Author Topic: Uk65tantra  (Read 4876 times)

hope2reboot

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #125 on: August 13, 2019, 08:32:44 PM »
Way to go cranm! Stay diligent. I too woke up early with the same experience and thoughts. Keep going....we can do this!

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #126 on: August 19, 2019, 10:50:00 AM »
3 weeks clean
Emotional flatline with irritability. This third reboot feels different to others. Really no interest in anything s.....l outside marriage.

BigMog

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #127 on: August 19, 2019, 02:28:10 PM »
Keep going cranm! I can relate to the irritability. In my case it’s just part of my brain wanting a fix. We just need to ride it out and keep the main goal in mind.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #128 on: August 30, 2019, 10:55:58 AM »
One month in:
Dead to old way of thinking and believing. Have denied,  given up and destroyed the monster from the Id*.  Absolutely no interest in porn (the monster) because it can no longer feed on negative emotions.
*Forbidden Planet 1950s movie.
« Last Edit: August 30, 2019, 11:00:38 AM by cranm329 »

Iloveicecream

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #129 on: August 31, 2019, 10:49:10 AM »
one month is excellent!!!!! awesome!!!

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #130 on: September 10, 2019, 02:31:02 PM »
6 weeks no PM
Getting used to being dead to P. Almost enjoying the freedom to live without addictive behaviour.

workinprogressUK

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #131 on: September 13, 2019, 11:13:21 AM »
If you can continue to avoid and prevent negative emotions, you really have achieved something to be cherished. Wishing you a great weekend.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #132 on: September 16, 2019, 12:18:16 PM »
Thanks WiPUK. Hope you've had a good one too

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #133 on: September 16, 2019, 12:24:05 PM »
7 weeks clean.
Potential trigger today on daytime TV....nothing. Could have been watching Mickey Mouse. Continuing moment by moment assertion of my monster's death. For me, it is working. Must not be tricked by memories and mental programming.

workinprogressUK

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #134 on: September 16, 2019, 05:03:14 PM »
i always admire your clarity of focus.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #135 on: October 03, 2019, 07:57:23 PM »
2 months porn free.
Losing sight of the old ways and the smoking remnants of the dead monster. Still bad memories but mindfulness and living in the now deals with them. PIED gone, in fact so much so that it becomes intense and overwhelming at times. Not complaining. Amazing what the free mid 60s body can do.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #136 on: October 14, 2019, 08:55:40 PM »
10 weeks or thereabouts. No P. Some gentle M at night. O only with marital sex. I have disconnected ('killed') the addiction (' monster') from my conscious life. Therefore only the memories remain. It is now a matter of will not emotion. What used to be triggering now has no interest or charm. I see sex and my involvement in it in a clear, unpolluted way. No more inferiority based envy. No more narcissism and selfishness. The way is open to unending freedom.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #137 on: October 21, 2019, 02:53:33 PM »
Weekly report. Dealing with memories and feelings of regret relating to betraying wife's trust, lying and infidelity. Reflecting on my release from the monster's grip. In biblical terms it was demonic. I no longer accept that view of the invasive unclean spirit. I am indwelt by The Spirit who is Clean. It is Love that 'delivers' us from the 'unclean' stuff that led to PMO in the first place...a lack of love when it was needed or, worse, abuse by others.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #138 on: November 03, 2019, 05:03:49 PM »
Still PMO free. Lost track of how long. Sounds callous but I have also forgotten the dates when close relatives died. Part of me has died with them and doesn't want to remember. Similar to P addiction; I have died to it and it has died to me. For me, the fighting and struggling is over. Death is final and irreversible. Just some memories remain but distraction and mindfulness deal with them. I am not unaware of the pain that led to to the addiction and that many guys on here have their own psychological pain. I have spent so long (40+ years) in PMO's grip and have relapsed so many times that the only way is, metaphorically speaking, down - like in to the grave. No place for feelings of superiority or success in the afterlife. For the record, I am not promoting literal suicide.
Maybe others will find an allegorical story that will be a breakthrough for them. To repeat (in case it helps someone else) mine was the penultimate scene in the movie 'Forbidden Planet' when Dr Morbius finally faces the ( his) monster from the Id. It (he) had destroyed so much in his life and kept coming through obstacles and every human effort, like PMO had done in my life. He raises his hands in surrender and shouts " I deny you; I give you up!" and then collapses. The (his) monster simultaneously fades out of reality. That, for me, was the only way to address an (my) addiction.
I would like to see the power source (industry) of P. disappear in a flash like in the final scene in the movie. It is naive to believe that that will happen in reality. Maybe if we all can experience the true wonder and pleasure of sex as it is intended to be the industry will also fade out.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #139 on: November 19, 2019, 04:26:18 PM »
Just over 120 days no P. Ego mind still has memories and regrets. Anger and depression like bereavement. Apologies to anyone who has lost a loved one or friend; my emotional troubles are comparatively inconsequential. Continuing to believe, not hope, that the Id monster is dead. It is no longer 'I' who lives but the Divine who lives in me.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2019, 04:42:17 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #140 on: December 03, 2019, 04:13:44 PM »
4 months no P.
Sailed close to the wind by looking at acupuncture meridians on models. Triggers can occur in unexpected ways. Discussed with wife who is amazingly supportive.
Studying attachment disorder. Pretty sure that it is a root of my problem

Gracie

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #141 on: Today at 12:50:32 PM »
If attachment is an issue,  read this book with your wife.  My husband and I took turns reading it aloud every night and talked about what we were were reading.  Amazing!

Johnson, S.M. (2008) Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. New York: Little Brown

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #142 on: Today at 01:49:33 PM »
Thanks. Will look into it.