Author Topic: Why do I keep going in and out of FLATLINE???? Day 318  (Read 505 times)

NOFAPSuccess2018

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Why do I keep going in and out of FLATLINE???? Day 318
« on: February 12, 2019, 10:57:14 AM »
Why do I keep going in and out of FLATLINE? No relapses or fapping, today is day 318. I know I was seriously addicted to both fapping and porn for at least 5 years. But I'm 43, I'm pretty sure I have PAWS, when do I get out for good? Like no more FLATLINES.... I keep track, today is my first UP day in 13 days. I have had one major FLATLINE of 43 days in the beginning, and a total of 17 FLATLINES, the last of which just ended. I feel amazing today. Chest thumping amazing. Socially good,  and happy. I felt like hammered ass yesterday, wondering if the world would be better off without me. A week ago, something changed in my reboot, and I no longer crave sweets, which I have been a sugar monster for 13 years, since beginning to watch porn in 2006. Appetite is way down. Someone please, please tell me, is this shitty roller coaster almost over? Please answer. Will the cycle stop? Am I almost there? I have not viewed hardcore porn since August of 2016. I have not fapped or viewed p- subs in 318 days. Someone please, I'm great today, but I'm sick of the week up week down.....not sure I want to live this way forever.....will I ever be normal again??????

Breakdown of later recovery:

Day 194: sensitization fading- times of day I usually fapped, I would get horny previously. I noticed on this day that wasn't happening anymore.
Day 218- obsessive sexual thoughts fading. This date I noticed that I no longer looked at women as just objects or parts, but looked at their faces and saw people. I saw beauty in all forms.
Day 234- vision became 3D and hyper clear. Noticed all colors clearer
Day 266- had great sex, pied over? Fading? Still get anxious about it.....
Day 303- appetite down, no more sugar cravings.

Am I almost there? Gabe? Anyone? What was your experience?
« Last Edit: February 12, 2019, 11:47:11 AM by NOFAPSuccess2018 »

Naruto

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Re: Why do I keep going in and out of FLATLINE???? Day 318
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2019, 04:31:16 AM »
Can you elaborate on how strong was your addiction (how many times per day, did you escalate genres, were you getting hard or semi hard  or limp from porn?)

I have had an addiction for about 5.5 years too and I have seen some of your benefits earlier - ex: not getting horny at certain times of the day when I would prev get horny, fading fantasies.
These started going away after getting into a flatline and coming out. I have been in and out of flatlines too. Currently on day 71 of my reboot.

From your recovery, I see you have achieved a lot of good stuff. You have your PIED cured!! That's a pretty good sign.  it's proof that you are recovering and this reboot works. Just think back of how bad it was on Day 0. I would say forget counting days and don't get stuck up on the fact that you are rebooting. Focus on other aspects of life. Things will get normal on their own. Try to measure your reboot as a function of something else (say picking up a new skill).

NOFAPSuccess2018

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Re: Why do I keep going in and out of FLATLINE???? Day 318
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2019, 11:54:50 AM »
I started fapping age 13, once a day, once every three days on the outside. Imagination, the odd Sears catalog, or a Playboy. Virgin till 19 ( I was a late bloomer) and lots of sex through college. The occasional porn tape or magazine, till 1999/2000 after college, some porn via dial up. Relationships through that whole time. Then 2006, got an internet capable phone, on sites all the time for photos. 2008 more hardcore clips, relationships but I was an asshole to women. 2009 got together with wife, had mild pied one night during sex. Laughed it off, and didn't watch porn again for 2 years or more. Had baby, got shut down all the time when I asked for sex. You see where this is going. So 2013 or so, first smartphone, off to the races. A little at first, then about 2015 it was all the time. I was constantly watching it all day. On bathroom breaks at work, up in the morning and into the bathroom to watch it. Fapping 2-3 times a day. Sometimes to imagination but rarely. I was strung out on dopamine. At the end, in August 2016, right before my wife caught me, I was not get the same rush and tingles from O. It was almost joyless. And I wasn't getting all the way hard when. Fapping. I know now DE had been creeping into my sex life for a while, we were only having sex every month or two. I was very selfish. To my shame. Wife commented I wasn't getting that hard when she touched me, and I couldn't maintain an erection standing up anymore. Hardcore amateur porn in 15 minute bursts multiple  times a day will do that. She found the porn on my phone, said she would divorce me if I did it again.  18 months of still fapping and p subs and I was still having erection issues, I know I kept activating sensitized pathways. So 4/1/2018 I committed to nofap. My wife nearly left 4 times. I am a different guy. She told me she wanted me yesterday, we will have sex tonight if all goes well( I'm sick). I just want my confidence back. I hope my pied is gone, but I think it is still here. It just faded some. I just want to be normal again and get off this shitty roller coaster. I missed out on so much due to my Addiction. I just want the pied gone and the mood swings to stop. Today is up day 3 in a row, day 320 overall. I'm hoping I'm good by 365.

Naruto

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Re: Why do I keep going in and out of FLATLINE???? Day 318
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2019, 04:35:59 PM »
Rest assured brother - all those bad days will bring fruit. Your brain is re-wiring itself over time and it will take a some time for all the years of dopamine abuse. Just don't relapse and know that day 365 may not be it for you. The reboot and brain don't work that way. Sometimes I feel that being anxious about the reboot itself is one of the brain's trick in trying to get you to relapse. The more anxious we get, the more confidence we lose in our reboot and relapse knowing the pied and the flatlines won't go away.

-- Don't throw in the towel yet!

allforone

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Re: Why do I keep going in and out of FLATLINE???? Day 318
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2019, 08:34:31 AM »
thanks for sharing your story. Please keep your faith and do not relapse.

Curt76

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Re: Why do I keep going in and out of FLATLINE???? Day 318
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2019, 09:31:26 AM »
Nofapsuccess, you around?  I would love to hear where your at now.  I'm 43 year old male and can totally relate to where you're at.  Would love to hear a progress report.