Author Topic: Not gonna go it alone  (Read 14631 times)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #475 on: August 22, 2019, 06:44:34 PM »
O BlueHeronFan,
Some say he's a man,
Some say he's a heron,
I suspect he's a fan,
A fan that can,
Blow out your addiction,
It ain't no fiction,
He's got a knack,
For offering a hack,
O Blue,
How we love you!

...And not in a gay way...
...Sometimes he... eats Pei Wei?

Yeah.

First of all. Wow. Thank you so very much! Who would have said when I signed up for this forum in January that I would have my own theme song by August, lol!

Sorry to hear about your struggles with school BlueHeron, but I think it's natural to feel the way you felt about your day. Everyone has a bad day, sometimes that's all it is and we can move on knowing there will be better days ahead.

I too am feeling a sense of dread with the upcoming school year; for me, it is not only the work, but also trying to find my way in a community that I felt lost and alone in so much last year. I'm trying to see this year as a new opportunity, a fresh start; but I also know I have to make some changes from last year and just put myself out there more. Sorry for hijacking your forum lol, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your feelings about school, but within that, there is a chance for opportunity and positive change.

Not a hijack at all! I'm really glad to hear your perspective (even if I'm sorry that you're in the same boat). I definitely feel like my academic identity is in a weird transition right now, kind of like I don't even know what I'm doing here. But it's something to work on. Whether it's addiction or finding our place in our programs, we'll get through it together!

I hope you have a magnificent school year blue.  I have a feeling you'll settle in and be a top student.  Sending you good vibes and sunshine

Thank you! It's been so rainy lately, I will definitely take the sunshine!

Sorry you such a shitty first day back. You know what struck me in your last post about your post? Despite the day being the perfect occasion to say 'fuck it' and peak at P, you didn't. If I were in your shoes, I'd be very proud :)

Thanks! In the last several weeks, I have definitely noticed the thought cross my mind along those lines: "Everything is so bad, why not just look at porn. It's not like that will make things worse at this point." It does get hard without being able to hide my head in the sand (PMO), but I'm also pretty pleased that I'm managing to more or less get through the difficulty without relapsing.

Great attitude, just not letting a temorary negative experience change the overall mindset is a key to success. We were used to run to our instantly-feel-good-drug for far too long and now need to endure ups and downs fully aware of reality. It's great to see you have come that far after half a year and I hope these changes will last!

Thanks, this is really true. Life really comes at you when you aren't self-medicating with porn. I was deep into PMO in high school and I have basically no memories of that period of my life. Like, for real, I can hardly remember it, and I don't have any emotional memories at all. That definitely won't be the case now.

Yesterday and today were both pretty decent.

Yesterday was pretty chill. I didn't have anything at school, so I caught up on some housework, like laundry. Then I went to that barbecue. It was pretty good. I had higher hopes (like meeting someone, you never know), but I just ended up spending some time with a couple friends. It was a good time, just not very exciting (if that makes sense).

And then today I had my actual first class. The class is in another department from my program, so I was pretty nervous, like I would feel stupid or something. I kind of did, but the class went way better than I was worried about (nothing actually bad happened). I ended up sitting next to a woman who seemed pretty cool (married...of course...). I also got my reading done for class tomorrow. Tomorrow's class is in my own department and is taught by a professor I really like, so I'm mostly just excited for that (but still a little nervous, as always, for the first day).

You know, it kind of dawned on me today. I have been thinking that if I just keep hanging on and waiting things will just become clear to me. But what if I used some of my YouTube time to read an extra article or two per day or to work on my own writing project or something? What if instead of waiting for things to make sense, I actually scheduled in some time each day to work on making sense out of them? This is kind of a raw thought, so I don't know if it makes sense yet. But the point is that I think I could feel a lot better about things if I spent even a little bit of time each day actually moving forward in my program instead of just going to class and hoping things work out. (Probably obvious, but it feel profound to me today.)

So here's to Friday and leaving a pretty trash week behind!

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #476 on: August 22, 2019, 07:36:40 PM »
That scheduling idea sounds like a great plan, and from personal experience, it really works! It can be hard to change up your routine and take time away from leisure time; what helps me is easing into it. I'll tell myself "okay let's watch 5 minutes less of youtube today and work on x." After a couple days you can go to 10 minutes, 15 minutes....until it starts to feel natural.

