Author Topic: Shemale Addiction  (Read 3321 times)

Pete McVries

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #25 on: March 16, 2019, 09:50:51 PM »
Oh, that's a very piquant situation. My immediate reaction: Stay away from all drugs, nothing good will come of it. You acted out in a weird way and maybe did some things you regret by now.

Stop wooing the girl, she is underage and that may be even culpable depending on which country you are living in.

If you feel the need to vent about all your problems, don't do it with some obscure girl. Vent here, confide your best friend, talk to your father, whatever but you don't know the intentions of that chick. I really hope that your actions won't backfire!

And lastly, don't kill yourself. Even if she is going to embarrass you in front of your co-workers. You can always find new work elsewhere, change cities, even change countries and so on and so forth, it won't be the end of the world if it comes down to it.

Sending you some strength!
Eight months clean and counting...

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #26 on: March 17, 2019, 12:43:58 AM »
Sorry to hear about the recent struggles man.

Hell, as far as this girl. You went for it IN THE REAL WORLD. So good for you. Sure, it sounds like it ended badly but, the real world does not always go the way we want it to, you've gotta fuck up and learn from your experiences.

A few recommendations:
1) Be motivated by things OTHER then having a girlfriend, this is BIG BIG BIG. When a girlfriend is my main motivation when I feel I have no prospects it is very triggering. What other benefits will you have by quitting porn? What other negatives will you avoid?

2) Stop saying/writing you want to kill yourself. (This is a recommendation as I think it'll help, not telling you what you can and can not write in your journal). What you say over and over really goes into your head. I've done a lot of research on this, our language matters. If I say to myself "this is a disaster, this is awful" I will worse then if I say "this is annoying, this is going to be a hard week". Now I am sure what you are going through is more extreme than that but maybe try instead of "I want to kill myself" ----> "Man this is the shittiest day I have ever had!" Still pretty extreme, but it likely would be beneficial to break the habit of telling yourself you want to kill yourself....

3) As the above post said NEVER act on your fetish in person. It'll fuck you up for years... seriously it's not a real desire you have, that's just the addiction escalating to a much much much worse place.

4) HIS dick lol. Sorry bud if it's got a dick it's a he. It's okay man, you have a nasty porn induced fetish, I do too. This is not what you are really into. But recognizing reality (porn has you fantasizing about sucking duded dicks) and not living in porn fantasy land (her dick). Will help to motivate you to cut that shit out of your life AND it gives you clarity.

Good job on the date man! You are going through crazy withdrawals, having things go wrong is to be expected. I literally fucked up bad with a girl last night cause of my cravings.... it ended up not nearly as bad as I thought! You could wait a few days and calmly plan to smooth things over. I mean in 24 days you kissed a girl, thats pretty good..... I mean how long did you spend watching porn? In like 2% of that time you are kissing a girl.

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #27 on: March 18, 2019, 12:58:54 AM »
Hi, first of all I want to say that I’m from Argentina so don't be scared from my mistakes writing this please.
I had read all comments of this section and I'm passing through the same shit and I really need help cause I'm being a shit with myself and with other people, I think I'm so depressed that I want to be all the time alone. I’m being rude with my mom and it's hurting me so bad, I don't want to be that shit...

First of all I started watching porn I think at 8/9 years, when I was like 14 I started having problems with my dick, I had phimosis, so I couldn't had sex but I could watch porn and jerk off, so I was jerking me everyday watching porn to stop my sexual anxiety. I'm a quite shy with all things in my life and I didn't said to my parents that problem I was having... I had relationships with girls, I wanted to fuck them but I wasn't able because of that, It really hurt... When I was 18 one friend send a fucking video of a shemale, first you could see the upper body, the tits and his face was covered with his hair so I got excited but at the final of the video it shows his dick and I felt a little disgusting but still excited, so idk why I went to the bathroom and start jerking me with this shit... after that I became a tranny addict, I stopped watching straight porn because it doesn't excited me until nowadays, it didn't affected my sexuality, I’m straight and I had girlfriends and always attracted to girls... When I was 19 I got the balls to tell my parents and asap they noticed they took me to the urologist and I had a circumsision, the first weeks of rest were hard and painful, when I was able I started jerking off again watching shemale porn, At my 20 day of rest a girl that I was dating invited me to have sex, I was a little nervous because I was virgin and I still had two or three points from the circumcision but we had sex normally and we both enjoy it and I cum with no problem.
Two weeks later I wanted to had sex so I called a girl that I really didn’t like but I wanted to fuck. So she came to my house, we both got naked but I wasn't excited, I hadn't an erection, she started doing me a blowjob but it didn't work, so we didn't have sex. After she left I went to the bathroom and I jerk off again with shemale porn. Since that day my whole life fucked up...
I was afraid to have sex with girls because I thought it will happen again that my dick can't have an erection... I had a lot of opportunities of having sex but always I’d avoid that. When I’m kissing with a girl I get excited and got erections if I don't think about sex but when that thoughts comes I'm to focused of tying to get an erection that my dick doesn't respond. I started to avoid seeing myself with girls for fear they want to have sex.

