Author Topic: Dating sites while rebooting  (Read 652 times)

AlexthenotsoGreat

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Dating sites while rebooting
« on: March 04, 2019, 06:06:40 AM »
I would like to know your thoughts on using dating sites while rebooting. I'm not a very athletic person, so I don't usually get a lot of scantily clad women in my feed, but I'm wondering if others have had bad cravings because of dating sites. Tinder is of course off limits for obvious reasons. 

DoneAtLast

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Re: Dating sites while rebooting
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2019, 06:47:15 PM »
It wasn't good for me.  The pictures might be tame, but the patterns are porn like.  Clicking through profiles, multiple tabs, all of that.  There is also an emotional roller coaster of who will respond and who won't, but that could be largely specific to me.  Dating related anxiety was a porn trigger for me and I suspect it is for many people, but it isn't necessarily one for everyone.

AlexthenotsoGreat

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Re: Dating sites while rebooting
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2019, 03:59:11 AM »
It wasn't good for me.  The pictures might be tame, but the patterns are porn like.  Clicking through profiles, multiple tabs, all of that.  There is also an emotional roller coaster of who will respond and who won't, but that could be largely specific to me.

I didn't think about the pattern being similar to porn. That is an obvious red flag. And you're right about the emotional roller coaster.

WoundedSparrow

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Re: Dating sites while rebooting
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2019, 12:59:30 PM »
I suppose there are several variables in the equation, but it can be problematic for the aforementioned reasons above. If you're honestly looking for a relationship and can avoid triggering imagery and feelings, then you should be fine, but every person is different. If you're finding such things to be harmful towards your recovery efforts, then you should cut them out of your life immediately.

AlexthenotsoGreat

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Re: Dating sites while rebooting
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2019, 07:17:39 PM »
Yup, this cinched it for me. I can't handle rejection, and it hampers my recovery, so I'm ending my account today.

DoneAtLast

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Re: Dating sites while rebooting
« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2019, 10:10:12 PM »
Yup, this cinched it for me. I can't handle rejection, and it hampers my recovery, so I'm ending my account today.

Yeah, I don't miss it.

When I first put my toe into the dating website world, it was different.  It was a wonderful thing because it forced men and women to WRITE to each other, to think of things to say, to get to know each other... instead of using instant judgments or cheesy pickup lines or lame flirting, and now it has deteriorated to being worse than anything else.  Really, I think social media is ruining a lot of the ways we socialize not just dating.  I wish I could say I had the ultimate plan for seeking and creating solid relationships in this day and age, but I don't.  I just don't find it online.  YMMV.

AlexthenotsoGreat

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Re: Dating sites while rebooting
« Reply #6 on: March 08, 2019, 02:19:38 AM »
Quote
Really, I think social media is ruining a lot of the ways we socialize not just dating.  I wish I could say I had the ultimate plan for seeking and creating solid relationships in this day and age, but I don't.  I just don't find it online.  YMMV.

Yeah, but I usually have a hard time finding people to date IRL. Part of it has to do with the fact that I'm a Christian, and that's just not considered sexy in Sweden. So dating websites were a good way for me to at least speak with some women I have some things in common with. Now that I'm cutting that out I feel like I'm back on square one. It's not that I'm averse to speaking with women who aren't Christian, but unfortunately in my experience most of the ones I've met were quite shallow and seemed more concerned with how much money I had in my bank account. But I suppose it's for the best to quit the dating sites, never got many responses anyways and the ones that did respond were just plain weird most of the time. Am I the only one who thinks it's much harder to break the ice with women now than it was 10 years ago? I don't know if anything's changed, but they certainly seem quite suspicious a lot of the time, as if we're always hiding something.