Author Topic: Uk65tantra  (Read 3480 times)

cranm329

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Uk65tantra
« on: March 12, 2019, 09:48:46 AM »
Joined today. 45y of addiction and  previous SSA issues.
Married. Both using tantric approach to P. and desensitisation effects with early signs of recovery.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2019, 11:52:05 AM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2019, 05:51:25 PM »
End of Day 1:
No P or M. I will not report O. as private to relationship and unhelpful in this forum. Tantric O.  is different experience to that in intentional climax anyway, so irrelevant to PMO record.

workinprogressUK

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2019, 09:09:27 AM »
I will not report O. as private to relationship and unhelpful in this forum. Tantric O.  is different experience to that in intentional climax anyway, so irrelevant to PMO record.

It's your recovery and nobody else's right? Report it however you want to.... as long as you're not using.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2019, 11:52:31 AM »
Thanks. I might mention the O element later if it would help others. It is fundamental to the tantric approach that we have taken to my addiction problem.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2019, 03:50:24 PM »
 Day 2: No PM.
Woke up aroused after dreams. Not able to spend time together because visitors came early.
Lunchtime meeting was source of anxiety but went positively. No urges.
Exercise with friends in afternoon was good and helpful distraction.
Did not go in changing rooms at sports centre or look at other users.
Tired in evening; danger time in past. Will do tai chi while wife watches TV.

40-yearsOnVideoPorn

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2019, 06:31:02 PM »
May I ask how the Tantric O is different? Is this an O where the prana energy is not outwardly released but instead held within the pranayama circuit, drawn upward through the spine to higher centers as in Kundalini Yoga? This is done while in relationship and in the embrace of one’s lover? Correct?

Is this practice of spiritual O what you are referring to?

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2019, 07:19:29 PM »
Basically yes. Tantric (slow) sex. O without ejac. Takes practice (great fun too )
Gradual healing of friction induced insensitivity and O based intention problems
« Last Edit: March 13, 2019, 07:26:45 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2019, 04:01:42 PM »
 :)
Day 3: No PM
Another tricky, hard night. Woke up and had to consciously keep hands off.
Stayed busy & occupied through day. Active sport session again this afternoon helped burn off some physical and mental energy.
Kept eyes on ball at sports centre.
More tai chi this evening to spread sexual energy round microcosmic orbit. This should move chakra energy from root and sacral centres to heart and head. Don't understand how it works or helps. Even if it is just mind over matter it definitely feels better afterwards.
« Last Edit: March 14, 2019, 04:42:05 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2019, 04:10:15 PM »
Day 4: No PM
'Hard' start to the day. Had a very good morning and nearly managed to keep control at the last moment.
Takes a lot of practice. Felt present throughout with no distractions or fantasy thoughts.
Nice to go out for meal midday.
Sport again with friends. No triggers or distractions.
More tai chi tonight. Definitely feel more energetic and mentally balanced. This and eating better diet with increased nitrite & nitrate have improved my sexual function and reduced the need to look for outside stimulation.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2019, 05:13:10 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2019, 12:46:09 PM »
Day 5: No PM
Another disclosure discussion this morning. Not easy for either of us.
Past events (my acting out) clarified. Realised more of deep impact of childhood experiences. Agreed to use internet devices only when wife is present as added protection.
Wet windy day causing cabin fever so pressure washed car. Menial activities can be a,useful distraction.
No triggers but feel unsettled by this morning's talk.
Amazing bath last night. It's good to appreciate one another.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2019, 12:57:49 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2019, 01:17:33 PM »
Day 6: No PM
Fairly stress free day. No triggers or major urges. Tired  because we discussed some heavy stuff in bed up to 1am. Not a good idea. Keep bed and meal times free of important issues.
Up relatively early for sport so no intimacy. Libido all over the place. Feels like jungle warfare with my brain being a hidden sniper waiting to take an addiction shot at any moment.
Keep body & mind active. Vigilance with eyes front.
Tai chi with Chinese music seemed to help with focus, relaxation and positivity. Feels a bit like having night vision. Able to spot enemy mental impulses before they get strong enough to do harm.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2019, 05:44:31 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #11 on: March 18, 2019, 03:07:47 PM »
Day 7: No PM
Libido and mood getting lower. Guess this is flat lining. Must be careful that I don't get triggered when feeling like this. Flashes and flickers of temptation mainly on TV. Cannot be bothered to respond. Not interested any more. Sex is no longer 'out there' in other people's lives. P was so invasive breaking through the barriers of other people's privacy even if they were deliberately opening up their sex lives to others.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #12 on: March 19, 2019, 03:55:23 PM »
Day 8: No PM
Good day. More exercise than usual. I have a target to reach a certain level in a sport by the end of the year. Aiming for this achievement really helps focus and self esteem. Now understanding why I had SSA; admiring and idolising other men due to validation failure as a youngster. Never believed that I 'have what it takes'. Now I know that my manhood can only be expressed through loving my wife. Sex is one (important) part of that. The physical details are irrelevant. Nothing to compare or prove any more. The PIV experience is no longer intentional and forced. So difficult to re-learn after 50 years of mistaken sexual expression.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2019, 06:40:50 PM »
Day 9: No PM
Good day but hard waking up. Extra nitrate a in diet seems to improve function. When it happens naturally the desire for P decreases.
The body and brain have immense power of regeneration if treated sensibly and sensitively. The rebooting mood changes are getting less severe and more predictable. The physical side is improving slowly and the responses are changing for the better.
Seem to be on the right track at last...but no complacency.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2019, 05:30:00 AM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2019, 07:21:45 AM »
Day 10: No PM
Just started reading YBOP on Kindle. Amazing! Never realised how widespread or devastating the PMO condition is. A modern world tragedy.
Encouragement to rethink and reboot permanently. I never wanted the P and was never, at heart, SSA. The whole of the last 50y of my life has been corrupted by insecurity and lies. Well, I hope I have at least another 25y to live in freedom, self security and sexual bliss. This is the first day of the rest of my real life. Tomorrow will be the same but better.
Unexpected intimacy this afternoon. Bit rushed due to time available. Previously ED was a problem in day time. Not now.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2019, 03:27:00 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #15 on: March 22, 2019, 06:19:48 PM »
Day 11: No PM
Started the day with an extended time of intimacy. This tantric approach is not only very pleasurable but healing too. No temptations, urges or triggers today.
Some stress meeting up with former colleagues and friends but all went well and no  thoughts of trying to relieve the anxiety with P.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2019, 03:11:48 PM »
Day 12:: No PM
Tough day. Many minor stresses. Plenty of space for relapse. I didn't.
Made worse when realised that wife doesn't trust me. How can she now or in future when there is such a history of betrayal and perceived rejection? Painful but helpful ( I hope) 'discussion' She is now quiet. Anything I say is interpreted as typical of addictive behaviour.Let's hope it clears overnight.
Must be super vigilant and on guard when feeling like this or might try the old painkiller/reward system of relapse. I will not give in.
Glad that I'm not superstitious because it's day 13 tomorrow.

