Author Topic: Shemale Addiction  (Read 3335 times)

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #100 on: August 08, 2019, 11:27:30 PM »
jerked off and I feel like shit about it
its like when I'm hangover  and say that im never dri king but do it the next day

It usually doesnt feel that bad
but I feel kinda ashamed
like I failed to get a real women and Im being punished by my own body for it

I feel fucking worthless and disgusting
my new goal is to go back to the once a week jack off plan

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #101 on: August 09, 2019, 08:53:23 PM »
feeling alright

day was not that shitty
I was kinda attracted to the girl at work today
more than usual
when she left to go meet a guy I kinda got depressed
I kinda like working with her

I just started my new job this morning and there only older women working there so far
Im kinda dissapointed
Im probably gunna leave soon
I have some stuff to learn from this job

not sure where Im gunna go next
I need a place where I can meet girls but also a job thats kinda relax cause im gunna be back to school and working
at the same time

I just checked my dating apps and i matched
with 2 girls, one is really fat, one is ugly
fuck
Im not looking at any pictures of girls when I swipe cause I consider it porn now

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #102 on: August 11, 2019, 12:29:21 PM »
fantasized about a girl this morning
I need to stop that
leaves me frustrated

feeling like total shit right now
im not sure if training alot has to do with that
or allergies and shit

Todays my last day at work
I need to find another job
probably gunna end up at mcdonalds or
shit like that
its gunna suck but atleast ill be part time
and im gunna meet girls maybe

if not ill just change jobs again until i do



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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #103 on: August 21, 2019, 08:10:00 PM »
Its 9 o clock
I'm tired
went to school and then replaced a girl from work
who needed to go to the hospital

I thought she liked me but then told me by text
that we couldnt be together
I felt a little sad
then a little angry
but im fine I dont give a fuck about her

I thought i like her at first but nah
Not as a lover and shit

anyway, school sucks right now
work sucks just as much
and so does my dating life
but I got 1% hope

so thats nice

anyway Im probably gunna quit my job
but I dont know
I need a fucking girlfriend
I was so close god damnit

but im kinda happy i was close
it gave me hope
and maybe thats all I need right now

GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME
I BELIEVE IN THE LAWD

jk

Im gunna go sleep now
and forget this shitty day
tomorrow is a new day my friend
its a new  fucking good shitty fucking day

coming in live and uncensored
straight from my mind to this piece of internet paper
till the next post
if anyone is reading
bye

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #104 on: August 24, 2019, 09:09:12 PM »
it was my last day at work today
I just finished and I got a sore throat and I dont feel great
I feel dumb, and used by a girl at work
she messaged me saying she was wet and wanted to fuck

but it was all bullshit
she got me all horny and shit.. fuck what a fucking dumb teasing whore
Im fucking pissed

Im probably gunna jack off today or tomorrow
its been a week and im so sexually frustrated
cant fucking deal with this shit

now I dont have a job so I wont be able to meet girls anymore
I have school at working at the same time sucks
Im probably gunna end up doing that anyway cause otherwise Ill never fuck and die a fucking virgin

Not feeling positive
At All


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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #105 on: August 24, 2019, 10:13:33 PM »
cant sleep
I dont know if im sick or just sad and depressed
I just broke down and cried
I kinda liked that girl in some way

I was so dumb and blind
I thought things were gunna come together
that she liked me
Im so used to blocking my feelings that I didnt feel the sadness when she texted me everything she said about how she like me was a lie

I was just kinda shocked

but now im hurt
no matter how hard I try to mask it it wont work
its just gunna get me depressed

how can she be so cruel
what a fucking bitch
shes got a nice body but fuck her face is ugly
her fingers and teeths are disgusting too

I didnt kiss her when I had the chance
didnt even want to at all

This is another fucking lesson learned
hope tomorrow is better
and that i find love someday hopefully

or at least a girl to empty my balls every once in awhile for fucks sake a man has needs


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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #106 on: August 25, 2019, 09:15:05 AM »
jerked off twice
and relapsed

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #107 on: August 25, 2019, 10:17:32 AM »
I feel karma is real for some reason
One time I scratched someone car and didnt leave a note
well someone did the exact same thing to me but worse
I kinda broke some girl's heart at mcdonald and didnt acknowledge her feelings when I left and she looked so sad
well now I just got the balance I deserved

The universe is balanced now
maybe if I do good things
good things will happen to me
not sure if a believe what Im saying but I think its a good way to look at things

Lero

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #108 on: August 25, 2019, 11:09:55 AM »
I believe in this too.