Now I'm 21, a few months ago I started chatting with a beautiful girl, she is blonde got green eyes, big tits and nice ass, the most important thing is that she isn't childish. Last week we meet up, We had some beers, we started kissing and we went to my car... When we were kissing she told me to go to the back seats to be more confortable, so we go and she sat on top of me and I started thinking of having sex, I got nervous and I started to sweat a lot, so I sat her by my side and told her what my problem was (without telling the shemale porn addiction) She understood me and said that she will help me and that calm me down a lot, after that I started having an erection that lasted about an hour or more meanwhile we were kissing and she was touching and jerking me off, I feel I could cum but I didn't want to get dirty so I stopped her. When I arrived to my house she insisted me to jerk off, she send me some pics and I was very excited with her pics that I recorded me masturbating and cumming and sent that video to her (I couldn't stop thinking of fucking her so hard  and eating her pussy) she was very happy and so was I. She proposed me to go to her house but we couldn't meet yet, in these days she will surely tell me to go and I do not intend to miss the opportunity.

It has been about a month ago that I stopped watching shemale porn, and when I want to masturbate I watch straight porn and I get excited.
I really want to stop this, I don't want to watch more shemale porn, I want to have a normal life, I don't want to fuck all up this time, I really need help, I'm afraid.

Sorry for writing so much but it is like a release and while I was writing it I was releasing tensions and now I feel better. Thanks to those who read me and understand how I feel. I do not want to give up I'm going to overcome it, I'm tired of this shitty life.

If someone wants to chat and talk about it, it would help me a lot and I would be very gratefull, I'm ashamed to share my real name but I could create a false account in a social network to talk about, Now its too late in my country and I'm tired so I'm going to sleep, but please, leave me a comment! Thanks again and be strong

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #28 on: March 18, 2019, 03:21:01 PM »
Day 26:

I have no libido and Venlafaxine withdrawals are making me a lil fucked up but I'm good
I'm eating soup right now and its sooo good
Its been 60+ hours since I've eaten anything
I loss my appetite completely so I decided to do a water fast and I think it did some good

Man I remember why I don't smoke weed or drink beer now it fucks me up
From now on there's gunna be no weed, no alcohol and no porn for me

I'm still feeling shitty about what happened with the girl at work..
She doesnt want to work with me anymore Lol
I don't wanna see her anymore too
I can't stop thinking about what happened and feeling bad I gotta forget about it

At least we didn't fuck cause she could use that to send me to fucking prison
Damn thinking about not going to prison makes me happy I fucked up with her

I need to give less control to my dick, I'm thinking with the wrong head

Other than that the reboot and life in general is doing pretty good
I have hope for the future and I'm probably moving to Alberta if I get the job there
Should be pretty cool





Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #29 on: March 18, 2019, 10:34:51 PM »
Day 26:

I have no libido and Venlafaxine withdrawals are making me a lil fucked up but I'm good
I'm eating soup right now and its sooo good
Its been 60+ hours since I've eaten anything
I loss my appetite completely so I decided to do a water fast and I think it did some good

Man I remember why I don't smoke weed or drink beer now it fucks me up
From now on there's gunna be no weed, no alcohol and no porn for me

I'm still feeling shitty about what happened with the girl at work..
She doesnt want to work with me anymore Lol
I don't wanna see her anymore too
I can't stop thinking about what happened and feeling bad I gotta forget about it

At least we didn't fuck cause she could use that to send me to fucking prison
Damn thinking about not going to prison makes me happy I fucked up with her

I need to give less control to my dick, I'm thinking with the wrong head

Other than that the reboot and life in general is doing pretty good
I have hope for the future and I'm probably moving to Alberta if I get the job there
Should be pretty cool



Man didn't realize she is underage. THANK GOD this happened and nothing went further, this is a shitty situation that will pass. Going to jail for underage sex ruins your entire life, can't really come back from that (dudes get the shit kicked out of them and worse who go to jail for that seriously)

Also dude, great job on keeping it up and staying porn free. You are seriously tough, for real. You are going through a ton of shit and still pushing through and moving forward that is awesome and inspiring, just keep it up.... if you can handle things like you have been you can get rid of this shitty addiction and if you do that, I am sure you can more awesome things in the future in your life, this is just the first step.

