Author Topic: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life  (Read 1692 times)

changemylife

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #50 on: February 13, 2019, 07:31:22 AM »
DAY #19

Clean without cravings.

Yesterday, after making an entry to the journal I spent a good amount of time on YBOP and it was so enlighting. Half of the thoughts I have had are induced by P. The "right thing" my brain suggested was nothing but my prefrontal cortex telling to be rational while the "go get it" is obviously the primitive brain. P addiction has made the Go-get-it circuit strong and rational circuit weak. The simple solution is to follow the rational circuit to make it strong while the go-get-it weakens by itself. The go-get-it circuit will remain there so it's better to modify it too. The craving and flashback are the activations of go-get-it and the result was PMO, a better idea would be to train the brain for some good activities thus forming new circuits. I have tried imagining a big X with a buzzer sound when I get a flashback but I also plan to do some physical activity for these. The brain will crave the dopamine it used to get and the solution to this is to get the dopamine naturally - friend, family, outdoors etc. Apart from that doing exercises and meditation help enforce the prefrontal cortex circuitry i.e. getting better control over our minds. I gonna follow this strategy from now (everyone is doing this knowingly or unknowingly).

And today was another usual day however I was able to improve a bit, I woke up half an hour earlier to what I usually do bearing in mind the reinforcement of the prefrontal cortex circuitry or simply doing the right thing as I called it earlier. I did exercise and meditation but would love to hear your suggestion on how to improve them. For the exercise, I do some yoga and calisthenics, the yoga is not a problem but I am struggling with calisthenics, any suggestions on that? and also on meditation?
I struggle with getting rid of the desire for pleasure. When urges built up, I lose control and all I think about is what great pleasure will come if I act on those urges.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #51 on: February 14, 2019, 06:02:56 AM »
DAY #20

Clean without cravings.

The days seem to pass pretty easily. My muscles were sore because of yesterday's routine so I decided to skip the exercise for today. Nights have been weird, I don't know when I fall asleep but it takes its own time after I go to bed, and mornings have been pretty lazy. I think I am oversleeping. I have started to work on controlling myself - skipping the sweet dish if I know it not good for me, studying when I have too irrespective of my mood etc. small things but seems to work for now. I have entered the 3rd week of the reboot and it's 17th clean day today. I would say the 2nd week had some troubles for me but till now 3rd week seems normal. For most of the fellow rebooters 3rd and 4th week have been the toughest and this is where some of them have relapsed. These are days when the protein binding the PMO circuitry starts to break. I am waiting to tackle the challenge head-on and get over it!!

Rebooter2019

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #52 on: February 14, 2019, 10:33:22 AM »
Keep going man, that a great thing that you've reach this point!!

Stay strong and we're here if you need support :)

Circle

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #53 on: February 14, 2019, 12:25:53 PM »
Good work man! Stay strong, you sound like you will power right through the next few weeks. Your brain is already changing and soon enough you'll be on autopilot - the days will fly by :)

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #54 on: February 15, 2019, 06:12:14 AM »
Thank you @Rebooter2019, your constant support means a lot.

Thanks @ circle, the brain is definitely changing. It feels like I have started to control the brain rather than the brain controlling me all the time however it still tries to dominate once in a while. Gotta work on that.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #55 on: February 15, 2019, 06:29:55 AM »
DAY #21

Clean with some cravings.

I did the meditation and yoga today. I have decided to split the calisthenics and yoga routine which I used to do together at one go. Yoga and meditation will be the part of the morning routine as to have a smooth and calm start of the day while the calisthenics would be in the evening as I have to get the energy out somewhere and also to make myself fit and well built (Any suggestion Yoga/Meditation/Calisthenic routine from your side is most welcomed!!).

The cravings I faced today were mostly due to a girl I saw and after that, there were weak cravings whenever I would have some dead time be it for a minute only. I was able to overcome these craving by getting myself busy with the work. Another thing that I have noticed is that my bathroom is somehow acting as a trigger. It's weird as I rarely did anything P related there. Maybe it's the fact that earlier my biggest trigger was being alone, in private, where I am assured that no one would see me and the bathroom is definitely such a place. At present, I am not worried about it much as somehow I am able to stop my mind from wandering here and there. One thing which I am yet to face is being alone which had caused the triggers in past. It is the most basic challenge which I have to pass in order to get over this addiction.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #56 on: February 15, 2019, 01:06:53 PM »
Love to see your progress! I'm really happy to do it when I feel that it can help you even a tiny bit! We're all in this together... if one win we all benefits and win indirectly. That's how I see it!