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #477 on: August 23, 2019, 09:19:53 AM »
That scheduling idea sounds like a great plan, and from personal experience, it really works! It can be hard to change up your routine and take time away from leisure time; what helps me is easing into it. I'll tell myself "okay let's watch 5 minutes less of youtube today and work on x." After a couple days you can go to 10 minutes, 15 minutes....until it starts to feel natural.

That's right. I like this. Smaller steps might be less scary than big ones.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #478 on: August 23, 2019, 06:20:39 PM »
Oh yeah, I like that too!

Last night after posting, I took about 15 minutes to read an article that I was interested in and that didn't have anything to do with class. When I finished, I felt like I hadn't done enough for it to count, but I said, "Slow down, you did more than you have done in months. Just accept that small step and get ready for bed."

I can't imagine giving up all my leisure time (that probably wouldn't be healthy anyway), but I can definitely give up 15 minutes of before-bed goofing off to make some progress in figuring out my life. Definitely something I want to keep doing and maybe structure more deliberately. Usually what happens is that I feel like the day is over after I have dinner, but there are hours to go between dinner and bed, hours that I could be using better than I have been.

As for today, it was probably the best day of the week. My class this morning was good, and I had some work in the afternoon that went pretty well. The only issue was that I hadn't planned my groceries last week with a new schedule in mind this week, so I didn't really have any food that I could take to school with me. By the time I got home I was super hungry, and I have a kind of headache from that that sort of makes me not feel very motivated to do anything else tonight.

But I'm ready now with a grocery list that takes my new schedule into account, and I am going to have some more portable food so that this doesn't happen again.

I will say this, too: now that everyone is back on campus for the school year, every day is full of way more triggers than I faced during the summer when things were a little quieter here in town. I have noticed that I'm better at not dwelling on triggers and just moving on pretty quickly, but, holy cow, every day this week has been like walking through a minefield of potential pitfalls.

I guess it's just all about re-adjusting to new circumstances. I made it through the summer. I can make it through this.

Here's to a great weekend!

squid

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #479 on: August 23, 2019, 08:48:29 PM »
That's a great principal blue, to take a few minutes to make a plan for the next day.  Afterall, you can't hit a target you don't have.

achilles heel

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #480 on: August 24, 2019, 06:40:48 PM »
I will say this, too: now that everyone is back on campus for the school year, every day is full of way more triggers than I faced during the summer when things were a little quieter here in town. I have noticed that I'm better at not dwelling on triggers and just moving on pretty quickly, but, holy cow, every day this week has been like walking through a minefield of potential pitfalls.

I guess it's just all about re-adjusting to new circumstances. I made it through the summer. I can make it through this.

Here's to a great weekend!

Hope you had a great weekend!  :)

By triggers you refer to girls? Shouldn't it be a good sign you feel attraction towards real girls? I know about your struggle with staring at them, but to some degree it's just normal and natual to look. I don't think that's a porn induced behaviour and I'm not sure if you will reach a point of not feeling "triggered" if you keep those strict rules. On the other hand I don't know how those encounters affected your former reboots. For sure you will have less to look at as fall sets in, so the "problem" will solve itself soon  ;)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #481 on: August 24, 2019, 06:43:38 PM »
Thanks, squid!

Today was okay. I think I should feel better about it than I do. I had big plans for the day, and I had them all written out early in the morning and ready to go.

One of the things I wanted to do was get some cheap frames to frame some things I've been meaning to so that I could hang them on the wall. I measured and figured out what size of frame I would need, went out and got them, came back, and found out that the frames were off by like a tiny fraction of an inch. They don't work.

This is one of those classic small things that don't matter but that can really derail me. I was so annoyed that it didn't just work out that it really took the steam out of me for the rest of the day. I still managed to get most of my list done, but I also sort of felt frustrated, turning into sadness, through the course of the day.

More than that, though, I was way more conscious of how certain behaviors are like escapes for me. All day, I found myself doing things just because they would give me a chance to escape the mix of emotions I was feeling. I found a game online that I like, but today I just kept coming back to it to get away for a couple minutes (and it didn't work when I lost). I kept turning on videos just to create background noise and relieve me from my feelings. I give myself more flexibility in my diet on weekends, but I took it too far today: I ate like garbage as an escape, but it made me feel like garbage.

