Author Topic: I guess every form of refuge has its price  (Read 1322 times)

jixu

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I guess every form of refuge has its price
« on: March 24, 2019, 04:23:19 PM »
 
   Two weeks or so into the forum now-came here by the "must read" Your Brain on Porn.

    50 years plus old, never a daily user but more of the sporadic use while looking for relief from work stress.  Although I never did web cams, escorts, strip clubs etc the plain old vanilla stuff was more than sufficient to push me into discouragement, shame, and defeat. 

    At first I just focused on stress reduction, but, in this life, that is a losing battle.  Stress is going to come no matter what we do; the key is properly handling the stress.  We all know one way that doesn't work, the reason we are here.  I have recently seen the great power that encouragement can bring, and that is why this forum is so helpful to us.

    As a practical matter, I have found having an accountability partner to be a big help.  it doesn't have to be some 2 hour meet-up at Denny's; just a simple weekly report or staying in touch is helpful.  However, beware-I have previously lied to my AP, and it is no guarantee to help you if you don't use honesty and commitment. 

    No more heading to the cheating side of town.  You can't hide your Lyin' Eyes.

     Best wishes to all the fighters and warriors out there.  If you have recently stumbled, get back up.  if you are doing strong and great-keep on keeping on. It is an honor to be in your midst.   
     


jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2019, 07:30:27 AM »
Day 25 clean

Was able to handle a couple of bad stress days from work.  This battle is so worth it in so many ways.  Stay strong everybody!

If you have recently stumbled, get back up today-now!   

BigMog

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2019, 10:20:02 AM »
Good work Jixu. Being able to cope with with those stressful days in other ways than PMO is a good victory. Keep at it!

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2019, 06:21:36 PM »
BigMog, you are so right about stress!  Thanks for the encouragement !

workinprogressUK

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2019, 03:56:23 AM »
25 days and counting. That's great progress. Reads like you have your foundations set up really well. Good luck and stay strong. You can do it.

Pete McVries

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2019, 09:56:00 AM »
25 days is huge but it will even get better. Stick to the game plan and keep racking up those days!
Eight months clean and counting...

cranm329

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2019, 02:44:41 PM »
Well done going 25 days

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2019, 06:08:48 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement WIP, Pete, and Cranm.  Keep going strong you guys!   

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2019, 07:17:51 AM »

Day 35 clean

Doing pretty decent most of the time but am battling an old enemy of mine-procrastination.  I am good at tackling the big stuff but tend to let a bunch of little things pile up and then I can get discouraged by it.  Need to hit the ground running in the morning instead of dallying around.  In other words, some of the personal and employment stress I encounter is self-induced!  How dumb is that ? Anyway, the over-all fight is progressing ok and the battle is worth it !       

Pete McVries

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2019, 07:05:42 AM »
Nice to hear, you're staying strong. Remember, don't try to tackle all problems at once. Small steps and build from there! Take care!
Eight months clean and counting...

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2019, 07:29:32 AM »

Day 50 clean

Spending some time re-watching the "Your brain on porn" video that is so conveniently linked on the home page.  Good to keep in mind all facets of this battle.     

BigMog

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #11 on: May 21, 2019, 04:45:46 PM »
Hi jixu, how are you doing?-haven't heard from you for a while.

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2019, 07:06:21 AM »
 75 Day Clean

Attended a couple of wonderful social functions last week.  Prior to attending the functions I kind of dreaded it but they turned out to be great. It is nice to be clean and clear and it seems likes it makes the interactions a lot less stressful and much more meaningful.  It also reinforced the notion that it is good to break the daily routine and shake things up a bit once in awhile.  It is easy to get trapped into thinking that nothing exists except work or study or whatever the daily toil involves.   

BigMog, thanks for your post and the encouragement that you give to us here on this forum.

Keep fighting warriors!

 

idunno

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2019, 06:10:53 PM »
I've been finding socializing more rewarding, too. Less stressful, less worried that I'm going to let something slip. Also, fewer porn-related intrusions in the back of my own mind during conversations, etc. Easier to focus, to laugh. Your post reminded me of that.