I think your routine is good. I don't do yoga. For the calisthenic training, I do it in the morning where I have the most amount of energy available! It's my personal preference though and maybe not something I would suggest to most people! The reason is I really kill myself with the training, so I can be really tired after such training. At the same time it help me start my journey with something I'm really proud to have done.

So it's a tradeof that I'm willing to do ;)

Keep going brother, you're on the right track that's for sure!!

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #57 on: February 16, 2019, 05:40:08 AM »
Thanks @Rebooter2019, I can sure get benefitted by your thoughts on meditation. How's your progress with that?

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #58 on: February 16, 2019, 05:52:08 AM »
DAY #22

Clean without cravings.

The was good, I did yoga and meditation but the yoga I have been doing is sort of a combination of yoga and calisthenics. I need to find a proper route to these two. I'll be doing my digging on the subjects and hope to make a proper routine for myself soon. The meditation has been good I guess, I am able to get a few minutes of NO-THINKING time but after that, it's just bombardment of thoughts. These random (clean) thoughts in my head did not let me sleep yesterday and I am also having a bit of headache in the forehead and sometimes on top of the head, I do feel my brain changing now. I get a feeling that I would be subjected to the alone time in the upcoming days, then I feel like I am stressing too much on this. Hope to get over it whenever it appears.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #59 on: February 17, 2019, 07:28:04 AM »
DAY #23

Clean with flashbacks.

I had an important test today and the entire day went by without much. I wasn't able to do yoga or meditation as I left for the test in the early morning. What seems to be interesting to me are the late night headache and flashback and early morning flashbacks. I think it was because I wasn't well prepared for the test and my brain was trying to pull me towards P using this as an excuse. I won't be doing much in the evening (post making the entry to journal) as I hope to rest for while. Ain't gonna watch anime, learned the lesson from last Sunday.


Rebooter2019

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #60 on: February 17, 2019, 08:18:45 PM »
Thanks @Rebooter2019, I can sure get benefitted by your thoughts on meditation. How's your progress with that?

I made good progress. I can get to the zone much faster now. Plus, I can reach more than an hour of meditation where before I was simply unable to!

Hope everything went well for your test. Keep going my fiend!!

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #61 on: February 18, 2019, 05:30:30 AM »
DAY #24

RELAPSED.

The day didn't start good, wet dream and a dream about watching P were the first two things in the morning. Later on, I was doing yoga but skipped it in the middle. I knew my sibling had some plans today and knew I would be alone for good 3-4 hours. I initially planned to do something as not relapse but couldn't come up with anything by the time I was alone. There were cravings to watch P after that, it was more like "This is what you do whenever you are alone, do it!". I was able to relax for a while, sat there fighting the urges for 1 and a half hour, till I gave up to the idea of watching anime. I knew somewhere in my mind that it's not gonna be anime I end up with. Started using the laptop, the next thing I am doing is watching P and ending up in MO. I did not binge but it was intermittent. I feel bad about today. Throughout that one and a half hour of struggle, I was saying to myself "I don't wanna write RELAPSE, I wanna right FAUGHT AND WON" but I hadn't planned anything for this "alone-time" of mine and ended up relapsing.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #62 on: February 18, 2019, 11:09:04 AM »
Man, it's a bump nothing more, don't be too hard on yourself! You're stronger than when you started, so just get back in with us, my friend!

We're here with you!!

Circle

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #63 on: February 18, 2019, 12:40:50 PM »
My strongest motivation to quit (after 2 months of scattered relapses)came from this line of thinking:
"If I don't stop relapsing, if I don't quit porn for good, I will NEVER have sex with a woman, I will NEVER have a normal sex drive, and I will always wonder if the attraction I have towards women is real or porn-induced."

Tying the craving for pleasure (I 100% understand the feeling of them building up until you've lost all control and you're relapsing) to this horrible fate helped me. I had to get rid of the "pmo/fantasies are a normal thing, I just do them too much!" line of thinking as my brain was clearly too vulnerable to the relapsing urges.

The next time you feel the urges bubbling up, tell yourself:

"No. I don't want this. I don't do that anymore. It's not real sex. I want real sex and real women." Then take deep breaths, tell yourself you can't fantasize and clear your mind of everything until you feel balanced again.

