Author Topic: Exodus  (Read 8570 times)

workinprogressUK

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #125 on: June 17, 2019, 07:09:24 AM »
Sincere congrats, Moses. You've worked soooo hard to make this change. Hat's off to you, Sir. Wishing you every success for the future.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #126 on: June 24, 2019, 05:05:34 AM »
99 days clean now. The other day I was really tempted to go visit a site again but various things such as my blocker kept me from it. I am not counting it as a relapse because I never actually did anything and came to my senses. After being without porn for so long it no longer holds the appeal for me that it used to.

jixu

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #127 on: June 25, 2019, 05:39:36 AM »
Looks like 100 days by now for you-very impressive, but built on a lot of hard work.  Good job, and keep going!

jixu

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #128 on: July 08, 2019, 07:06:25 AM »
Bueller?......Bueller?.....Bueller?    What is going on Moses?  How is it going?

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #129 on: July 17, 2019, 03:52:53 AM »
I relapsed some this weekend. I reset my timer and am on day 3 now, The thing I found out is that porn no longer holds an attraction for me, it doesn't turn me on like it used to, I see how fake it is. There was no specific trigger. I think it will be a long time before I am tempted to look at it again.

jixu

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #130 on: July 17, 2019, 05:44:37 PM »
It's all about today and moving forward.  You have made a huge stride toward the goal-good job and keep going!

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #131 on: September 04, 2019, 07:52:42 AM »
I am in  a good place today. Just watching Netflix and relaxing.

jixu

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #132 on: September 04, 2019, 01:46:23 PM »
Glad to hear from you and nice to know that you are in a good place and doing alright.  Keep fighting.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #133 on: September 04, 2019, 07:18:15 PM »
Thank you for the kind words jixu

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #134 on: September 13, 2019, 05:32:09 PM »
I am a little twmpted to visit a site right now but I know what that leads to and am able to resist temptation.

workinprogressUK

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #135 on: September 16, 2019, 05:12:25 AM »
Hope you stay resistant, Moses. Porn is not an option.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #136 on: October 04, 2019, 06:02:36 AM »
I am not sure how many days I am porn free now. Does it matter? At least a month. I have a different phone now without any counters on it. I am going to put a counter on it this morning. Life is so much better without porn.

Chicagocold

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #137 on: October 29, 2019, 05:59:19 PM »
MosesY, great story and glad to hear you made it for over a month.  It's great to hear from other guys going through the same clean - relapse - clean cycle and not giving up.  Life without porn is definitely better.  It's great to hear you working through your social anxiety too.  Being out of your house and around others helps. 

Just be careful and never let your guard down completely.  I've been through several, long reboot attempts prior to getting on this site.  All were 3-5 months completely clean.  By then you should be good right?  Wrong!  Life was better and my mind had settled way down.  I felt calmer and more dominant.  Eased up on stupid behavior like road rage, wanting to fight, obsessing over girls butts.  Sex life was good.  Morning wood...check.  Each time I failed because I let my guard down, specifically on small triggers.  Clicking on that stupid link with bikini photos of some celebrity.  Clicking on an ad for women's underwear to see the picture in higher resolution.  Even when doing these mindless, almost meaningless things I knew deep down that there is no reason to do it.  Since I took that step it allowed my subconscious to subtly justify taking the next step which was actively seeking out photos.  You can guess where it went from there.   

At the point of clicking on the first photos it would have been so easy to turn back.  A quick "this is dumb.  What's the purpose?" and I would have shut it down and moved on.  Easy.  A few weeks later when I was about to click on one of the videos that used to really get me going and letting my hands wander, it was like turning an aircraft carrier.  Going back after all the relapses and figuring out what went wrong I came to the same conclusion - I thought I was "cured" and let my guard down.  The relapse built for weeks in tiny, easily "justifiable as okay" steps.  Each one broke down a little more resistance to getting back to PMO. 

Stay strong. 

