Author Topic: Not gonna go it alone  (Read 8391 times)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #475 on: August 22, 2019, 06:44:34 PM »
O BlueHeronFan,
Some say he's a man,
Some say he's a heron,
I suspect he's a fan,
A fan that can,
Blow out your addiction,
It ain't no fiction,
He's got a knack,
For offering a hack,
O Blue,
How we love you!

...And not in a gay way...
...Sometimes he... eats Pei Wei?

Yeah.

First of all. Wow. Thank you so very much! Who would have said when I signed up for this forum in January that I would have my own theme song by August, lol!

Sorry to hear about your struggles with school BlueHeron, but I think it's natural to feel the way you felt about your day. Everyone has a bad day, sometimes that's all it is and we can move on knowing there will be better days ahead.

I too am feeling a sense of dread with the upcoming school year; for me, it is not only the work, but also trying to find my way in a community that I felt lost and alone in so much last year. I'm trying to see this year as a new opportunity, a fresh start; but I also know I have to make some changes from last year and just put myself out there more. Sorry for hijacking your forum lol, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your feelings about school, but within that, there is a chance for opportunity and positive change.

Not a hijack at all! I'm really glad to hear your perspective (even if I'm sorry that you're in the same boat). I definitely feel like my academic identity is in a weird transition right now, kind of like I don't even know what I'm doing here. But it's something to work on. Whether it's addiction or finding our place in our programs, we'll get through it together!

I hope you have a magnificent school year blue.  I have a feeling you'll settle in and be a top student.  Sending you good vibes and sunshine

Thank you! It's been so rainy lately, I will definitely take the sunshine!

Sorry you such a shitty first day back. You know what struck me in your last post about your post? Despite the day being the perfect occasion to say 'fuck it' and peak at P, you didn't. If I were in your shoes, I'd be very proud :)

Thanks! In the last several weeks, I have definitely noticed the thought cross my mind along those lines: "Everything is so bad, why not just look at porn. It's not like that will make things worse at this point." It does get hard without being able to hide my head in the sand (PMO), but I'm also pretty pleased that I'm managing to more or less get through the difficulty without relapsing.

Great attitude, just not letting a temorary negative experience change the overall mindset is a key to success. We were used to run to our instantly-feel-good-drug for far too long and now need to endure ups and downs fully aware of reality. It's great to see you have come that far after half a year and I hope these changes will last!

Thanks, this is really true. Life really comes at you when you aren't self-medicating with porn. I was deep into PMO in high school and I have basically no memories of that period of my life. Like, for real, I can hardly remember it, and I don't have any emotional memories at all. That definitely won't be the case now.

Yesterday and today were both pretty decent.

Yesterday was pretty chill. I didn't have anything at school, so I caught up on some housework, like laundry. Then I went to that barbecue. It was pretty good. I had higher hopes (like meeting someone, you never know), but I just ended up spending some time with a couple friends. It was a good time, just not very exciting (if that makes sense).

And then today I had my actual first class. The class is in another department from my program, so I was pretty nervous, like I would feel stupid or something. I kind of did, but the class went way better than I was worried about (nothing actually bad happened). I ended up sitting next to a woman who seemed pretty cool (married...of course...). I also got my reading done for class tomorrow. Tomorrow's class is in my own department and is taught by a professor I really like, so I'm mostly just excited for that (but still a little nervous, as always, for the first day).

You know, it kind of dawned on me today. I have been thinking that if I just keep hanging on and waiting things will just become clear to me. But what if I used some of my YouTube time to read an extra article or two per day or to work on my own writing project or something? What if instead of waiting for things to make sense, I actually scheduled in some time each day to work on making sense out of them? This is kind of a raw thought, so I don't know if it makes sense yet. But the point is that I think I could feel a lot better about things if I spent even a little bit of time each day actually moving forward in my program instead of just going to class and hoping things work out. (Probably obvious, but it feel profound to me today.)

So here's to Friday and leaving a pretty trash week behind!

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #476 on: August 22, 2019, 07:36:40 PM »
That scheduling idea sounds like a great plan, and from personal experience, it really works! It can be hard to change up your routine and take time away from leisure time; what helps me is easing into it. I'll tell myself "okay let's watch 5 minutes less of youtube today and work on x." After a couple days you can go to 10 minutes, 15 minutes....until it starts to feel natural.

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #477 on: Today at 09:19:53 AM »
That scheduling idea sounds like a great plan, and from personal experience, it really works! It can be hard to change up your routine and take time away from leisure time; what helps me is easing into it. I'll tell myself "okay let's watch 5 minutes less of youtube today and work on x." After a couple days you can go to 10 minutes, 15 minutes....until it starts to feel natural.

That's right. I like this. Smaller steps might be less scary than big ones.