So I guess my takeaway is that there are still lots of patterns of unhealthy coping behaviors that I wasn't as conscious of until today. I had sneaking suspicions, but I could see it much more clearly today. I guess that's a good check for me: am I doing something because it will actually help me or just to escape from dealing with things? If it's just an escape, I should figure out how to actually deal with the problem.

You know, this is actually a pattern I can see in a lot of things. I almost always end up playing a game or watching a video or something before I start my homework or the dishes, for example. It's like I have to give myself that shot of escapist dopamine just to get started on anything. Definitely something to start working on more deliberately.

So I guess that's it. It's been a kind of tough week, and today was no exception. But I learned something today that will hopefully help me to build some better days in the near future.

Here's to hoping!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #482 on: August 24, 2019, 06:48:05 PM »
By triggers you refer to girls? Shouldn't it be a good sign you feel attraction towards real girls? I know about your struggle with staring at them, but to some degree it's just normal and natual to look. I don't think that's a porn induced behaviour and I'm not sure if you will reach a point of not feeling "triggered" if you keep those strict rules. On the other hand I don't know how those encounters affected your former reboots. For sure you will have less to look at as fall sets in, so the "problem" will solve itself soon  ;)

Yeah, you raise a fair point. It could be that I'm just settling into natural attraction. Maybe I dont' really know what that's like (something to learn).

At the same time, I guess the trigger for me is just an opportunity to stare that I need to be careful about. Again, for me, if there's no possibility of a date, there's not point in spending too much time looking (that's not about building a connection).

But that is something to think about. The goal definitely isn't to "turn off" my sense of attraction. Just not to use it for my own selfish gratification.

squid

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #483 on: August 24, 2019, 11:49:06 PM »
Quote
You know, this is actually a pattern I can see in a lot of things. I almost always end up playing a game or watching a video or something before I start my homework or the dishes, for example. It's like I have to give myself that shot of escapist dopamine just to get started on anything. Definitely something to start working on more deliberately.

This is interesting and relatable.  Something to think about.

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #484 on: August 25, 2019, 04:07:22 AM »
Quote
You know, this is actually a pattern I can see in a lot of things. I almost always end up playing a game or watching a video or something before I start my homework or the dishes, for example. It's like I have to give myself that shot of escapist dopamine just to get started on anything. Definitely something to start working on more deliberately.

This is interesting and relatable.  Something to think about.

I've done this a lot too.

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #485 on: August 25, 2019, 04:09:00 AM »
I don't know what more to tell you, you are doing this the right way. Just keep going because you inspire me to go on.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #486 on: August 25, 2019, 06:26:47 PM »
Thanks, squid and Lero! We just keep on keeping on!

Today was pretty decent, actually. Church was good, and I made some awesome food for dinner. It was a relaxing, useful day, and I made a conscious effort a couple times to just be alone with my thoughts. That's definitely a longer road, but it's one I think I'm probably ready to start on.

A while ago, I talked about getting some clothes that ended up not fitting. Well, they fit today, which was really exciting. I sort of just tried them on a whim because I haven't lost any weight since I got them (on the scale). But I've been eating more carefully and working on strength training, so I just had the thought that maybe that progress wouldn't show up on the scale. Turns out I haven't lost weight, but I have lost some size where it counts. I still have a ways to go (one of the pairs of pants fits now, but only barely), but it was a good sign that I'm not wasting my time.

It's gotten me thinking about all the other ways that I might be overlooking my own progress and productivity because it isn't showing up in the way I expect. How much of my own growth and success am I missing because I'm looking for it in the wrong places?

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #487 on: August 26, 2019, 01:32:25 PM »
It's gotten me thinking about all the other ways that I might be overlooking my own progress and productivity because it isn't showing up in the way I expect. How much of my own growth and success am I missing because I'm looking for it in the wrong places?

I know exactly what you're talking about.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #488 on: August 26, 2019, 09:03:52 PM »
I know exactly what you're talking about.

Thanks! Always good to know I'm not alone in my thoughts.