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #30 on: March 19, 2019, 06:51:47 PM »
Thanks everyone for the nice comments I wasn't expecting this
Sorry I didn't read them sooner I didn't know we were at page number 2 I'm dumb Lol





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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #31 on: March 19, 2019, 07:23:36 PM »
Day 27:

Feeling alright
I think I'm having the last side effects of Venlafaxine and I just threw the bottle away it felt good
I'm a little bit tired and feeling some darkness a bit but overall my mind is way clearer than before

Yesterday I was feeling shameful about what happened with the girl so I typed:
What is the most shameful thing that you have ever done? on Google
I ended up reading a bunch of shit on Quora
One of the shameful thing someone had done was having sex with shemales
But he said he enjoyed it

Then I got curious and started searching for other people's experience with shemales and one story turned me on
I ended up going on Craigslist to see if there was shemale ads...
I wasn't planning on actually finding a shemale but I was curious if I'd find attractive ones
Anyway last night I asked myself if I'd enjoy it and wasn't sure what to think

Man if I feel that ashamed about having kissed that under-aged girl I can't even think whats gunna go through my mind when Ima be heading home with the taste of a dude's dick in my mouth
Or will I be okay with it? I don't know
I'll probably wanna die and call myself a cock sucking faggot everyday for the next month though..
Noo thanks


I got work tomorrow and guess who's gunna be there..
Fuuck me this is gunna be so awkward hahah




Pete McVries

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #32 on: March 19, 2019, 10:15:14 PM »
Was your attraction to shemales there before you were exposed to P or has P caused it? If it's a P induced fetish then acting out will never make you happy or fulfill you. You will open a door to a dark hole you normally would have stayed the fuck away from because all your spidy senses would tingle and you know that once you enter that entrance, you'll come back a different man. Not in a good way. You will able to flush the taste of MALE cock away but, you know, the mental damage will be there for life. It has the possibilty to eat you away completely. Be very wary about it.

I have a p induced fetish myself and it is a lot more harmless than yours but during my P days I always dreamed of including it into my sex life. And while this fetish will always be my go to fetish when it comes to P, I know that I won't include it into my healthy sex life that I'm trying to build at the moment. You gotta distinguish between actual healthy sex, communicating in the most intimate way possible with another sentient being, and porn induced fetishes that are nothing more than extreme fantasies that work because they lead to a huge release of dopamine.

Some people claim that fetishes will vanish but I don't think so. Instead, you gotta put that mother f*cker on a leash and teach it some manners so that it'll only bark once in a while and shuts the fuck up when you tell it to do so.

You got this!
« Last Edit: March 19, 2019, 10:30:14 PM by Pete McVries »
Eight months clean and counting...

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #33 on: March 20, 2019, 12:09:58 PM »
I can very much relate to this post.

I would google something like this on the internet and eventually it would lead to a trigger or lead to me "just looking" at some ads for me to partake in some of my porn induced fetishes. Over time I came to realize that this, for me at least, was just me basically engaging in my addiction.

For me personally I consider looking at classified ads etc.  as the same or even worse then the porn. What happened to me was, I cut out porn and masturbation but then I started to find a new release by looking at classified ads and fantasizing about them. That was a far worse compulsion then the porn even. It started with looking at them, then contacting them as part of the fantasy/ getting off. I am ashamed to say I did actually act on my fetish once and it was a huge mistake. It was not quite as bad as shemale but it took me years to get over...... so in my experience looking at ads was something I highly regret, was worse even than porn and acting on my porn induced fetish was horrible horrible horrible.

I was lucky enough to spend some time documenting the escalation of my porn induced fetishes and it quite clearly was not natural, but something that escalated due to porn, as things that disgusted me before become irresistible.


