habit of being yourself, and you will become a newer and better version of yourself.  Don't be run by a program anymore. CREATE the program that you want.  It's up to you my friend.

Cheers, and best of luck to you.

MaterDeiOraProNobis

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 20
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2019, 10:29:39 AM »
Hi Archer,

(1) Why don't you wait a little bit to see how the reboot process goes? If it is successful, then you can tell her how you fixed your issue. If it doesn't work, you can tell her you need a doctor. It depends on how open you and her are. If you guys talk about anything, then you could probably go ahead, but I still think it's good to keep it close to your chest for the time being.

(2) Sex with your wife is the goal bro. It is a natural and beautiful thing that you were made to do. Go for it! Replace the porn with banging the old lady  8)

Archer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2019, 08:47:00 AM »
Hi Guys

 Thanks for the replies to my post. I feel I’m not alone anymore in this journey, and that feels great

This is my day 14 of no PMO and no MO, and I intend to keep it this way forever. I just realize that I don’t know when was the last time I’ve been away from P and M for such a long period of time…..even though it has been only 14 days this is probably the longest time in my life that I have been away from PMO

I’m a little bit scared, since it has not been very difficult to stay away from P and M…….That is a good news for myself, since that probably means I’m not a big addict or such a heavy user as I thought I was, but on the other had that could also mean my ED, is not PIED, and that scares me a little bit…..any personal experiences on this?

Regarding sex with my wife, I obviously understand that is the final goal, but since I have ED, and I’m just starting my reboot, in order to have sex, I will have to eventually use Viagra or Cialis to be able to perform, unless I wait 90 days or so, but since I have a trip in a few weeks, I won’t be able to wait the 90 days…..any thoughts?

Thanks again !!

Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 265
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2019, 01:36:55 PM »
Regarding the ED, you should consult an urologist if you are unsure whether your ED is PIED or not. You could check your T-levels and if your cavernous body is damaged. I guess, they are both ok, but you'll never know.

How much porn were you using? Maybe we can help you to determine whether you were a heavy user or not ;)

Be on your guard when it comes to urges. They can arise very quickly. A single 'innocent' thought or a click on the wrong page can start a binge. Especially since your Delta FosB is still in play.

How much is your wife on board with your reboot? Have you included her in the process? Does she know the science and theories behind it? Do YOU enough about it all? Maybe you guys should watch the Stanford marshmallow experiment about delayed gratification together. What is a trip without sex in exchange for a healthy sex life for the rest of your days?

Also, you are already putting so much pressure on yourself to have sex during that trip... to me it sounds like a really bad receipt for healthy erections.

Take care!
« Last Edit: May 10, 2019, 01:43:06 PM by Pete McVries »

Archer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2019, 10:24:39 AM »
Hi Pete….Thanks for your reply

I went to the urologist a few years ago, (T level were OK: 500 ng/dl and the SHBG also good which I understand is very important too, even more that the T levels).
I went again last year, and I ended up having  a Doppler Scan to disregard a venous leak, and everything was just fine. For all of you guys that are still thinking you might have a venous leak, before the Scan the doctor asked me if I was sure I wanted to lose my money in the scan, and I asked him why and he told me than last year he performed more than 2.000 doppler scan and nobody had any venous leak….it’s very strange to have it

Anyway, regarding your question, I was using porn almost every day (5 times a week) for at least 1 hour, so I think that a lot. There were days I used more than 3 hours and I also practice the “delayed ejaculation” in order to find the best video to finish.

I never had problem having erections with porn, but sometimes if I stop stroking or I stopped for a few seconds to read an email e.g., I immediately lose the erection…..I don’t know if that also part of PIED or not.  I really want to have PIED, because if don’t I really don’t know what to do

The old lady is on board but really doesn’t know all the reasons why I have determinate to stop sex and M until our trip….I just told her to trust me and wait for me for a few weeks, before I can understand if my ED is really PIED. She’s amazing so agreed on everything. I just don’t want to tell her yet the reasons because I don’t want to give her false hopes

After the trip I will continue the hard reboot with no PMO and MO

Today is my 17th day of reboot and so far so good…..Yesterday I had a pain on my right testicle, and I assume that because all of the time with no action, but today I’m fine. Today as been more difficult than other days, but still doable.

Morning woods are normal I think (2 times a week) and no wet dreams so far….My last wet dream was probably 20 years ago or so.

I’ll keep writing on my progress…..

Thanks for reading my lines and for taking the time to respond

MaterDeiOraProNobis

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 20
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #8 on: May 13, 2019, 11:32:19 AM »
Good job bro. I also agree that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to have sex with the old lady. I would just let things be natural and see what pops up.

As far as the testicle pain, I also have had that a lot. I don't know what to think about it. I'm not sure it's entirely healthy, but I don't think looking at porn is healthy at all, so I just keep trying.

Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 265
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2019, 02:10:27 PM »
After reading your last post, I'm quite sure you have PIED. 5x/week for hours is a lot in my book. Keep rebooting and things should get better.

Can you describe a little how viagra and cialis work for you? How much do you take and what are the effects?

