Author Topic: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)  (Read 3283 times)

pruthukkc

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Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« on: February 07, 2019, 08:59:16 AM »
 Hi rebooters! I found this site 2 years back and created ac to changed my pmo habit. I read so many peoples story, watched Garry Wilson's ted talk and also subscribed reboot nation and noah church's youtube channel after gaining lots of information and reading so many stories i convinced that i am addicted to p because lots of stories are similar to mine. 
  When i was 12 years old i started m. and its natural i guess but  after watching late night adult movies on HBO i turned on and started my fapping journey. Then i just m. and watched some times late night adult shows on T.V, not every day but once a week. After 3 years my parents gifted me a 3G internet modem and that time i had also my bedroom so i just closed my door and watched softcore p video on youtube, hollywood movies adult scene etc and jerked of at age of 16 i had girlfriend but when i met her i always felt nervous and had problem with brainfogg we dated in facebook and i never intimate with her i loved her so much but when i met her i cant build intimacy and after 1.5 year she dumped me after that i was totally depressed and turned into p videos. I dont knew that time whats reason she left me, whats wrong with me. My real addiction started at age of 17 and then i always used p videos for m. before that i always fantasizing and then m. After using frequently i started realizing that this is serious problem to me because i always felt uncomfortable in social life i had problem with self esteem and self confidence. One day i searching about m addiction and i found garry willson and noah be church's videos and suddenly my eyes were open i finally knew whats wrong with me. So i kept researching on addiction and i realized that i am porn addict after some time i found this forum and i created account i started my journey i relapsed so many times in past 2 years my highest streak was 28 days. I realize that this addiction is really strong and if you want to reboot you must aware about triggers, withdrawals and whats happening with you. Today i relapsed and i break my new year goal so now i am completely focusing on reboot and i will update my journal every day.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

changemylife

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2019, 09:07:50 AM »
Welcome, man. Our stories present similarities. This is my 2nd day, hard mode, no excuses.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2019, 09:59:02 AM »
Welcome in the journey, man! You can get rid of this addiction like everyone if you keep pushing and improve yourself in every way!

Wish you a fast recovery!!

blueRaccoon

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2019, 06:28:58 AM »
Welcome man. You did the right thing by joining the forum. Having people who share similar experiences helps a lot. Keep us updated about your journey ;)

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2019, 10:39:02 AM »
Thanks for wise words buddies!
 
    Today I relapsed I had really strong headache and I can't able to sleep so I watched YouTube at 1:30 AM and then relapsed it's really depressing to me. Today my mind was really messed up, I continuesly thinking about suicide but I calm myself. I read so many stories today and there were 100 + rebooters who succeeded in this journey they also gone through tough times, I am really lucky that I found my problem and now I am going to solve it.
From tomorrow I will count my days.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

changemylife

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2019, 10:44:36 AM »
Thanks for wise words buddies!
 
    Today I relapsed I had really strong headache and I can't able to sleep so I watched YouTube at 1:30 AM and then relapsed it's really depressing to me. Today my mind was really messed up, I continuesly thinking about suicide but I calm myself. I read so many stories today and there were 100 + rebooters who succeeded in this journey they also gone through tough times, I am really lucky that I found my problem and now I am going to solve it.
From tomorrow I will count my days.
First step is admitting we have a problem. You've done this. Second step is getting knowledgeable. We need to know what to do and what we could go through. Other people's story help us see what we could be facing. It's not only us feeling like that. Other people did too and if they could quit, so could we. It's not a walk in the park. Our brains know how to punish us for giving up pleasure. Years of artificial pleasure needs a period of pain to return everything back to normal. That's why, once we're done with this, we need to find reward in normal life things, not artificial things.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2019, 06:34:04 AM »
It's okay that you relapsed but you must identify the triggers which led you to this. It could easily be YouTube. It was one of my triggers. I used to get bored doing something, then I would switch to YouTube for a bit of recreation and being bored there too I would switch to P. It was a routine. I cut off YouTube and all the other artificial simulation from my life and I do have seen considerable improvement. I needed to find new solutions to the problems which I did in form of taking walks, talking to friends, reading books (I'm still working on these). On the other hand, a tiny but most precious improvement that I have been able to notice in myself is "I'm able to laugh". It might seem insignificant at once but earlier I was not able to laugh at the jokes or moments other people found extremely funny. Those jokes had no effect on me, I used to feel nothing. I have fake laughed just not to ruin it for others. But now these small jokes, moments make me laugh naturally and I enjoy it. I don't know what could be the exact reason but I'm guessing that it might be the result of abstaining from the dopamine highs of PMO.
Porn makes us desensitized to the normal life in order to have us stick with it 24x7.

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2019, 01:24:33 PM »
Thanks blueRaccon for sharing your experience. Really appreciate it.

 Today I changed my  mindset I realized that being alone will turn me into p. Paradox so it's important to interact with people's be with them and talk so many strangers. Don't. Affraid to talk it is important to have good conversation skills. In past I. Always felt insucured in social but now I overcome it. My confidence increased because I knew my problem. Today I also played badminton with friends I feel so energetic. I proud to say that I completed day 1.
Take small steps for giant improvement!
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2019, 01:52:18 PM »
Good job job man! Each day without P is a small vicrory!

Stay with us and stay busy... that will help! Stay strong!!

blueRaccoon

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2019, 05:52:54 AM »
Happy to help man. Congratulations for your 1st day. Keep us updated.  ;)

Do or die

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2019, 12:19:36 AM »
keep going friend.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2019, 03:35:52 AM »
Thanks for motivation @ blueRaccon and Do or die.

