Author Topic: Free At Last  (Read 73944 times)

achilles heel

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #750 on: April 17, 2020, 12:09:52 AM »
Day 9

Weekend is here and I woke up to sexual dreams, not porn dreams, which is a maybe a good sign. Cravings are increasing and I have to be very cautious. Still I feel more dedicated than ever and will leave this behind once and for all!

faenoe

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #751 on: April 17, 2020, 12:13:32 AM »
That is good to hear! You are strong enough to overcome this and you will. I believe that you can do it. Your commitment to change is strong but remember that you also have this community to turn to when you need help! If you find yourself stuck in a rut you can't get out of, get on the forum. Remind yourself what you're fighting against. Read our journals. Do whatever it takes. You got this.

achilles heel

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #752 on: April 21, 2020, 04:03:03 PM »
Day 1

Everything went well until a girl (former 'friend with benefit') sent me a lingerie pic out of nowhere. She is in a relationship so that caught me totally off guard. We used to have a heavy sexting relation, but I didn't cut contact because she's in a relationship for 4 months yet. After falling back into the porn abyss for the last three days I cut contact and blocked her, also am cleaning up my 'unhealthy' contacts.

I should also admit that after a month clean I had the desire to do coke on Friday and it turned into a long binge with heavy depression afterwards. Right into the depression I received the picture.

I want to quit both, porn and cocaine. Doing coke makes me vulnerable for a porn relapse afterwards and the negative effects of both are way worse than the temporary high.

Circumstances have never been more difficult for quitting, but I need better preparation. Will sort out any sexting risk out of my contacts as that's my easiest way into relapsing.

achilles heel

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #753 on: April 22, 2020, 09:54:25 AM »
Day 2

It's hard to start again and gain motivation, but I think I am prepared better this time.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #754 on: April 22, 2020, 07:57:32 PM »
Hey, man, sorry to hear you hit a rough spot. This time is messing with everyone, and I think people fighting addiction are dealing with an extra hard fight right now.

Every relapse can be a teacher. I know I'm learning from the last one I had. I hate that it happened, but I'm grateful to be learning from it. You definitely are better prepared because you have more experience and wisdom than before. As long as you're learning, your progressing.

We've got this!

achilles heel

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #755 on: April 26, 2020, 03:22:20 PM »
Thank you very much, Blue! So far I am on...

Day 6

...and doing really well! I've been very productive this weekend and made it through without much trouble. From now on I will write every day, even if it's just a short entry as this one. Made some changes that will hopefully help me finally leaving this addiction behind.

Hablablos

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #756 on: April 27, 2020, 05:55:50 AM »
Hello Achilles, I am glad that you are doing well, just continue even those days when they won't feel great.

Day 2

It's hard to start again and gain motivation, but I think I am prepared better this time.
About motivation I discovered one quote years ago, but suits me fine even these days:
"Fuck motivation. It's a fickle and unreliable and isn't worth your time. Better to cultivate habits, than rely on motivation. Force yourself to do things. Force yourself to get out of bed and practice. Force yourself to work. Motivation is fleeting and easy to rely on because it requires no concentrated efford to get. Motivation comes to you, you don't even have to chase after it. Habits are reliable. Motivation is fleeting."

Just keep going, you are doing great. And even short entry helps!  ;)
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

Learn from mistakes of others, life is too short to do them all by yourself

Porn addiction is the best thing that has happened to me

Abr20

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #757 on: April 27, 2020, 10:13:59 AM »
Hello Achilles, I am glad that you are doing well, just continue even those days when they won't feel great.

Day 2

It's hard to start again and gain motivation, but I think I am prepared better this time.
About motivation I discovered one quote years ago, but suits me fine even these days:
"Fuck motivation. It's a fickle and unreliable and isn't worth your time .Better to cultivate habits, than rely on motivation. Force yourself to do things. Force yourself to get out of bed and practice. Force yourself to work. Motivation is fleeting and easy to rely on because it requires no concentrated efford to get. Motivation comes to you, you don't even have to chase after it. Habits are reliable. Motivation is fleeting."

Just keep going, you are doing great. And even short entry helps!  ;)

Hey! Great words.

I'm in day 19 and I can express my road in these words: "Fuck motivation. It's a fickle and unreliable and isn't worth your time".

The days I wake up motivated are rare. But I follow my routine (which is my habit).

I always feel better and can make more sensible choices for my development.

I'm holding on tight to get to see new paths. For now just one day at a time to get out of that hole.

Cheers!

faenoe

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #758 on: April 27, 2020, 03:17:35 PM »
hey achilles sorry to hear about that girl. The odds are so incredibly stacked against us with porn being rampant on every social media platform and more accessible than food. I remember surrendering my streak many times to getting porn bot spammed on social media. It really sucks man. Unfortunately, I don't think that will ever change. But we can rise up stronger. Keep on going man.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #759 on: April 27, 2020, 07:28:18 PM »
That's almost a week! Congratulations, man!

It's true what Hablablos said about motivation. I don't usually realize it, but I usually only start wanting to do a thing when I'm in the process of doing it. It's probably not just me, but I have such a hard time starting things. Once I get started, though, it's a lot easier to keep things going.

You've got a week of good energy behind you now. Just keep at it! Posting here daily, even short stuff, is definitely one habit that will keep you going.

achilles heel

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #760 on: April 28, 2020, 04:05:13 PM »
Thank you so much for your overwhelming support, guys, it really means a lot to me and helped me in an incredible way!  :) - this weekend I will take my time to read through your stories, because - and that's good news - I am very busy!

It's already:

Day 8

First week complete, now heading towards the second weekend. Have been very, very productive so far and force myself to work out at home every night before going to bed now. Skipped my entry here yesterday, but I guess it was okay as I avoided any kind of trouble keeping myself busy.

Have to go back to the daily success: Next goal is another day without porn!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #761 on: April 28, 2020, 06:58:44 PM »
Daily successes are the way to go! It's awesome to hear that you're staying busy in a good way and moving along.

Here's to Day 9!

achilles heel

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #762 on: June 21, 2020, 05:00:04 PM »
Day 1

Just completed a new day 1. Not much success lately, no positive perspective, no motivation to go it alone. I need to take this problem serious again and work on recovery, this is a serious restart once again and I feel motivated to leave my addiction behind.

At least some good news: Over 2 months without drugs aside from alcohol.

Do or die

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Re: Free At Last
« Reply #763 on: June 21, 2020, 11:33:52 PM »
Best luck bro
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.