Author Topic: Reboot take two  (Read 2601 times)

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #75 on: July 02, 2019, 04:33:46 PM »
02/07 - 22.30

Thanks BigMog

Relatively calm and steady at the moment. I was reflecting at one point about how I feel like I'm different people - when I'm steady and clean, the PMO user feels miles away, like a completely different person. But this evening I'm feeling a wee bit at a loose end and I can see how that gives PMO version of myself an opportunity to reappear. Of course I'm not going to let that happen. Stay aware. Keep busy, etc.

8 days clean

This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #76 on: July 04, 2019, 05:01:56 PM »
04/07 - 22.59

I'm off work tomorrow and I'm in a relaxed and indulgent mood - often a recipe for relapse... Tonight my indulgence is a packet of tomato ketchup crisps:) I've been on a fasting diet for months now - crisps after 8pm is wicked!

Stay strong all and enjoy your crisps!

10 days clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #77 on: July 06, 2019, 06:29:30 PM »
06/07/2019 - 00.59

So I had a nice day off work yesterday - me and my wife went out shopping, eating and drinking. Both too tired at the end of the day to finish it in traditional date fashion. So I ended up MO'ing this morning - it was natural, entirely unrelated to P, and only happened because my wife had already got up. No guilt, no concern about relapse - it was the right thing to do to avoid any frustration or resentment.

Just need to be wary of the chaser effect, although not feeling it tonight. Happy to be on the wagon and in control.

Stay strong.

12 days clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

jixu

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #78 on: July 07, 2019, 07:08:34 AM »
A nice time spent out with the wife is a good reward in and of itself, a blessing in fact !   Good job and keep going!

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #79 on: July 08, 2019, 05:17:37 PM »
08/07 - 23.13

Feeling ok'ish. Maybe a bit anxious. Not sure why. Possibly stress of new car hunting or maybe because I'm suffering a bit of 'writer's block' at work and in hobbies. So need to be careful I don't seek comfort you know where. Of course that would be silly, very short-term comfort followed by lot's more anxiety. A mug's game...

Stay strong.

14 days clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #80 on: July 08, 2019, 05:26:52 PM »
And to mark two weeks clean, I put a blindfold on, went on to my problematic cam site and deleted my account. OK I didn't have a blindfold on, however I didn't go anywhere other than the settings page...

Not sure why it took me 2 weeks to do it, well I probably do - just didn't have the courage when starting this recent reboot effort - the finality of the decision is something I struggled with at the time. Now I just don't think about it - focus on the here and now, not what was or what could have been.
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

workinprogressUK

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #81 on: July 09, 2019, 03:05:04 AM »
Lots of positive momentum, soa. congrats on good work! Don't take your eye off the ball, now, will you? Not being a "mood hoover", but you know how it is :-\. Make hay while the sun shines.... keep up the good work!

BigMog

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #82 on: July 09, 2019, 03:49:26 AM »
Good work Switched-off. Looks like a good move to delete the cam-site.

idunno

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #83 on: July 09, 2019, 02:36:37 PM »
That's great. I know how it is getting obsessed with some little thing or some little aspect of porn. Maybe it's just a way our minds try to keep us "in the neighborhood" of the destructive thing, so that we generate thoughts about it even when we're not engaging with it at the moment. But it's never been any good, at least for me. Those thoughts have just been like a tether, keeping me tied to the habit. Again, I think it's great you deleted that account, and congratulations on that move.

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #84 on: July 11, 2019, 07:03:50 PM »
11/07 11.59 (well actually after midnight, but logging it at that time helps me keep count :) )

Thanks WIP, BigMog and Idunno. You all know how a wee bit of support on here really goes a long way to making things feel better.

A bit of a hedonistic/ libido charged mood going on today. Where does it come from? I've been doing some potentially fairly high profile stuff for the Chief Exec at work and I suppose that could have been the start of it. That hyper, energised mood starts to kick in... But at least I'm aware and have come on here. In days gone by, this mood would absolutely have ended up at only one place, then tomorrow would've been a wash up... A guilt ridden sense of hopelessness and failure...

Anyway... I'd thought about sending a message to my wife earlier when I was feeling charged up, but I've done that before and fallen flat on my face. These things only work when both parties are sharing the same mood, and that only happens when you've had the time to relax together and gauge the energy. So I didn't. Again I think I've learned - it's unfair on my wife to expect her libido to stand to attention, just because mine has. Just need to be patient - we have a wedding reception this weekend - might be a better opportunity to get in the mood together.

