Author Topic: I guess every form of refuge has its price  (Read 12467 times)

Chris Oz

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #125 on: June 10, 2020, 06:52:33 AM »
I wish you well jixu. Keep fighting hard.

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #126 on: June 10, 2020, 04:58:13 PM »
Thanks for the support Chris!  Glad to read of your own great progress!  Things are moving along nicely, and even work has been decent lately!

16 Day Clean

workinprogressUK

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #127 on: June 11, 2020, 04:05:14 AM »
Have a good 'un, jixu. Stay strong!

Joel

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #128 on: June 11, 2020, 07:05:53 AM »
Streak's looking good, jixu. great work!

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #129 on: June 11, 2020, 10:58:14 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement WIP and Joel !  Another good day of staying busy at work and staying away from unnecessary and wasteful internet surfing.  Seeing some positive developments concerning more places opening up and more people out and about.  Hopefully it lifts the societal spirits.  Stay in the battle! 

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mr.slurps

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #130 on: June 13, 2020, 05:01:22 PM »
Hiya Jix,  I was reading your journal, when you were at #4 after relapse. That is where I'm at but w/out the impressive streak you had. Plus I had a lengthy binge afterwards.
It helped me to see how you kept a positive attitude.
I'm trying to man-up now and do the hard work. For me porn doesn't exist in an island.
I must explore the reasons I "need" it- deep down.
I'm not going to let myself get away w/: oh it was just dopamine, hornyness, loneliness, boredom....
What I'm figuring out is that I have a whopping ego (not enough humility) and that on some level I'm attracted to delusion. (That sounds weird.)
Anyhow, I'm trying to emulate you and keep connected to the forum despite my tendency to self-isolate like a spoiled brat that didn't get his way.

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #131 on: June 14, 2020, 06:46:48 AM »
Hi Mr S-thanks for the comment and encouraging words.  I like the way you described this as hard work-indeed it is.  The problem for us is, no one likes hard work, we always look for the path of least resistance, the quick and easy (but ultimately deceptive) fix. Strongly concur with your assessment of the dangers of self-isolation and the need to keep going in a positive direction!

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mr.slurps

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #132 on: June 14, 2020, 01:43:46 PM »
Hi Jix,  You got 20 days! Man 'o man! I'd hate to face you in the ring. I'll stay in your corner though.

Joel

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #133 on: June 16, 2020, 11:24:22 AM »
Well done on the milestone, man. Onward!

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #134 on: June 18, 2020, 12:43:37 PM »
Hey Jixu, congrats on the 20 days. Well done
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

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jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #135 on: June 19, 2020, 06:16:01 AM »
Have a great clean weekend everybody!  Mr. S, Joel, and Shade, thanks for the support and keep up the good work and stay vigilant.   

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ShadeTrenicin

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #136 on: June 21, 2020, 05:05:58 AM »
Wow, 25 days!!! Great job man!! Keep safe and keep us updated!

I am rooting for you!
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

mr.slurps

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #137 on: June 21, 2020, 03:42:06 PM »
Hi Jix,  Good job.  25 is a big one!

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #138 on: June 26, 2020, 11:22:41 AM »
Once again I was going to not come clean on my not being clean!  I slipped up, and this one was after about 32 days, as opposed to the last two being maybe 60-70 days each.  I don't want to be satisfied with the once every other month type of indulger but I will keep it in perspective for now and make a couple of changes that I have been purposely avoiding.  Work stress and mindless net surfing did a tag team match on me and delivered the fatal shot. I even saw it coming but stood there like an idiot and took the hammering.

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jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #139 on: July 16, 2020, 09:41:49 AM »
Having nice solid days during the onset of this restart.  Moving forward one day at a time!

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workinprogressUK

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #140 on: July 16, 2020, 10:34:44 AM »
I even saw it coming but stood there like an idiot and took the hammering.

Well.... I'm sure lots of us can identify with that. So obvious but so easy for it to happen. Damn frustrating though! You've got things pretty well balanced though, haven't you? No drama. Congrats on moving through it.

Joel

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #141 on: July 16, 2020, 12:48:00 PM »
Nice work, brother!

mr.slurps

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #142 on: July 16, 2020, 01:33:34 PM »
Hiya Jix,  It's good to see how you "confess".  What I did last relapse was just disappear and wait for my shame/disappointment to subside. That's not good.
I'm going to try your way and not put my tail between my legs.

Leonidas

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #143 on: July 16, 2020, 04:31:04 PM »
Once again I was going to not come clean on my not being clean!  I slipped up, and this one was after about 32 days, as opposed to the last two being maybe 60-70 days each.  I don't want to be satisfied with the once every other month type of indulger but I will keep it in perspective for now and make a couple of changes that I have been purposely avoiding.  Work stress and mindless net surfing did a tag team match on me and delivered the fatal shot. I even saw it coming but stood there like an idiot and took the hammering.       
Several years ago, a man once showed up to his session and told his shrink about this residual porn problem he felt was bothersome.  It wasn't a full-blown addiction.  He used porn once every other week or so, but still felt something was wrong; a rate of once a year or NEVER would be best.  Without blinking, the shrink asked him why he felt bad.  Then followed it up with how he felt it was different from real sex -- was it the length of time, the frequency, the nature of the act, etc?  The exact details of the conversation that transpired are not that relevant.  What was most surprising was the therapist's seemingly complete indifference with regard to the client's use of porn.  In fact, the therapist was surprised of his client's shame for using porn.  In case you were wondering, yes I was that client...

