Author Topic: Uk65tantra  (Read 2724 times)

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #100 on: July 15, 2019, 03:59:08 PM »
Day 0:
Starting another PM free reboot. The last 2 weeks have been a nightmare. Urges every day. Misused sex related literature which is essentially using P. Kept busy in good weather today. Resumed tai chi. However bad the withdrawal symptoms are and however long they last I am going to tough it out day by day.. I deeply respect all you guys who are going through this and worse. Great encouragement and  privilege to share on RN.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #101 on: July 16, 2019, 03:50:03 PM »
Day 1: No PMO
A weird day. Derealisation and depersonalisation feelings. Blunt emotions. Like bereavement. I will never see a @#$€ again. Numbness. It has gone. Id is dead. Like I will never walk on the Moon. Others have. It is there in the sky like P. is on the keypad but unobtainable.The first day of getting used to all this. The number days ahead is far less than those behind. Got to make them count.

switched_off_again

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #102 on: July 16, 2019, 04:50:21 PM »
"Like bereavement" - totally identify with these early day feelings. It's short-lived though. Stay strong.
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #103 on: July 16, 2019, 05:39:27 PM »
Thanks SOA
« Last Edit: July 16, 2019, 05:40:59 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #104 on: July 17, 2019, 02:52:50 PM »
Day 2: No PMO
Slightly easier than yesterday but have to keep occupied and distracted. Today, I realised how dangerous, destructive and disgusting my former behaviour was and where it could have led. That is all dead and I am dead to it.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #105 on: July 18, 2019, 04:47:21 PM »
Day 3: No PMO
Discovering something new every day. I felt threatened and angry about a joke posted on FB with sexual theme. It was amusing but I reacted and blocked her posts. This is not me. Maybe this is the chrysalis stage of my life after 50 years of crawling around like a caterpillar eating the leaves of distorted, loveless sex. Cannot wait to emerge as a butterfly and fly into an added dimension of life in fulfilled love with the nectar of guilt free sexual intimacy.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #106 on: July 20, 2019, 03:48:49 PM »
Day 5: no problems
Managed to resist minor urge yesterday when home alone with internet access. First opportunity for a long time. I did not give in.

Jay2019

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #107 on: July 20, 2019, 05:34:18 PM »
I'm just embarking on my reboot.  I signed up today, after acting out  - and after 25 years of this shit - so I'm not even on day one, but I want to say I'm a little bit inspired by your resisting temptation even in the early stages of your reboot.  Thanks for posting.  Stay strong.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #108 on: July 21, 2019, 03:04:02 PM »
Day 6:
Thanks Jay2019. All the best through the difficult first few days
No PMO today. Minimal urges or temptations. MW intense. Transient chaser effect but manageable.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #109 on: July 22, 2019, 04:36:01 PM »
1 week no PMO
Straightforward day. No urges or triggers. Still sense an emptiness and sadness inside. After 60 years it's time to move on.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #110 on: July 24, 2019, 05:16:31 PM »
Rebooting again. Newspaper and TV triggers

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #111 on: July 28, 2019, 06:40:51 AM »
Another complete disclosure yesterday after reading a psychology article about lying. Lies are destructive to trust and to the liar.
Now rebooting with no PM and no lies whatsoever. Agreed to:
Explore counselling
Immediate disclosure of triggers and urges.
Be available to discuss relationship issues truthfully and openly.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2019, 06:43:04 AM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #112 on: July 29, 2019, 03:21:27 PM »
Day 1: No PMO
Real struggle keeping mind focussed and dealing with negative emotions. Hopefully this will pass after first week or so.

jixu

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #113 on: July 29, 2019, 07:34:28 PM »
It will pass.  Keep going friend, you know it is worth it.  We are all at Day 1. 

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #114 on: August 01, 2019, 04:45:43 AM »
Day 4: No PMO
This openness is unnerving. Nowhere to hide. No safety net. Complete vulnerability.
Discussed fantasies v reality yesterday. P. is real but the watcher receives it as fantasy. Like dreaming while awake. Stay in the 'now'. What I have seen and felt in the past is gone, unreal and therefore fantasy. What may come is also fantasy.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #115 on: August 02, 2019, 03:31:51 PM »
Day 5: All clear.
Using full range of 'techniques' to cope with a P free life. Constant alertness and awareness of 'now'.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #116 on: August 03, 2019, 03:20:48 PM »
Day 6: No PM
No problems today. New month, new moon, new hope.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #117 on: August 07, 2019, 03:38:41 PM »
Day 10: No PM

workinprogressUK

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #118 on: August 08, 2019, 06:05:24 AM »
Wishing you strength, cranm. You know where you want to go and you have your processes. Stay strong and be gentle with yourself.

mranoym31

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #119 on: August 08, 2019, 06:23:49 AM »
Very well done. You are an inspiration. Keep up the good work!
AUGUST 3RD 2019

hope2reboot

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #120 on: August 10, 2019, 03:42:49 PM »
Keep going cranm. You can do this!

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #121 on: August 11, 2019, 01:35:24 PM »
Thanks guys
2 weeks. No PM.
Going into the depressed loss reaction phase. Gotta stay strong.

hope2reboot

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #122 on: August 11, 2019, 07:10:30 PM »
Way to cranm! I’m also at two weeks and think I’m going through the same. Be strong, we can do this. Congrats!! As our brains reboot it’ll get easier.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #123 on: August 12, 2019, 11:25:05 AM »
Thanks Hope2reboot. Real encouragement. All the best to you for the next week.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #124 on: August 13, 2019, 03:35:48 PM »
Day 16: No PO
Variable libido. No urges today. Waking early with *****. Must be careful not to self pleasure and artificially get dopamine high.