Author Topic: Not gonna go it alone  (Read 8533 times)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #300 on: June 26, 2019, 05:28:20 PM »
I like how after 110 days you keep working and reflecting on your recovery and stay humble enough to not expect a changed life already due to reaching the "magic 90". It's a question of patience and not expecting miracles now. Your reflection on becoming a better person will definitely help, because that's what's happening.

After longer streaks I noticed that either girls were looking at me more or - what's more realistic - I would just notice because I wasn't that numb to interaction anymore and would make way more eye contact when walking around. Either way quitting porn is neccessary to reestablish tastes in general to a healthy and natural level after training ourselves to get super-stimuli bodyparts on a screen.

You've got the key to get out and give a great example to everybody! Keep it that way!

Thanks so much, achilles, I really appreciate your support! I've caught myself a couple of times lately thinking I was invincible and talking about my addiction in the past tense, but I'm also trying hard to stay aware that I still have a long road ahead (my whole life in some ways). I've relapsed before because I thought I was cured and got sloppy. Don't want to make that mistake again.

I like your point about porn training our minds to believe that we don't have to give anything. Giving to others is contagious: it will influence others to give back to you as well as other people they are around. If we can be people that spread selflessness, honesty, and compassion, the people around us will naturally gravitate towards that as well. I'm so happy you are doing so well on your streak, keep it up!

Thanks, man! It means a lot. Can I also just say how awesome it is that we all came here to fight an addiction but that we also just end up talking about being better people in general? Fighting an addiction really does mean changing our whole lives, but I still think it's cool that we're working on other things too and supporting each other along the way.


Another quieter day for me, did some work from home. I've felt some quiet tremors of urges the last couple of days, mostly when I go to bed. Nothing very strong, but still enough to keep me on my toes.

Stay strong everyone, we're another day closer to our goals!

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #301 on: June 26, 2019, 06:40:34 PM »
Hey BlueHeron, that's quite the streak there, mate! Hats off to ya!

What's you meditation routine like at the moment? :)


Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #302 on: June 27, 2019, 03:38:59 AM »
Thanks, man! It means a lot. Can I also just say how awesome it is that we all came here to fight an addiction but that we also just end up talking about being better people in general? Fighting an addiction really does mean changing our whole lives, but I still think it's cool that we're working on other things too and supporting each other along the way.

Some addicts end up procrastinating. They don't work on themselves or their careers. It's understandable because all addictions become like an obstacle. With drugs or alcohol you are in another state all day, with P you lose that life energy and mood for life. That's why, for them, an important element is working on what they haven't. Streaks away from P are a good opportunity to do this. I know that I fit this category. I had to start doing things in my life because I found myself not doing to much regarding my career or myself. I used to play a lot of video games and stay away from leaving my home if it wasn't necessary (go to work). But like I said, P has the ability to do this to us. That's why we have to fight to get a good streak away from P and use that energy to do what we haven't been doing. 

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #303 on: June 27, 2019, 05:35:08 PM »
Hey BlueHeron, that's quite the streak there, mate! Hats off to ya!

What's you meditation routine like at the moment? :)

Hey, thanks! Right now, I meditate once in the morning and once in the evening, usually for about 20 minutes each. It has really been helpful.

Some addicts end up procrastinating. They don't work on themselves or their careers. It's understandable because all addictions become like an obstacle. With drugs or alcohol you are in another state all day, with P you lose that life energy and mood for life. That's why, for them, an important element is working on what they haven't. Streaks away from P are a good opportunity to do this. I know that I fit this category. I had to start doing things in my life because I found myself not doing to much regarding my career or myself. I used to play a lot of video games and stay away from leaving my home if it wasn't necessary (go to work). But like I said, P has the ability to do this to us. That's why we have to fight to get a good streak away from P and use that energy to do what we haven't been doing. 

Man, that's really true. When I was at my worst, porn was basically all I did with my free time. I sometimes think my high school years are just blank spaces in my life because basically all I did was school and porn. I think working on recovery and improving our lives feed each other. I started to want to get away from porn because I started to have a better life, and I could work on my life more because I was getting away from porn. Porn really sucks the life out of us.

