Author Topic: i want to fight,  (Read 634 times)

Ares

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i want to fight,
« on: December 10, 2018, 06:36:23 PM »
Hello everyone, frist of all sorry for my english, then even if nobody will read or care about this post, write could help me, so i will write.
I chose this name, ares, because i want to change, in many ways.
Frist of all i want to become a warrior, but why?
I have always gived up. i was a fucking loser, (or i am?) the fact the i were (and for now I still am) a fat guy in italy did not help. here the new generetions have a religion for the beautiful appearance, and a hatred for fat guys.
Rejected after rejected my love life was a disaster, and eventually I looked for help in porn, especially in porn games.
That was a problem, the porn games give me a fetish... whose normal porn could not give me... the corruption.
You see what excited me (and... still does) is that slow gameplay in which you transform the protagonist from an angel, a saint, in a being that is worse than an animal in heat.
I went on for many years like that... untill a 23 years old (yhea laugh all you want ahah) i tried sex and did not get hard.
It was so fucking hard  for me (but not for her (a little joke always help ahah),so i went to see porn to understand if everything was ok... i did get hard.. but something was strange...
It could not have been the anxiety .. I went to whores by my own initiative ahahha
I did not get a answer until 10/11 days later, i saw a post on ( can i write a site here?) well a meme site, enemy of reddit, about a guy with PIED so i check it out...
and understood my problem.
That was this summer.
I man up and I decided that I HAD to change... in everything.
i quitted porn, but was hard... very hard.. because i did not have to JUST quit porn.. but quit games too..
In that moment i was like... everything or nothing! so i gived up alcohol, coca cola, smoke
fat food and i started to workout at home.
I tried to change my mindset too.
I... failed with porn.. i.. just waked up after A MONTH ( this September )with my brain telling me... that today..
today the chapter three of a saga of pornographic games that I adored from how perverse they were was coming out.
I failed and it hit me so fucking bad... i stopped everything... but.. i can't figure out what.. made me try again... i just felt like a fuking loser..i wanted to win ONE TIME
i changed my mindset. stop bengin shy MAN THE FUCKING UP, STOP CRYING, FIGHT.
so i started again to workout. now i'm 98kg yes i'm still fat as fuck but i lost 25 kg in 3-4 months, and im still following the diet.
And now i'm at 23 days without porn.. and is hard... THIS NIGHT its so fucking hard. i have morning woods every day i don't know if is good or not... i'm so fucking horny every time.. that I began to fantasize about every woman I can see, not in a vulgar way ... maybe... I think ? .. the true is that is much less vulgar  than the old me, but still enough to make a prostitute blush ahaha
I do not know if it's due to excitement or anything but a pretty strange thing (I think?) is that I had an erotic dream about completely dominating a group of people, i said people because there were also some traps beetween them.
And now here i am i want to change i want to FIGHT everything i hate about me,
I was embarrassed to write this post, but I did, I do not even know if I will press "post" .. no I will.
this forum made me writing this post, which made me go through the midnight...
Now its 00:18, 24 days without porn. so..
I feel full of energy (shit I have to sleep at 6 o'clock I have to be at work hahaha), I do not know if later I will be ashamed of something I wrote in this post, I do not care, I do not even care if no one will answer.
Thanks to this.. I can fight another day.
I swear to god, that next summer I will have a spectacular body, I will have overcome this pornografic shit
holy shit is 00:30 good night guys
I swear to god if I dream another orgy..

Joost!

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2018, 05:11:34 AM »

Don't be so hard on yourself man. It hurts me to read  how you put yourself down :)
Having gone a month without porn is great. Clearly you have strong motivation to quit. I'm not sure if you still masturbate, but it would be wise to stop that as well. Might help with the horniness.
In general what helps is to get your mindset off sex and physical beauty alltogether. Ask yourself what is your motivation truly?

