Author Topic: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free  (Read 1608 times)

achilles heel

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #25 on: February 08, 2019, 01:24:10 AM »
Thank you very much for your support on my journal  :)

Just read your story, you discovered this problem at a very young age and have your 20s ahead - turn your glimpse of freedom into definite freedom and remember that every sacrifice, all the suffering is worth it!

It's the right approach to change more things in life like nutrition and daily routines, just don't be disappointed if there are times of really low motivation as you already experienced. This will pass, just as urges or depression. Consistency is the key and you will succeed if you accept the roller-coaster ride you are in now.

To my experience you have the toughest time ahead (week 3-4), so prepare yourself for all kinds of tricks played by your brain to get its dopamine fix. If you accept suffering for a short amount of time, you will find long term happiness and freedom! All the best for you!

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #26 on: February 08, 2019, 11:45:05 AM »
Thank you very much for your support on my journal  :)

Just read your story, you discovered this problem at a very young age and have your 20s ahead - turn your glimpse of freedom into definite freedom and remember that every sacrifice, all the suffering is worth it!

It's the right approach to change more things in life like nutrition and daily routines, just don't be disappointed if there are times of really low motivation as you already experienced. This will pass, just as urges or depression. Consistency is the key and you will succeed if you accept the roller-coaster ride you are in now.

To my experience you have the toughest time ahead (week 3-4), so prepare yourself for all kinds of tricks played by your brain to get its dopamine fix. If you accept suffering for a short amount of time, you will find long term happiness and freedom! All the best for you!

Thank you Achilles! :)
Good to know my record is 21 days so i will be aware that it will be the worst part of the journey.
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

changemylife

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #27 on: February 08, 2019, 11:48:17 AM »
Thank you very much for your support on my journal  :)

Just read your story, you discovered this problem at a very young age and have your 20s ahead
I second to this. It's a big deal to discover your problem at young age. Some of the users around here are in their 40s. The chance should not be wasted. I'm pushing 30 myself.

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #28 on: February 08, 2019, 11:57:01 AM »
DAY 11 - TRY 2
It was mostly awesome day. I woke up with much life inside me. I am aware of my surroundings feel more like a witness of my life not a participant it is fresh new and how i should be all the time... I did everything what was meant to be done. Unfortunately I have fall back to junk food (chips, and small chocolate) i felt like it replace me my PMO addiction i seek for pleasure of life. Life itself is a pleasure i do not need anything else that myself to feel good i have to keep that in mind.

I had VERY strong urges coming to me - those are the ones that steal your awareness and put you in this circle of death - Negative emotions, urges, fantasies, depression etc. Those were the reason I relapse everytime. I was only half an hour but i feel they will "visit" me more often soon...

PRINCIPLE
EVERYTIME I WILL FEEL "CIRCLE OF DEATH" (PMO thoughts that possess my conciousness) I WILL SIT DOWN IN CROSSED LEGGED POSTURE WITH MY EYES CLOSED AND RATIONALIZE MY ADDICTION MY JOURNEY MY GOAL MY MOTIVES MY LIFE

Thank you good night
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #29 on: February 08, 2019, 01:09:50 PM »
Happy than you had a good day man!! It's really good that you found your way to cope with that "circle of death". That may really help you with any potential urges!

Stay strong, my friend! Don't forget we're here if you need to vent ;)

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #30 on: February 09, 2019, 06:12:52 AM »
DAY 12 - TRY 2

I have rollercoaster - one second I feel like i can do anything
Next second I feel like i want to die

When i came back from work I was extremly tired of everything. Of my life. All I wanted was rest. I lied down to take a nap but had this emotional bullshit all over me, urges, unfifilled desires. Everything just hitted me... I was scared to live, felt like I will stay in this bed forever.

Music helped me and I managed to hit my Yoga and meditation session

I didn't do calisthenics - I really didn't have power for that
Filled myself with junk food - It was so compulsive

Anyways - brain demands PMO I won't give it to him. All I know is that beautiful life is waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. This little little lamp of hope that i will stick to it for as long as necessary.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2019, 09:34:22 AM by Rakses »
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

changemylife

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #31 on: February 09, 2019, 06:22:02 AM »
DAY 12 - TRY 2

I have rollercoaster - one second I feel like i can do anything
Next second I feel like i want to die

When i came back from work I was extremly tired of everything. Of my life. All I wanted was rest. I lied down to take a nap but had this emotional bullshit all over me, urges, unfifilled desires. Everything just hitted me... I was scared to live, felt like I will stay in this bed forever.