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #14 on: June 05, 2019, 09:20:19 AM »
Yikes, 85 days or so clean and the last two days have been the hardest for urges! Today I caught myself deceiving myself trying to prepare to pre-peek some peeking, if you know what I mean.  Thought I would come on here and type it out of the system.  Feel better already!  What tricky brains we have.

Thanks idunno for your comments and good example! I think social expansion and interaction are big-time necessary in this journey! 

Lero

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2019, 01:07:16 PM »
Wow, man, 85 days! Outstanding progress!

BigMog

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #16 on: June 06, 2019, 02:48:49 PM »
Well done Jixu. Congrats on 85 Days and on defeating the urges yesterday.

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2019, 03:36:54 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement BigMog !  It is crazy the way the urges can seemingly come out of nowhere fast.

ArthurMorgan

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #18 on: June 08, 2019, 09:43:37 AM »
Good luck brother. Keep going. I've just passed 100 days. Urges are ok for me, just trying to repair myself physically is the issue.

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #19 on: June 11, 2019, 11:19:08 AM »
  90 Day Clean     ......but this post is not about me.....

The forum is littered with jaded journals and dead threads all over the place, and I think I know part of the reason for this-people are too embarrassed to come back after lapsing, people are too afraid they are letting other people down if they admit a stumble after having seemingly figured the whole thing out.   

To anyone who started fine and crashed a bit, I would like to say first of all, join the club-you are not the first and wont be the last. Second, you need to get back and start again.  In doing so, you owe no explanation to anyone (if you want to provide one, then fine-but you don't owe it to anyone).  I've seen guys come back from being gone many months with entries like "Day 1, feeling good, worked out today" etc. with no comment on the absence and so forth; that is great in my opinion.  You owe no explanation but you owe it to yourself to get back.  It shows courage and will inspire others. 

I am doing great right now but who knows what I'll be 30 days from now?  We have to support each other and be real people.  Ok everybody, let's get back to work!!       


BigMog

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #20 on: June 11, 2019, 03:56:01 PM »
Hey Jixu, very well done on the 90 Days. Keep it going!

.
and I think I know part of the reason for this-people are too embarrassed to come back after lapsing, people are too afraid they are letting other people down if they admit a stumble


Good observation, yes that’s me! I don’t think I was under the impression I had it all worked out but my latest run of lapses is longer than I anticipated and yes I do feel embarrassed. I will post again in my own thread and like you I encourage others in my position to do the same and stay with the process.

ArthurMorgan

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #21 on: June 12, 2019, 12:09:43 PM »
I relapsed after 90 days but I'm back on it, restarted again and now I'm 105 days in, we just crack on, and keep going, good luck everyone

Jbow

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #22 on: June 16, 2019, 09:01:27 AM »
jixu, you are doing great.  I was reading your observations,  and you sound like an old pro at rebooting.  I've been here a long time and I fallen more times than I care to count. the important thing is that we always get back up and keep moving forward. I'm afraid the temptation will ALWAYS be there, we just need to figure out how to work around them. just last night I was in bed and a bunch of crap went through my mind,  and if I wasnt committed to getting better, I'd still be in bed surfing the waves of desire.  stay strong and I want to thank you for your support you have given me on my journal. I have a saying I learned several years ago, IN THE BEGINNING,  ALWAYS THINK OF THE END. I know that's kind of random, but when I get the urge to look at that crap I've relied on for 3 plus decades, that saying helps me a lot.
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jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #23 on: June 16, 2019, 10:40:42 AM »
Thanks JBOW for your encouraging words and the wise articulation of the battle we face.  You are right-we have to keep moving forward, no matter what.  The urges like you mentioned are not only daily but often hourly, and that is why to me everybody is really in some way at Day 1- we all have to make it through today, regardless of what the length of our "streak" might be.   Thinking of the end, thanks again! 

workinprogressUK

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #24 on: June 17, 2019, 07:01:39 AM »
You're absolutely right, jixu. Every day is like day-1. No reason to think we won't continue to get cravings and temptations, having swamped our brains with P for som many years. I walked into my home office this morning and i got a pin-prick fast message in my head that it would be good to look at P instead of working today. I still get them most days and whenever I have to do something that I don't want to. I think I'm going to continue to get those little "zaps" from my "automatic brain" for a long time to come. We all start fresh every day.

Great to see you continuing to make progress. Wishing you strength.