Day 27:

Feeling alright
I think I'm having the last side effects of Venlafaxine and I just threw the bottle away it felt good
I'm a little bit tired and feeling some darkness a bit but overall my mind is way clearer than before

Yesterday I was feeling shameful about what happened with the girl so I typed:
What is the most shameful thing that you have ever done? on Google
I ended up reading a bunch of shit on Quora
One of the shameful thing someone had done was having sex with shemales
But he said he enjoyed it

Then I got curious and started searching for other people's experience with shemales and one story turned me on
I ended up going on Craigslist to see if there was shemale ads...
I wasn't planning on actually finding a shemale but I was curious if I'd find attractive ones
Anyway last night I asked myself if I'd enjoy it and wasn't sure what to think

Man if I feel that ashamed about having kissed that under-aged girl I can't even think whats gunna go through my mind when Ima be heading home with the taste of a dude's dick in my mouth
Or will I be okay with it? I don't know
I'll probably wanna die and call myself a cock sucking faggot everyday for the next month though..
Noo thanks


I got work tomorrow and guess who's gunna be there..
Fuuck me this is gunna be so awkward hahah

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #34 on: March 20, 2019, 10:24:13 PM »
I used to find trannys disgusting but once I got bored of pretty much every porn genres I stumbled upon girls with dicks in cartoons and watched that for awhile, then it was girls with fake dicks, then girls with dicks
I used to search girl with dicks on the internet but never trannys or shemale cause that was digusting to me
But after a few years I was searching things like femboys and crossdresser and didn't even give a shit anymore
I got to the point when I wasn't even ashamed to leave my computer on and not clear my history


Girls with dicks and boy with tits were a completely different thing in my head and I rationalized by thinking
it was still a girl she just got a dick attached... but thinking of a girl with a dead dude's dick attacked was worse so idk what I was thinking at that time

Anyway... I think I like shemales because porn is like a drug and I watch it to get a bigger and bigger dopamine hit
I don't even give a fuck if its gay I just want my kick cause I'm a porn junkie

I need to see girls as humans and not a piece of meat for me to stick my dick in but thats hard
Cause I think porn and drugs fucked with my emotions

I wanna find something in life that will give me pleasure... I'm lost without porn or girls nothing fulfills me
I want to feel alive somehow






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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #35 on: March 20, 2019, 10:39:07 PM »
Day 28:

Didn't see the girl at work today, she was at a funeral... damn I already feel bad about what I did to her what now?
I was so relieved she wasn't here today but she should be here tomorrow
I will apologize again to her

People at work asked me why that girl didn't wanna work with me anymore
At first I didn't say much but I ended up explained everything so now everyone knows...
My coworkers teased me all day about that girl, even in front of clients and my boss who has a 15 yr old daughter
It didn't affect me that much to be honest, I don't really give a shit at this point

Other than that I didn't get an email since my interview for my job in Alberta so I'm not really optimist about that but its okay I'll just get another job somewhere else in Alberta if they don't contact me back





Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #36 on: March 20, 2019, 10:53:34 PM »
That is great that you are aware of the escalation. Aim to keep that in mind.

Our male brains are designed to mate with a given female a few times and then stop and do other things. (She should be pregnant by now or she is sterile). If a new female comes our brain will find a way for us to mate/cum ever more. This keeps going and going, NEW females are the key, NOVELTY. When our brain sees a novel sexual situation it thinks, more opportunities to pass on my genes! In the case of porn, we see 1000s of females, so eventually that is no longer novel, and thats where fetishes come in, we need more or more shocking and odd fetishes to make our brain react and believe we are mating or passing on our genes in some new sexual situation.

With drugs, you need more drugs to get high. With porn we need different, more shocking odder porn to get "high". So imo the odd fetishes we get are just the progression of the addiction and don't mean anything about us as people, just that oh shit we have a bad addiction and have to handle this shit!

I am not fully healed yet, but I have made HUUUGGEE progress over the years. Trust me there is a ton of cool shit to do in life once we get over addictions.

Learning an insturment
Giving a speech that helps people
Jet skiing
Snowboarding
Reading
Becoming an awesome dancer
Learn to box and compete in an amateur match
When you have your shit together move to your dream city.


As an example from my own life, I learned a language to a pretty high level, go swimming and jogging all the time and am learning to dance.

I never would have been able a few years ago when my addiction was at it's worth, but my habits are pretty good and I got my life together enough that I moved to my favorite city and have a nice pool in my building.

I wanted some excitement, before I might have gotten that from calling sex workers. But I went to my pool, with lights off outside of the pool (I live in the tropics which I love : ) and the lights underwater in the pool on. There is a little elevated platform and I dived over and over into the pool and glided through the water with the lights around me, I felt like I was flying.... Now THAT was exciting.

I never would be in this position if I hadn't really improved my habits and self. Trust me it is WAAAYYY better than porn and I presume drugs.