Music helped me and I managed to hit my Yoga and meditation session

I didn't do calisthenics - I really didn't have power for that
Filled myself with junk food - It was so compulsive

Anyways - brain demands PMO I won't give it to him. All I know is that beautiful life is waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. This little little lamp of hope that i will stick to it for as long as necessary.
I know this thing. It happens to all of us. Roller coaster. But I'm still more optimistic when I don't PMO. Once I do it, I move from 100 to 0 in a matter of minutes. I'll keep this in mind and stay away from relapse.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #32 on: February 09, 2019, 06:54:32 AM »
Keep going Riki. We are on the same pace. It's my 12th day too. Hoping for us to reach the other end of the tunnel together. 8)

Rebooter2019

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #33 on: February 09, 2019, 01:39:51 PM »
You can do it man! I had urges around an hour ago... what save me was that life at the end of this journey and my meditation that help by giving me the willpower and mental strenght to refocus my attention on something else!!

Keep at it Rikki and stay strong we're with you!!!

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #34 on: February 10, 2019, 07:57:25 PM »
DAY 13 - TRY 2

Couple ups couple downs. I did calisthenics but shit food has sticked to me.

Pretty mediocore day nothing special
« Last Edit: February 11, 2019, 08:20:58 AM by Rakses »
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #35 on: February 10, 2019, 08:21:16 PM »
Mediocre days are just about guaranteed. It would be great if we could just progress linearly, but I guess it doesn't work like that.

You don't need me to tell you this, but a mediocre day does not mean that your efforts aren't paying off. Keep going strong, and you'll find better days ahead!

blueRaccoon

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #36 on: February 11, 2019, 05:45:33 AM »
You don't need me to tell you this, but a mediocre day does not mean that your efforts aren't paying off. Keep going strong, and you'll find better days ahead!

Yeah man. A day without P is a day we won!! 8)

changemylife

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #37 on: February 11, 2019, 05:47:01 AM »
Fuck P

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #38 on: February 11, 2019, 08:38:06 AM »
Hahaha Fuck P
Thank you guys for your heartinning words. It means a lot to me... :)
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #39 on: February 12, 2019, 09:44:37 AM »
DAY 14 - TRY 2 - 2 WEEKS UPDATE

What have changed?
- I feel much more live inside me.
- I am more present and aware
- My masculine energy awakens - anger, motivation, agression, responsibility for my family, strive to succeed.
- I noticed patterns in my brain that make me relapse - I am used to handle problems and my emotional states with PMO. Now i have to face them. :)
- Rollercoaster - one second i feel good the other i enter "circle of death" where i expierience life as a nightmare It is just my brain playing with me.
- My social anxiety slowly vanish
- Brain fog slowly dissapear.
- Junk Food returned to my life
- Sometimes i have "meh" attitude towards my goals and desires in consequence i end up doing nothing


Today:
I woke up and saw where i live - total mess (how could I exist in such a space) - unfinished food from last week, dirty clothes all around. I cleaned my room totally - very good change. I did my Yoga and Meditation session. After that I went into junk food and it made me miss my calisthenics session. I felt bad because of it. Most of the time i was playing Witcher 3 i love this game and I've been waiting for so long to be able to play it. Awesome :)
My desire to dance slowly come back - i have a feeling that i can do much better things that i've been doing since I've started.
I went to my balcony, stayed and closed my eyes to feel light breeze upon my face - I felt so much life and freshness inside me! I will reboot i have to it is just too beautifull.
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #40 on: February 12, 2019, 11:53:46 AM »
Niiice!! It's awesome to see your progress Rikki! That's something to be proud of, in my opinion!

