Author Topic: Not gonna go it alone  (Read 12335 times)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #125 on: March 24, 2019, 07:51:58 PM »
Another decent day, not much to it.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #126 on: March 25, 2019, 07:10:21 PM »
Today was a little more productive than I thought it would be. I did school work, sent some emails I was meaning to send, and even took some time to watch a tv show.

I've been dealing with some romantic fantasies, but I'm trying to recognize that they aren't harmless. I always think that they're fine, as long as they aren't sexual, but that's not true. This is always where relapses start, wishing there was a woman in my life. But it's all just the same escape. Whether it's fantasies or porn or whatever, it's all just an attempt to escape from my current situation. But what's so bad about my life now? What do I have to escape from? Being single? I guess that's not ideal, but I do have this time to get myself ready to be an actually good partner to someone someday.

I don't know where I'm going with it, but I definitely porn as an escape. And escaping from my problems doesn't help to solve them. So I guess learning to deal with disappointment is as much a part of my recovery as quitting porn is.

Rebooter2019

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #127 on: March 26, 2019, 12:43:16 PM »
Today was a little more productive than I thought it would be. I did school work, sent some emails I was meaning to send, and even took some time to watch a tv show.

I've been dealing with some romantic fantasies, but I'm trying to recognize that they aren't harmless. I always think that they're fine, as long as they aren't sexual, but that's not true. This is always where relapses start, wishing there was a woman in my life. But it's all just the same escape. Whether it's fantasies or porn or whatever, it's all just an attempt to escape from my current situation. But what's so bad about my life now? What do I have to escape from? Being single? I guess that's not ideal, but I do have this time to get myself ready to be an actually good partner to someone someday.

I don't know where I'm going with it, but I definitely porn as an escape. And escaping from my problems doesn't help to solve them. So I guess learning to deal with disappointment is as much a part of my recovery as quitting porn is.

I know how you feel, one thing that help me figure is that I really sat and checked what I didn't like about my life. For me it wasn't being single, it was actually seeing where I was in my life compare to 5-10 years ago!..

I saw that on some aspect of my life I was moving foward, but on most part I was stagnant. Not even moving by the smallest amount and was depress at imaginating my futur!

I wanted to have a better social life, to have a good life! My idea is that you should have a beautiful life before getting a woman in it! The woman, even if she's the one you married, should never be the focus of your life! More like a complement of it!


I like to think about it as a sunday(dessert). Womans are the cherries on all sundaies! If you sunday taste like shit, you have the most beautiful, the most tasteful cherry ever! The overall thing will still taste like shit! Beside that sunday doesn't deserve the cherry and eventually she will go away.

If your sunday taste the best flavour ever created all because of your careful crafting(if you have an awesome lifestyle and are content with it) then the cherry would not even be necessary, but still an magnificent addition to it! Aka the cherry on the sunday! One of the best complement to one's life! Not here that I said complement!

That's how I think everyone should see that and I hope to you may find something useful in that!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #128 on: March 26, 2019, 08:27:31 PM »
Congrats on the productive day! I have been cutting down on romantic fantasy too. I used to always pick a girl I knew in real life and fantasize about her, I'd build the girl up in my head but it all was imaginary!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #129 on: March 26, 2019, 09:11:48 PM »
Thanks, Rebooter, that's a great analogy. I'm definitely trying to focus on building a better life first. Because you're right, in the depth of addiction, I'm not going to be offering her much of a life to be a part of.

And I know what you mean, Quitforeverthenwin, it seems like it's no problem because it isn't P, but it's a step in the wrong direction.

I was too busy at school today to have much time for fantasies, so that's a plus. Pretty tired now, though, but it's a good tired.

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #130 on: March 27, 2019, 01:13:34 PM »
"learning to deal with disappointment is as much a part of my recovery as quitting porn is" ...that's a really great quote. So often we get caught up in little things that lead to regrettable actions, it's always good to take a step back and look at the bigger picture; who do I want to become? what can I do to prepare myself for the inevitable road blocks in my life greater than the ones I'm dealing with now? These are questions I hope to keep in the back of my mind as I try to recover from my addiction, especially when anything negative happens within or outside of my control

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #131 on: March 27, 2019, 07:38:44 PM »
Yes, all of these questions are great ones that I'm trying to keep in mind. I'm definitely working on dealing with my emotions better and not sweating the little stuff.

Today was a pretty quiet day, happily. On to tomorrow!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #132 on: March 27, 2019, 10:59:27 PM »
Nice! Quiet days are usually good days imo. Keep it up!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #133 on: March 28, 2019, 08:06:19 PM »
Thanks, I will!

Another day come and gone, that's 21. My current goal is 30 since I haven't really gotten that far recently. Almost there!

The weather was warmer today, which was nice. But it also meant that people weren't as dressed up around school as they have been. Something for me to be aware of: I don't have to be a creep about it. I feel like I'm more aware of things (going into the spring and summer cautious about the way women will dress instead of using it for my next dopamine fix). So I guess that's some kind of progress.

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #134 on: March 28, 2019, 09:02:03 PM »
Congrats on 21 days! We all are guilty of gazing at beautiful women from time to time without realizing it, as long as we do our best to direct our thoughts either to them as people (personality, facial expressions) or to anything else there's no problem! Sometimes, it feels kinda funny to catch myself staring...I'm like "man what's the point of this" lol

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #135 on: March 28, 2019, 11:43:47 PM »
Nice 21 days is solid! 30 days is a big milestone for sure. Things seem to get easier after day 30 in my experience

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #136 on: March 29, 2019, 07:43:11 PM »
Thanks, pichael! I know what you mean, what's the point? Only recently, I've started to catch myself gazing at women and redirecting. It's not like our interaction would ever be more than me staring for a few seconds, and that doesn't help me or them.