Today was pretty good. I worked out, did some stuff around the house, went to school. I had a social thing to go to tonight, and I actually ended up talking with a girl who seems pretty cool. I really made a conscious, deliberate effort to be pretty cool about it and not to feel like it had to lead somewhere. In the past, I have definitely felt like I had to be more aggressive so I wouldn't "lose my chance." But that attitude hasn't really served me well, just made me anxious and less myself.

So I decided to just be myself and try to let her see me for who I am, without worrying about whether or not I was putting on a good show for her. If she ends up being interested (or if I even do, honestly), then we'll see each other again. But it's also okay if nothing more comes of it.

I'm really trying to let go of the worries about all the things that I feel like my addiction has made me miss out on or how things are passing me by. Instead, I'm trying to just be open to what life brings my way. I know good stuff is coming, I just don't know when. So I might as well just try to not get too worked up about it all in the meantime.

Let's go see what tomorrow brings!

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #489 on: August 26, 2019, 09:38:14 PM »
Good stuff man! I get slightly over dramatic when I have good interactions with girls, so it was good to read about your experience and learn from it. Carry on!

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #490 on: August 27, 2019, 12:25:09 AM »
Today was pretty good. I worked out, did some stuff around the house, went to school. I had a social thing to go to tonight, and I actually ended up talking with a girl who seems pretty cool. I really made a conscious, deliberate effort to be pretty cool about it and not to feel like it had to lead somewhere. In the past, I have definitely felt like I had to be more aggressive so I wouldn't "lose my chance." But that attitude hasn't really served me well, just made me anxious and less myself.

So I decided to just be myself and try to let her see me for who I am, without worrying about whether or not I was putting on a good show for her. If she ends up being interested (or if I even do, honestly), then we'll see each other again. But it's also okay if nothing more comes of it.

I'm really trying to let go of the worries about all the things that I feel like my addiction has made me miss out on or how things are passing me by. Instead, I'm trying to just be open to what life brings my way. I know good stuff is coming, I just don't know when. So I might as well just try to not get too worked up about it all in the meantime.

Let's go see what tomorrow brings!

You know, one thing that I've learned is that when I am desperate for something, it seems to "run" away from me to the end of the world. The only things that I get are the things where I am relaxed and I let them happen or not, depending on the chance and stuff. I know how desperate someone could get after a long dry spell (point the finger at me here) but it will probably happen in that week when you don't really stress out about it.

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #491 on: August 27, 2019, 12:12:37 PM »
Today was pretty good. I worked out, did some stuff around the house, went to school. I had a social thing to go to tonight, and I actually ended up talking with a girl who seems pretty cool. I really made a conscious, deliberate effort to be pretty cool about it and not to feel like it had to lead somewhere. In the past, I have definitely felt like I had to be more aggressive so I wouldn't "lose my chance." But that attitude hasn't really served me well, just made me anxious and less myself.

So I decided to just be myself and try to let her see me for who I am, without worrying about whether or not I was putting on a good show for her. If she ends up being interested (or if I even do, honestly), then we'll see each other again. But it's also okay if nothing more comes of it.

I'm really trying to let go of the worries about all the things that I feel like my addiction has made me miss out on or how things are passing me by. Instead, I'm trying to just be open to what life brings my way. I know good stuff is coming, I just don't know when. So I might as well just try to not get too worked up about it all in the meantime.

Let's go see what tomorrow brings!

I completely feel you bro. I remember that feeling well and that was actually what led to me meeting my ex.

You know, one thing that I've learned is that when I am desperate for something, it seems to "run" away from me to the end of the world. The only things that I get are the things where I am relaxed and I let them happen or not, depending on the chance and stuff. I know how desperate someone could get after a long dry spell (point the finger at me here) but it will probably happen in that week when you don't really stress out about it.

To expound on that a little: When you're relaxed you are just more aware that everything that happens is kind of supposed to be that way. For me, after a super long dry spell and a long streak I felt pretty aggressive but in a good way. It was more chill and accepting. But I wanted this girl. And I was gonna get her. I was genuinely interested in her. I felt on top of the world. More just bursting at the seems with positive, sexual energy and confidence than any cynicism. My ex did say that she felt I was a little too aggressive in the way I acted around her at the beginning, so maybe I overdid it, but I still got her and we had a great relationship after that. I was just being authentic and expressing how I genuinely felt. What I mean to say is, I don't think being a little aggressive is necessarily a bad thing, as long as it's actually how you feel and you're being authentic. A girl will clock whether your raw, masculine, natural, playful aggression is legit within seconds. And as you say @Blue, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Accepting having feelings of sexual aggression is part of your wider acceptance of who you are, and isn't just a negative thing. It's part of being a man.

