Quote from: Lero on July 11, 2019, 04:55:19 AMI could say the same thing. In real life, nobody knew about my P addiction (and still doesn't). I don't have close friends like that. My friends are superficial. I know it sucks but... Coming here and getting this out of my chest: "Look, I'm a P addict, that's how I feel", was what I needed. It might help me get clean and not suffer in silence like a dog all my life. Also, this place is in my opinion the best place for P addiction. People here know a lot and there are people here who have streaks in double or triple digits. It goes without saying that this is where everyone P addict should be. It's like an AA online meeting but for P. Porn Addicts Anonymous or something like that. PAA hahaha Definitely! Telling a few people face-to-face has been helpful, but the group here has really made a difference. The people I have told have just sort of been supportive in the best way they know how, but the people here (you all) really know what it's like and can talk through things in a way more helpful and specific way. PAA all the way!
I could say the same thing. In real life, nobody knew about my P addiction (and still doesn't). I don't have close friends like that. My friends are superficial. I know it sucks but... Coming here and getting this out of my chest: "Look, I'm a P addict, that's how I feel", was what I needed. It might help me get clean and not suffer in silence like a dog all my life. Also, this place is in my opinion the best place for P addiction. People here know a lot and there are people here who have streaks in double or triple digits. It goes without saying that this is where everyone P addict should be. It's like an AA online meeting but for P. Porn Addicts Anonymous or something like that. PAA hahaha
I'm pretty sure I'm getting enough sleep during the night (I go to bed pretty early and wake up naturally), but a timed nap isn't a bad idea. Probably better than a 20 minute youtube break if I'm honest lol...
achilles, I know exactly that feeling of "you are here for another reason, if you stumble upon a little nudity it's not your fault." It is the source of too many relapses to count for me. Like one time a few years ago, I thought I was doing "research" on how search engines are sexist by serving sexualized results for feminine terms and just regular ones for masculine terms. Well, they did serve me sexualized stuff, and I fell down hard. And then there's that game of seeing how close to sexy nudity I can get without actually getting to it. "No, it's fine, they're fully clothed." And then it's a full-blown relapse a half hour later. There are lots of ways to rationalize ourselves into trouble, and that's not something I'm willing to do anymore. It used to be that I'd feel "powerful" after a few weeks without PMO, but I haven't felt that same powerful feeling at all this time around. And that's probably a good thing: it was probably the feeling of invincibility that always came before a fall.
Keep moving forward dog.
Right, those rationalizations start way before even getting in real trouble and my strategy now is "No negotiation.", whatever thought about "Isn't this allowed, because it's not even a porn substitute?" arises, I just shut it down immediately. I can also relate to the feeling of being "invincible" when I reached a really long streak for the first times. "Those heavy restrictions aren't neccessary anymore, you've got this under control." and there I relapsed again.To me it's important to see how those patterns are easily activated even after more than 4 months, you're working as a scout for the group walking ahead and telling about possible danger further down the road. Your thoughts and reflections are important for those of us who will hopefully follow your example.
You're doing great, Blue Heron! Quitting P must be number 1 priority and we have to do everything to make it happen. I had to stop going to Youtube, stop going to Facebook and even stop watching some movies and TV series because of triggers. Everything triggers me. And it's easy to say: "Fuck, man! This sucks! I can't do things that normal human beings do!" This is not a good mindset to have. We must not think negatively while fighting this hard thing. Instead, it's like you said, and I liked when you said that: We have to enjoy our life the way it is. There is so much to it than not being able to watch TV series, Youtube or whatever. To be honest, sometimes these are a waste of time.
Quote from: zander13 on July 14, 2019, 01:50:25 PMKeep moving forward dog.Thanks! I'll just keep doing what I can, a day at a time!Quote from: achilles heel on July 14, 2019, 03:04:36 AMRight, those rationalizations start way before even getting in real trouble and my strategy now is "No negotiation.", whatever thought about "Isn't this allowed, because it's not even a porn substitute?" arises, I just shut it down immediately. I can also relate to the feeling of being "invincible" when I reached a really long streak for the first times. "Those heavy restrictions aren't neccessary anymore, you've got this under control." and there I relapsed again.To me it's important to see how those patterns are easily activated even after more than 4 months, you're working as a scout for the group walking ahead and telling about possible danger further down the road. Your thoughts and reflections are important for those of us who will hopefully follow your example. This is an awesome thought. Yeah, I've definitely taken up a "no negotiations" policy, and it's an important thing. It's been a bit shift for me to change from thinking that my goal was to go back to living life like "normal" as though I didn't have a PMO problem and instead focus on living my life carefully and deliberately knowing that I do have a PMO problem. The goal isn't to out-grow my protections. The goal is to make them habits.And thanks! I like the idea of being a forward scout for the rest of y'all. It makes me feel even more accountable and responsible not to let you down with a relapse. Quote from: Lero on July 14, 2019, 05:39:56 AMYou're doing great, Blue Heron! Quitting P must be number 1 priority and we have to do everything to make it happen. I had to stop going to Youtube, stop going to Facebook and even stop watching some movies and TV series because of triggers. Everything triggers me. And it's easy to say: "Fuck, man! This sucks! I can't do things that normal human beings do!" This is not a good mindset to have. We must not think negatively while fighting this hard thing. Instead, it's like you said, and I liked when you said that: We have to enjoy our life the way it is. There is so much to it than not being able to watch TV series, Youtube or whatever. To be honest, sometimes these are a waste of time. Thanks, Lero! It definitely involves changing our lives and not wishing we could live like "normal" people do. I know I wasted a lot of time and made a lot of mistakes because I was trying to set my standards according to what was okay for people who weren't recovering from an addiction. I just can't afford to do that: I have to live life in a way that takes care of my particular