Author Topic: My journal to recovery- Could use support  (Read 4537 times)

squid

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Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Reply #275 on: July 15, 2019, 10:24:56 PM »
I think that kind of fantasizing is something very natural, and I'm sure many others including me can relate to this on a deep level. We all want to feel like the hero in our own story, but it often doesn't feel like that way in real life. To "scratch that itch" for lack of a better term, we sometimes have to change what a perception of being a hero is in our minds: for some its being a loving and protecting parent, for others it might be achieving a high skill in some type of job field, for others it might be going on a long PMO streak and having the confidence to never turn to PMO again, and it could also be a combination of many things. We are all on the "hero's journey" to rid ourselves of PMO, it's just not a story that would necessarily be a blockbuster if it were a movie so sometimes our brains want to find a more interesting goal to achieve, regardless of the importance it has to our physical and mental health. Keep on going, you're doing great!

Anyone that wakes up in the morning and says in their mind, "Today is going to be a better day", and trys to make it so, is a hero.  You are too.  Keep going man!

Lero

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Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Reply #276 on: July 16, 2019, 03:09:26 AM »
Anyone that wakes up in the morning and says in their mind, "Today is going to be a better day", and trys to make it so, is a hero.  You are too.  Keep going man!

I think it's a better idea to start the day thinking positively. It could change the way you feel the whole day.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Reply #277 on: July 17, 2019, 10:47:58 AM »
Great points guys...

Unfortunately back at day 0. Seems like I am in that annoying slip every few days after a long streak snapped mode....

At least my slips have not been too terrible.

I know exactly what did it though.....

#1) I looked in the mirror and thought I should lose a bit of fat. I am by no means over weight but am not as lean as I have been at times, been working out and felt I looked just average.... I decided to try and not eat carbs for the day just to lean out a little.... Ate way too little. Man my body did not respond well I just got starving and exhausted by the end of the day and then I ate a whole bunch, which was fine but I think it set off a bit a binge instinct. Mostly though, it was allowing my mind and body to be exhausted by the hunger that did it.... So no more stupid diets, eat healthy and plenty. I am not all into 12 step but they do have an acronym HALT- Hungry Angry Lonely Tired... can all be possible triggers. Some truth to that.

Correction- Eat healthy and plenty no diets just healthy food AND start running again. I'd been focused on lifting and not doing much cardio. If I want to lean out a bit, just run which is great for me mentally and I wanted to do anyway.

#2) Fantasized a whole bunch about sex the day before.

#3) Let apartment get really messy.

And finally- Don't have a plan for urges. I had like no urges remotely for days. Then just pretty much decided to lapse. I was just like "okay, I want to lapse I'll do it" minimal resistance. Thats a bit frustrating.

I tried the therapist- Honestly, it wasn't good. Will look into another. I felt worse after and got thrown off from it. 

pichaelthompson

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Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Reply #278 on: July 17, 2019, 11:09:47 AM »
It's all good man, yeah I understand while it feels annoying but don't let that hurt your confidence moving forward. You know you can do this as you have done it before, and we all know you can do it too.

It's crazy how everything is connected: If I eat/workout right, my work gets better, my urges are easier to deal with, I'm better with my relationships. I also get better sleep, and the same is true if I don't do well on any of those things, it affects everything else. I often try to compartmentalize my life but in doing so I make compromises, for example: I'll skip my workout and eat some fast-food, but I gotta make sure to do my work after. Even if that's what I do, I won't feel as good doing it and therefore won't be as effective. Of course, there are moments to treat yourself, but that is all connected to prolonged periods of doing the right thing, allowing your body and mind a small break from changing for the better.

As far as a plan for urges, I guess my plan recently has been to not have a plan...as in literally do nothing to engage with the urge. In the past, my relapses have often come from me trying to reason with myself in my head why I shouldn't watch P. This works alot of the time, but sometimes no matter what you say to yourself there is a part of your brain that makes a compelling counter-argument, and I end up relapsing. Now I try to recognize when I have the urge, and be as zen as possible. Either return to the task I'm doing, or take a break and pay attention to the physical sensations and emotion. In other words, quiet the voice inside of your head because you already know that no PMO is the right thing to do, so allowing you to try to explain to yourself why it's wrong (something you have done before, so it is not needed) will only open up the opportunity to falsely convince yourself otherwise.

Lero

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Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Reply #279 on: July 17, 2019, 12:30:52 PM »
As far as a plan for urges, I guess my plan recently has been to not have a plan...as in literally do nothing to engage with the urge. In the past, my relapses have often come from me trying to reason with myself in my head why I shouldn't watch P. This works alot of the time, but sometimes no matter what you say to yourself there is a part of your brain that makes a compelling counter-argument, and I end up relapsing. Now I try to recognize when I have the urge, and be as zen as possible. Either return to the task I'm doing, or take a break and pay attention to the physical sensations and emotion. In other words, quiet the voice inside of your head because you already know that no PMO is the right thing to do, so allowing you to try to explain to yourself why it's wrong (something you have done before, so it is not needed) will only open up the opportunity to falsely convince yourself otherwise.

I understand this because I've been doing it a little bit. When urges hit me I just...did nothing. I didn't move my hands, I didn't do anything, just waited there. Then you realize that actually those urges come and go.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Reply #280 on: July 17, 2019, 06:26:27 PM »
As far as a plan for urges, I guess my plan recently has been to not have a plan...as in literally do nothing to engage with the urge. In the past, my relapses have often come from me trying to reason with myself in my head why I shouldn't watch P. This works alot of the time, but sometimes no matter what you say to yourself there is a part of your brain that makes a compelling counter-argument, and I end up relapsing. Now I try to recognize when I have the urge, and be as zen as possible. Either return to the task I'm doing, or take a break and pay attention to the physical sensations and emotion. In other words, quiet the voice inside of your head because you already know that no PMO is the right thing to do, so allowing you to try to explain to yourself why it's wrong (something you have done before, so it is not needed) will only open up the opportunity to falsely convince yourself otherwise.

Yeah, I think my strategy is pretty similar. Sometimes I will say something to myself like "Thanks for the suggestion, but I"m not going to do that right now." Other times, it seems like my brain is worried that I'm "missing out" on seeing someone super attractive or something, and I'll just say "It doesn't matter," just to remind myself that I'm not actually losing anything by abstaining. Sometimes I say it out loud. But, for the most part, I do just try to take thought out of it and to focus my attention on something else, sometimes the sensation of the urge (but that can sometimes make it feel stronger) but mostly my breath. Without attention, the urges die away eventually. Attention, whether we're flirting with them or shouting at them, usually just makes them stronger.

Sorry to hear about the restart, but a fresh start is always an exciting opportunity to do something new/better. Don't forget to take care of yourself!