For so long as a P addict, I felt I had to act aggressive around girls to make them like me, and it was completely put on. In reality I was in a flatline and couldn't get my dick up with any girl to save my life!

I hope that makes sense.
« Last Edit: August 27, 2019, 12:21:14 PM by Non-Dual Adventurer »

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #492 on: August 27, 2019, 05:42:28 PM »
I hope that makes sense.

Makes total sense! Thanks for your input and support. I think I'm definitely changing my mindset from "making" girls like me to "letting" them like me if that makes any sense. I think part of it is that, for so long, I felt like I had to hide so much of myself because I was ashamed of so much of me, but that's changing. I still lowkey dread the day when I have to talk to a significant other about porn, but I feel much better about how that conversation would go today than it would have a year ago.

Good stuff man! I get slightly over dramatic when I have good interactions with girls, so it was good to read about your experience and learn from it. Carry on!

Thanks! Yeah, I definitely go into "be impressive and don't let them have a second alone" mode sometimes. I working on seeing these kinds of interactions as good opportunities but not my only opportunities, which is sort of how I have seen them in the past.

You know, one thing that I've learned is that when I am desperate for something, it seems to "run" away from me to the end of the world.

Man, this is exactly right. When we're desperate, we're only thinking about ourselves, and that's never very attractive. Love the way you put it!

As for today things have been pretty good. School and work and not much else.

I had a porn dream last night that kind of got in my head today (like they usually do). I dreamed that I was just browsing the internet and then a bunch of porn videos showed up. I knew in my head that I needed to get away, but then I just sort of said, "forget it, it's so tiring, just let them play." Then I woke up and it took a minute to realize that it hadn't actually happened.

I guess I've just sort of been thinking throughout the day about how easily the dream version of me gave up so quickly because the effort of staying clean was just too much. I'm definitely aware that staying in the clear still takes deliberate effort, but it is becoming more  natural and less taxing to get through the day.

I guess I'll just take it as a dream-reminder that one small bad decision can torpedo the whole thing. I don't think there's ever a point where we can just check the box and check out. But that's okay. I sincerely believe it's worth the effort.

Carry on!

squid

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #493 on: August 28, 2019, 07:47:17 AM »
Carry on!  I think one of the most beautiful things about a reboot is no longer actively pursuing an activity I hated and never wanted to begin with.  Losing that inner disappointment and self loathing and finding self love and peace, it's awesome.  It's also attractive!  Sending you good vibes and sunshine blue.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #494 on: August 28, 2019, 06:58:37 PM »
Thanks, squid! I really appreciate it.

Today was pretty decent. Not much to it. Laundry and cooking and homework. I've been procrastinating a project for no good reason (creative block, I guess). But I finally just hammered it out today: I told myself that I could not go through another day without finishing it.

Last night I added another notification to my phone (in addition to the ones that remind me to post here and to keep the streak alive "just for today"). This one is to spend some time each night planning the next day.

I know I do better when I have a to-do list and a schedule. For some reason, though, I have been putting that off lately and just not planning and sort of wandering aimlessly through the days. That ends tonight! (Or at least, I'm taking the first step toward ending it.)

Here's to a more purposeful tomorrow!

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #495 on: August 28, 2019, 07:12:47 PM »
Great attitude about the porn dream. You could see it as just a burping out of old energies. Whatever it was, it does not have any hold of you for today, every day.

If I could be in a place where I even wrote a daily to-do list I'd be a lot better off but often I don't even have the motivation for that! How long have you been in the habit of writing a to-do list and a schedule? If it's not been long, it might just take a little time to get back into it. Also, do you have a perfectionistic personality? I certainly do and I get very self-critical. It doesn't seem like that from the way you write, but I was just wondering if you notice that in yourself and if so, how you deal with it.

Also, how are your daily meditations going? What kind of meditation are you doing at the moment? Have you heard of an app called 'Insight Timer'. There are a number of free guided meditations on there and it's pretty cool if you don't like to go on YouTube for these things (often a trigger for me).

