Author Topic: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life  (Read 1495 times)

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #25 on: February 08, 2019, 05:45:42 AM »
Nice job, man! Almost 2 weeks, you're doing great! It's nice that you start to see things your brain was trying to hide from you. It will help you further along the line!

Stay strong and clean, you're right on the path :)

Thanks!! 3 days to go to reach 2 weeks of sobriety.  ;D

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #26 on: February 08, 2019, 05:57:22 AM »
DAY #14

Clean with sudden flashbacks.

Last night I had sudden flashbacks of the P. I was troubled for a while but got control of myself soon. The morning was a bit dull and the dull mood prevailed throughout the day. I wasn't able to get much of the things done but I did the exercise and I am happy about that. The day was sure rough and could have been disastrous. I have to be more careful from now on.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #27 on: February 08, 2019, 12:59:44 PM »
I had that yesterday and it was partially my fault. Stayed to much in bed, but I got up and didn't return to my room until it was time to sleep! And I meditate almost an hour.

We have to find creative/or not ways the get around our brain trying his best against us!

Stay strong and let's make this day productive!!

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #28 on: February 09, 2019, 06:03:19 AM »
Yeah man. Our brain knows us too well to find ways to trick us. I have been trying to identifying that when it's my brain trying to trick me and when it's actually something real. I was really low in the morning for no reason t all and soon realized that it's my brain trying to convince me to take refuge in P.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #29 on: February 09, 2019, 06:12:19 AM »
DAY #15

Clean with strong cravings and wet dreams.

The day started with me waking up to a wet dream. It was not some usual dream but a weird one which left me thinking what could have been the reason for it? I soon declared that it's my brain's way of making me feel bad about it and take refuge in P. The rest of the day was something I must have anticipated from a "wet-dream day". I was not able to concentrate, the brain was wandering from time to time and often lead to P flashbacks, there were strong urges of P but somehow I survived. The day is yet to over and the battle for survival must continue for now.

Rakses

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #30 on: February 09, 2019, 06:20:55 AM »
I get you bro I also witness strong urges recently... It seems to be so real when your brain try to trick you...
Stay strong and don't follow your thoughts. Everytime fantasies come return your awareness to your body and you will be good :)
Keep it tight! And congratulations on your 2 weeks mark :)
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #31 on: February 09, 2019, 06:45:42 AM »
I get you bro I also witness strong urges recently... It seems to be so real when your brain try to trick you...
Stay strong and don't follow your thoughts. Everytime fantasies come return your awareness to your body and you will be good :)
Keep it tight! And congratulations on your 2 weeks mark :)

Thanks man. I'll get through this for sure!!
btw I'm yet to reach 2 weeks mark. The Day number I put on the post is the number of days it has been since I started this journey, I'm maintaining a separate spreadsheet to check on the relapses. It's just a personal choice of not looking at the streak. I had relapsed for the 3 consecutive days at the start of this journey so it's my 12th day today. Save your congratulations for Day #17 post 8)

Rebooter2019

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #32 on: February 09, 2019, 01:47:54 PM »
I get you bro I also witness strong urges recently... It seems to be so real when your brain try to trick you...
Stay strong and don't follow your thoughts. Everytime fantasies come return your awareness to your body and you will be good :)
Keep it tight! And congratulations on your 2 weeks mark :)

Thanks man. I'll get through this for sure!!
btw I'm yet to reach 2 weeks mark. The Day number I put on the post is the number of days it has been since I started this journey, I'm maintaining a separate spreadsheet to check on the relapses. It's just a personal choice of not looking at the streak. I had relapsed for the 3 consecutive days at the start of this journey so it's my 12th day today. Save your congratulations for Day #17 post 8)

I understand your choice about streak, I've have pretty much opinion about it. Still, I congatulate you for all the efforts you've done up to this point.

You're on the right track my friend! Keep going :)

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #33 on: February 10, 2019, 05:34:27 AM »
Thanks @Rebooter2019

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #34 on: February 10, 2019, 05:40:09 AM »
DAY #16

Clean with no cravings.

I was out for some work for the whole day. I feel a bit tired and plan to rest for a while.
Looking forward to the next day.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #35 on: February 11, 2019, 06:49:33 AM »
DAY #17

Clean without cravings

Today was just another usual day for me. No cravings or flashbacks, I was busy doing my own things.
I still need to get my morning routine right. I was supposed to do exercise but I woke up late and eventually skipped it.


