Author Topic: Not gonna go it alone  (Read 10647 times)

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #225 on: May 21, 2019, 11:34:24 PM »
Stay strong! I was right there with you with the sadness earlier today. Also yeah, I post a ridiculous amount sometimes but it just helps me get through the tough periods sometimes, so it can be a good idea for sure. It's like these little 5% boosts, but a few of them can really add up and take the edge off a tough day.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #226 on: May 23, 2019, 05:17:43 PM »
Thanks so much Pichael and Quit! You all are awesome!

I had a really tough phone call with someone yesterday, kind of rehashing a breakup from last year. So many emotions all at once. But I think it finally gave us both (mostly her) some closure, so it's not all bad. The whole thing has been a big drag on my life lately, so I'm hoping it's finally sort of not a thing anymore.

Long story short, I ended up just leaving the house yesterday and meeting up with some friends in the evening. I just wasn't in any kind of headspace to do anything productive or to be on my own with my feelings, so it was good to get out. (And that's why I didn't post at all, early or late, despite my big talk a couple days ago about posting more, lol.)

Oh well, today was way more chill than I've had recently. Still didn't get anything done, but that's okay. I didn't feel completely terrible, so I'll take it.

Still in it for another day! Thanks again for your support!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #227 on: May 24, 2019, 12:37:41 AM »
Good thing you went out, always a good decision. Remind me to do that more. Sometimes feelings are so much easier to get away from/ be distracted from by just being around other people.

LeanAndBop

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #228 on: May 24, 2019, 12:00:19 PM »
Well done Blue. You seem in good spirits. For me too sometimes the best thing is just to get out... Or sleep. Sounds like a tough situation and you seemed to have handled it maturely.
All the best

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #229 on: May 24, 2019, 06:09:46 PM »
Thanks, guys! Yeah, I definitely don't think of getting out very often, mostly because I never have anywhere I want to go. But it really did help, so it's something I should remember.

Today was a decent day, not very productive but also not bad. A part of me wants to be upset that I didn't get more done, but I'm just happy that there wasn't anything serious hanging over my head. I'll just call it a pleasant day and keep going.

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #230 on: May 25, 2019, 04:18:42 AM »
That's good, man! We don't need to use PMO to self-medicate our shit days.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #231 on: May 25, 2019, 05:13:45 PM »
I actually got some things done today! I've had a to-do list at my desk for a few weeks now, and I've just been putting things off because I always thought they would take too long. But today I just got sick of myself putting them off, and I sat down and got them done, and they were done way faster than I expected. They weren't huge things, but still. It's something. 

I'm not a great judge of time, I guess. I want to get better at just doing things, and I think today helped me with that a little. As much as I hate other people's deadlines, maybe I need them on some level. Maybe giving myself some deadlines will be useful in the future.

Let's keep at it, everyone!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #232 on: May 26, 2019, 04:44:47 PM »
Great job man! Sounds like you are turning a corner. Check lists can be really great!

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #233 on: May 26, 2019, 05:41:13 PM »
I actually got some things done today! I've had a to-do list at my desk for a few weeks now, and I've just been putting things off because I always thought they would take too long. But today I just got sick of myself putting them off, and I sat down and got them done, and they were done way faster than I expected. They weren't huge things, but still. It's something. 

I'm not a great judge of time, I guess. I want to get better at just doing things, and I think today helped me with that a little. As much as I hate other people's deadlines, maybe I need them on some level. Maybe giving myself some deadlines will be useful in the future.

Let's keep at it, everyone!

Yes, man, I guess I am a little bit of procrastinator too.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #234 on: May 26, 2019, 06:54:57 PM »
Thanks for the support!

Checklists can be great...I just know I need to have checklists with deadlines now, lol, or I won't get anything done.

Today was a relaxed day. Went to church, did some cooking for the week. Meditated for longer than usual (and then fell asleep at the end, oops). I have a few more things to do today, but I want to make sure that I make a plan for tomorrow too.

I have an alarm that goes off on my phone every morning around when I wake up that says "Just for today." It started as a reminder to go without PMO just for today, but I'm thinking it could be a reminder to figure out what I need to do just for today as well. I've spent a lot of time in the last few months worrying about where my life was going for years in the future. But I can't reach forward years. I can only reach today, and I shouldn't let my worries about the uncertain future paralyze me from doing what I can do today. (And I'll keep saying it to myself until I believe it and actually do it, lol).