And as I'm in quite a light hearted mood... I continue to be amused when innocent things act as a trigger. Today I was preparing a salad for tea and the girth of the cucumber got me thinking!!! So silly how the male libido works!  :)

And another thing. I see that CH4 (UK Tv channel for those of you elsewhere) are doing a series on porn. Jeez there's a trigger laden accident waiting to happen! Avoid!! I wonder if at any point they'll explore the downsides? The addiction, the PIED, the negative mental health effects, the devalued relationships? Who knows? Obviously I won't be watching to find out...

Anyway... Another day clean. I've stuck to the plan and that's the main thing. This hyper mood will have gone tomorrow.

Stay strong.

17 days clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #85 on: July 13, 2019, 05:36:56 PM »
13/07 - 23.30

Saturday evening. Feeling very sexually frustrated. There is no room for our relationship because of relationships with others. I'm not going to relapse though. Just another boring evening.

19 days clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

TomWood

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #86 on: July 14, 2019, 08:12:21 PM »
Well done, we are both around the 20 day mark. You are doing well as the first weeks are so hard on the brain. I found that it is good to remind myself how hellish it is in those early stages; it is so easy to forget. The most I have made it to is six months so let's keep on trucking until we get past that mark and beyond. :)

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #87 on: July 16, 2019, 04:44:52 PM »
16/07 - 22.44

Thanks for the support TW. And yeah, you are right, it is good to remember that the early days are a bit of a mood rollercoaster.

It has been a rocky few days, a lot of sexual frustration being the main characteristic. Ruminating on sexless marriage etc. This is not the time to fix that - these thoughts are just sex starved chimp complaining... Wait until I'm more stable and see how I feel then.

No relapse thankfully, although I suspect I was closer than I realised, knowing how quickly things can escalate if chimp gains the upper hand.

I went out on a fairly energetic bike ride this evening, and no surprises, feel a lot calmer as a result. It's all about sticking to the basics and keeping mood under control.

Stay strong all.

22 days clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #88 on: July 19, 2019, 06:51:53 PM »
19/07 - 23.59

Not in a particularly good place mood wise, but determined I'm not going to wash this streak down the drain in a nilhistic bout of self-indulgent PMO. All moods are temporary... There are good reasons for this one. Accept it. Life sucks at times. It's not all PMO related...

Stay strong

25 days clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #89 on: July 24, 2019, 05:34:46 PM »
24/07 - 23.32

Just checking in. Not a lot to report. I had a difficult weekend for other reasons so trying to focus on the basics this week. No booze, good sleeps, that sort of thing.

Stay strong.
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #90 on: July 29, 2019, 05:34:47 PM »
29/07 - 23.32

Hey all - I fucked up my latest streak this weekend. Bah... It wasn't the worst relapse... I'm not going to bash myself over the head with big sacks of guilt. But I am getting back on the wagon. I need to know I can do this.

Stay strong.


0 days clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

BigMog

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #91 on: July 30, 2019, 03:05:50 AM »
Hi Switched-off,
Yes, get straight back on the wagon! This was just a glitch and generally you’re heading in the right direction. I know it is so frustrating, because we know what to do but the pesky compulsion can catch us off guard.
Anyway, there are enough success stories on this site to show us that we are doing the right thing and can overcome PMO.
Stay strong!

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #92 on: July 30, 2019, 06:09:26 PM »
30/07/19 - 23.59

Another clean streak kicks-off - feeling balanced if a little lacking in self belief. I'm reading a book called Willpower at the moment and have The Power of Habit to read next. Who knows - might give me another way of working through this. I have other long running habits I want to change (attitude to money, secret smoking...) - one reboot at a time, eh!!!

Where did it go wrong last time relapse? Possibly something to do with wallowing in self-pity regarding life in a sexless marriage. Possibly that's just an excuse - chimp might already have been heading in the wrong direction and the thoughts about marriage was all part of the deception. Don't know.

Stay strong.

1 day clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

switched_off_again

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #93 on: July 31, 2019, 06:13:04 PM »
31/07/2019 - 23.59

Wrapped up in my other ruminations tonight. This particular self-improvement project isn't figuring...

Stay strong. Find a sense of purpose that brings you fulfillment...

2 days clean
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

hope2reboot

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Re: Reboot take two
« Reply #94 on: August 10, 2019, 05:11:34 PM »
Hi SOA, hope you’re doing okay. This new free drug is probably worse than anything other addiction so keep fighting. Read a post today about treating this like it’s something we’re allergic too. Like peanuts for some people. Just something our minds need to stay away from. Anyways, good luck with the battle!