NSFW

Yesterday, I thought of watching some anime but mind was constantly telling me not to do it(right thing!!). As I prepared myself to get the show on, I felt like I was watching myself getting ready for a PMO session. The whole setup to watch a show was similar to that of what I used to do for P. I watched the show, things were normal until I saw a character attacking a female character out of nowhere. At this point, I felt this sudden rush inside my body, I could not feel my weight and felt much lighter. Luckily, that particular scene came at the end of the show just as a sneak-peek to the next episode and might have lasted for 10 seconds only. But it was enough to make me realize that Animes are not something I can continue in this journey. I had known it from the start but thought a new episode a week of my favorite anime can be tolerated but It's not the case now. I was also feeling bad about the reaction I had to that particular scene and it made me realize how my brain sees such things. It was just an attack - a character trying to choke other using his hands - and my brain was all set to see somethings which it had seen earlier. How can a person's harm be something to get all excited about to others, it was an animation indeed but what's the guarantee that my brain would not react similarly if it was real? I do very well know that it's the result of the years of exposure to the P which made my brain react like this but still, it's something I can not let go off easily. I need to get out of this mess and improve myself otherwise I don't know what kind of a person I would be.

Rakses

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #36 on: February 11, 2019, 09:57:58 AM »
I feel you bro... It is a part of our rebbot job to notice and diagnose those patterns in our brains. In order for them to dissapear we have to stay away from this sexual stimulation and this patterns for a while.

Keep in mind that anime is a cool thing and we should not abandon this forever... We will never avoid sex and all this over-sexualized society we just have to reboot our brains (take a break from all this stuff) and make a lifetime commitment to do not PMO.

keep being observant and be strong man ! :)
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #37 on: February 11, 2019, 12:18:55 PM »
Yeah, me too. It's pretty much everywhere and I don't watch hardly any show apart some carefully selected old cartoon movie which does not have any sexual content. Almost everything as some sort of sexual content in digital(unreal) form in itself and as Rebooters we have to be extra careful of what we watch.

Anyway, when we think about it shows are like fast food for the brain. Sure there's some shows we love to watch, but isn't it the same for food. So in a sense rebooting serves multiple purpose. We must clean thoroughly our brain from everything that is not optimal for it. Like we try to keep our body in optimal condition by giving it the right food through nutrition!

Just my thoughts on the subject. Stay strong man :)

changemylife

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #38 on: February 11, 2019, 06:07:46 PM »
Yeah, me too. It's pretty much everywhere and I don't watch hardly any show apart some carefully selected old cartoon movie which does not have any sexual content. Almost everything as some sort of sexual content in digital(unreal) form in itself and as Rebooters we have to be extra careful of what we watch.

Anyway, when we think about it shows are like fast food for the brain. Sure there's some shows we love to watch, but isn't it the same for food. So in a sense rebooting serves multiple purpose. We must clean thoroughly our brain from everything that is not optimal for it. Like we try to keep our body in optimal condition by giving it the right food through nutrition!

Just my thoughts on the subject. Stay strong man :)
They know that this is how they keep people hooked. I, too, have run into this problem: WTF could I watch that doesn't have softcore? I ended up watching a TV series for teenagers, out of frustration. It was refreshing to finally watch a full episode without nothing in it. We don't have to dive in movies and TV series. I only watch the movies that I already know they are safe. Like "Doubt", for example. Give it a try.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #39 on: February 12, 2019, 06:03:15 AM »
Thank you Riki, Rebooter and chagemylife for the support. I have to be extra careful from now on while watching any series or movies. Sexualization has become so common everywhere, even in the good shows they will just put something to keep the pervs happy. I have to completely abstain from such things for the time being. Must clean all the junk that I have in my brain first.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #40 on: February 12, 2019, 06:15:30 AM »
DAY #18

Clean without cravings.

Another usual day.
The growth has not been linear. I would say I was on fire at the start but this phase has been stagnant so far. I have not yet worked on some of the habits I want to incorporate -exercise, meditation- and feel like writing this journal is the single things I look forward to in a day. Other than that there is nothing. I have to get myself charged again. Fear of failure has always been a problem with me when I see something too big for me to climb up, I just stay still at the bottom looking at the top of the hill thinking I can not do it and this makes me go numb in all other spheres of my life. Standing still in one sphere of my life make the progress of other spheres stop too. I guess this phase is the phase of fear, I have to face it and conquer it for me to progress in my life.

changemylife

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #41 on: February 12, 2019, 06:21:47 AM »
DAY #18

Clean without cravings.