12/2/19 @ Day 4.

Good day for me, talked so many people's faced little bit anxiety and p urges. Now I am going with hard mode for 120 days. I also set rules about hard mode. 1. If I have night fall then I don't count it as relapse. 2. If I mastrubate intensionally then I will count it's a relapsed. 3. If I watched p and then did m. I will count as relapse. So this is hard mode to me. Let's see how far I go in this journey. Never ever give my friends be strong be aware about triggers, withdrawals. Keep pushing yourself.

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

changemylife

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #12 on: February 12, 2019, 06:05:34 AM »
Thanks for motivation @ blueRaccon and Do or die.

12/2/19 @ Day 4.

Good day for me, talked so many people's faced little bit anxiety and p urges. Now I am going with hard mode for 120 days. I also set rules about hard mode. 1. If I have night fall then I don't count it as relapse. 2. If I mastrubate intensionally then I will count it's a relapsed. 3. If I watched p and then did m. I will count as relapse. So this is hard mode to me. Let's see how far I go in this journey. Never ever give my friends be strong be aware about triggers, withdrawals. Keep pushing yourself.
Hard mode for me is when I don't do anything deliberately. If I search for P to watch it, if I start edging, these are relapses. If I happen to see something by accident, it's not a relapse if I close it right away. If I stay there and enjoy it, it's relapse.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #13 on: February 12, 2019, 06:23:31 AM »
Thanks for motivation @ blueRaccon and Do or die.

12/2/19 @ Day 4.

Good day for me, talked so many people's faced little bit anxiety and p urges. Now I am going with hard mode for 120 days. I also set rules about hard mode. 1. If I have night fall then I don't count it as relapse. 2. If I mastrubate intensionally then I will count it's a relapsed. 3. If I watched p and then did m. I will count as relapse. So this is hard mode to me. Let's see how far I go in this journey. Never ever give my friends be strong be aware about triggers, withdrawals. Keep pushing yourself.

Great!! All the best brother.  We are rooting for you!! 8)

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #14 on: February 13, 2019, 06:59:07 AM »
13/2/19 @ day 5. PMO free day. :)
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

changemylife

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #15 on: February 13, 2019, 07:04:39 AM »
13/2/19 @ day 5. PMO free day. :)
This is my 2nd day only :(

Rebooter2019

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #16 on: February 13, 2019, 04:30:30 PM »
13/2/19 @ day 5. PMO free day. :)

Congrats man, keep going! We're with you :)

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #17 on: February 13, 2019, 10:28:08 PM »
13/2/19 @ day 5. PMO free day. :)
This is my 2nd day only :(

Keep pushing yourself  dont count days you can do it.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #18 on: February 13, 2019, 10:32:18 PM »
13/2/19 @ day 5. PMO free day. :)

Congrats man, keep going! We're with you :)

Thanks buddy.

14-2-19

 6 days without PMO
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #19 on: February 14, 2019, 10:27:52 PM »
Today I feel  really positive because I completed 1 week without PMO. Now upcoming 3 weeks are really important to me because most of the time I relapsed in this period so I will prepare for it.  I also doing meditation 3 times in day it also helping me a lot.
15/2/19 7 Days Clean
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

changemylife

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #20 on: February 15, 2019, 04:56:20 AM »
Today I feel  really positive because I completed 1 week without PMO. Now upcoming 3 weeks are really important to me because most of the time I relapsed in this period so I will prepare for it.  I also doing meditation 3 times in day it also helping me a lot.
15/2/19 7 Days Clean
I don't know what happened to me but I've lost my ability to reach 1 week. I am even desensitized to the drama of it. I don't even despair these days.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #21 on: February 15, 2019, 01:11:04 PM »
Today I feel  really positive because I completed 1 week without PMO. Now upcoming 3 weeks are really important to me because most of the time I relapsed in this period so I will prepare for it.  I also doing meditation 3 times in day it also helping me a lot.
15/2/19 7 Days Clean

That's really good, keep going and stay strong!!

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #22 on: February 16, 2019, 12:38:01 AM »
Today I feel  really positive because I completed 1 week without PMO. Now upcoming 3 weeks are really important to me because most of the time I relapsed in this period so I will prepare for it.  I also doing meditation 3 times in day it also helping me a lot.
15/2/19 7 Days Clean

That's really good, keep going and stay strong!!

Thanks brother!
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #23 on: February 16, 2019, 12:39:38 AM »
Today I feel  really positive because I completed 1 week without PMO. Now upcoming 3 weeks are really important to me because most of the time I relapsed in this period so I will prepare for it.  I also doing meditation 3 times in day it also helping me a lot.
15/2/19 7 Days Clean
I don't know what happened to me but I've lost my ability to reach 1 week. I am even desensitized to the drama of it. I don't even despair these days.

Be positive man!  Stay strong.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

pruthukkc

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Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Reply #24 on: February 16, 2019, 12:48:23 AM »
16-2-19 8 days clean
Yesterday I got really strong urges but I control my self my. I also see changes in my erection I think it is flatline. I guess it's start now my penis is totally dead. Yesterday night I dreamed about p star and during meditation my mind also chattered about p scene,images etc. Guys please every day do some mental fitness activity. Like meditation,yoga, exercise. Etc and be consistent on it. In past week I regularly did meditation and yoga and it helping me a lot.
Tough time is coming be ready to face it.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.