On to another week!

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #235 on: May 27, 2019, 04:29:10 AM »
I've spent a lot of time in the last few months worrying about where my life was going for years in the future. But I can't reach forward years. I can only reach today, and I shouldn't let my worries about the uncertain future paralyze me from doing what I can do today. (And I'll keep saying it to myself until I believe it and actually do it, lol).

Yes, I know how this works. Many people worry about the future but here is the deal: If we want to realize something in the future, we have to make a plan now and follow it. Like quitting porn, for example. This is a plan for the future too. Little by little. I know that some people can't stand it anymore and want to quit "now" but it takes some time and some action, like training for a boxing fight. You don't jump right in the ring, you follow months of training until you are ready. Patience is very important here. Some people are not patient but it can be learned.   

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #236 on: May 27, 2019, 07:43:52 PM »
You're right, Lero. Porn doesn't teach us to be very patient. Recovery takes time, and so does everything else in life.

I made a plan for today, with a schedule and everything. I didn't get everything done because the day took a slightly different course than I had expected, but I did what I needed to and had a better day as a result.

Also had a porn dream last night that included writing about it on this forum. I don't know what that means, but I'll call it progress. I'm even holding myself accountable in my dreams now, lol.

Have a great tomorrow, everyone!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #237 on: May 27, 2019, 09:34:32 PM »
Great job! The "just for today" sounds great and so does scheduling. Sounds like you are making progress in life. Being able to narrow things down to the day to day and "winning the day" or even just working towards doing that, is progress in my book.

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #238 on: May 28, 2019, 03:51:15 PM »
I really like the idea of having a checklist! For me that really helps me accomplish alot at once, as being able to cross of things does give me a sense of reward and satisfaction that I want to chase, kinda like a healthy dopamine hit.

I also tell myself things that I don't necessarily feel in the moment lol. Often what we know is best for us is very different than what we are drawn to do. That doesn't change what is best for us, and sometimes that feels very restrictive to me because I feel like I HAVE to do this thing, but at the same time there is freedom in doing it because we are training our brain to reframe it into something that is not so bad. I'm definitely rambling lol, I guess what I'm trying to say that discipline is freedom in a sense.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #239 on: May 28, 2019, 06:32:52 PM »
Great job! The "just for today" sounds great and so does scheduling. Sounds like you are making progress in life. Being able to narrow things down to the day to day and "winning the day" or even just working towards doing that, is progress in my book.

Thanks! I haven't thought of "winning the day" but I like that phrase. I don't about winning at life, but I can win the day, lol.

I also tell myself things that I don't necessarily feel in the moment lol. Often what we know is best for us is very different than what we are drawn to do. That doesn't change what is best for us, and sometimes that feels very restrictive to me because I feel like I HAVE to do this thing, but at the same time there is freedom in doing it because we are training our brain to reframe it into something that is not so bad. I'm definitely rambling lol, I guess what I'm trying to say that discipline is freedom in a sense.


No, I get what you mean! It's like when I think about the "chores" I have to do, I always resist them and drag my feet. But then they are never as hard or unpleasant as I expect, and getting them done makes me feel good. And then I don't have to worry about them anymore! Plus I really like the idea of training our brain to reframe things: it's definitely useful to learn that doing assignments isn't so bad and that dealing with urges isn't the worst thing ever.

Today was a mostly chill day, did some work, relaxed a little.

I started to research some exercise and workout things that I could do at home since I definitely want to improve my physical health (and feel more confident about how I look). But, ugh, that was a minefield of images and things that really got my addicted brain going. For a second there, I felt like I was pretty close to MO, like out of nowhere. But I got out, found something that will work for me, and then wrote it down on paper so I don't have to visit those sites again anytime soon. Even when you're not expecting it, you gotta be careful. Grateful to have dodged that bullet.