Another usual day.
The growth has not been linear. I would say I was on fire at the start but this phase has been stagnant so far. I have not yet worked on some of the habits I want to incorporate -exercise, meditation- and feel like writing this journal is the single things I look forward to in a day. Other than that there is nothing. I have to get myself charged again. Fear of failure has always been a problem with me when I see something too big for me to climb up, I just stay still at the bottom looking at the top of the hill thinking I can not do it and this makes me go numb in all other spheres of my life. Standing still in one sphere of my life make the progress of other spheres stop too. I guess this phase is the phase of fear, I have to face it and conquer it for me to progress in my life.
Yeah, man, I could relate to this. I've been trying to quit P since 2 months ago and I haven't made any progress. I kept relapsing (bingeing) once/twice a week. I haven't even completed 1 week without P or edging and it annoys me. I've seen users around here saying they have been trying for years and it just scares me. I've joined this place after (like maybe everybody) I've discovered Gabe Deem and Gary Wilson. I started with that "courage from autosuggestion" let's call it, I felt like I could do it in a few months. But then 1 relapse, another one, another one, bingeing like crazy, I've become depressed and started to doubt it. Sometimes I feel like I know what to do but I can't do it. I'm too obsessed with pleasure, that's the fucking problem. I don't do it everyday, I don't do it as self-medication anymore, I just do it for pleasure. I wait days to built up the urges and then do it. However, in the last 2 weeks or so, I've been completely asexual. I can't turn myself on, I can't have urges. You could say "Alright, then why are you doing it if you don't have urges?" The answer: I am obsessed about pleasure. I want to experience pleasure. I start edging, in a desperate attempt to turn myself on. It didn't work and I despaired. I don't know, man, I'm doing this wrong.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #42 on: February 12, 2019, 06:42:57 AM »
DAY #18

Clean without cravings.

Another usual day.
The growth has not been linear. I would say I was on fire at the start but this phase has been stagnant so far. I have not yet worked on some of the habits I want to incorporate -exercise, meditation- and feel like writing this journal is the single things I look forward to in a day. Other than that there is nothing. I have to get myself charged again. Fear of failure has always been a problem with me when I see something too big for me to climb up, I just stay still at the bottom looking at the top of the hill thinking I can not do it and this makes me go numb in all other spheres of my life. Standing still in one sphere of my life make the progress of other spheres stop too. I guess this phase is the phase of fear, I have to face it and conquer it for me to progress in my life.
Yeah, man, I could relate to this. I've been trying to quit P since 2 months ago and I haven't made any progress. I kept relapsing (bingeing) once/twice a week. I haven't even completed 1 week without P or edging and it annoys me. I've seen users around here saying they have been trying for years and it just scares me. I've joined this place after (like maybe everybody) I've discovered Gabe Deem and Gary Wilson. I started with that "courage from autosuggestion" let's call it, I felt like I could do it in a few months. But then 1 relapse, another one, another one, bingeing like crazy, I've become depressed and started to doubt it. Sometimes I feel like I know what to do but I can't do it. I'm too obsessed with pleasure, that's the fucking problem. I don't do it everyday, I don't do it as self-medication anymore, I just do it for pleasure. I wait days to built up the urges and then do it. However, in the last 2 weeks or so, I've been completely asexual. I can't turn myself on, I can't have urges. You could say "Alright, then why are you doing it if you don't have urges?" The answer: I am obsessed about pleasure. I want to experience pleasure. I start edging, in a desperate attempt to turn myself on. It didn't work and I despaired. I don't know, man, I'm doing this wrong.

Yeah man. This was something I was facing too. I would resolve every day to fight and get rid of this addiction once and for all but just after that particular moment of resolve I would give up and start binge-watching P. My very first post about myself was a result of a PMO session, I thought I would feel good  after sharing everything but as soon as I posted, I shut down my laptop and began watching P in my smartphone. The 3 days following that were also spent in multiple PMO sessions. I was in despair and wanted to get rid of this, I had to make a tough decision for myself. The source of P for me was my smartphone. I rarely watched P on my laptop. I gave my smartphone to my mother and bought a brick phone for myself. I knew that laptop is also one of the sources but to be precise it is the internet which is the source for me. I am using filters on my laptop, have confined the duration of use to 1 hour btw 4 pm to 5 pm and use my sibling's smartphone for internet access so if I am alone with my laptop I do not have access to the internet. Getting far away from accessing the P has worked well for me. I am on a good streak and even when there are low days, urges I am forced to face it in a natural way. Try getting away from P, when your brain realizes that it can no longer have the pleasure it lets you control itself.

changemylife

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #43 on: February 12, 2019, 06:54:20 AM »


Yeah man. This was something I was facing too. I would resolve every day to fight and get rid of this addiction once and for all but just after that particular moment of resolve I would give up and start binge-watching P. My very first post about myself was a result of a PMO session, I thought I would feel good  after sharing everything but as soon as I posted, I shut down my laptop and began watching P in my smartphone. The 3 days following that were also spent in multiple PMO sessions. I was in despair and wanted to get rid of this, I had to make a tough decision for myself. The source of P for me was my smartphone. I rarely watched P on my laptop. I gave my smartphone to my mother and bought a brick phone for myself. I knew that laptop is also one of the sources but to be precise it is the internet which is the source for me. I am using filters on my laptop, have confined the duration of use to 1 hour btw 4 pm to 5 pm and use my sibling's smartphone for internet access so if I am alone with my laptop I do not have access to the internet. Getting far away from accessing the P has worked well for me. I am on a good streak and even when there are low days, urges I am forced to face it in a natural way. Try getting away from P, when your brain realizes that it can no longer have the pleasure it lets you control itself.
Yeah, man. I really need to recalculate everything. I haven't been doing this right.