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #138 on: January 18, 2020, 05:12:48 AM »
I am clean now for 139 days, over 4 months. Things are going very well currently. I feel better about myself, plus i have a lot more money now that I am not spending it on cam girls.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #139 on: January 23, 2020, 10:20:51 AM »
I am 144 days clean now. I am home sick today, planning on spending the day watching Netflix and TV. I had my first morning wood this morning, very different.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #140 on: February 04, 2020, 06:37:22 AM »
I am 156 days clean now. This weekend I plan on  buying a dinner at Chili's and then lighting a lantern and enjoying a nice cigar and a double of Black Velvet to celebrate.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #141 on: February 08, 2020, 03:41:08 AM »
I am clean for 160 days now. Today i have a bunch of chores and in the afternoon am going to a coin store with my room mate.

jixu

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #142 on: February 10, 2020, 09:48:24 AM »
It is nice to hear from you again and to learn of your great job in the battle!  Hope you can get a chance to pass along some insights you learned and to continue posting.   

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #143 on: February 15, 2020, 08:02:26 AM »
Thank you for the kind words. I am 167 days porn free now. I could not do this without help from a higher power. My higher power is the Biblical God. I am not quitting on my own, I have His help. I will receive $1000 tax refund on the 20th and then will be the true test wwhether I can resist the cam girls or not.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #144 on: February 18, 2020, 06:00:27 AM »
I am 170 days free from porn now. Things are going well, I am not tempted much to look at porn. Whenever I am tempted I log in here snd read some of the journals and the temptation goes away.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #145 on: February 29, 2020, 06:33:54 AM »
On Februaty 1 I looked at a little porn. I was not going to reset my counter because it wad such a small relapse but I decided to anyway so now I am 29 days free from porn. I have not spent any of my tax refund on porn. I feel pretty good today, no temptation to look at porn.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #146 on: March 07, 2020, 09:02:08 PM »
I am 35 days fee from porn now. I am enjoying life immensely. I say 35 days fee from porn but it is really more like 6 months. In the past 6 months I have looked at 2 little bits of porn, as opposed to looking at porn every night. This has made a tremendous difference in my dopamine levels and thus my enjoyment of life.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #147 on: March 26, 2020, 08:45:35 PM »
I am 54 days free from porn now. I fell asleep in my recliner in front of the TV about 5:30 and woke up at 8:30. I think I will stay up the rest of the night and watch Netflix. I had a really good week at work this week and am looking forward to the weekend.

MosesY

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #148 on: April 04, 2020, 03:15:50 AM »
I am porn free for 63 days now. Yesterday was a good day, sat out in the garage with my roommate. We had cigars and some black velvet. The quarantine is getting too me. I am still working but not being able to get out and socialize on the weekends is a trigger for me. Right now the cam girls are not a temptation for me but I am concerned because I have a lot of money right now and it would be so easy to just spend $20. On the other hand I know the guilt that would follow, having to restart my counter, admitting my failure here, and I think I will just play with my Coleman lanterns instead.

joepanic

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Re: Exodus
« Reply #149 on: April 04, 2020, 07:50:00 AM »
Hey MosesY

     Cigars and Black Velvel  what a great combination.  Yes the quarenteen is getting to many people   myself included.  I should really call it self isolation I suppose as up in Canada we are alowed to go out as long as your not in a risk group  where you need to spend 14 days at home (which we all did as we had to pull my daughter out of a highschool exchange program  in Germany a few weeks ago)  At the moment we are only leaving the house  to get groceries and its usually only 1 of us  and were not having any visitors. But we will make the best of it.     Glad to see your doing well in your fight.  I am currently I think at abluot day 115 or something  after 35 years of  either porn or chatrooms etc.   I dont  feel the pull for porn at all  anymore and the chatroom  still enters my mind but it is becoming less of an issue  everyday  as it seems to enter my mind less and less each day.   Maybe you need to find some way to put your extra cash  somewhere where it is locked away for 30 days or 90 days or something.  Most banks offer some sort of bond which you could buy  using  your net banking   They are usually a safehaven for investing  dont cost anything to buy  and its short term   Might be a good idea to make some calls if that one of your worries.  Once that worry is gone you can move forward  oin other areas of growth or healing.  Just a thought

      Cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you