Author Topic: My Reboot Journal  (Read 2020 times)

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #50 on: February 18, 2019, 12:43:57 PM »
Yesterday, was Day 17! Clean one and kind of boring, but not without some drama at work! Not related to me, but still it busy my mind for a while and I was able to support a friend in need! I feel so good about it and I really hope it will be ok for her!

It's so much better to be without PMO. It can be hard to spot how much it is better until you compare yourself to previous state! How you looked more pathetic, had less energy even if you were younger, couldn't concentrate on basic task, had no motivation, were depressed, etc...

I take myself 2 years ago, me now and I'm 2 completely different person. I feel so much better, even if I'm bored in this mental flatline!!

Keep at it everyone! We're stronger than this PMO shit!!
« Last Edit: February 18, 2019, 02:02:55 PM by Rebooter2019 »

Circle

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #51 on: February 18, 2019, 01:03:43 PM »
Good work man! The difference is pretty huge. The "pornified" you is a drug addict! All your brain really wants is the pmo and wow does it ever get you high. The real you is balanced and everything is better - especially sex! Keep strong!

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #52 on: February 18, 2019, 02:00:50 PM »
Thanks!! And you're right! But I will make so that It's not coming back in my life! I really want to have real sex.

Thanks again and I will continue until I've recovered!! No more PMO ever again !!! :)

Kaingang

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #53 on: February 19, 2019, 06:25:20 AM »
living without porn is much better. we need to fix it in our minds and hearts and never forget it.

more energy, more time for things that really matter, less depression, greater focus, less guilt, more life in general.

good job man. keep strong.

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #54 on: February 19, 2019, 09:34:08 AM »
Yesterday was Day 18 and I relapsed...

I already had some sexual thoughts during the day that I wasn't fueling them. But when came the time to sleep I woke up an hour after falling asleep completely unable to fall back asleep... I had sexual thoughts for more than 3 hours that I had more and more trouble to no care and/or getting rid of... at the end I gave in to the cravings. I didn't binge, but still a sad ending to what was successful day otherwise!

Next time I have an insomnia I think I'll just get up! And maybe I should install OpenDNS. I don't even know what it is, but I saw alot of people talking about it and telling that it help!

Today I restart the Reboot and I'll do it until I succed no turning back!!

Pete McVries

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #55 on: February 19, 2019, 09:57:03 AM »

blueRaccoon

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #56 on: February 20, 2019, 06:46:11 AM »
Stay strong brother, we have to get rid of this addiction.

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #57 on: February 20, 2019, 10:00:03 AM »
@Pete Mcvries I'll install it in a none busy day, thanks man!

@blueRacoon thanks, brother!! We have to, it's not a way to live...

Yesterday was Day 19 and was clean. I had no craving or urges, just some P flashback from the day before. But nothing otherwise, a boring day even at work it was even more boring and frustrating than usual. Recently, I've had trouble meditating. I meditate a lot less, maybe that's one reason why I feel kind of worst than usual?..

I'll try to restart meditating more. Even though it seems that I'm starting get sick.

Stay strong everyone

Rakses

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #58 on: February 20, 2019, 03:47:14 PM »
The struggle is real my friend. I know we can do it. 18 days is long time without drug taking in consideration we have been doing it for couple years straight everyday. I am here with you, learn, engage, win. Peace Rebooter :)
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #59 on: February 20, 2019, 07:48:29 PM »
I had 16 days total, because I had another relapse before, but you're right. It's still an accomplishment and I can just get better if I keep improving and learn from my previous mistake!

Thanks Rikki!! Thanks to everyone that comment, support and give me advice! I'm really grateful for everything :)

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #60 on: February 21, 2019, 09:10:14 AM »
Yesterday was Day 20 another clean one, and was a much better day despite my sickness(a cold). I wasn't really bored during the day, just weaker than usual and tired, but that's to be expected!

I only had P flashback during the initial wake up time and after they were gone! No cravings nor urges during that day and that's a relief. Looking forward for the next day, so today basically!!

Stay strong everyone!!
« Last Edit: February 22, 2019, 08:43:45 AM by Rebooter2019 »

pruthukkc

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #61 on: February 21, 2019, 12:13:25 PM »
Yesterday was Day 20 another clean one, and was a much better day despite my sickness(a cold). I wasn't really bored during the day, just weaker than usual and tired, but that's to be expected!

I only had P flashback during the initial wake up time and after they were gone! No cravings nor urges during that day and that's a relief. Looking forward for the next day, so today basically!!

Stay strong everyone!!

Keep pushing yourself brother you can do it.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #62 on: February 22, 2019, 08:59:12 AM »
@pruthukkc Thanks man, I will that's for sure :)

Yesterday was Day 21 and was a clean one, I had no urges, no cravings and just some sexual thoughts after waking up for the fifth time because of my cold, but I manage to ignore them and keep trying too sleep! It was a tiring day and not really productive, but it was expected, again, since I'm sick and without energy!

It was an ok day!

blueRaccoon

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #63 on: February 23, 2019, 07:04:04 AM »
Congrats man, you have completed your 3rd week clean. 1 more week and the cravings will weaken but before that, the brain is gonna try its best to make you give up. Be prepared for the 4th week. Hope you recover from the cold and this addiction soon.

Keep going, stay strong. :)

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #64 on: February 23, 2019, 12:29:32 PM »
@blueRacoon Thanks brother

I'm on Day 5, streak wise, but my life is already better, since I started that real Reboot 21 days ago! I just have to be careful and smart, that way I'll reach 90+ days! To be free from PMO!!

