Author Topic: facing my worst fears  (Read 1220 times)

Lero

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #25 on: June 01, 2019, 06:42:39 AM »
Hang in there, man. You saw the trigger but you moved on, you didn't give in, which is great. Think about that.

GingerSnap

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #26 on: June 01, 2019, 11:00:24 AM »
Those chicks arent real and a lot of the female streamers arent as hot as you think.  They are just in an environment where there arent any hot chicks.  Go outside and engage in human interaction.  You'll be fine.  Good luck

Johnny Trailer

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #27 on: June 01, 2019, 11:40:02 AM »
Those chicks arent real
what chicks, in hentai porn?
My last relapse: 14. Aug. 2019

zazen

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #28 on: June 04, 2019, 06:53:36 AM »
Quote
Then I thought about what I really want to achieve and closed it
. <---------- huge progress!!
I knew you could do it man!.. believe in you! If you can win over the sensation once, why wouldn't you be able to the next time?
You just told you'r body that YOU are in control. Keep on doing more of this. You got this!..  Going down?,, I think more like you are going down to write a 10-day streak anytime soon. I can see it before me. Keep up the good work buddy and don't get tempted by those tricksters. They are doing nothing good for you. are they?

zazen

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #29 on: June 10, 2019, 04:51:54 PM »
Hey OrangeSpider.
Just checking to see that you are doing well. I'm sure you are just busy with work etc.
Anyhow,.. we are all here to support if needed.

all the best

OrangeSpider

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #30 on: June 16, 2019, 06:43:30 AM »
Hey guys, sorry I've been away, you know how life is... crazy!

Happy fathers day to all you papas out there! May fatherhood motivate us toward cleanliness.

Im doing well. I had one more relapse since last time. Today I'm 11 days clean. I've been trying not to focus so much on the days and just enjoy the journey of being clean, some of you guys advised me towards that and its been making sense. I really hope I can keep on adding days to my belt, 22, 33, 44, 55, 66, 77, 88, 99... But I mainly just want to reap the fruits of being clean, clearer mind, focus on the important things like family, wife, kiddos, beauty, nature...

Quote
Just checking to see that you are doing well.
Thanks Zazen, heres your answer.

I hope to keep on checking in once every few days.

Godspeed to you all in our journey!


OrangeSpider

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #31 on: June 19, 2019, 08:26:41 AM »
2 weeks today. But also, almost went down today, went to youtube looking for some shady videos, saw a few, nothing explicit, but stoped myself then and there. Opened up a book I found some time ago about some puritan prayers, someone recommended to me, and read one, it was pretty good, it made sense to hat I was going through. I will sahre it with you guys, maybe it'll work, maybe not.

O SUPREME MOVING CAUSE

May I always be subordinate to thee,
        be dependent upon thee,
  be found in the path where thou dost walk,
    and where thy Spirit moves,
  take heed of estrangement from thee,
    of becoming insensible to thy love.
Thou dost not move men like stones,
  but dost endue them with life,
  not to enable them to move without thee,
  but in submission to thee, the first mover.
O Lord, I am astonished at the difference
  between my receivings and my deservings,
  between the state I am now in and my past
    gracelessness,
  between the heaven I am bound for and
    the hell I merit.
Who made me to differ, but thee?
  for I was no more ready to receive Christ
    than were others;
I could not have begun to love thee hadst thou not
  first loved me,
  or been willing unless thou hadst first made me so.
O that such a crown should fit the head of such
  a sinner!
  such high advancement be for an unfruitful
    person!
  such joys for so vile a rebel!
Infinite wisdom cast the design of salvation
  into the mould of purchase and freedom;
Let wrath deserved be written on the door of hell,
But the free gift of grace on the gate of heaven.
I know that my sufferings are the result of my
  sinning,
  but in heaven both shall cease;
Grant me to attain this haven and be done
    with sailing,
  and may the gales of thy mercy blow me safely
    into harbour.
Let thy love draw me nearer to thyself,
  wean me from sin, mortify me to this world,
  and make me ready for my departure hence.
Secure me by thy grace as I sail across this
  stormy sea.


https://banneroftruth.org/us/devotional/the-mover/

The last line, the one in bold, is the one that made me think about what I felt this morning, this stormy sea of life and porn addiction.


jixu

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #32 on: June 20, 2019, 05:18:31 AM »
That is a nice serene calming last line; there is a lot of good stuff like that in the Psalms as well, much of it ready-made for daily devotions.  Good job on the two weeks and keep going!

OrangeSpider

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #33 on: June 20, 2019, 08:23:46 AM »
today I went por P, looked for a few minutes, even grabbed my thing. But then had one of those, "what the hell are you doing" moments and backed off.
Man I am so damn weak!
For now I am ok and thinking pretty clearly about not doing that again, I hope it lasts.