This really worked for me. Your brain wants pleasure in the way you used to give it: PMO. But it also does still want real women, sex and relationships. You just have to remind it that those are more pleasurable and more healthy

And if all else fails, get any kind of exercise you can, it should clear your thoughts.

Good luck.

Kaingang

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #64 on: February 19, 2019, 06:40:06 AM »
"This is what you do whenever you are alone, do it!"

This thought of doing something simply because that's what you've always done is quite treacherous and it's what keeps old and harmful habits.

You've been cleaned for over 20 days and that's is great. You can do it again and go further. Come back to our boat and next time that the thought "do what you always did" arise think next:"This is what I've always done but this time I'm going to do it differently". Only in this way the vicious circle is broken. Stay strong. We are with you!

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #65 on: February 19, 2019, 07:31:43 AM »
Thanks Rebooter, Circle, and Kaingang. Yesterday was a big bump for sure, I was quiet for the rest of the day and many negative thoughts kept on emerging, the thought of making it up to 20 days helped a lot. Counting the days was a big motivation, I am gonna do that from now on. I used to relapse every third or fourth day and 20 day is an achievement for me. Also, I realized that beating myself on this relapse is not something that would help me move ahead, I have to keep on moving no matter what happens in my life. Although this particular thought appeared after several hours of self-criticism. Hope it stays there for a long time.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #66 on: February 19, 2019, 08:26:24 AM »
DAY #25

1st clean day

Didn't do much today. Woke up a bit late. The day started slow but gradually I picked up the pace. I didn't do calisthenics and meditation but intermittent studies were there, talked to many friends and was happy for the whole time. Definitely, today was the day I took a step back from the fight to reclaim my peace. I took some steps to prevent what had happened, now I am completely dependent on my sibling for accessing the internet. I feel that these are only the precautions I can take and not the solution to the problem, I have to work on myself. Another thing I realized is that I had lost the aim for a while, I was focused on the test I had a few days back and it had helped me stay clean, I have to do that again, getting myself emerged in the work. I was waiting for the replies on yesterday's post, I knew I would get motivated by you guys. Thanks for that.

Looking forward to the next day, and get back to the fight again.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #67 on: February 20, 2019, 06:50:50 AM »
DAY #26

2nd clean day.

It's my birthday today. My parents came to the house, the entire day is going to be spent with them. I talked to a lot of my friends, gonna celebrate the evening with family. Nothing else. Tomorrow's a new day, looking forward to it.

pruthukkc

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #68 on: February 20, 2019, 11:21:39 AM »
DAY #26

2nd clean day.

It's my birthday today. My parents came to the house, the entire day is going to be spent with them. I talked to a lot of my friends, gonna celebrate the evening with family. Nothing else. Tomorrow's a new day, looking forward to it.

Happy Birthday bro!May you completely reboot this year and live happy peaceful life :) You are really inspiration for us keep update your journal :)
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #69 on: February 20, 2019, 12:32:13 PM »
DAY #26

2nd clean day.

It's my birthday today. My parents came to the house, the entire day is going to be spent with them. I talked to a lot of my friends, gonna celebrate the evening with family. Nothing else. Tomorrow's a new day, looking forward to it.

Hey!! Happy birthday brother! You're giving yourself the most wonderful gift right now by Rebooting. Continue and may you completely recover to have a much better life. A life you build yourself :)

Rakses

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #70 on: February 20, 2019, 03:05:21 PM »
Happy Birthday my booooiii. I wish u all the best
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #71 on: February 21, 2019, 07:14:48 AM »
Thank you guys.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #72 on: February 21, 2019, 07:15:31 AM »
DAY #27

RELAPSE.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #73 on: February 21, 2019, 09:15:18 AM »
It's normal man you have the chaser effect! Watch out the next days, but keep going don't let yourself get discourage!! You can do it man, just get back on track without being to hard on yourself.

We're here with you, you're not alone!! You'll skullcrush this addiction man!!

pruthukkc

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #74 on: February 21, 2019, 12:11:20 PM »
It's normal man you have the chaser effect! Watch out the next days, but keep going don't let yourself get discourage!! You can do it man, just get back on track without being to hard on yourself.

We're here with you, you're not alone!! You'll skullcrush this addiction man!!

Can you explain in brief what is chaser effect?
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.