Author Topic: Time for action  (Read 381 times)

Lastime

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Time for action
« on: March 17, 2019, 04:15:06 PM »
Hi Folks,

Been reading a lot on these forums for awhile but never posted before. Always thought that I don't need to do this and besides really don't know what to write. Never been very good at writing.
As the saying goes, you need to try something different to avoid getting the same results. So here we go. I will try to post something when I feel the need to do it.

As far as my story goes it sounds like hundreds I have read before, so I will keep it short: 47, married, 3 kids (14 to 20). Started early teens with all the same patterns and escalation that the new technologies offered. I have tried multiple times to quit without any really form of success, if I am honest some of those times I didn't always put in the effort I should have. Longest streak was probably 10 or 12 days.

Any ways I have been home alone all day today (Sunday) with not much to do...recipe for disaster. I am so fed up and pissed right now that I took a step back and pulled out a pen and paper and I am making a plan. It has to start somewhere and I want to put all the chances (and the efforts) on my side for success. I want to sound objective and focus on this but at the same time not over confident.


40-yearsOnVideoPorn

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Re: Time for action
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2019, 04:44:37 PM »
I started by reading Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson. Understanding why you can’t stop is really your nuclear weapon against this thing. As far as I’m concerned, it’s my only hope. Before I very carefully read and understood that book, I tried a hundred times and failed. Now I feel really good about this and am just putting in my days on the wagon.

It’s all up to you. I don’t think the answers were all out there before. But in the last few years this field of overcoming PMO addiction has really broken ground and made some headway. A lot of men are able to successfully get off it now. Understanding how the addictive brain functions is key. Sexual impulsivity is really primal stuff. You really gotta be willing to dig deep and that takes real guts. But if you got guts and a good head on your shoulders, you can do this! You just gotta really be convinced that you’re over it this time and really want it. Then the rest is up to you.

 How well you understand what your brain is trying to do, in real time and how well you understand how to take the reigns of control back, separates the men from the boys here. The way your mental state and your physical brain chemistry play off of each other is where the battle is won and lost. You have to learn how be the master of your own sensations and not get so caught up in what you’re feeling, knowing intense cravings are going to pass. If you don’t keep antagonizing them, and stop the behavior, over time, that harsh craving slowly fades, like an inflamed sore slowly heals, and is replaced by a more natural sensation of just being comfortable without PMO in your life.

Gotta earn it tho. Ain’t gonna bullshit you... this past coupla weeks have harsh. But I’m up for the challege now. We’re on a learning journey.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2019, 04:51:44 PM by 40-yearsOnVideoPorn »

cranm329

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Re: Time for action
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2019, 05:57:10 PM »
Hi Lastime
Writing a journal on here that is open, honest and personal yet visible to other members and innumerable visitors is a tremendous step in the right direction. How it works, I don't understand. However, somehow putting it all out in the public domain is a powerful therapeutic exercise. It seems to be a form of virtual accountability. Sharing our stories which are personally real deals with the shame and negative self-image that forms part of the root of PMO addiction. Wishing you every success in your streak however long it lasts.

Lastime

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Re: Time for action
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2019, 05:00:32 AM »
Ok so that didn't go to well, ever since my initial post things have gone down in a spiral and I have been on a few binges. I could say that it's because I had a few stressful events both professionally and personally but we all know that this is not the truth. I need to get the control back. Getting towards the end of day 1 and I am taking things not one day at a time but literally 1 hour at a time. I spent the whole day Saturday planning at the top of each hour what I would be doing for the next 60 minutes and to be honest it was the 1st time in a long time I actually saw the day go by even though I was alone most of the day. I ended up doing some groceries, went at my parents for a coffee, cleaning the bathroom, listen to some music and building a couple of playlist, read 20 pages of a book, played chess with my son, get supper ready for when my wife got back from work, watch a movie with wife/son, etc....

Kind of realise that I don't need new hobbies or activities, I currently have my share and don't have time to add more. However It seems I need to better manage my time to get back into it to optimize what I really like to do and spent time with my loved ones. That's not a huge discovery but a pretty basic concept that I lost track, by looking ahead 1 hour at a time, that's the only thing I can control.

40-yearsOnVideoPorn

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Re: Time for action
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2019, 01:16:54 PM »
it’s really about how you deal with your here and now, more than the hour or the day ahead. What is going wrong for you always goes awry within the confines of this present moment, when it happens.

There are two different you’s, and normally, your rational thinking self is in control. (The guy who posts here.) To break this vicious cycle you are going to have to become aware of how the “pleasure driven thinking” starts, how the guy who thinks porn is awesome to watch takes the wheel and starts driving the car.. Because the switch between the two you’s will occur in your present moment and nowhere else. Until we notice that change occurring, it will happen without us noticing and it gets tougher to break out of a cycle, out of a tailspin.

 We have to train our rational thinking self to be hyper present in mind, hyper vigilant because he is the guy fighting for control 24/7. He is YOU. This part of you is really just a way of noticing you are thinking with your prefrontal cortext, the common sense part of your brain, the part that knows right from wrong. The reason you can’t stop masturbating to porn is because you are oblivious in the moment, you’re just not there, when the “pleasure centers” take the wheel and start thinking. It’s happening without your being aware of it. When you DO notice you aren’t certain how to fight, you haven’t yet developed that intellectual skill. Because you have to reason, you have to think your way out of this. You have to fight to bring the prefrontal cortext back online once the pleasure centers have quietly switched it off.

One second you are thinking with the prefrontal cortex and everything is fine then, with the wave of a hand, the pleasure centers have hijacked your behavior and now YOU are allowing addictive porn behavior, you WANT it. What happened to the guy that DIDN’T want it? Where did he go? You have to be so tuned into to your own present moment, and so tuned into to your self and how you feel that you NOTICE the moment it happens. You feel the battle of competeing wants. You notice how you change from wanting recovery to wanting porn addiction. The two coexist inside your same brain in the present moment. Which one is in control of your behavior right now?

Then you have to be willing to put up an intelligent fight between common sense thinking and pleasure-driven mindlessness. The prefrontal cortext is severely out gunned in this war but it is a superior weapon when used rightly. That’s why we have to be far more intelligent (prefrontal cortex tuned-in) than our primal urge-driven pleasure centers.

« Last Edit: March 31, 2019, 01:27:58 PM by 40-yearsOnVideoPorn »

Lastime

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Re: Time for action
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2019, 06:23:27 AM »
Currently on day 3 which is a good thing, if I pass 48 hours I am usually in a good mindset and should be okay for some time - I can feel when I'm in good mindset. Usually I hit another wall +/- around 10days. Will be working and preparing myself for this. Recently been having health issues and had to do a few different test and more to come to figure out what's wrong with me. It kind of gives you another perspective on that stupid addiction that I am trying to free myself of.

switched_off_again

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Re: Time for action
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2019, 05:37:10 PM »
Good work. The first few days are the hardest. It's good that you are also aware of potential to slip up further down the line. What's your plan for when things get difficult again?

Stay strong
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0