Author Topic: Wanting to love life again  (Read 246 times)

frodobaggins14

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Wanting to love life again
« on: January 03, 2020, 01:52:07 AM »
So, where do I even start with this. Been a consumer of porn since probably age 10, chronic user since age 14 (I just recently turned 21.) Longest break from masturbating has probably been right around 7 days. I've been reading articles and watching videos regarding the benefits of stopping porn use, as well as moderating masturbation in general. I want to see for myself what the benefits might be, and see if I can reroute some of these neural pathways that have been cemented for nearly half of my life.

I'm also looking for an accountability partner, if you need one let me know. I'll probably post in that thread at some point if no one reads this, (which I'm assuming no one will, lol.)

This is the first time I've been this candid about stuff like this in my life, even former serious relationship partners had no clue to what extent my addiction is. Even typing that word right there - "addiction," is weird to me, because I've been so used to not caring/disregarding the fact that masturbation kind of dictates my life.

My goal with this is to post once a day, and just see how far I can go. "NoFap" is not my goal, however eliminating my pornography use and moderating my masturbation to maybe once a week is. We'll see how this goes, wish me luck!

-M

frodobaggins14

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Micro-update
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2020, 02:07:21 AM »
Just deleted all of the material off my phone/at my immediate disposal. Not the first time I've done this, but a step in the right direction. In fact, every time I've previously done this I've regretted it, as I thought I had "lost forever" xyz piece of rap material, never to be seen again, forever to be listed after in the annals of my mind. Fuck it, I'm trying to be done with that type of thinking. I think I can do this.

Jeks

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2020, 01:37:44 PM »
Wish you all the best. Great first step.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2020, 07:10:17 PM »
Welcome to the group, man!

Joining up here just about a year ago was a scary thing for me to do. It was the first time I was very candid about it too. But it has been a huge help. The last year of working through my thoughts and getting ideas from other guys has really helped me to make some important changes that are really making a difference.

We're here with you!

frodobaggins14

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2020, 12:58:10 PM »
Thank you @Jeks and @BlueHeronFan for the words of encouragement. I got pretty close to searching for it last night while I was high, but instead found myself on this forum trying to read through your comments so I guess that worked out pretty well.

I can't say I've felt much different since stopping (it's been less than 2 days) but I'm looking forward to seeing where I'm at in another week or so. Wish me luck mates!
-M

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2020, 06:12:29 PM »
Glad you dodged a bullet!

If there's anything I've been learning lately, it's that recovery takes time. Even when you're doing everything right, results take a while to show up. Addiction has a good way of training us to think that things should be fast (how long does it take to find porn? Not very), but real life can be slow. So don't let your addicted brain trick you into giving up on things just because they don't "seem" to be working. Stay the course, and you'll start noticing small changes for the better all over the place.

Keep it up!

frodobaggins14

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2020, 01:22:14 AM »
@BlueHeronFan thanks again for the kind words and encouragement! You're awesome. End of day 2 here and it's going ok, some difficulty sleeping but that's normal even when I was fully using. Here's to a better day tomorrow!
-M

quitforeverthenwin2

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2020, 02:13:52 AM »
Keep up the good work!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2020, 07:19:50 PM »
Glad today was pretty good! Just keep taking it one day at a time: accumulate enough good days, and you'll have a good life.

Jeks

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2020, 03:43:26 AM »
Just keep observing yourself. Im pretty excited how you will be doing.

frodobaggins14

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #10 on: January 06, 2020, 05:50:46 PM »
Thanks again for the support Jeks, BlueHeron and QuitForever! You all make me want to continue this journey eleven though it's been very tempting this last day and a half. Anyone have any tips for helping to get to sleep? This has proven to be the hardest hurdle so far, as I was so used to just masturbating before bed every night.

Today was kind of difficult, more so just bored than anything and have had some fantasies about previous sexual experiences. Thankfully I've been able to curb these before they lead into full on masturbation, but they are certainly there.

Another huge trigger for me has been social media. I've been able to unfollow/"mute story" for a lot of people on Instagram/snapchat that had been triggers in the past, so that feels like a substantial step. Again this isnt the first time I've done this, but I do feel as though I've been feeling some small improvements in mental clarity. Specifically feeling super tired right around 4 or 5pm, just before dinner.

I hope once I can get my sleep back on track things will be a lot better. Thank you all again for the kind words, see you next time.
-M

frodobaggins14

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #11 on: January 07, 2020, 03:23:25 AM »
Feeling ok right now, trying to go to sleep tho after a fun night. I'm definitely clinging to the possibility of hooking up with a "friend a benefits" when I return to school soon. That's giving me something to look forward to sexually, as well as motivate me to not give in to sexual urges, knowing how good it will feel.

That being said I'm not 100% confident she will want to continue what was going on last semester, so if not I think my first priority really should be getting my shit together grade-wise, while possibly scoping out my options for a girlfriend or something. Goodnight y'all.
-M

frodobaggins14

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #12 on: January 07, 2020, 03:13:33 PM »
Day 5 here, some difficulties. I think I mentioned this previously, but my main addiction these past years hasn't necessarily been porn as much as it has been social media posts. Instagram, Snapchat, you name it, I probably used it for my addiction. I woke up kind of a hung-over, and before I knew it I was half-way to relapsing.

Thankfully, I was able to stop myself before fully relapsing, however I got way too close for comfort. I've taken further steps to "mute" posts from certain people/unfollow completely, however this is far from a fool-proof system. I need to remind myself that I need to understand why I've started this journey, and to remind myself of the long-term benefits to my health. So that's kind of where I'm at during the middle of day 5.

I also feel a cold coming on, which hasn't helped my mood/attitude. Hopefully I'll be able to nap today and get some real sleep tonight, we'll see.

Until next time,
-M

quitforeverthenwin2

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Re: Wanting to love life again
« Reply #13 on: January 07, 2020, 04:54:10 PM »
What benefits do you get from social media?  Are they worth the costs?

Keep going strong?