Author Topic: A new beginning  (Read 3979 times)

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #200 on: August 12, 2019, 02:21:36 PM »
I actually play classical music most of the day, and it is very therapeutic to me as well as keeps my mind healthy and strong. The reason I'm against youtube as y'all have mentioned is the algorithm, but I feel alot better when I can listen to an album or playlist through and just let it sink in, maybe thinking about the creative differences between the songs and artists.

Speaking of, got to start practicing now....I want to be in top form entering the school year because I know alot of rep is going to get thrown at me like orchestra music, chamber music, and other stuff. I've slacked off so far today except for my workout, but now its time to remind myself of the benefits of the quiet, focused mind and get to work. See y'all soon

BlueHeronFan

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #201 on: August 13, 2019, 05:48:13 PM »
Yeah, I know that the right music can definitely help me to settle in and get stuff done. Like so many other things, it has to be about how we use it. When I use it well, it helps me to enjoy some down time or to be more productive. When I use it poorly, I think it is to escape having to be alone with my own thoughts.

Good luck with practicing and the coming school year!

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #202 on: August 16, 2019, 09:43:50 AM »
Thanks! Last few days have been pretty good, workouts have finally started showing results and I feel motivated with the school year so close. Kinda sucks that I have to be at home with my parents and away from friends for a few days, but I'll be okay. One more week to really work on myself so I can be ready for anything this year!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #203 on: August 16, 2019, 05:43:22 PM »
Definitely! You've got this! We've got this!

Have a great time at home!

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #204 on: August 18, 2019, 02:48:53 PM »
Thanks man for all your help and support! A couple of super productive days have had me feeling the inclination to take it easier today which I have so far...but I am not worried about binging out on YouTube or anything like that cause I have some big goals that are in the front of my mind. Just gotta stay mindful, I realized it’s okay to think ahead in the future, even very far ahead, but it is only needed occasionally; once you have your sights set on what you want to do, just go with what you geeel is right in the moment.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #205 on: August 19, 2019, 04:55:07 PM »
Definitely! I love the idea of focusing on the big goals and just pressing forward mindfully. Thinking about the future is helpful when it helps us to something useful today, but not if it's just a way of escaping today. (Definitely something I can remember more often myself)

Keep it going!

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #206 on: August 20, 2019, 06:56:20 PM »
Thanks! I've always had this cycle of feeling really tired ever few days or so while rebooting....I'm not sure if it has anything to do with diet (pretty good), sleep (I'm getting a decent amount), exercise (5x a week), or just my body still slowly adapting to the change in lack of stimulation. I took a really long 3 1/2 hour nap today without getting much work done, woke up and now I am still tired but my mind and thoughts are racing. Anyone  else have trouble with this? Atleast I'm optimistic I'll feel better tomorrow, I just wish there was something I could do to spread out the "tiredness" rather than it all come down once every few days.

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #207 on: August 22, 2019, 07:31:12 PM »
So I kinda realized something pretty profound the other day; not am I onlyaddicted to porn, I am addicted to entertaining myself through technology, wether it be TV, laptop, or phone. I just looked back at all my relapses, and they all stem from me being on my phone or laptop, minding my own business, maybe surfing a little bit of youtube....and then I start to get bored. Any normal person at that point would put it away and go do something else, but what do I do? Start looking at sexy images, videos....then relapse. Often when I have blown of hanging out with people, yes I am often in a bad mood, but what do I do instead? Do something on my computer/phone, and often there is no PMO-related things involved. I just use it to keep my mind occupied, because, I guess that is more comfortable than doing something more productive or engaging.

So I have been majorly cutting back on my technology usage, and I feel like I am getting cravings similar to a quitting a sugar addiction; headaches, moodiness, and a general sense of low energy. But I feel really good about rebooting knowing that this problem has played a major role in my past relapses. Best of luck to everyone!
« Last Edit: August 23, 2019, 02:17:44 PM by pichaelthompson »

Lero

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #208 on: August 23, 2019, 09:21:02 AM »
Yes, man, technology is created today to achieve exactly that: Entertaining us and keeping us addicted.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #209 on: August 23, 2019, 06:00:56 PM »
So I kinda realized something pretty profound the other day; not am I onlyaddicted to porn, I am addicted to entertaining myself through technology, wether it be TV, laptop, or phone. I just looked back at all my relapses, and they all stem from me being on my phone or laptop, minding my own business, maybe surfing a little bit of youtube....and then I start to get bored. Any normal person at that point would put it away and go do something else, but what do I do? Start looking at sexy images, videos....then relapse. Often when I have blown of hanging out with people, yes I am often in a bad mood, but what do I do instead? Do something on my computer/phone, and often there is no PMO-related things involved. I just use it to keep my mind occupied, because, I guess that is more comfortable than doing something more productive or engaging.