Today was good. I got some work done and got out of the house for a while. I'm ending the day with a massive headache: I've had a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders lately for some reason I can't figure out. But hopefully that's nothing that some stretching and sleep won't solve, at least for today. 

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #304 on: June 28, 2019, 04:33:17 AM »
Man, that's really true. When I was at my worst, porn was basically all I did with my free time. I sometimes think my high school years are just blank spaces in my life because basically all I did was school and porn. I think working on recovery and improving our lives feed each other. I started to want to get away from porn because I started to have a better life, and I could work on my life more because I was getting away from porn. Porn really sucks the life out of us.

I couldn't say I had a different lifestyle either. In high school I PMO-ed everyday, as many times as I could/had time to. I didn't even have drive for studying. My grades started to drop. I was exhausted and numb all day. I didn't even feel emotions.

Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #305 on: June 28, 2019, 05:46:24 AM »
BlueHeron, I know everybody has headaches at one point but i hate it when it is somebody as kind as you. I hope you feel better soon. Could it be because you have not had enough water? Personally when i am dehydrated i start having headaches
« Last Edit: June 28, 2019, 05:48:09 AM by Thank you for all that you do for me »

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #306 on: June 28, 2019, 08:34:48 AM »
Man, that's really true. When I was at my worst, porn was basically all I did with my free time. I sometimes think my high school years are just blank spaces in my life because basically all I did was school and porn. I think working on recovery and improving our lives feed each other. I started to want to get away from porn because I started to have a better life, and I could work on my life more because I was getting away from porn. Porn really sucks the life out of us.

I couldn't say I had a different lifestyle either. In high school I PMO-ed everyday, as many times as I could/had time to. I didn't even have drive for studying. My grades started to drop. I was exhausted and numb all day. I didn't even feel emotions.

I was the same in high school. It does make you think how far you've come, though, doesn't it! Pretty much all I did was watch porn and isolate myself. I had zero drive for anything, including socialising. It's a miracle I got into university. Things are on the up and up now for all of us. I believe it's all part of the conscious evolutionary process!

zander13

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #307 on: June 28, 2019, 11:51:01 AM »
I'm loving what you're putting out there man. Keep up the good work!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #308 on: June 28, 2019, 06:05:13 PM »
I couldn't say I had a different lifestyle either. In high school I PMO-ed everyday, as many times as I could/had time to. I didn't even have drive for studying. My grades started to drop. I was exhausted and numb all day. I didn't even feel emotions.

I was the same in high school. It does make you think how far you've come, though, doesn't it! Pretty much all I did was watch porn and isolate myself. I had zero drive for anything, including socialising. It's a miracle I got into university. Things are on the up and up now for all of us. I believe it's all part of the conscious evolutionary process!

It does make me think how far I've come. I think it's really easy to miss the progress we've made because we still aren't where we want to be. I've been trying to be very careful about not thinking I'm "cured" because that always leads to trouble, but it is kind of amazing to see the difference between high school me and today me. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm so far from where I was.

We all are! There was a time when we weren't even trying. Now, though, we're trying and progressing!

BlueHeron, I know everybody has headaches at one point but i hate it when it is somebody as kind as you. I hope you feel better soon. Could it be because you have not had enough water? Personally when i am dehydrated i start having headaches

Thanks for the kind words. It's possible that I was a little dehydrated yesterday. Either way, I felt a lot better after getting some sleep. Keep on keeping on!

I'm loving what you're putting out there man. Keep up the good work!

Hey man, I really appreciate it! Thanks for the support!

Another decent day here for me, not much to it. I've been trying to eat healthier lately, but I have gotten progressively less excited about the food I've been cooking in the last couple weeks. Like today, I didn't even want to eat what I had and had to figure something else out. I made a grocery list for tomorrow, making some changes to the routine I've had for a while. Hopefully, my food is still healthy but also not boring. Fingers crossed!

Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #309 on: June 29, 2019, 05:22:38 AM »
BlueHeronFan, I’m proud of you for making those little steps! I know you are trying as much as you can  ;D ;D

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #310 on: June 29, 2019, 07:13:51 PM »
Thanks!

Today was pretty good. I spent most of the day cooking (and doing dishes), but it was nice and now I have some food again.

I have spent a lot of time and energy in the last few years worrying about how my life wasn't what I thought it should be or wanted it to be. You know, thinking things like, Oh, everything will be so much better when I have more money/have a girlfriend/live somewhere better.

But none of those things are guarantees even if they will probably happen. Am I just going to hold my happiness hostage until those things happen? What if I turn 50 and those things never happen? Am I going to be a grouch, or will I learn to live happily with the cards I've been dealt?

The last few days, I've been working to reframe my thoughts. Instead of just wishing for something to happen in the future, I'm trying to be okay with the fact that it hasn't happened. I'm trying to be okay with things the way they are and to be okay with my life even if things never do change. This is kind of a tough change to my habits of thought, but it's one I think is worth making. I won't have to be disappointed in my life now because it doesn't measure up to my imagination. Something else to work on.

114 days/120. One day at a time.

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #311 on: June 30, 2019, 02:13:36 AM »
I have spent a lot of time and energy in the last few years worrying about how my life wasn't what I thought it should be or wanted it to be. You know, thinking things like, Oh, everything will be so much better when I have more money/have a girlfriend/live somewhere better.

But none of those things are guarantees even if they will probably happen. Am I just going to hold my happiness hostage until those things happen? What if I turn 50 and those things never happen? Am I going to be a grouch, or will I learn to live happily with the cards I've been dealt?

The last few days, I've been working to reframe my thoughts. Instead of just wishing for something to happen in the future, I'm trying to be okay with the fact that it hasn't happened. I'm trying to be okay with things the way they are and to be okay with my life even if things never do change. This is kind of a tough change to my habits of thought, but it's one I think is worth making. I won't have to be disappointed in my life now because it doesn't measure up to my imagination. Something else to work on.

114 days/120. One day at a time.

That's right. You don't know what will come. We cannot read the future. Accepting who you are and how your life is (because it couldn't be different right now) could be an important step in having some piece of mind. I know that the days when I'm able to do that, I am the calmest. I think we should always have a vision about what we want in life and a plan to make it work but those things might take time. There are things I wished I had too but I think I have to accept the fact that they will not come right now. And if they never come, what could I do? I've been trying. You can't do more than trying. As long as you give 100% in your attempt, you can't be sad about it because you've done your best. Of course there is more in life than the thing we want. Sometimes, people don't appreciate the small things like being healthy, having all the limbs, not being deaf, blind etc. 

Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #312 on: June 30, 2019, 04:51:31 AM »
blueheronfan,I can't even pretend to know what you're going through, but you aren't alone and you are cared for
« Last Edit: June 30, 2019, 05:17:23 AM by Thank you for all that you do for me »

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #313 on: June 30, 2019, 11:45:40 AM »
Hey BlueHeron,

Good idea to work on reframing your thoughts. You know, the truth is is that time is a human construct. The past doesn't really exist, neither does the future. All there ever really is, is now. There's nothing wrong with planning for the future but not if it gets in the way of our recognition of the Now. Have you read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle? I'd highly recommend it, it's a great book and really expands on this concept in a beneficial, non-dogmatic way.

- Adventurer


Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #314 on: June 30, 2019, 12:27:25 PM »
Good idea to work on reframing your thoughts. You know, the truth is is that time is a human construct. The past doesn't really exist, neither does the future. All there ever really is, is now. There's nothing wrong with planning for the future but not if it gets in the way of our recognition of the Now.