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #109 on: August 26, 2019, 10:20:55 AM »
relapsed again
this time it was because my friends talked about sex too much
all of them have a girlfriend except me so it fucking sucks

I watched asmr videos on youtube and jerked off to those
I feel kinda I did but at the same time its not as bad as porn

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #110 on: August 28, 2019, 10:59:32 PM »
relapsed twice the same day 2 days ago

not feeling really horny these days cause Im sick
also got cigar sickness

but im alright

I'm always thinking about girls
I see pretty girls everywhere
I'm always torturing myself

I've got everything I need in my life right now
except a girlfriend
and I always focus on that
Its hard for me to appreciate my situation even though I've got it better than most

you don't value things until theyre gone
and thats a sad truth

but I'm grateful for everything I have
I just dont focus on that and I think I'm trying to better myself
and thats a good and a bad thing
cause I'm not even bettering myself if thats even a word
Im just making myself miserable

at least Im not suicidal like I used to anymore


anyway..
lets get back to the topic this site is all about
this turned in some kind of intimate journal
which kinda sounds gay and not something I thought I'd ever do but fuck it

I looked up shemale porn recently to see if I was still attracted but it wasnt the same as before
I'm not even thinking about shemales anymore cause I'm already really attracted to females right now
I'm more in tune with my old foot fetish

Sometimes I see girls in sandals playing with their feet and I get so turned on
I love feet so much
And I like having a foot fetish more than I like having a shemale fetish

I'm gunna stay away from shemales for some time
If i get the chance to fuck one I mighy just do it but I'm not actively going to seek one like I was before

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #111 on: August 29, 2019, 05:59:08 AM »
Feeling pretty shitty this morning
I feel bad about relapsing yesterday
things were going well until recently
now I feel like a fucking looser

I think I'm gunna go fuck a prostitute
not sure if its gunna make me feel better or worse but I dont really give a shit
I'm tired and sick and I feel bad in my mind
I dont know what to do about how to get a girl
and its making me depressed

maybe ill just fuck prostitute till I die of some disease..
probably not tho




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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #112 on: August 29, 2019, 06:03:57 AM »
I feel you, man. I don't get any either. But I am afraid to go to prostitutes because of diseases.

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #113 on: August 29, 2019, 10:36:34 AM »
I think most prostitutes are as clean as regular girls
yes they fuck with lots of people but they wear protection (most of them) and they get tested every 2 weeks or so from what I've learned

they are more attentive to it cause they don't wanna carch disease and even less spread them cause they'd be out of work or get their ass kicked by a dude who caught something one day you know

I'd say go with your gut on this one depending on what she looks like
If she looks nasty and not like the picture you can just leave
(that happened to me once)
the bitch looked pregnant and was eating general tao chicken when I arrived and I couldnt even get hard so I left lol

personally I fucked one and wore a condom and didnt caught anything as far as Im aware
I even ate her pussy and ass but she insisted really hard that I wear a condom so thats a good sign

a good tip would be to ask her if you can fuck her without a condom and if she says yes thats not a good sign

hope this was helpful, sorry for the long text

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #114 on: August 30, 2019, 06:19:45 AM »
Yesterday I saw the girl that I wanted to fuck at work that teased me for no reason
That bitch was ugly

I got blinded by my thirst and didnt even realize how ugly she was
I would still have liked to fuck her but its no big deal. she didnt want to
I think shes mean to people cause she knows she looks like shit

I also went to gym and wasnt at all horny and almost didnt look at girls there
normally I just look at girls all the time but this time. and didnt look at girls much but noticed girls looking at me without having to look at them

I think its more attractive to them when you dont look at them cause they can just look at you without feeling uncomfortable and see you do your thing and also you dont look needy for sex


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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #115 on: August 30, 2019, 06:31:55 AM »
You know, I take a quick look at girls but it's enough for me to realize: Do I have a chance with her or not? If not, keep looking will only make me so desperate and frustrated and I will go home depressed and ready for PMO. I look away and that's it. It's painful most of the time to interrupt the dopamine but whatever. Only if I think I could make it work, then whatever, you know what I'm saying? Maybe it doesn't make sense.

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #116 on: August 30, 2019, 05:49:14 PM »
Me it depends,
Sometimes I like being horny for girls sometimes not
when its a girl thats has a nice ass but not a pretty face that I wouldnt even like to be with and I'm just horny looking at her ass, its fine. It even gives me power to do more reps when I channel my sexual frustration to do more reps

But it its a cute girl that I would like to kiss and be with its different, I can get sad and depressed really quickly if I think about her

I prefer not thinking about girls too much at all you know, thats when you'll go crazy and get depressed, but its hard not to, and also if I don't think about it I won't ever get a girl probably, I need a plan for myself to be around women

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #117 on: August 30, 2019, 06:02:04 PM »
So I checked on the internet and got a good idea (not)
I wanted to know if I was still attracted to shemales
and at first I convinced myself how they all looked like dudes and I was not attractes anymore
 
but then I saw a passable one and got attracted
than another one and another one...
now I'm 99,9% positive than this is a fetish that can't go away
maybe deep down I knew but I was just too curious

that what porn is too, its as much about the curiousity as the dopamine that gets you
anyway, after that I didnt jack off to that and tried to jack off to asmr but it wasnt enough anymore so I went back to it and jerked off to shemales...