So I have been majorly cutting back on my technology usage, and I feel like I am getting cravings similar to a quitting a sugar addiction; headaches, moodiness, and a general sense of low energy. But I feel really good about rebooting knowing that this problem has played a major role in my past relapses. Best of luck to everyone!

Man, this is something I have been noticing in myself more and more in the last couple months. I guess I have been kind of reluctant to do anything about it, though. Whenever I have the thought that I should cut things out, I always have a good way of talking myself out of it. That sounds like the work of the addicted brain to me.

Hmm. You've given me something to think about, and you have inspired me to think more carefully about some of my other habits. Thanks and keep it up!

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #210 on: August 25, 2019, 03:10:25 PM »
Glad to help, BlueHeron! Yeah I am the same way, it just hit me really hard...like a lightbulb came on out of nowhere and I was shocked at how it took me so long to realize I was addicted to all of it. I would plan my day and for absolutely no reason, I start doing whatever on my phone and an hour passes, and I just keep going, cause why not? I could just do that shit later, I always tell myself. But yeah, don't put too much pressure on yourself, just try to compromise and be reasonable, and things should start to get easier!

Man, these urges are alot easier to deal with now. Whenever I get triggered hard, I just turn off my phone. I don't click on a different video, or watch a different show like I usually have, because that has led to me relapsing in the past. Don't want to feel like I've beaten anything though; I know there is a long and difficult journey ahead.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #211 on: August 25, 2019, 06:12:29 PM »
Glad to help, BlueHeron! Yeah I am the same way, it just hit me really hard...like a lightbulb came on out of nowhere and I was shocked at how it took me so long to realize I was addicted to all of it. I would plan my day and for absolutely no reason, I start doing whatever on my phone and an hour passes, and I just keep going, cause why not? I could just do that shit later, I always tell myself. But yeah, don't put too much pressure on yourself, just try to compromise and be reasonable, and things should start to get easier!

Man, these urges are alot easier to deal with now. Whenever I get triggered hard, I just turn off my phone. I don't click on a different video, or watch a different show like I usually have, because that has led to me relapsing in the past. Don't want to feel like I've beaten anything though; I know there is a long and difficult journey ahead.

Awesome stuff! Turning off your phone is just the right thing to do. Get an urge, tell your brain no thanks, and move on to something better. It's definitely not a now-and-forever cure, but it is a huge step toward regaining control of your impulses and behavior.

Plus, if other videos and stuff are also addictive, doing them instead of PMO isn't really a step away from addiction, is it? I think you've got something important figured out. Keep it going!

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #212 on: August 26, 2019, 01:09:51 PM »
I get exactly the same thing with technology. I pretty much spent the whole morning today looking at screens achieving nothing. I better get off the computer now. Thanks for the reminder!

Lero

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #213 on: August 26, 2019, 02:05:15 PM »
Awesome stuff! Turning off your phone is just the right thing to do. Get an urge, tell your brain no thanks, and move on to something better. It's definitely not a now-and-forever cure, but it is a huge step toward regaining control of your impulses and behavior.

Plus, if other videos and stuff are also addictive, doing them instead of PMO isn't really a step away from addiction, is it? I think you've got something important figured out. Keep it going!

They are sources of dopamine raising. That's their goal, after all. They can also create addiction and they also affect the brain, like bad attention span. I'm also working on only using technology only when I need it (right now it's the first time when I used the computer today and I could've used it more. I will spend some time on the forum and turn it off).

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #214 on: August 26, 2019, 09:36:10 PM »
I’m glad that y’all can relate to me on atleast some level, I always try and tell myself to not be too hard on myself for this because we have all been conditioned to be around technology as much as possible; that’s just how the modern world is sadly.

Yesterday I fantasized on one of my old fetishes for maybe about 30 seconds, and then quickly redirected my mind. As expected, I had a really weird dream relating to that fetish that turned out to be really stressful too, as I woke up at 5 am covered in sweat. My mind was racing so it was really hard to go to sleep after that, but I’m the bright side I still managed to have a productive day and get a good nap in. I think the momentum from doing good things in the past + it being the first day of class today really helped me do what I need to do, but I fear I won’t have the same level of motivation as the year goes on and gets more stressful. Nevertheless, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Hopefully then, I’ll be a lot more mentally strong.

Lero

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #215 on: August 27, 2019, 12:30:01 AM »
I’m glad that y’all can relate to me on atleast some level, I always try and tell myself to not be too hard on myself for this because we have all been conditioned to be around technology as much as possible; that’s just how the modern world is sadly.
After "entertaining" myself with technology for a while, I realized how my attention span started to suck. Then I said: "Fuck it, I will only use those things when I need them, like when I spend time on Reboot Nation." Let's see how this will go.