We're with you man, keep going and stay strong :)

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #41 on: February 13, 2019, 04:00:04 AM »
DAY 15 - TRY 2
I had tough mentaly day. I did everything that i had to do. I didn't fall for bad food. Urges try to be sneaky peaky and turn me back on the way of fantasies and PMO but I will handle that...
I was having conversation with my father - father was complaining like a pussy about everything. It triggered in me masculine energy. I was in this sharp agressive state of mind - it was like a light thrown on my life. I work in a work i dont want. How did I handled all this years of mediocrioty. I intend to run my mown buisness soon. I  have a plan to go to India for a year to grow spirituality - what a fresh look on life. It dissapeared after couple hours but oh boii...
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #42 on: February 13, 2019, 04:06:07 AM »
DAY 16 - TRY 2
My start of the day was very good - felt good and strong. Urges about real girls not on pornography comes to me but it is like a same devil - not my life, not my reality, only fantasies that will never come true and my brain needeness to give himself pleasure. I was good till one hour before end of my shift - i was mentaly tired. I came back and wanted rest - i just want to rest but i can't even lay in my bed without all this sexuality crawling upon me - i was laying for 20 minutes but despire my soreness i decided to hit my Yoga and meditation session.

IF I HAVE ENERGY TO FAP AND FANTASISE ABOUT WOMENS I HAVE ENERGY TO DO STUFF IN MY LIFE.

I have to make a replacement - computer screen with naked girls versus living my life :)
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

K-Dot

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #43 on: February 13, 2019, 05:23:55 AM »
Hey my Slavic brother, keep it up. Dont do PMO again in your life, so you never expirience PIED. Man you mentioned 6lack in your thread, I also like him, but Weeknd is Weeknd hahaha. I had a situation few days ago where i listened to 6lack prblms and thought popped in my had - "he fucks bitches in his songs and that's something i cant do to the fullest, cause my dick goes limp often" and anxiety hit me hahaha

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #44 on: February 13, 2019, 05:42:49 AM »
weeknd is nuts bro
6lack is gold
I really cannot compare this two - diffrent vibe diffrent feeling love em both. But for dancing 6lack is better imo. ;p
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #45 on: February 13, 2019, 04:21:04 PM »
DAY 16 - TRY 2
My start of the day was very good - felt good and strong. Urges about real girls not on pornography comes to me but it is like a same devil - not my life, not my reality, only fantasies that will never come true and my brain needeness to give himself pleasure. I was good till one hour before end of my shift - i was mentaly tired. I came back and wanted rest - i just want to rest but i can't even lay in my bed without all this sexuality crawling upon me - i was laying for 20 minutes but despire my soreness i decided to hit my Yoga and meditation session.

IF I HAVE ENERGY TO FAP AND FANTASISE ABOUT WOMENS I HAVE ENERGY TO DO STUFF IN MY LIFE.

I have to make a replacement - computer screen with naked girls versus living my life :)

That's the spirit man! Keep doing real thing that will bring you what you want of life. Live your life to it full extent :)

Rakses

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #46 on: February 14, 2019, 06:52:12 PM »
DAY 17 - TRY 2

Overall I feel better more like a man for sure. I was good until I came back to home from work. I had massive attack of ANXIETY. My Brain DEMANDED PMO PLEASURE. I felt like it was riot against me.

I stayed logical kept myself busy and didn't identify with it.

I went to my family I noticed I got much bigger balls in conversation with them I am confident and energetic about stuff I'm saying. Later on I met my BFF - felt good connection with him although we had very tough conversation about our relation.
That it for today peace
I want to know the nature of my life.
For that i need to be sober, clean, clarified, perceptive.
All that is impossible unless i quit my addictions.
Szukalski said "Sexual energy is the one that make human being create. How i am suppose to create myself if i waste it on PMO. I have to stop.

changemylife

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #47 on: February 15, 2019, 04:27:13 AM »
DAY 17 - TRY 2

Overall I feel better more like a man for sure. I was good until I came back to home from work. I had massive attack of ANXIETY. My Brain DEMANDED PMO PLEASURE. I felt like it was riot against me.

I stayed logical kept myself busy and didn't identify with it.

I went to my family I noticed I got much bigger balls in conversation with them I am confident and energetic about stuff I'm saying. Later on I met my BFF - felt good connection with him although we had very tough conversation about our relation.
That it for today peace
The brain makes you believe that you will soothe the anxiety with a PMO session and it makes me laugh because PMO raises my anxiety, it doesn't calm it down.

blueRaccoon

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #48 on: February 15, 2019, 06:04:14 AM »
Congrats Riki, you're doing good. Keep going!!

Rebooter2019

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Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Reply #49 on: February 15, 2019, 12:53:09 PM »
Man you're crushing it! Keep going Riki :)