It may take work though, when we're deep in the addiction, our brains are fried. Our brain just isn't processing dopamine and serotonin the way it is supposed to, so it may be necessary to force ourselves to do these "fun" activities and not really enjoy them but in a few months they will become super awesome, as our brains heal.

Plus whats the alternative? For me it would be like idk. having my brain fucked and no discipline from the addiction spending every penny I had on sex workers and being literally homeless, maybe in jail. That sucks pretty damn bad lol.


Just saw you posted again: Keep your chin up! No doubt it sounds like a rough situation, remember you've got the support here at the forum! You have anything (healthy) you like to do? A nice book? Watch comedy? In a way, it's hard but you could look at this shitty situation as an opportunity as a way for you to learn to handle shitty situations in a healthier way. Finding activities to take your mind of it, but ones that are healthy or at least not harmful. As rough as the situation is, sounds like you are handling it well.

I used to find trannys disgusting but once I got bored of pretty much every porn genres I stumbled upon girls with dicks in cartoons and watched that for awhile, then it was girls with fake dicks, then girls with dicks
I used to search girl with dicks on the internet but never trannys or shemale cause that was digusting to me
But after a few years I was searching things like femboys and crossdresser and didn't even give a shit anymore
I got to the point when I wasn't even ashamed to leave my computer on and not clear my history


Girls with dicks and boy with tits were a completely different thing in my head and I rationalized by thinking
it was still a girl she just got a dick attached... but thinking of a girl with a dead dude's dick attacked was worse so idk what I was thinking at that time

Anyway... I think I like shemales because porn is like a drug and I watch it to get a bigger and bigger dopamine hit
I don't even give a fuck if its gay I just want my kick cause I'm a porn junkie

I need to see girls as humans and not a piece of meat for me to stick my dick in but thats hard
Cause I think porn and drugs fucked with my emotions

I wanna find something in life that will give me pleasure... I'm lost without porn or girls nothing fulfills me
I want to feel alive somehow

I used to find trannys disgusting but once I got bored of pretty much every porn genres I stumbled upon girls with dicks in cartoons and watched that for awhile, then it was girls with fake dicks, then girls with dicks
I used to search girl with dicks on the internet but never trannys or shemale cause that was digusting to me
But after a few years I was searching things like femboys and crossdresser and didn't even give a shit anymore
I got to the point when I wasn't even ashamed to leave my computer on and not clear my history


Girls with dicks and boy with tits were a completely different thing in my head and I rationalized by thinking
it was still a girl she just got a dick attached... but thinking of a girl with a dead dude's dick attacked was worse so idk what I was thinking at that time

Anyway... I think I like shemales because porn is like a drug and I watch it to get a bigger and bigger dopamine hit
I don't even give a fuck if its gay I just want my kick cause I'm a porn junkie

I need to see girls as humans and not a piece of meat for me to stick my dick in but thats hard
Cause I think porn and drugs fucked with my emotions

I wanna find something in life that will give me pleasure... I'm lost without porn or girls nothing fulfills me
I want to feel alive somehow
« Last Edit: March 20, 2019, 10:59:40 PM by Quitforeverthenwin »

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #37 on: March 21, 2019, 09:04:13 PM »
Yeah its pretty much smooth sailing right now I'm feeling good to be honest
The hard part was when I was depressed and suicidal a few weeks ago before I stopped watching porn
I also had chronic eardrum pain since October and its almost all gone now so just being pain free feels good
Also summer is coming and I'm moving to a beautiful place so I got things to look forward to

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #38 on: March 21, 2019, 09:18:49 PM »
Day 29:

This morning I felt like shit probably cause I ate alot of Mcdonalds last night
I need to stop going there and get my diet on point
My libido sucks and I have no morning woods these days
But I don't really give a shit about that to be honest
I don't wanna have to control myself from jacking off right now anyway

I went to my job and my coworker told me that the girl I tried to fuck just quit
I felt a bit bad about it cause I knew it was my fault but quickly became relieved that I'll never have to see that bitch again







pruthukkc

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #39 on: March 22, 2019, 12:59:21 PM »
Calm down brother don't hate yourself there is nothing gonna change if you hate yourself. The girl you are thinking about is not last girl in this planet :)keep searching and also try to share you problems.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #40 on: March 22, 2019, 11:01:18 PM »
Keep it going man. At least you don't have to see the girl again. I am having some withdrawals too and made some errors with people as well, but I am just thinking. You know no one's perfect. Things got real awkward with that girl, she left the job so you don't have to deal with it which is nice and she was real young right? Not like she gave up her dream career, so no harm no foul...