Quote
Yesterday I fantasized on one of my old fetishes for maybe about 30 seconds, and then quickly redirected my mind. As expected, I had a really weird dream relating to that fetish that turned out to be really stressful too, as I woke up at 5 am covered in sweat. My mind was racing so it was really hard to go to sleep after that, but I’m the bright side I still managed to have a productive day and get a good nap in. I think the momentum from doing good things in the past + it being the first day of class today really helped me do what I need to do, but I fear I won’t have the same level of motivation as the year goes on and gets more stressful. Nevertheless, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Hopefully then, I’ll be a lot more mentally strong.

Man, I had a dream like that a while ago. All day I was literally dying to watch a particular P scene. It kept invading my mind and I kept trying to redirect my attention. Then I went to sleep and I had a dream with that scene. I woke up right in the middle of it feeling so turned on like I was sitting in front of the computer and literally watching it. I was this close to start edging to the flashbacks but I managed to save myself, I don't even know how. I can't believe this shit.


BlueHeronFan

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #216 on: August 27, 2019, 05:17:50 PM »
Yeah, dreams have always been weirdly hard to bounce back from. I had a porn related dream last night and it has sort of thrown me off balance today.

But it sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing. Let the start of school be busy so you're distracted from the addiction and just keep going. Maybe your motivation will taper off in the future, but that definitely isn't something to worry about now. For now, just get the school year started right!

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #217 on: August 27, 2019, 05:25:48 PM »
Good points from both of y'all! Just want to do everything I can to make this reboot as smooth as possible, but I know there will always and inevitably be bumps in the road; just have to do your best to minimize those bumps and push through. Good workout, still having trouble sleeping but that's partly bc of adjusting to a new schedule + the lack of technology entertainment, but naps have been really helpful. Gunna go get some more work done today, eat a healthy dinner, and then get to play some ball with friends tomorrow!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #218 on: August 28, 2019, 06:41:23 PM »
For sure, just keep at it!

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #219 on: August 28, 2019, 08:38:59 PM »
Keep on keeping on, mate! Don't let that dream put you off - it seems to be a pretty normal sign of recovery. I have had such dreams. It's just part of the process.

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #220 on: September 01, 2019, 06:18:28 PM »
So it's been an interesting past few days. For the last 2 days, my friends have been ghosting me, and then I see them hanging out on Snapchat which really hit me hard. But instead of holding it in and being negative about it like I have done in the past, I texted them and asked them to tell me the truth as to why they won't hit me up when they hang. One friend said that he thinks I don't ever want to do anything (due to me rejecting him sometimes last year + he knows money is tight for me so he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable when they go out) and another feels like I have been taking advantage of him giving me rides (picking me up from my place bc I don't have a car) and am always the one to take food/drink or whatever rather than provide it. I've honestly never had any problems like this with my other friends before, so it was definitely shocking to hear. I told them I'm definitely down to hang alot more this year and promised to provide more food/drink and uber/bus more if I have to. But part of me feels like they didn't recognize the effort I put into trying to hang with them last year as I asked them multiple times and they almost always ghosted me. I guess I have a lingering feeling of resentment that's not healthy because we made up and everything's good, so this is something I can let go of and move forward.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #221 on: September 01, 2019, 09:02:34 PM »
Yeah, that's tough, but it sounds like you're thinking through it and acting on it in a good way. I'm definitely a person to hold in my resentment rather than actually work things out.

Just keep on doing what you're doing. I guarantee you're making more progress than it sometimes feels like.

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #222 on: September 05, 2019, 10:58:49 PM »
Thanks, man. While I haven’t felt like I made much progress recently, just knowing that I’ve been letting urges come and go is enough. Pretty busy last few days, really looking forward to this weekend!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #223 on: September 06, 2019, 05:54:49 PM »
Yeah, that's huge. Developing a capacity to let the urges come and go without messing you up is huge. I'm super happy for you that you're experiencing that.

Have a great weekend!

pichaelthompson

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Re: A new beginning
« Reply #224 on: September 12, 2019, 09:08:20 PM »
Man, this week has been crazy busy. Rehearsals, practicing for an audition, class, homework, working out...even putting myself out there more and hanging out with people. I think partly I had the mindset of "well this year can't be any worse than last so fuck it" and I started to care less about how I am around people, and it's given me some nice confidence. Obviously, there's a long way to go, and not everything is great all the time, especially with stress levels and lingering insomnia, but I haven't felt this positive in grad school maybe since the 1st week of last year lol

Triggers are less and less, especially as I spend less time on electronics, and when I do it's mostly some music or a dabble in Netflix or youtube, nothing close to what I was doing before. I think its important to find the right balance of things in life, and be willing to change or break habits if things aren't going your way for a while. I've been talking to a girl, and we've been trying to schedule a time to meet but it's been crazy busy for both of us so it looks like it won't happen until a couple weeks from now :( But atleast there's something to look forward to....PMO be gone!