Thanks for the support :)

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #65 on: February 23, 2019, 08:19:57 PM »
------ 4th Day Clean ------
Yesterday was Day 22, was clean without cravings! I'm really happy of that! I feel so much better without all these sexual thoughts going on in my head!! It let me use that energy to do something else! Currently to heal, but after I'll be able to do other things :)

I'm still sick, but recovering! These last days have been alot better and easier! Let's just hope that it doesn't hide a harder period ahead! I'm confident that even if it's the case I'll have the strenght to deal with it or just ignore it ;)

P.S. To let's people know where I am in term of streak in relation to when I started my journey I will put my streak at the top moving. Gives you guys more info on what is going on! I think...

Pete McVries

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #66 on: February 23, 2019, 08:57:14 PM »
Keep going, mate. It doesn't really feel like it in the beginning but it gets much easier with time. People always say, don't rely on willpower alone and while I agree, I'd like to add that your willpower will be tested often but you will train that willpower like a muscle. Day by day. Hang in there!

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #67 on: February 24, 2019, 07:26:06 AM »
Keep going, mate. It doesn't really feel like it in the beginning but it gets much easier with time. People always say, don't rely on willpower alone and while I agree, I'd like to add that your willpower will be tested often but you will train that willpower like a muscle. Day by day. Hang in there!

I think you're 100% right! I will stay on our rails! Doesn't matter if I end up making some detour, well yes it matter, but even if it happen I will continue foward!! There's no turning back, I want to be free of addiction!

Thanks, my friend!!

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #68 on: February 24, 2019, 07:45:30 AM »
------ 5th Day Clean ------Yesterday was Day 23 and was another clean one! I barely had some sexual thoughts for one minutes during bed time, but I discarded them and didn't had any after that! I'm really happy about that peace of mind.

Yesterday I was training with a girl, but I don't really know what to think about it! I've pass so much time staying away from these type of things that I'm not sure if I really got something for her or it is just my addiction wanting to get something from her!.. I think she ok physically, but she's kind of excentric... Don't know if she's my type really! I'm kind of confused and she really seems interested in me! Maybe I'm wrong and she's just friendly, but act more than friendly! So I don't know! Thoughts anyone?
« Last Edit: February 24, 2019, 01:27:16 PM by Rebooter2019 »

Pete McVries

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #69 on: February 24, 2019, 08:49:01 AM »
Women are very subtle creatures. You know, when a man is interested he is pretty straight-forward and it is easy to tell that he is interested for both men and women. But women on the other hand are very nifty in their approach. Often times, they lure you into finding them interesting and try to date you but also try to mask it, like let's study together, let's work out together and so on and so forth. It's truly a sight to behold  8).

What I'm trying to say is, don't rush it, feel her out more, maybe her excentric side can also be a big plus. Yeah, just go with the flow, you don't have to decide now, if you wanna be with her or not. You are not responsible for her, just be honest when it comes down to it. Have fun with it, play with it, look at it as a great opportunity to excercise, to get comfortable in these kind of situations... I mean social interactions are the cream topping of our lives aren't they? Especially, if you consider that most PMO addicts are starved of these kind of interactions. I certainly am and I'm very much looking forward to get back into the game ;D
« Last Edit: February 24, 2019, 08:58:47 AM by Pete McVries »

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #70 on: February 24, 2019, 03:03:09 PM »
@Pete McVries thanks man!! Yeah women are usually more subtle!

The things is since we don't have these kind of interaction we tend to be needy! Since we want more of these interaction the danger is to fall by the tendency to want to keep these at all cost! We have to be careful not to lose ourselves!

That's what scare me is that I may start to develop feelings for her and there may be nothing and even if there's feeling on her part I'm far from my recovery in my reboot! I know I can't perform in bed yet!

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #71 on: February 25, 2019, 12:43:10 PM »
------ 6th Day Clean ------Yesterday was Day 24 and was clean. No craving, no urges, no sexual thoughts. I was working for the most part of the day and when back home, I eat and watch 2 episodes of a show that I like(clean show). After that, I prepare my things for my workout the next morning and went to sleep! Fell asleep real quick and only wake up twice during the night. Wasn't the best productive day, but a clean day nonetheless.

I'm really happy when I get those kind of days free of sexual thoughts and all!!

Stay strong everyone!!
« Last Edit: February 25, 2019, 12:44:41 PM by Rebooter2019 »

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #72 on: February 27, 2019, 09:26:09 AM »
------ First Week Clean ------Before Yesterday was Day 25, a clean one. No sexual thought, nothing, but I was very busy! It's was a nice day thought!

Not much else to say! Stay strong everyone!!

Rebooter2019

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #73 on: February 27, 2019, 09:30:56 AM »
------ 8th Day Clean ------Yesterday was Day 26, was another clean one. I just had some P fabrication from my mind in the bed for a few seconds, but I make them go away by concentration on a fabricated dream of mine!

The day was a busy one, got everything done and was feeling a sort of peace! That's a really good one I must say!!

Stay strong everyone!! Keep Rebooting It's well worth it!
« Last Edit: February 27, 2019, 08:52:22 PM by Rebooter2019 »

Kaingang

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Re: My Reboot Journal
« Reply #74 on: February 27, 2019, 04:17:33 PM »
Good to see good news here man. stay strong and away from triggers!