changemylife

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2018, 05:50:11 AM »
That's right, man, we have the duty to try everything in our power to change our life and become who we want to be. We can do it because everything is possible.
I don't want to complain to much but I want you to know that I'm with you in this as I've considered myself a loser for many years. I've had problems with personality disorders, depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that was created by my childhood and I ended up in a place where I've lived in isolation for many years and I have no friends, no girlfriend and no job.
It sounds pretty pathetic and that's why it's my duty to change. I've passed an exam and I'm waiting to be hired in a few months then I want to find a girlfriend and at least one friend. We need the right mindset, motivation and never give up attitude otherwise what's the point in living?
I've medicated the problems mentioned above with 3 addictions for many many years (Alcohol, Internet and porn) and quitting them is also a part of the change I want to make. I want to look in the mirror and say, "This is the guy that I am supposed to be".
I'm also overweight, not very fat but the pounds/kilograms I've put on over the years made me look uglier than I should. So another goal is to see a flat abdomen.
Well, I have many goals so they will keep me busy a lot  ;D
Look, we didn't choose to be like this but we choose to stay like this and do nothing about it. This is worse: Knowing you are not happy but doing nothing to change it. We have to do everything in our power to achieve that or die trying. I know it sounds cliche and whatever but it also happens to be the truth.


Ares

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2018, 05:12:12 PM »
Good evening and Thanks both of you! ;), to clarify some things: I have already stopped masturbating, and i don't fell bad about my past.
I mean that IS what i WAS and what i DON'T want to be.
My motivation.. why do i want to change? why do i want to stop watching porn?
I want to have a family, I want to find a woman and make her happy ... who would be happy with a fat guy of 125 kilos who has the PIED?
Who would be happy simply BEING that guy?
I like to say that if the true make you angry then you need to change.
I WAS fat as hell, at the beginning, I was even offended and i felt like shit when i were called fat, fatass ecc.
But that was the truth, like i have already said if you don't like the truth then change it, you should not get offended by the truth, at last if you don't want to live in a lie, this is why i agree with you when you said We have to do everything in our power to achieve that or die trying.
But Lets go back to my dependence, today, I feel a constant need to "play", so i played a few normal games to distract me a bit, but it did not last long. so I thought to drop by and read about how others have improved, this help me a lot.
Ah! On a positive note I uninstalled the browser, and the vpn I was using for pornography.
And dude, a flat belly is my dream too  ::) . you can not imagine how much i was happy when i saw "99" in the weight scale.
For the friend thing i was really lucky, I always had, except for the elementary period, some friends, not many but some.
Now I have a 3-4 that I talk every day, they do not know about the Rebooting, but they are helping me with the weight.
But I would like to make many new friends, I do not think that friendship, unlike love, is influenced by the physical aspect, I think it's a matter of mind, courage and trust.
But now sincerely, none of us has ever fallen in love with obese girl because she had faith in herself.
unless is a fetish, love beetween strangers is born from the physical attraction.
This is why i need to change. Rebooting myself, not only with porn, but with everything.
i'm not angry with the people who made my past hard, or the girls which refused me, i would not accept my female version aswell ahaha
i know this place is for rebooting from porn, but i like to think we should reboot our brain from the things we do that we hate.
Ah! I the end i did not dream last night, but i had a spontaneous erection in the car, jesus that did not happen to me from high school ahahah I was so happy that I did not want to get off the car ahaha

Ares

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2018, 11:04:27 AM »
Edit:
The new work take much of my time, and that is good!
Now at home i most sleep/train.
I tried some day ago to get an erection with just my hand, without fantasy or else, and it worked!!! it took some time ahahah but it worked! i think i'm in the good way to heal myself.
i think i'm at 33/34 days, well lets say a month!
I'm just curios about one thing, now that i can get an erection with just my hand should i train my brain having erection every now o then or should i stop doing everything?
« Last Edit: December 21, 2018, 11:15:56 AM by Ares »

Fapstronaut2019

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2018, 09:41:56 AM »
I'm just curios about one thing, now that i can get an erection with just my hand should i train my brain having erection every now o then or should i stop doing everything?
You should NEVER masturbate too much. Ideally, you shouldn't masturbate more than once a month during the reboot, and when you absolutely can't stand another day without ejaculating (so if you can even do more than a month that would be better). The reason why I'm saying this is that masturbation by itself is a very strong trigger for viewing porn. When you keep masturbating without porn you don't get as much "high" as you get when you PMO, so next time you masturbate your brain keeps urging you to view porn more than ever, because you've overdone masturbation and it's not as amusing as before, so you feel the want to hype things up by masturbating to porn.
I'm telling you this as I've relapsed after 88 days because I failed to avoid masturbating too much. Think about that. No need to masturbate unless it's the only way to keep your brain off obsessing about sex. Try as much as you can to keep it only once every month at most.

