Author Topic: A question from a female to guys (help needed)  (Read 178 times)

Selena michale

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 189
    • View Profile
A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« on: January 09, 2019, 04:52:40 AM »
So i met this guy one month ago, and we saw each others 4times. everytime we had sex and it was fine with no problems the first 3times, the forth one he was able to get hard only once, when he tried to get up for the second time, he couldnt. I was fine with it and i didnt feel bad or anything cuz i know its bcoz of pmoing addiction and he said he will quit. He was embarrased and gave excuses to why he is not able to get hard. After that day, he kinda been avoiding me. We used to talk alot, now he just say hi or good morning, and some days we dont talk at all. So my question is, is he embarrased to talk to me? Is he anxious, depressed or what? The situation is annoying me but im trying to understand, and i dont want to ask him cuz he is embarrasrd already. Any experience, advice or anything is welcomed. One more thing, when he wanted to get hard for the second time, i told him to not pressure himself, its ok we dont have to go for a second round but he insisted,he pressured himself to get it up but he couldnt, it was limp. I tried everything to get it up but nothing worked. Excuse my english, im not a native speaker.

imaquitter

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 155
  • Personal Text
    I will make it! More determined than ever!
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2019, 11:14:31 AM »
Isn't the problem that PMO users seek novelty? He need a reboot and  to rewire so that sex is connected to love, not only visual novelty and excitement from the unknown.
First and last real reboot, august 29, 2018 (49 days, ended with 3xPMO slip, no binging)
2nd attempt, october 19, 2018 (hardmode)

Selena michale

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 189
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2019, 11:20:31 AM »
I agree. Have u been in a similar situation? Id like to hear from guys perspective and what they think in suach a situation.

malando

  • Global Moderator
  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 946
  • Personal Text
    Something deep should be here, but it isn't...
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2019, 11:26:29 AM »
If this is a new thing and he's already giving you excuses and he's a porn addict promising to quit, I would get out of this situation if I were you. This is not a good sign for a relationship. Porn users are great at lying and promises. There would have to be something pretty special compelling for you to sign yourself up to this when you are just getting to know him. I understand people who have been in longterm relationships not wanting to give up on their partner - but a brand new relationship? If he's not being straight with you, and you know he's a porn addict with PIED, I'd say he's already failed the first test for a prospective boyfriend. You can do better than this.

Selena michale

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 189
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #4 on: January 09, 2019, 11:35:40 AM »
Malando we r friends with benefits,i dont see him as a boyfriend as he is not meeting my standards, i see him as a friend, but im just curious to know what is going on. As i agree with what u said, i can tell from now that if he was my boyfriend, it wouldnt work, from the begging i feel its going to be dysfunctional, we r friends with benefits.

Hand Solong

  • Member

  • Online
  • *

  • 40
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2019, 12:05:59 PM »
Let try and understand:

You met him a month ago.
The first four times you've seen each other you guys have had sex.
The fourth time he had a minor bout with ED but you were fine with it because of PMO addiction

He told you about his addiction in 1 months time? How did that conversation come up? It's surprising to me because divulging a PMO addiction is not easy. I'd venture a guess as to the reason why he started ducking you is because he's really not ready to be held accountable for his addiction and as long as he maintains somewhat of an intimate relationship with you he runs the risk of being held accountable by you (not to mention having to answer a lot of awkward questions from you).

How old are you? How old is he? (just curious)

changemylife

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 426
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2019, 12:28:35 PM »
Let try and understand:

You met him a month ago.
The first four times you've seen each other you guys have had sex.
The fourth time he had a minor bout with ED but you were fine with it because of PMO addiction

He told you about his addiction in 1 months time? How did that conversation come up? It's surprising to me because divulging a PMO addiction is not easy. I'd venture a guess as to the reason why he started ducking you is because he's really not ready to be held accountable for his addiction and as long as he maintains somewhat of an intimate relationship with you he runs the risk of being held accountable by you (not to mention having to answer a lot of awkward questions from you).

How old are you? How old is he? (just curious)

Noah Church said that he opened up to his new girlfriend about his porn addiction after just 1 week  ;D I know it's hard and I really admire the guy for being able to do this. I wouldn't.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

Selena michale

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 189
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2019, 06:09:11 PM »
Hand solong im a former porn addict myself, (5months sober) so i talked to him about it and i said i dont watch porn or materbuate, so i think that made hime comfortable to talk about his addiction and he said he will quit. Im 24 and he is 26, i wasnt surprise that he opened up as he is usually honest guy. Even tho he was embarrased. Changemylife, if the person is comfortable, the time dont matter actually, wether one day or one year.

HumbleRich

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 522
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2019, 06:49:17 PM »
Are you serious?  The man has been having sex with you regularly and the two of you are making a big deal out of him not being able to get it up for a second round?  You do realize there are pe9ple (myself not included ) who can't get it up at all due to porn right?  And you are complaining about not getting a second round.

My opinion is a man is that it has nothing to.do.with PMO and he is telling the truth about quitting.  Sometimes the human body just gets tired. 

I'm sorry for the tough love, but this is in the porn addiction open forum.  I think you are making a big deal out of nothing.


malando

  • Global Moderator
  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 946
  • Personal Text
    Something deep should be here, but it isn't...
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2019, 11:04:21 PM »
Malando we r friends with benefits,i dont see him as a boyfriend as he is not meeting my standards, i see him as a friend, but im just curious to know what is going on. As i agree with what u said, i can tell from now that if he was my boyfriend, it wouldnt work, from the begging i feel its going to be dysfunctional, we r friends with benefits.
I think he probably is embarrassed. It might be the first time PIED has happened to him - everybody has a first time. You might have been there when he really realised he has a problem. This can often lead to somebody being withdrawn - especially if sex is really the main thing you are meeting up for. If he can't perform sexually, he might be wondering, what's the point? I think you should just give him some space and see if he comes to talk to you about it. It is a humiliating experience to not be able to perform. It's also possible that he was having an off day like Humble Rich said - he may not have PIED at all. The thing is, if he's admitting he has a porn problem, he'll have to do something about it or there won't be any "benefits" for long. I personally think friends with benefits is not a great idea because if you already know you aren't compatible with a person and you have this sort of arrangement for long enough, there's a strong possibility that somebody gets hurt at some stage. Few people can manage an ongoing sexual relationship and never get emotionally involved - and the chances of two people in an "arrangement" being exactly the same is not very high. Remember, you know your mind, but you can't know his mind. I think it's better to save sex for something that means something - it makes it that much more intense when you do. Regular sex without feeling leads to disengaged sex - and it's not something you can automatically switch over when you meet somebody you like. We carry the experiences of our partners with us. Ex-porn users are even more likely to be disengaged with sex. Something to consider.

Selena michale

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 189
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2019, 03:48:04 AM »
Humblerich thank u but it seems like u didnt read what i wrote. I said that i was completely fine with it, he is the who is not fine with it. I didnt complain and i told him its okay we dont have to go for a second round, he is the one insisted and pressured himself, and then was embarrased for not being able to get it up. My question was about why after the encounter, he kinda was avoiding me, the main thing from the thread is to understand him and know what is going on with him, not to complain or anything. Molando, thnx dude, appreciate it.

HumbleRich

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 522
    • View Profile
Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2019, 06:44:27 AM »
My apologies, Selena.  I will read more closely from now on. 

Rich