Good diet can be good but man you are cutting out the drugs and the pmo, that is HUGE.

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #41 on: March 23, 2019, 09:04:17 PM »
Day 31:

Family woke me up near like 11 am with the noise of the juice maker I was like fuuuck that
Everyone was there talking, being social and shit
I got out of bed feeling like an old piece off dick and got the fuck out of there as quick as I could
Went for a 50 min walk and when I got back I was feeling better

Went to work and people on the road pissed me off
I used to be angry all the time and do alot of road rage a destroy shit at my house but not anymore
Yesterday I was very cold with clients at work and didn't give a fuck
Today I was pretty pissed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be happy

I saw a pretty girl at work but didn't give a shit about her
I have no interest in women at all right now which is a bit fucked up I don't know why



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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #42 on: March 26, 2019, 09:25:28 PM »
Day 34:

Feeling pretty good and stronger mentally and physically
I always feel good when I get out of work
Its like I actually did something with myself

I ran on the threadmill this morning then went for a 50 min walk/run
It felt really good but then I kinda crashed down and felt shitty but then going to work made me feel better

Its so fucked up that only about 2 months ago I was depressed and wanted to actually commit suicide
But now my mind is clear and I'm all good
I still can't believe porn can do this to a man...
If that's actually true that mean porn must have killed people by suicide

Man I've had some good time jacking off to trannys I can't say I haven't
But now I'd rather feel good 99% of the time than the 1% I feel when I bust a nut and feel like shit the rest of the time
It just ain't worth it


The reboot is going good, I've had no real urges yet
Thing are easy for me right now but things are gunna get hard soon
Litterally

Its the calm before the fucking shitstorm boys
If you're rebooting I wish you STRENGTH






 

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #43 on: March 26, 2019, 10:04:15 PM »
Man, awesome you are feeling good! Keep up the good work, crazy how doing the right stuff can change how you feel so quick.... I remember a few weeks ago it was rough. In my opinion it is good that you know that things will get hard again, it's good to enjoy the good time but also be mentally prepared and not taken off guard when a tougher time comes.

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #44 on: March 27, 2019, 09:09:58 PM »
Yeah doing the wrong stuff can change how you feel real quick too...
I fucked up a bit today and straight piped my car even though I knew my chronic eardrum pain I've had for months was not healed completely
And now it hurts again

I was so fucking pissed this morning after I realized I fucked up
I'm dumb
I wanted to hear that sweet V8 sound real bad but it wasn't worth it
That's like I said last post that 1% is the good it felt and 99% is the pain that comes afterwards

It doesn't hurt that much anymore but I could really have fucked up my eardrum for months
Thank god it wasn't that bad hopefully tomorrow its not worse...

Overall good day other than that
I gotta watch myself before doing dumb shit

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #45 on: March 27, 2019, 11:03:00 PM »
Not sure what piqued means, making a cool sound with the car I guess?

I wouldn't be too hard on myself if I were you! That doesn't sound too bad. We're always gonna do some dumb shit from time to time, so long as the big stuff is good it's okay. Keep up the good work!

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #46 on: March 28, 2019, 12:54:14 PM »
Day 36:

I had a dream where I was dreaming about shemales then woke up, jerked off and jizzed in my bed
Then I woke up for real and thought I relapsed
I looked down under my sheets and everything was dry

I just went for a walk while listening to music and I was feeling like shit
I saw an old blind man walking to his house and realize I'm pretty lucky to be healthy and have no real handicap

We sometimes think everyone else is happy but there's so much people's lives that are fucked
People live in hospitals, in prison, in wheelchairs...

Lots of people have it real fucking bad
Most of us still have the chance and the time to fight our problems and addictions





 

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #47 on: March 28, 2019, 03:21:54 PM »
Good point, things could be so so much worse.

Honestly I think dreams like that are good. I find them motivating. It's like a nightmare, but it's a good kind of nightmare imo. Like the fact that it is something we badly want to avoid.

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #48 on: March 29, 2019, 09:04:28 PM »
Day 37:

Pretty good day
Hear back from my interview in Alberta  and I got the job so I'm moving there soon

Still on a flatline since day 1 but I'm ok with it
I'm feeling pretty tired and shitty these last few days but it really aint that bad I just wonder why
I'm more able to focus at work and I work a lil faster than before cause I'm less depressed
I dreamed about porn again last night

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #49 on: March 29, 2019, 10:10:21 PM »
Congrats on the job!

Sounds like your moving in the right direction on your recovery.