Yes, that's right. I've said this around here too. The past cannot be changed no matter what (that's what some people have to understand when they regret/cry/constantly think/always get stuck in the past). You don't know the future either. The only thing you could do is have a vision. Where do I want to be? What plan could I write down to get me there? That's all. From then on, only doing things now could ever move you forward.


achilles heel

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #315 on: June 30, 2019, 01:04:28 PM »
Congratulations on further advancing at your already very impressive streak, your good example and support helps others a lot. I look around and see a very supportive community where everyone seems to help and improve lately!  :)

This reflection:

I have spent a lot of time and energy in the last few years worrying about how my life wasn't what I thought it should be or wanted it to be. You know, thinking things like, Oh, everything will be so much better when I have more money/have a girlfriend/live somewhere better.

But none of those things are guarantees even if they will probably happen. Am I just going to hold my happiness hostage until those things happen? What if I turn 50 and those things never happen? Am I going to be a grouch, or will I learn to live happily with the cards I've been dealt?

The last few days, I've been working to reframe my thoughts. Instead of just wishing for something to happen in the future, I'm trying to be okay with the fact that it hasn't happened. I'm trying to be okay with things the way they are and to be okay with my life even if things never do change. This is kind of a tough change to my habits of thought, but it's one I think is worth making. I won't have to be disappointed in my life now because it doesn't measure up to my imagination. Something else to work on.

...is very important. I already mentioned I am struggling with the same. For me it's normal to suffer from stages of depression throughout reboot and those negative feelings often turn into a downward spiral. It's good to read about your strategy to reframe your mindset, I need to do the same!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #316 on: June 30, 2019, 07:16:39 PM »
Wow, where to begin? So many good thoughts to respond to. Thanks for y'all's continuing support!

Have you read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle? I'd highly recommend it, it's a great book and really expands on this concept in a beneficial, non-dogmatic way.

That's a great recommendation. Eckhart Tolle's name has popped up on my radar just in the last couple weeks, and I'm sort of between books (if you don't count all the ones I'm supposed to be reading for school, lol). I just might check it out.

Congratulations on further advancing at your already very impressive streak, your good example and support helps others a lot. I look around and see a very supportive community where everyone seems to help and improve lately!  :)


Thanks a lot, man! I've been noticing the same thing: everybody's at a different place, but everyone seems to be making progress. I haven't been around here all that long, but I've seen the change even from my first days here. The vibe feels more positive and productive now, and I think that's awesome. Let's keep it going!

Today was good. Church, more cooking, a phone call home to my family. After I post here, I think I'll wrap up with some yoga and reading, and then it's off to another week.

You all are awesome and have been a huge strength to me! I'm sure I've said it before, but I've heard that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety but connection. Of course our connections here can't replace the connections we have with the people in our  real lives, but they definitely make a difference. Onward!

Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #317 on: July 01, 2019, 04:59:39 AM »
I know you’re trying so hard to reach your goals, and I can sure you that karma sees it all. You will be rewarded sooner or later, and I will be there to be happy for and with you. You can do anything, and I believe in you  :)

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #318 on: July 01, 2019, 12:07:25 PM »
Sounds like you had a good day yesterday. Yes, The Power of Now is a really excellent book, as it Siddharta by Hermann Hesse. The latter is a short novel but very beautifully written. It's one of my favourite books of all time.

Hope today is as kick-ass for you as yesterday was.

- Adventurer

achilles heel

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #319 on: July 01, 2019, 02:56:19 PM »
Onward!

Onward to four months, you are already there, keep going!  :)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #320 on: July 02, 2019, 07:14:48 PM »
I know you’re trying so hard to reach your goals, and I can sure you that karma sees it all. You will be rewarded sooner or later, and I will be there to be happy for and with you. You can do anything, and I believe in you  :)

Thanks! I believe in you too!

Sounds like you had a good day yesterday. Yes, The Power of Now is a really excellent book, as it Siddharta by Hermann Hesse. The latter is a short novel but very beautifully written. It's one of my favourite books of all time.

Hope today is as kick-ass for you as yesterday was.

- Adventurer

Awesome, I put a hold on Tolle's book. Who knows how long I'll have to wait, but it seems odd to be too impatient about a book called the Power of Now, lol. Thanks, as always, for the support!

Onward to four months, you are already there, keep going!  :)

Thanks! Four months even on the 7th, getting very close!

