Author Topic: I guess every form of refuge has its price  (Read 1006 times)

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #25 on: July 10, 2019, 08:07:59 PM »
120 Day Clean

No matter what stage you are at, even if you are 5 minutes clean, make a new commitment today-now-and keep going.  Do not give up.

Will be out for awhile-take care!   

allforone

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #26 on: July 10, 2019, 09:23:32 PM »
Great job 120 days! Keep going! I am running just behind you in this journey. Lets do it together!

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #27 on: July 13, 2019, 07:16:49 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement allforone and wip.  Best wishes and keep going-it is worth it!

BigMog

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #28 on: July 15, 2019, 03:02:41 AM »
120 Days. Nice work Jixu. Thanks for continuing to post. It helps the rest of us to see that someone else has managed to make so much progress.

workinprogressUK

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #29 on: July 15, 2019, 03:29:29 AM »
No matter what stage you are at, even if you are 5 minutes clean, make a new commitment today-now-and keep going.  Do not give up.

 :D Love that!

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #30 on: July 24, 2019, 06:37:39 AM »
133 Day Clean

Dealing with what seems like a series of never ending stress-laden work days!  Getting sustenance, stability, and direction from the Psalms.  Stress is just part of the deal and we must engage it without resorting to temporary false comfort relievers like porn.

Let's all have a clean day today-take care! 

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #31 on: August 08, 2019, 12:51:31 PM »
I am more or less at 150 days clean.  Based on reading about others, and based on my own experiences, I have discovered a couple of things.

The first item is stumbling.  When we stumble, we have to remember to exercise proportionality.  Don't make light of it, but don't get devastated by it either. Of course, learn what we can from it, but the battle is all about today, right now; we have to continue moving forward. 

Another observation is that we have to deploy preparation and intentionality.  We have to prepare our minds for what we will do when the situation or scenario arises. If we don't firmly resolve to look away ahead of time we will be lost when we are in the midst of the trigger.    For example, when we go to check the score from last night's ballgame, we know ahead of time that stuff can come up from the side, such as "top 10 hottest wives of the players" or whatever.  We can not always avoid this type of stuff, but we have to have told ourselves ahead of time that we wont go for it.  I guess it really comes down to intentionality-what am I really pursuing at this gym, library, web site, etc.  We have to be honest about it and watch out for self-deception.

The porn site does not care about your streak; whether it is 3 days or 3 years, we will be most readily welcomed to visit.  That is why I have come to the conclusion that it is really day 1 for us all-and today we will be clean!


Lero

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #32 on: August 08, 2019, 12:55:27 PM »
Another observation is that we have to deploy preparation and intentionality.  We have to prepare our minds for what we will do when the situation or scenario arises. If we don't firmly resolve to look away ahead of time we will be lost when we are in the midst of the trigger.    For example, when we go to check the score from last night's ballgame, we know ahead of time that stuff can come up from the side, such as "top 10 hottest wives of the players" or whatever.  We can not always avoid this type of stuff, but we have to have told ourselves ahead of time that we wont go for it.  I guess it really comes down to intentionality-what am I really pursuing at this gym, library, web site, etc.  We have to be honest about it and watch out for self-deception.

I definitely subscribe to this idea. Maybe I've been doing something like this too. In my case, it manifests like a disgust for porn and anything related. When I see stuff like that, I feel that disgust and say: "No, get the fuck out of my face! I know what you're trying to do but I'm done with this. I've other business here, not to fucking click on you!" Creating this mentality is a very powerful too. "I will check some websites cause I need to find out something but, if something pops up, I don't give a fuck."

hope2reboot

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #33 on: August 10, 2019, 03:36:48 PM »
Yeah definitely agree! We gotta hate this crap for what it really is. Soul and joy destroying lies. Wants nothing but to destroy us and ruin our lives. Congrats jixu on the 150. I agree everyday is like day one and the more day ones we can put together back to back the more our minds will heal up.

idunno

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #34 on: August 15, 2019, 12:25:21 PM »
Good job jixu. I like your thoughts on intentionality. The same goes for me with women I see around. Just yesterday, dropping off at school. I realized my attention was "over there," towards a certain woman who I've often wanted to leer at. I then asked myself -- of all the 360 degrees of places to direct my attention, why am I lingering over there? I was able to cut it off at that point. Then I try to just move on, not beat myself up over the strong urge to stare. Anyway, happy to be progressing with you and all the other folks here.

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #35 on: August 15, 2019, 05:38:08 PM »
Lero and Hope2, thanks for the comments and encouragement!

idunno, that is something, isn't it?  Just being away from the screen does not guarantee a smooth ride-potential triggers are basically everywhere!  Let us continue to resolve in our minds what we will do beforehand! 

BigMog

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #36 on: August 18, 2019, 09:29:23 AM »
Well done Jixu,
Yes I agree with your comments about intentionality. When I’ve been clean for a while I kind of forget I’m in this battle so get caught out by triggers. I guess I need to constantly be preparing and reminding myself of what I’m going to do in any triggering situation.
Keep up the good work!

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #37 on: August 18, 2019, 01:02:51 PM »
BigMog, thanks for the encouragement.  You are so right-sometimes we can stumble even when things are going pretty well and we let our guard down.  What a crazy battle!

Lero

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #38 on: August 18, 2019, 02:05:02 PM »
BigMog, thanks for the encouragement.  You are so right-sometimes we can stumble even when things are going pretty well and we let our guard down.  What a crazy battle!

There is a big risk for this when things are going well because of letting the guard down. "I can handle it now, no problem". We have to be careful.