Peace bro.


BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #496 on: August 29, 2019, 05:36:38 PM »
Great attitude about the porn dream. You could see it as just a burping out of old energies. Whatever it was, it does not have any hold of you for today, every day.

If I could be in a place where I even wrote a daily to-do list I'd be a lot better off but often I don't even have the motivation for that! How long have you been in the habit of writing a to-do list and a schedule? If it's not been long, it might just take a little time to get back into it. Also, do you have a perfectionistic personality? I certainly do and I get very self-critical. It doesn't seem like that from the way you write, but I was just wondering if you notice that in yourself and if so, how you deal with it.

Also, how are your daily meditations going? What kind of meditation are you doing at the moment? Have you heard of an app called 'Insight Timer'. There are a number of free guided meditations on there and it's pretty cool if you don't like to go on YouTube for these things (often a trigger for me).

Peace bro.

Thanks! I really like the idea of burping out the old energy. I think I'm going to call those porn dream burps from now on. That's exactly what they are, gross, empty remnants of my digestive past, lol.

I definitely don't see much perfectionism in myself. I think I'm much more in a "good-enough-ist" mindset. But I do also always feel aware that there is more that I could or should be doing. So I'm not really aiming for perfection, but I'm also never totally satisfied with where I'm at. That feels paradoxical now that I'm writing it out.

As for writing out the to-dos and the schedule, it was a schedule I had for a pretty long while until the last year or so. It was weird, sort of life the busier and more out of control things got with school, the less energy I had to figure things out. So I just sort of got carried away by the tide of life. I've been a little better about keeping a to-do. I bought a white board to put on the wall and keep track of everything that needs to happen in a week, and I have a smaller one that I use for daily tasks. It's a good visual reminder. But I started to realize that I was always forgetting to do things or just putting them off, so I decided I had to get back to actually scheduling them so that they actually get done.

Today was the first day back at planning and scheduling, and it has gone pretty well. I have just one more thing to do tonight, and I have plenty of time for it, so things are looking good.

And I love Insight Timer! I bounced around to a couple different meditation apps before settling on Insight Timer about a year and a half ago. They have some great addiction-focused stuff and even porn-focused things that have been really helpful. Lately, I've been doing a mix of the daily meditation and different courses that catch my eye (I never pay for apps, but this one has been so helpful to me that I decided to subscribe at the start of the year). But in the last couple weeks I also started just setting the timer and meditating in silence because I realized that even my quiet meditation time was full of other people talking to me. Usually, I meditate twice a day (morning and night) for about 15-20 minutes. (Sarah Blondin's "Practicing Gentle Kindness toward Ourselves" is probably my most listened-to. Especially when I'm feeling down about my addiction, it is always just what I need to hear.)

Not much to today. I had to do some homework in the morning, and then I had class in the afternoon. I have some time tonight to work on a personal project, and then it's off to bed. School and work tomorrow, so it will probably be another busy day. There is some promise of good social opportunities this weekend, so we'll see how they go. Other than that, I'm just trying to keep on going.

I have been experiencing a few more intense urges/triggers lately. I've been sort of worried/frustrated about them, but then I remembered that they always seem to get worse when I'm getting close to a milestone (6 months). I don't know why my addicted brain wants to throw a fit whenever another benchmark for progress gets close, but it does. That has helped me not to get so emotionally involved in the urges and just to let them go by as before. It's not necessarily that I'm messing up in my recovery, just that this is part of my pattern of having a harder time right before achieving another goal.

So we carry on!

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #497 on: August 30, 2019, 03:08:49 AM »
Damn, bro! Almost half a year!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #498 on: August 30, 2019, 06:06:11 PM »
Decent day today. School and work. Getting through my actual, written out to-do list and schedule.

I can't decide if I'm getting sick or if my allergies are just worse than usual. I guess only time will tell.

On to the weekend!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #499 on: August 31, 2019, 06:18:46 PM »
Another quieter day. Got a lot done, including (finally!) cleaning my place. It has been needing a good tidy, but I have just kept putting it off. I finally got it done today, though. It always feels nicer when things are straightened out.

Just a couple more things to take care of tonight. I've got another potluck tomorrow. Hopefully I can make some good connections again.

Keep on keeping on, everyone!