The last couple of days were pretty good. Yesterday, as most Mondays are, ended up busy in the evening. Today was pretty relaxed. Feelings of anxiety pop up throughout the day, usually when I'm going from one place to another. I'm usually okay once I get where I'm going and get to work, but there's something about the in-between times that make me feel nervous, especially whenever I'm leaving my place for the day. Working on worrying, too, I guess.


zander13

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #321 on: July 02, 2019, 08:20:45 PM »
Hey man I got a question:

Do your withdrawals mimic symptoms of mental illness in any ways? And, as a caveat, I'd like to say that you know when you've been in a real depression, not saying that you haven't or that any claim you might make is illegitimate. I want ultimate confidence in my mental health diagnosis, which I'm close to acquiring, though I have a few left over reservations when it comes to just how deeply porn addiction can affect one's brain.

Thanks.

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #322 on: July 03, 2019, 03:40:52 AM »
The last couple of days were pretty good. Yesterday, as most Mondays are, ended up busy in the evening. Today was pretty relaxed. Feelings of anxiety pop up throughout the day, usually when I'm going from one place to another. I'm usually okay once I get where I'm going and get to work, but there's something about the in-between times that make me feel nervous, especially whenever I'm leaving my place for the day. Working on worrying, too, I guess.

It's the fear of unknown, I guess. It happens to me when I don't know what's going to happen. I start thinking about what type of people I will meet, how they will behave with me etc. and I get caught up in obsessive, repetitive thoughts (that maybe are worsen by the P addiction in my case). But, most of the time, when I get there it's nothing like I stress out about before. Now, I don't know if you're talking about the same situation. Usually, after I get used to my working environment, I am all right.

Non-Dual Adventurer

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #323 on: July 03, 2019, 12:59:17 PM »
The worrying happens to me when I'm lying in bed at night, at the moment, less so when I'm going about my day. It can also happen when I'm sitting at home alone by my computer. I guess for me it's mainly P related. Keep on truckin', BlueHeron!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #324 on: July 03, 2019, 06:43:27 PM »
Hey man I got a question:

Do your withdrawals mimic symptoms of mental illness in any ways? And, as a caveat, I'd like to say that you know when you've been in a real depression, not saying that you haven't or that any claim you might make is illegitimate. I want ultimate confidence in my mental health diagnosis, which I'm close to acquiring, though I have a few left over reservations when it comes to just how deeply porn addiction can affect one's brain.

Thanks.

You know, I don't know. I've never been diagnosed or anything. I do know that graduate students have a rate of anxiety/depression that is through the roof compared to the general population, so it's not impossible. A lot of things have sort of happened all at once (porn withdrawals, school stress, work stress, a breakup, etc.), so I might just still be sorting through all of that. I guess what I'm really saying is that there are a lot of variables at play that have put me sort of all over the map emotionally. I'm sure the withdrawals are a part of it, but it's hard to say exactly what part they play.

It's the fear of unknown, I guess. It happens to me when I don't know what's going to happen. I start thinking about what type of people I will meet, how they will behave with me etc. and I get caught up in obsessive, repetitive thoughts (that maybe are worsen by the P addiction in my case). But, most of the time, when I get there it's nothing like I stress out about before. Now, I don't know if you're talking about the same situation. Usually, after I get used to my working environment, I am all right.

The worrying happens to me when I'm lying in bed at night, at the moment, less so when I'm going about my day. It can also happen when I'm sitting at home alone by my computer. I guess for me it's mainly P related. Keep on truckin', BlueHeron!

I'm not glad we're all in the same worry boat, but I am glad I'm not alone in it. Now that school is out, I wonder if it's like a stress hangover or something: during the school year there were always a hundred things to worry about and stay on top of, and now I just have a generalized anxiety that maybe I'm forgetting something. Who knows? Either way, I will keep on truckin'!

Today was a little quieter than yesterday, which was good. I don't really have a lot to say about it. I don't have anything officially on my schedule for tomorrow, so I hope to make some good progress on some things without having to split my time with other obligations.