Author Topic: One year clean  (Read 600 times)

Edit_undo

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One year clean
« on: February 09, 2019, 12:00:44 AM »
Hey, I made it a year clean. Not everything is fixed but I’m proud of where I am so far.
I’m a 32yr old guy from North America. Married, couple kids. Longtime pmo habit, longer mo habit. I started this journey last February after stumbling across this site and YBOP searching for answers about pied.

This is a brief summary of where I’m at. I have a journal in the 30-39 section that’s more in depth.

The first stretch was rough, brain was screaming for its daily fix. Exercise helped me to change my focus daily (get out of my head for a bit), get out of my house and be around people at the gym. If you’re shy like me, you don’t even have to talk much to others (it would really help), just don’t be alone for an hour of your day. Guided meditation helps me deal with stress and promote calmness. Do tell your significant other, unless it would break her severely. She deserves to know. I told her a bit later into this process and she is understanding and helpful. Journaling also helps me process what is going on.

The last month or two I had some new things, anxiety and trouble staying asleep.  Both have mostly balanced back to normal (nil), I’d attribute it to this reboot. I think I’m in for a long healing process. There’s a lot to untangle in my head, but no guilt or shame from PMO any more.

So no, I’m not cured of PIED yet. I still have hope. 
There’s still a pull toward sensual images and videos if they come up, but it’s tolerable and I avoid temptation whenever possible.

Before:
PIED, daily MO, frequent PMO, stressed, frequently sick, socially awkward/anxious and low self esteem/confidence, brain fog, fatigue

Now:
Still have PIED.  Less awkward and stressed, more confident, porn- and MO free. No sickness or much shorter duration (knock on wood- miraculous with 2 school aged kids. They have not been so lucky with colds). Grateful for my marriage, family, and wife! Really in awe of her. Better communication with her. Improved mood, feeling of overall good health, better mental state, less fatigued even on short sleep. Life is good.

While I’m not 100% where I want to be, this year’s version of me is way better and I’m confident I can return to normal healthy function with the trajectory I’m on.

Pete McVries

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Re: One year clean
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2019, 06:43:47 AM »
That's a massive achievement, be proud of yourself!
My Journal

Seven months clean and counting...

Edit_undo

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Re: One year clean
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2019, 03:44:15 PM »
Thanks Pete!

Pete McVries

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Re: One year clean
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2019, 06:43:39 PM »
You said, you still have PIED? Did you see any improvements, though?
My Journal

Seven months clean and counting...

Edit_undo

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Re: One year clean
« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2019, 07:38:41 PM »
Initially yes, some improvements. In the first couple months (say by month 2-3) there were times with fairly consistent morning wood. Even some random semis throughout the day, not often though. Lately morning wood is within a few minutes of waking, if I don’t rush off to start the day.

I haven’t been doing strict hard mode, I still fool around with my wife. Which I’ve read slows things down.  I’ve had a few stretches of 2-4 weeks, normally do about 7-10 days between Os.
PE has been pretty bad throughout.

I’d say overall it’s a small improvement. Okay, not amazing. Hard mode is where it’s at. Many journals have the greatest (and quickest) improvement during long stretches of no stimulation.

Pete McVries

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Re: One year clean
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2019, 11:39:27 AM »
Yeah, that's true. On the other hand, you could argue that you do a lot of rewiring and that is where it's at. Anyways, you should count yourself lucky that you have a loving and supporting wife who gives you enough time to recover properly. From the bottom of my heart, I wish that you will be able to finally recover and beat PIED once and for all.
My Journal

Seven months clean and counting...

Edit_undo

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Re: One year clean
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2019, 01:53:47 PM »
Absolutely, both are important parts! And brains vary from person to person so that makes it tricky to know exactly what needs to be adjusted. I’m kinda going by process of elimination, and a long stretch of hard mode is what I haven’t done yet. We’ll see.
As far as the support at home, I know I’m a lucky dog. So grateful for her.
I hope everyone can heal these dysfunctions, it’s so emasculating. When you first realize what’s happening (or not happening) it’s very depressing. Gotta have hope that we can be restored.