Archer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #10 on: May 13, 2019, 03:48:44 PM »
Hi….yes I think 4~5 times a week was a lot, that’s why I want to stop PMO forever…..hopefully I will be able….is not easy to change an old habit but I need to do it….step by step

I used to travel a lot (not anymore) to China, like 3 times a year and in China the internet is full of filters and you just cannot find any porn……all the P websites are blocked, so I used to prepared myself for my trips, and downloaded in advance several videos, in order to have my “relaxing material” every time I went to China….looking it back now, really shames me how fucked up I was

I used Viagra several times, but I ended up giving up Viagra because of side effects (headaches, and nasal congestion), and because of the short duration….I wanted to take meds that could help me out to have sex without having to get ready an hour in advance…..with Cialis, I took 1 pill and was ready to go for the next 24 to 36 hours, and sex was more normal, not so programmed

With Viagra I used half a pill (I think that’s around 50 mg, because each pill is 100mg) and with Cialis also half a pill (that is 25 Mg, because each one is 50mg)

Not all the times it worked…..sometimes it did, and many others it didn’t

Cialis also has side effects (same as the ones of Viagra) but there were milder, and lasted longer so I decided to start using it. Never used the daily 5 mg, mainly because if way to expensive, and because I didn’t want to get addicted to it.

tzimisce

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 69
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2019, 06:49:26 PM »
Your story sounds a lot like mine, even tough I am not married.
I am south from South America and almost your age. Also got the pied and the cialis use.
I am rooting so much for you. I hope we can both beat this ridiculous addiction. I will be reading your journal and I am confident that on your romatic trip, you will be much better. I hope I will be reading soon how you fucked your wife as a king! haha.
But seriously, if you want any help or an accountability friend, I am here.
Good luck man. Keep strong. We can do it.

Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 265
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2019, 08:13:07 PM »
Thanks for your report on the ED drugs, Archer!

25mg of cialis is a lot, isn't it? I heard that 20mg is the max dose and 10 mg recommended for "normal ED". 20mg seems to be a dose for 80yo ;). I also have taken viagra in the past and the side effects are ridiculous. Cialis on the hand works perfectly, I don't even feel anything at all.

Archer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #13 on: May 15, 2019, 07:57:03 AM »
Hi Pete…..sorry, my mistake…..you’re absolutely right. The Cialis pill is 20mg, and I took half a pill each time, so that is around 10 mg more or less. C

Gracias tzimisce por tus ánimos

Day 19 of hard reboot…..No P, No M and No O……..it’s been fine….not great, but still hanging in there.
I’m also on a diet and I’ve lost a few kilos, so I’m starting to feel better with myself, especially now, that I can start using clothes I haven’t’ use in a very long time……lol

Another morning wood today….strong but vanished very quickly since I woke up with the alarm, and according to Game Deem in one of his videos, morning wood would not last long with an alarm since it happens in REM sleep…..
I really hope to have a wet dream soon, as to evacuate some of the presasure and to rest assured my body still works as it should….haven’t had one in 20 years

Still strong and highly motivated to keep away from P forever….the M issue is starting to affect my concentration. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to maintain the hard reboot…….

I’ll keep writing with any news

Thanks!

MaterDeiOraProNobis

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 20
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #14 on: May 16, 2019, 09:25:13 AM »
Good job man

Archer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2019, 08:27:48 AM »
DAY 21

3 entire weeks until today of hard mode…….YEA!

So far so good, but is getting a little bit harder. I’m not missing the P, but I do miss the M and sex…… I will get the 35 days of hard mode goal that I wanted, and then I will start getting laid again. I will continue the NO PMO and no M, but I need to have sex again, and mainly I need to give my wife some action…..For her is also difficult.

Yesterday another morning wood, but then vanished quite fast.

Also yesterday I wanted to try my dick, so I tried to get an erection with just soft touch, NO porn, and no fantasies, as to realize if it’s still working. It took me like 2 minutes to get 60% hard and then I stopped, since I don’t want to play with fire. Interesting thing is that I had a weird but very pleasant feeling that I have forgotten about….super sensitive….which I think is a big step, since it probably means my dick was also desensitize and now is getting more sensitive

Today I showered with my wife for a few seconds (we were running late to get the children to school) but we hug and start touching and kissing and my friend down there woke up pretty fast. I didn’t get a 100% erection, since she left the shower to get dressed, but is also a big step for me….

I’ll keep writing as days goes by….please feel free to write any comments, suggestions, and personal experiences you want to share…it helps me a lot!
« Last Edit: May 17, 2019, 08:43:47 AM by Archer »

Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 265
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2019, 08:34:36 AM »
Great news! Sounds like progress to me!

You mentioned it already, but don't test yourself. There is really nothing to it. A few weeks ago, I wasn't even able to give myself a good enough erection to try out a condom. But when it was time for sex, it worked without a problem. Also morning woods, some people get it, some don't. Same with wet dreams. If I recall correctly, Noah Church never had any wet dreams and the dude is clean for several years now.

You've got this!

Archer

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 11
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #17 on: May 17, 2019, 08:50:16 AM »
Hi Pete

Yes I know I shouldn’t  try myself…..but we are humans, and I needed something. I was feeling like a corpse…… I won’t do it again though, to risky

I prefer the shower test way better than trying myself alone. It was good…..I feel more confident, but also more horny

When the flatline is suppoused to start??......I’m horny every single day, all the time!.....it’s driving me insane, but if that the cost I need to pay for being a jerk for more than 20 years, so be it….. I’m not going to stop now


Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 265
    • View Profile
Re: Sex with wife when rebooting
« Reply #18 on: May 17, 2019, 09:33:23 AM »
Flatlines are an individual phenomenon as well. Some people get them, some people don't. Some people's flatlines persist for months, some people' flatlines only last for a few weeks. Mine started right in the beginning of the reboot and lasted for 26 days and ended with a wet dream. That was it. The strenght also seems to be different. I knew that I had a flatline because my dick was simply not responsive but mentally I was fine more or less. Some people claim they feel really depressed during a flatline, so you see, it's very individual.

I wouldn't focus too much on these phenomenons like flatlines, superpowers, e.g. They come and go and it's all natural. If you stay clean, you will reap the rewards sooner or later. That's all you should focus on now. You're on a good path. Eyes on the prize ;)