vulnerabilities.Today was a pretty good day, too, overall. I was just telling achilles in his journal about how I had a great opportunity and plan to talk to a woman at church today, but I just straight-up didn't. It's like the connection between my brain and body just didn't work. I wanted to talk to her. I knew what I was going to say. But I just couldn't/didn't do it. Kind of weird and disappointing, but it is what it is. I've heard that she's moving soon anyway, so it's not like she's going to be "the one" anyway, but still. Would have been nice to get some practice talking to someone. Maybe next time.After that, I came home, took a little nap, and spent most of the rest of the day cooking for the week. I made a recipe that I thought I was really good. For a moment, I got carried away thinking how awesome it would be to have someone there to share it with me, someone to cook for. But I sort of just let that thought go past me, and I tried instead to just focus on the moment and pleasure of eating good food. On an unrelated note: In the last few days I've been feeling like progress has slowed down a lot for me. And that's probably a good thing, but it is a little weird-feeling. In the early stages of a streak, it seems like you're hitting a milestone every few days. 10 days is a party, then 20, then 50. But after a few months, getting through a week or two doesn't feel as special. Now don't get the wrong idea: I dont' want to take this streak for granted or act like I'm not extremely grateful for the progress I've been making. I am sort of blown away by it every day. I don't mean to complain. Probably, I mean it mostly as a warning for all of you as you continue to progress (putting on my scout hat, lol). The longer you stay clean, the less exciting it is and the less dramatic your progress feels. And that makes sense: it all becomes more routine and more habitual. It isn't as much of a fight every day just to stay clean. You're not in constant danger, and, of course, you can't get lazy or complacent, but life slowly creeps back to normal as habits of sobriety settle in. There might be the odd unexpected trigger or urge that you have to respond to, but, for the most part, it might just start to get to the point where all you really think to post is "yeah, today was fine."And that's probably the best thing, honestly. But it isn't very flashy. Tomorrow is day 130, but I'm not really pumped up about it. Just quietly pleased. I don't really know where I'm going with all this. I guess I'll just say that it isn't always as hard as the first few weeks (man, are those first few weeks excruciating). It does get easier in some ways, but the challenge then becomes staying careful and being alert even when life isn't forcing you to be as constantly as before. Keep it going, guys! Knowing I get to check in with you all at the end of the day definitely helps me to stay fresh and engaged. Quieter, easier days are ahead: you just have to keep going!Mondays are usually later for me. I hope to post tomorrow, but if not, I'll be back on Tuesday! Cheers!
Keep your head up man, you are doing great! The comments you make in this community are really awesome, our scout!
Yep, you're doing great with your urges as always and it's good that you have found ways to deal with them effectively! It can feel tiring when we look at life as a battle between moments of urges vs. moments of relaxation, and I think you do a good job of just enjoying the moments of peacefulness while letting the urges come and go, whenever they do and however strong they are. Keep it up, and I hope to keep following in your footsteps!
Great stuff Blue!Thanks for posting so frankly about the reality of how you feel right now in your reboot. Having a 9 or 10 month long streak before and having it be less significant led me back to P. Months 9 and 10 were spent occasionally fantasising, I downloaded tinder 'cos I didn't know anyone, then started watching swimsuit youtube videos. I slid slowly and gradually into watching P again after that. There's never a moment or a time when you can say 'yes, now I'm clean for X days/months/years so now I can do what I want.' I also think that once clean for long, it can be harder to remember what it was like not to be clean. It's hard to remember that feeling of being absolutely flat with no energy and no motivation for anything. This recovery is an entire lifestyle change and upheaval. It's not really about overcoming P at the end of the day, it's about living a fulfilled life, and that's what you're doing right now man. And it's only gonna get better.
Nice, off to a good start to the week! Do you have any thoughts about how to handle weekends? I feel like they are tricky because I don't have to go to work and suddenly have a ton of free time.
It really is all about a permanent lifestyle change, not about just doing our time until we can go back to "business as usual." (It was that business as usual that got us addicted in the first place!)
Quote from: BlueHeronFan on July 15, 2019, 08:08:31 PMIt really is all about a permanent lifestyle change, not about just doing our time until we can go back to "business as usual." (It was that business as usual that got us addicted in the first place!)This is so right and at the same time so much easier said than done. I hope I will truly understand this and delete the secret thought of "When will I be cured and live like all the others?", but it's hard to accept that our business as usual will sooner or later end in porn again, as you mention.Congratulations on further advancing with your new life!
Quote from: squid on July 15, 2019, 09:58:56 PMNice, off to a good start to the week! Do you have any thoughts about how to handle weekends? I feel like they are tricky because I don't have to go to work and suddenly have a ton of free time.I have the same problem. Not going to work frees up many hours and I don't really have a way to fill all of them.
Pretty normal week? You deserve more than that my dear friend i wish you have a ridiculously AMAZING WEEK Keep fighting!You are resilient!You are loved!Even though you’re struggling with your own reboot, you’re always there for everyone else, to listen and support. We notice that, and thank you.
Quote from: achilles heel on July 16, 2019, 04:36:05 PMQuote from: BlueHeronFan on July 15, 2019, 08:08:31 PMIt really is all about a permanent lifestyle change, not about just doing our time until we can go back to "business as usual." (It was that business as usual that got us addicted in the first place!)This is so right and at the same time so much easier said than done. I hope I will truly understand this and delete the secret thought of "When will I be cured and live like all the others?", but it's hard to accept that our business as usual will sooner or later end in porn again, as you mention.Congratulations on further advancing with your new life!It's a sobering thought, but it makes sense. My only consolation is that our new habits will grow old over time and will become the new business as usual. We are still young men and the future is bright as we finally face our fear rather than running to p.