40-yearsOnVideoPorn

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #17 on: March 23, 2019, 06:54:51 PM »
Just be patient with her. My wife didn’t speak to me for 6 months once. Only when she absolutely had too. It was awful. I just gave her space and stayed completely sincere in every respect and eventually one day we had it out in a verbal discussion, when she was ready and I couldn’t take it anymore. We came to terms and she began to respect me again, because I’m a decent man, otherwise not perfect.

The line that turned the tide for me was when she said that I am an idiot. “Well, if I am such an awful man, why did you marry me then? What does that say about you that you chose to marry such an idiot? What does that make you?”

She thought about and started to view me with more respect after that, and treat me more humanely. Our marriage has never been perfect but we make good life-partners.

I feel your pain. Just sharing my story in hopes it might help. Women think they own a man’s every thought and microscopic sperm but that’s just their craziness and possessive jealously and insecurity. We have man-craziness too. Eventually, if she really loves you and understands that you genuinely love her, and if marriage vows are sacred, she’ll come around.

best of luck to you,
keep those clean days adding up!
40
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 06:56:47 PM by 40-yearsOnVideoPorn »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #18 on: March 24, 2019, 03:12:53 PM »
Thanks 40. Really helpful insight and support.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #19 on: March 24, 2019, 03:29:45 PM »
Day 13: No PM
Today went better than I expected. Sorted out some more stuff today and we understand one another more.
Unexpectedly, we had a really close experience this afternoon. Re-learning intimate touching. It doesn't have to lead to O. Genuinely believe that it was a time of healing past damage and negative events.
Reading YBOP. Helpful but getting challenged by the frank and graphic style. Had to divert mind off imagining some of the sexual accounts. Whatever, it's what I need.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #20 on: March 25, 2019, 02:54:09 PM »
Day 14: No PM
2 weeks clear. Good day. I realise that this is going to be a long haul.
Need to focus on self improvement and mindfulness.  ::)
« Last Edit: March 25, 2019, 05:46:32 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #21 on: March 26, 2019, 04:07:51 AM »
Day 15:
Wife out this morning. She will take my mobile/cell phone and the modem/router connectors with her as we have agreed and done in the past. This time, I will keep my tablet and read more of YBOP. Another step forward in rebuilding trust and strengthening my resolve.
No interest in looking at P. or getting the excitement or acting like a naughty child, as in the past.
Wonderful hour of intimacy this morning before she went out. Lovely feeling of well-being rather than the old exhaustion after discharge.
Did tai chi at home which seemed to distract from old memories and patterns of behaviour.
Went outside (as recommended in YBOP) and did some gentle manual work. Again refreshing and therapeutic. Decided not to go for a swim....have to be careful with changing rooms where the adolescent imprinting started. Thankful that we didn't have smartphones in the 60s.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2019, 11:47:58 AM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #22 on: March 27, 2019, 03:59:05 PM »
Day 16: No PM
Learning to practice what's in YBOP.  Busy day. Plenty of exercise.
Resisted mild temptations. Must not be complacent. Some chaser effect after non-O time together this morning.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2019, 05:32:28 PM by cranm329 »

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #23 on: March 28, 2019, 05:09:17 PM »
Day 17: No PM
Mixed feelings today. Woke feeling very 'interested' but both tired and aching after several days of sports.
No urges. Gardening was a good way of getting outside and burning off some energy.
Awkward incident in sports hall this afternoon. Wife said that my eyes were on others nearby. I did notice them playing racquet sports and exercises but (unlike a few years ago) had no lustful thoughts. She feels nervous that I may be retaining negative behaviours. Difficult to know what your mind is doing when rebooting. Am I just fooling myself? Perhaps the conditioning is so deep that my mind is programmed into using sex ray vision on other people.
Eyes front again! It's early days for this totally clean streak.

cranm329

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Re: Uk65tantra
« Reply #24 on: March 29, 2019, 04:41:45 PM »
Day 18: No PM
Started the day the best way you can IMO. Learning to go slow and experience tantric O.
Driving for most of day so mind occupied.