I too, like you, do not want to be satisfied with a once-a-whatever-number-of-days porn habit.  But notice: we care a lot more about this problem than do most people, and this includes highly trained therapists.  So the take-home for me was that porn IS a problem when we make it one.  When we don't care to frame it as 'a problem', it does not feel like a soul-crushing issue anymore.  Then it becomes a matter of coaxing the habit to wither away.  Of course, it's another thing altogether when porn use is so frequent it causes havoc in one's life...

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #144 on: July 17, 2020, 07:43:10 AM »
Thanks for the comments gents! 

WIP, I do think I have maintained reasonable balance and I believe that is important.  Thanks for the encouragement about moving through it!  Nice job on your 60 plus days. 

Joel, thanks as well.  I have been following your journal and wish you continued success. 

Mr. S, the main thing is that you are still fighting it-that says a lot about your determination and commitment.

Leonidas-I think your post highlights the concepts of perspective and proportionality, and further indicates that a lot of this journey is unique to each person's background and motivation.  Moreover, some of this comes down to the definition of "a problem."  Cleary the base analysis should pertain to porn's impact and problem development in the areas of social functioning and employment.  My view, however, would also include problem as encompassing the fact that I don't want to be part of the industry, even in a peripheral manner; porn is destructive.  Also, even having a basic grasp of the neuroscience behind internet porn should be enough to send a shiver down the spine of any sentient person-we are playing with cognitive fire.  I think that, under the right circumstances (particularly when considering our propensity for self-delusion and self-deception), escalation could happen to any of us if not properly managed.  I also believe that porn viewing is a spiritual deriment and can essentially wage war against one's own soul (many will roll the eyes and scoff at that but it is my belief).  Thus, for all these reasons, I am aiming to completely coax the thing into terminal witherment!  Thanks again for you response and insights into your own journey!   

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Leonidas

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #145 on: July 20, 2020, 01:56:15 PM »
Hey Jixu, I agree with everything you mentioned above, including the part about porn waging war against the soul... I've heard much more implacable statements likening porn to "the work of the Devil" or to allowing "diabolical expression" (from a Christian's faith perspective).  Although not a follower of the faith myself, I do believe in the inherent harm it can impact on the soul.  Obviously, there is a reason we all decided to show up to this board: we perceived that the habit we were engaging in was causing conflict and suffering.

That said, there is also a danger in turning our journeys into crusades against 'Evil'.  Humans are complicated, complex and contradictory creatures... so oftentimes when we become over-committed to a cause, it becomes tempting - after a while - to desire the forbidden.  And thus the relapsing.  What I said earlier about the shrink's indifference towards porn was just to me the perfect example of what it takes to become free of a problem: to become indifferent!  It does not mean that porn is right; porn is mostly harmful full stop.  But seeing it as an enemy will tend to backfire... (if that makes any sense).  What do you think?  Btw, I still have some way to go before I become 'indifferent' to it..  ::)

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #146 on: July 20, 2020, 07:30:38 PM »
Had a rare but most welcomed victory at work which has resulted in a significant reduction in work requirements (or at least work stress) for a couple of months or so.  It kind of came out of the blue so it was even more appreciated!

Leonidas, I do think we can get over-committed to a cause, as you put it, in that we can at times over-emphasize one area and lose focus of other areas that need work as well.  That is why I view the battle as one element of self-improvement, and also try to add other things like exercise, trying to help others, and intellectual development (like reading, as you have noted in your journal).  That way, some sense of balance and proportionality can be maintained.  On the other hand, it does seem to be true that relapsing can have a greater deleterious impact on other areas far in excess of, for example, failure to exercise for 3 or 4 days.  Take care!     

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TheNorman

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #147 on: July 21, 2020, 09:22:38 AM »
Congrats on the unexpected work surprise Jixu! Stress is a big trigger for a lot of us here so hopefully that helps you keep building on that streak even more!

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #148 on: July 27, 2020, 07:47:47 AM »
Went to a sporting goods store over the weekend while on the hunt for some edible treats and a little break from the routine.  A guy at the store told me that they were having a hard time keeping bikes, kayaks, fishing equipment, and golf starter sets in stock.  Maybe a silver lining to the covid 19 stuff-was glad to hear it. Nothing better than doing healthy stuff outdoors.

Thanks for the comment TheNorman, and I was glad to hear of your successful project at work the other day. Still feeling the heat at my job but I am dealing with it correctly. 

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Rex

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #149 on: July 31, 2020, 09:10:17 AM »
Went to a sporting goods store over the weekend while on the hunt for some edible treats and a little break from the routine.  A guy at the store told me that they were having a hard time keeping bikes, kayaks, fishing equipment, and golf starter sets in stock.  Maybe a silver lining to the covid 19 stuff-was glad to hear it. Nothing better than doing healthy stuff outdoors.

Thanks for the comment TheNorman, and I was glad to hear of your successful project at work the other day. Still feeling the heat at my job but I am dealing with it correctly. 

32 Day Clean         

Jixu,

Great work, staying clean!  Be careful when when fishing or spending time in the outdoors especially in deep grass and brush in the woods.  I suffer from bad case of long term Lyme disease and a bunch of co-infections which I got from tick bites in the woods.  I used to love hiking and fishing.  I never paid any attention to bugs crawling over me or biting me.  I was always more concerned with staying away from the water moccasins, copperheads, and other poisonous snakes and never worried about the ticks.  Keep up the hard work, you are doing great!
 
Rex
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