Lero

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #34 on: June 20, 2019, 08:48:18 AM »
today I went por P, looked for a few minutes, even grabbed my thing. But then had one of those, "what the hell are you doing" moments and backed off.
Man I am so damn weak!
For now I am ok and thinking pretty clearly about not doing that again, I hope it lasts.

That's good, man. You managed to stop early. Maybe you remember a time when this wasn't possible. If this is true, then you've progressed.

OrangeSpider

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #35 on: June 20, 2019, 04:58:10 PM »
I sure do, for me it was impossible to be "interrupted" once I started my ritual; and today I was able to do that.


OrangeSpider

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #36 on: July 06, 2019, 07:40:06 AM »
Fell off the wagon yesterday. Don't even know how many days it was. And I don't want to even count them, what is it worth!

But here I go again;

zazen

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #37 on: July 08, 2019, 06:05:17 AM »
hey,
what helped me in the beginning was coming here and writing daily.. just if to update the counter and nothing else.
maybe it could be a different approach that would help u.  regards

Greenzebra

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #38 on: July 08, 2019, 10:39:51 AM »
Good work, now you closed it shift your thoughts to somethinf else. Whether its something you need or want to do.

Goodluck today.

funny_bunny

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #39 on: July 09, 2019, 12:11:19 PM »
Hi guys. Don't want to seem rude, but I'm here not with my personal matter... well it's personal, but it doesn't involve me per se. I've a son Brian (14) and recently cought him doing... well you know what I'm talking about (I never knock on the door - stupid habit). The matter is not what he was doin'g, it's totally normal for his age. Obviously he ran out the room all humiliated, I didn't even have time to calm him down. Anyway, the reason I'm writing here is what I saw on the screen of his computer... Well it wasn't porn, it wasn't even naked or barely dressed women... It was a catalog of sports wear with girls his age or even youger. Isn't a boy his age supposed to be attracted to older women?

funny_bunny

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #40 on: July 09, 2019, 12:19:34 PM »
One more thing: I contacted school councelor and she neither soothed nor raised my worries. Since you all have gone through puberty and have personal experience with this matter... should I be worried? I also would like you to take a look at that page. Trust me, it does not pose any threat to an adult, pictures are absolutely harmless https://rg-leotard.com/artistic_gymnastics/artistic_leotards. I apologize for bringing up my problem in this thread, but I don't really have a person to talk to regarding this matter. And you know, it's a lot easier to talk about this stuff with complete strangers. Thanks for any advice.

malando

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #41 on: July 09, 2019, 05:01:38 PM »
Hi guys. Don't want to seem rude, but I'm here not with my personal matter... well it's personal, but it doesn't involve me per se. I've a son Brian (14) and recently cought him doing... well you know what I'm talking about (I never knock on the door - stupid habit). The matter is not what he was doin'g, it's totally normal for his age. Obviously he ran out the room all humiliated, I didn't even have time to calm him down. Anyway, the reason I'm writing here is what I saw on the screen of his computer... Well it wasn't porn, it wasn't even naked or barely dressed women... It was a catalog of sports wear with girls his age or even youger. Isn't a boy his age supposed to be attracted to older women?

Actually it's more normal for young adolescents to be attractive to people their own age. Older women are intimidating and confusing to boys. I wouldn't be concerned about that aspect of what you found - only that he might be in the embryonic stages of developing a porn interest. I would be putting my energies into how you can educate him on the risks and perils of becoming a porn user.

OrangeSpider

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #42 on: July 10, 2019, 08:24:15 AM »
still holding on, 5 days gone, still strong, obviously the hard days are the one coming on. I hope I can keep my eyes on the prize, free from this slavery.

funny_bunny, I agree with Malandos words, hope that helps you out man.
Quote
Actually it's more normal for young adolescents to be attractive to people their own age. Older women are intimidating and confusing to boys. I wouldn't be concerned about that aspect of what you found - only that he might be in the embryonic stages of developing a porn interest. I would be putting my energies into how you can educate him on the risks and perils of becoming a porn user.
I think they are golden.

OrangeSpider

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #43 on: July 12, 2019, 10:40:13 AM »
today 1 week

I really want this!

Lero

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #44 on: July 12, 2019, 02:24:09 PM »
Spider, you're doing well so far. 1 week is great progress.

OrangeSpider

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #45 on: July 16, 2019, 08:34:25 AM »
Restarting again. Got a little anxious and was alone; should have gone for a run, but instead what Im already wired to do; shit!


zazen

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Re: facing my worst fears
« Reply #46 on: August 20, 2019, 07:18:24 PM »
hey dude.. how are you doing. just checking up on you =)