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #240 on: May 29, 2019, 05:28:48 AM »
Quote
I started to research some exercise and workout things that I could do at home since I definitely want to improve my physical health (and feel more confident about how I look). But, ugh, that was a minefield of images and things that really got my addicted brain going. For a second there, I felt like I was pretty close to MO, like out of nowhere. But I got out, found something that will work for me, and then wrote it down on paper so I don't have to visit those sites again anytime soon. Even when you're not expecting it, you gotta be careful. Grateful to have dodged that bullet.

If you watch fitness stuff, watch guys. Watching girls could sabotage you. Also, if you watch on Youtube, you could see thumbnails of suggested videos that have girls in it. It's a slippery slope and we have to be careful.

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #241 on: May 29, 2019, 03:43:54 PM »
Good job recognizing urges, and yeah writing it down definitely helps too, nice to have a physical aid rather than just taking mental notes. "Dealing with urges isn't the worst thing ever" is what I try to tell myself all the time, I know that everyone has problems that they have to deal with and having this one still allows me to go out and try to meet my goals outside of no PMO: that's something I can definitely appreciate.

I've been getting into home workouts alot since I don't want to pay for a gym lol, and I found getting a pullup bar has helped alot! Outside of that, I do squats with a kettlebell, pushups, leg-lifts, and situps. I think that covers the full body, I just alternate days between pullups/squats and pushups/situps/leg-lifts. It's simple, easy, and has given me pretty good results so far.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #242 on: May 30, 2019, 05:57:22 PM »
Good thoughts, thanks!

I did the new home workout yesterday (the one I wrote down), and I'm feeling it today lol. But it's good because it feels like progress in an area where I've felt stuck for a while.

And, Lero, you're right. Those suggested video thumbnails are garbage. I wish I got paid for the all the time I spent telling YouTube not to suggest things to me anymore.

Today was a pretty quiet day, though. Just hanging in there and taking it a day at a time.

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #243 on: May 30, 2019, 06:31:24 PM »
That's good you had a quiet day; yeah feeling sore is pretty inevitable once you start a new workout, but keep doing it consistently and it'll be like riding a bike!

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #244 on: May 31, 2019, 03:56:43 AM »
I did the new home workout yesterday (the one I wrote down), and I'm feeling it today lol. But it's good because it feels like progress in an area where I've felt stuck for a while.
This is a part of the recovery too: Doing things you've been postponing because P addiction has the talent to make us have low energy and low mood for activities, hobbies or life.

Quote
And, Lero, you're right. Those suggested video thumbnails are garbage. I wish I got paid for the all the time I spent telling YouTube not to suggest things to me anymore.
That's right. I hate those fucking suggested videos that have thumbnails with sluts and the click baits, also with sluts. I've been doing things to avoid Youtube doing exactly whatever it wants and it's made a big difference to only watch what I needed. But it still shows me some suggestions once in a while, that I don't want to see.


BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #245 on: May 31, 2019, 05:21:04 PM »
Another pretty chill day. I went to campus to do some work, called home, and watched some tv. Felt a little off for the second half of the day, kind of down and stressed for whatever reason. I had a few moments throughout the day when PMO thoughts/images flashed through my head, but I pushed them away and focused on other things.

Probably nothing a good night's sleep won't fix. And I'm off to another day!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #246 on: June 01, 2019, 06:25:34 PM »
Quiet day for me, better headspace than yesterday.

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #247 on: June 02, 2019, 04:58:02 AM »
It seems like things are going well for you.

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #248 on: June 02, 2019, 05:25:13 PM »
Keep it up man, when I get into a good routine feels like things are flowing more naturally to me, and when urges don't arise it feels easier to let them in and then let them go.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #249 on: June 02, 2019, 06:03:08 PM »
For sure, I feel like I'm in a better place than I have been lately, which is good. No time to let my guard time, but also a time to enjoy some time off from the intense urges while it lasts.

I've been dealing with some anxiety, but I decided today to leave my crockpot going while I was out for the day. They're designed to run for long periods of time unattended, but it always makes me nervous. While I was gone, I noticed some feelings of worry come, but I just tried to accept them and redirect. Anyway, my place didn't burn down, and the food was good, lol. Maybe a little step towards training myself that I don't need to worry so much about things. I think that anxiety is definitely behind my addiction on some level, so hopefully this is a tiny step in the right direction.