I don't feel good about it but lately I'm prone to relapses
cause I've been sick and some other frustrations or maybe thats just an excuse

I will always like shemales, it is what it is and I'm not ashamed about it, I even like the fact I like it
its just so dirty
but I must not watch it
I'll try in real life with a passable trans to know if I like it



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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #118 on: August 31, 2019, 07:19:08 AM »
Pmo'd 3 times yesterday to shemale and girls fucking dogs
I just Pmo'd right now too after I said to myself I was gunma stop

I'm sick and weak right now
my room is filthy and full of kleenex from both me being sick and jacking off too much
I'm gunna take a shower and clean everything
and also my mind from porn thoughts

Its gunna be a rough weekend to stop
I have 4 days free that I don't know what to do with
I hope I don't end up relapsing again

Each time I think I'm done with porn I'm not
I'm setting a new goal of not jerking off or watch any kind of porn till next saturday at least where I'll be authorized to jerk off but not watch porn

I think my relapsed was mostly caused my asmr videos
I used them as porn for a week and then it wasnt enough for me

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #119 on: August 31, 2019, 07:38:57 AM »
Watch this video by Noah Church, it's very interesting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ldd7wfbKQA&feature=youtu.be

Anyway, try to change your behaviours and change the habit for other healthier.
When you feel dopamine calling you go out of your home, you will calm you.
Erase all the p stuff from your mobile phone and your computer, Install a blocker like cold turkey or similar.
Replace the time dedicated to PMO for another helthier hobbies

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #120 on: August 31, 2019, 09:43:38 PM »
yea I've watched it before
doesn't change a thing though
I don't need a blocker or any of this shit it wont change a thing
If I want to watch porn I'll find a way anyway

I only watched porn a little cause I wanted to
And also I've been sick for more than a week now and my willpower is just weak right now
I'm just fucked in my mind these days and I'm not doing that good

I love sex man and I'm missing out on it and it sucks
If I want I can control myself and not watch it for weeks and I've done that up until now but it sucks
I do this only cause I wanna enjoy sex more
not do more productive things, I don't give a fuck about that

If I could have sex 3 times a day I probably would

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #121 on: August 31, 2019, 09:52:19 PM »
I don't feel like watching porn
Yesterday's relapse made me fall a little behind in my reboot but I think I needed this
I'm confident I'll be able to go on another streak of no porn
I'm gunna have to stop watching sexy girls doing asmr though, this is what lead me to this without knowing it

I'm going to try and focus on fitness and getting jacked now
also getting a girlfriend
not sure if I feel like using dating sites anymore, I don't like thrm
and most attractive girls dont need this anyway so Im not sure ill find a girlfriend on there

I need a consistent place and time where I'll be in contact with women

heres my reminder if I need to look back:
1. get jacked
2. find a place to meet girls

those 2 things are my main goals right now
everything else is less important



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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #122 on: August 31, 2019, 10:01:54 PM »
Also another random intersting thing
I've noticed I get boners when a cat shows me affection or when I see a cute girl even if she's like 10 yrs old and it feels weird
I'm not sexually attracted to either of these though but I feel good and get hard but its not sexual, sometimes it happens in public and it feels kinda wrong, has it happened to anyone of you before?



But I love cute girls of all ages.. I just wanna hold them tight, take care of them and kiss them so bad, I hope I'll have a daughter some day so I can do that

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #123 on: September 01, 2019, 04:24:13 PM »
Feeling like shit
I saw a cute girl that was kissing some guy and she looked so in love with him
I got really angry and cranked up  some death metal to max volume on my headphones
I was about to hit anyone who even looked at me wrong

But now I just feel sad
this pattern used to happen to me all the time and now its the first time its done that in months and its the worst feeling
I think I might be bipolar or some shit

I've had porn flashbacks of a specific scene I watched of a girl getting fucked by a dog
she was loving it so much
I'm gunna stop writing about this before I relapse though

I just wanna jerk off till I cant feel a thing right now but I must not

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Re: Shemale Addiction
« Reply #124 on: September 02, 2019, 11:10:26 PM »
Shitty depressing day
my sleep got all fucked up

didnt have any interest in watching porn
or to do anything at all
which is both good and bad

I saw the movie Once upon a time in Hollywood
didnt understand everything but was pretty funny
and had alot of feet in it cause the guy directing or producing or some shit has a foot fetish
I got really turned on during the movie and ended up looking some feet scenes when I got back home but it didnt end up in me jacking off to porn

also there was a girl next to me that kept moving her feet and I kinda got turned on by that also. I was hoping she would just remove her shoes and her socks and place them on my lap so i could play with them and suck on them..
but it didnt happen

found out later she was ugly anyway
I don't know why but when Im next to a girl and didnt look at her or its dark I always assume shes really hot

maybe thats because thats my body wants to believe but who knows



I don't even care about tits and ass right now I need a girl with a cute face and some pretty feet that likes to get her toes licked