Kaingang

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #44 on: February 12, 2019, 11:32:58 AM »
Hey Blue.

The same thing I suggested to Change I'll suggest to you...

Without blockers it's so much harder to stay away from P. even more at this early stage of reboot.

So I'm going to tell you what I've been using and that's helped me

On the phone: App called BlockSite (you can block your favorite porn sites manually and there is also a button to block adult content in general).

On the computer: I installed a blocker in the Google Chrome called Adult Blocker and uninstalled/blocked the other browsers in my notebook.

I hope this can help you. Take care!

changemylife

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #45 on: February 12, 2019, 11:36:18 AM »
Hey Blue.

The same thing I suggested to Change I'll suggest to you...

Without blockers it's so much harder to stay away from P. even more at this early stage of reboot.

So I'm going to tell you what I've been using and that's helped me

On the phone: App called BlockSite (you can block your favorite porn sites manually and there is also a button to block adult content in general).

On the computer: I installed a blocker in the Google Chrome called Adult Blocker and uninstalled/blocked the other browsers in my notebook.

I hope this can help you. Take care!
I would need something that blocks P in general cause I don't know all the websites. I know some but, when I watch P, I don't go straight to that website. I wrote the names on google and then go to the website that has it. You know what I mean?

Kaingang

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #46 on: February 12, 2019, 07:40:16 PM »
yes! but the both apps that I said to you have the two options: add websites and block porn sites in general..

changemylife

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #47 on: February 13, 2019, 05:59:52 AM »
yes! but the both apps that I said to you have the two options: add websites and block porn sites in general..
That's great.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #48 on: February 13, 2019, 06:04:51 AM »
Hey Blue.

The same thing I suggested to Change I'll suggest to you...

Without blockers it's so much harder to stay away from P. even more at this early stage of reboot.

So I'm going to tell you what I've been using and that's helped me

On the phone: App called BlockSite (you can block your favorite porn sites manually and there is also a button to block adult content in general).

On the computer: I installed a blocker in the Google Chrome called Adult Blocker and uninstalled/blocked the other browsers in my notebook.

I hope this can help you. Take care!

Thanks man. I've started using a brick phone and don't have a smartphone so accessing P on phone is not a thing I can do. And for the notebook, I have turned on the filter in my antivirus software so it also helps, however, I'm still gonna do what you have suggested - installing blocker on chrome, and blocking other browsers. I have one question though, how do you block the other browsers? through the options in the OS or some other software? Thanks in advance. ;D

blueRaccoon

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Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« Reply #49 on: February 13, 2019, 07:24:24 AM »
DAY #19

Clean without cravings.

Yesterday, after making an entry to the journal I spent a good amount of time on YBOP and it was so enlighting. Half of the thoughts I have had are induced by P. The "right thing" my brain suggested was nothing but my prefrontal cortex telling to be rational while the "go get it" is obviously the primitive brain. P addiction has made the Go-get-it circuit strong and rational circuit weak. The simple solution is to follow the rational circuit to make it strong while the go-get-it weakens by itself. The go-get-it circuit will remain there so it's better to modify it too. The craving and flashback are the activations of go-get-it and the result was PMO, a better idea would be to train the brain for some good activities thus forming new circuits. I have tried imagining a big X with a buzzer sound when I get a flashback but I also plan to do some physical activity for these. The brain will crave the dopamine it used to get and the solution to this is to get the dopamine naturally - friend, family, outdoors etc. Apart from that doing exercises and meditation help enforce the prefrontal cortex circuitry i.e. getting better control over our minds. I gonna follow this strategy from now (everyone is doing this knowingly or unknowingly).

And today was another usual day however I was able to improve a bit, I woke up half an hour earlier to what I usually do bearing in mind the reinforcement of the prefrontal cortex circuitry or simply doing the right thing as I called it earlier. I did exercise and meditation but would love to hear your suggestion on how to improve them. For the exercise, I do some yoga and calisthenics, the yoga is not a problem but I am struggling with calisthenics, any suggestions on that? and also on meditation?