changemylife

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #6 on: December 25, 2018, 03:56:40 PM »
I'm just curios about one thing, now that i can get an erection with just my hand should i train my brain having erection every now o then or should i stop doing everything?
You should NEVER masturbate too much. Ideally, you shouldn't masturbate more than once a month during the reboot, and when you absolutely can't stand another day without ejaculating (so if you can even do more than a month that would be better). The reason why I'm saying this is that masturbation by itself is a very strong trigger for viewing porn. When you keep masturbating without porn you don't get as much "high" as you get when you PMO, so next time you masturbate your brain keeps urging you to view porn more than ever, because you've overdone masturbation and it's not as amusing as before, so you feel the want to hype things up by masturbating to porn.
I'm telling you this as I've relapsed after 88 days because I failed to avoid masturbating too much. Think about that. No need to masturbate unless it's the only way to keep your brain off obsessing about sex. Try as much as you can to keep it only once every month at most.

I definitely concur.

Ares

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #7 on: December 26, 2018, 07:19:22 PM »
Hello everyone!
Thank you  guys, its nice have people who cares about you!
some update:

1- I think I explained myself badly (because of my English maybe) no no I do not want to masturbate, what I meant was if I had to continue to make hard the penis, without orgasming, I still (for safety), after that first attempt, stopped make hard the penis.

2- Now I should be around 40 days, I noticed that my interest in porn games has practically vanished, yes, I still feel the curiosity, but I stopped feeling that NEED to play and excitement (at last for now).

3- Sometimes I still have some mental flashes about porn games but I always try to free the mind quickly.

4- I have wet dreams almost once a week.. I do not know if this is normal but is very annoying

5- Now I would like to start a new relationship, but I do not know, maybe I should wait to lose more weight \ increase the days without pornography?
But I think I'll wait for another 10 pounds +\- , in short 4-5 months, i'm aiming for this summer.

6- i think i found out a new enemy, the mangas, I started to read them again after years, hoping to distract the mind but I think I'm not only changing an addiction with another, I'm even slowing down the recovery (I stop myself too much in the scenes with some fanservice). think I'll stop reading them again, or at last stick with some fight/commedy type.
i don't want to slow down the recovery for two mangas you guys think they can harm me?

7- if all goes well I will do an update every 3-4 days.
See you later guys!

Ares

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2018, 09:32:31 AM »
Nothing new, still wet dreams, still horny and some need to play some P-games.
Because christmas  i stopped gym, but i wil start again today ( i hope).
I wish a happy new year to anyone who reads this message these days, stay strong guys.

Ares

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2019, 12:14:36 PM »
Hello everyone, yesterday was a very hard day... i almost googled some porn... but stopped myself before doing it,. i still sometimes keep my eyes fixed on the fanservice of youtube / mangas so I'm thinking of uninstalling the apps

changemylife

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2019, 12:33:08 PM »
Hello everyone, yesterday was a very hard day... i almost googled some porn... but stopped myself before doing it,. i still sometimes keep my eyes fixed on the fanservice of youtube / mangas so I'm thinking of uninstalling the apps

You might need to stay away from social media, Youtube, mangas and stuff like that, if the triggers there make you PMO. I've noticed this was the case for me and I've been avoiding them completely. I mean, I've even stopped watching the TV series I had been following (and I like them a lot) because they contained triggers. Anything I need to do to beat this. I can't fool around anymore.

deminounrae

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Re: i want to fight,
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2019, 08:45:22 AM »
Ciao Ares,

Non ti chiamo cosí a caso, hai il potenziale di essere il guerriero che vuoi diventare e sei sulla strada giusta.
Non essere troppo ossessionato da te stesso e le tue insicurezze... "Dovrei aspettare qualche giorno di cura in più o perdere qualche chilo prima di fare qualcosa per trovarmi una ragazza?" Ti rendi conto anche tu che è una domanda stupida vero XD? NON ASPETTARE UN C*ZZO DI NULLA! Vai e VIVI! Chissenefrega di quello che succede dopo, saranno solo storie che racconterai alla gente che avrai vicino quando avrai successo. Il reboot a me ha dato una spinta incredibile e ha cambiato la mia vita sessuale. Sono tornato su questo sito perchè ho camminato molto vicino al bordo e sono quasi ricaduto nella stessa trappola, con tutto che ho una ragazza con cui faccio sesso e anche tanto. Questa dipendenza è una merda. Punto. Ma si può battere e a noi guerrieri non ci ferma niente!