And thanks also, Quitforever. It's good to hear that things ease up after 30. That's sort of what I'm hoping, that I can actually get to work on recovery once I've been away from it all for a month. Lately I've been relapsing roughly every month or so. I think the trick, for me, is going to be catching myself earlier in the relapse process. I always act surprised when I'm in the middle of a lapse, but then I can always trace it back to a string of days where I just fantasized and gazed at women around town nonstop.

Today was pretty chill. I got some work done and had some quality time to relax for what feels like the first time in the last couple weeks. Definitely something I needed, and my workload for tomorrow should be pretty manageable.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #137 on: March 29, 2019, 10:09:32 PM »
Catching it earlier is a huge point. I've been noticing that too. I had a lot of lapses leading up to my journal and have found my cravings were a lot worse. I am finding intense exercise helps when the cravings starts getting bad, not just when working out. Like at that exact moment. My theory is intense exercise no matter what HAS to change our physiology and nuerchemicals, it just does. I never used in the moments of feeling really bad or a strong urge before but I am finding it is working really well.

It's actually cool, I had a brief moment of being very upset today, it would have been a strong urge. The feeling was powerful. But I immediately did some intense exercise for just like 10 min, I felt totally different after and literally completely forgot about the feeling. I am thinking to keep that always in my back pocket, like for a code red type thing. Real strong feelings/urge or nothing else is working= do springt, burpees, squats, whatever is available at that moment on the spot. For the real tough moments

Rebooter2019

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #138 on: March 30, 2019, 10:17:31 AM »
@BlueHeronFan

Hey, I'm really happy to see your progress! Today you're at your 23th day and that's awesome! Keep going you're not that far :)

Stay strong and don't forget that we're here if you need to vent ;)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #139 on: March 30, 2019, 08:08:04 PM »
It's exciting to see that we're all making progress as we go along. I've never been much for intense exercise (I'm working on that too, I guess), but I do think you're right about doing something physical to reset the brain and body. I should definitely think about doing something like that.

And thanks, Rebooter! Glad to know you're here for venting. It's getting to the be the end of a busy semester, so I'm sure there might be a need for venting in the next few weeks  ;)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #140 on: March 31, 2019, 08:16:47 PM »
A quiet day. Went to church, took it easy at home, made some food for the week. I guess it's already time for another week

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #141 on: April 01, 2019, 12:30:28 AM »
Nice! I could use a quiet day tomorrow for sure.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #142 on: April 01, 2019, 06:52:49 PM »
Today was busier of course, but it was decent. A little urge or thought here or there, but things are going all right right now.

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #143 on: April 02, 2019, 11:38:03 AM »
Keep it up, looking forward to your post at the 30 day mark!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #144 on: April 03, 2019, 07:12:30 PM »
Thanks! It's coming up, 27 days and counting. Another quieter day, and I'm feeling good about making it through the next few

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #145 on: April 04, 2019, 02:34:02 AM »
Great! You've got it for sure! Remember, it is up to you, you can choose what action you take even if it's difficult at times and you want to get those 30 days, so you'll do it!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #146 on: April 05, 2019, 03:15:33 PM »
Thanks for the support, I'm definitely hopeful.

I will say, though, that today is giving me a run for my money. If I can make it through today, I've made it to 30. But I've been feeling some urges, and some women have shown up on my screens in unexpected places (random YouTube recommendations that don't seem to have any connection to my actual watch history). Anyway, I feel pretty good about making it through today, but I'm nervous about what's next. I know I should take it one day at a time and not worry about the future too much, but that's a habit I haven't quite broken either.

I'm working on slowing down, staying calm, and taking care. I'll check in later today, but I thought getting these thoughts and feeling out of my head would help.

Be back soon

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #147 on: April 05, 2019, 04:42:55 PM »
Stay strong bro! There is this weird mental thing that happens when there is a day goal/milestone, that it tends to be tough..... I have no idea why but I have seen it many times. Do what ever you need to do to get through the urges!

Getting through this addiction will be HUUUGGGEEE. Literally your brain will function better, you'll feel calmer and calmer over time and have a WORKING DICK. Keep in mind all the benefits you'll have by abstaining.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #148 on: April 05, 2019, 06:46:27 PM »
Thanks, man, I really appreciate it!

I did some yoga, had some dinner, and took care of a couple things. I'm feeling much better now. In the morning, I'll have made it to 30 days. It's not the first time I've gone 30 days, but it's the first time I've had a goal to go 30 days and that feels like it means something.

The real work now will be to go 30 more, but that's something to think about tomorrow.

Thanks again! We're definitely stronger together!

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #149 on: April 05, 2019, 09:44:00 PM »
I'm also the same way with milestones @quitforeverthenwin, I feel like I either deserve a reward for achieving them, or I anticipate nothing changing when I reach the milestone, so I relapse before. I think the best way to get away from this is to not seek out or anticipate rewards, and just keep focusing on consistently doing the same things (no matter how boring) you've been doing that has lead to you successful streak. The real reward here is the discipline and freedom of mind you have achieved from your streak, and the best part about it is that it's a reward that is constantly growing, even if you don't feel any benefits in the moment!

@BlueHeronFan I anticipate that once you see this post you would've reached 30 days, so congrats! It's a HUGE step in the right direction, but in the bigger picture, a small step towards a lifestyle and mindset change that will consistently benefit yourself and the people around you! You are a great model and motivator, I am currently on day 8 so I hope to hit my 30 days April 27th!