Author Topic: Not gonna go it alone  (Read 17697 times)

Kaingang

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #25 on: January 18, 2019, 09:54:28 AM »
I was noticing today that little fantasies flash across my mind from time to time. I guess they haven't ever seemed like too big of a deal to pay attention to, but I realized that they might be getting me into trouble. I think I've only ever relapsed after entertaining fantasies, but I've always thought of fantasies as harmless...which they aren't. Anyway, something to think about and work on.

I was listening to something yesterday that was talking about how our brains rely on habits and patterns of thought and behavior and about how, when our brains have habits for a long time, it takes a long time to change those habits. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that it's taking years to fully shake off an addiction that I didn't even fight for more years. It's okay that it's taking time. All progress is progress.

Yes, man. Sure that these habits takes time to disappear. but it's good that you can already identify and be alert to your different triggers. the tendency is that by being alert when these triggers arise we can act differently and not simply react in a pattern that is rooted in our brain.

Good to see your progress here. what happened in the past really can not be changed, unfortunately. so let's look with compassion on all that has brought us here and let's act in a different way from now on. keep strong. have a good weekend!


BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #26 on: January 18, 2019, 09:27:55 PM »
keep strong. have a good weekend!



Thanks, you too!

Another day and another week in the clear. Just going to keep on going.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #27 on: January 19, 2019, 08:48:23 PM »
Today's been just fine. Not as productive as I'd like. I felt/feel more urges today than I have in the last couple weeks.

I've been working on setting up social media for business purposes. Oh boy, that's a minefield: I've been remembering today why I quit my own accounts last year. Even when you're not looking for it, pornish stuff comes looking for you. I spent some time today trying to block that stuff to teach the algorithm I'm not interested, but who knows--maybe that wasn't the best idea. It put me in front of a lot of things I probably would have been better off not seeing...

Tomorrow is another day

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #28 on: January 20, 2019, 07:59:52 PM »
(20/100)
Stuck inside again today due to the weather. But it was a good day, I cleaned, cooked, made an inspirational poster to keep over my desk (as a reminder that there are better things ahead than porn).

I realized today that I've been fighting urges and thoughts lately by saying, "What would the guys on the forum say if I gave in today?" Even in the last couple weeks, being a part of this community has added strength to my healing process that I didn't have before. Just wanted to say thanks

Kaingang

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #29 on: January 21, 2019, 03:36:41 PM »
the forum has also given me this strength to stick with my goals here. Good to know that everything is going well for you. social media is a problem for me too. I have also worked with social media for companies and I know what you mean. I'm trying to control it with apps. It's working but could be better.

have a good week and stay focused man!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #30 on: January 21, 2019, 07:58:58 PM »
the forum has also given me this strength to stick with my goals here. Good to know that everything is going well for you. social media is a problem for me too. I have also worked with social media for companies and I know what you mean. I'm trying to control it with apps. It's working but could be better.

have a good week and stay focused man!

Thanks! I'm just keeping at it.

That said, I'm three weeks in now (21 days), and that's a good thing, but it's also not rare for me to go three weeks without porn. What's rarer is going more than 4. Yesterday and today the urges have crept into the back of my mind with more force. Usually what happens is that I go a few weeks, things settle down and then it creeps in quietly and takes me down. It starts with thoughts, then remembering how "free" I felt when I didn't have to worry about not using porn. Even today, for the first time, I had some thoughts like, "you've been doing a good job the last few days--maybe treat yourself to some porn." I've never thought of porn as a reward before, usually a coping mechanism. But I hope I can see it for what it is--the same poison as always.

Hopefully, by talking it out here and not being trapped in my own head, I'll be able to work through the round of urges that seems to be coming. For a long time, I think, I've been on a roughly once a month schedule for PMO, and I guess the clock is ticking down. I can go a few weeks without even thinking about porn, but I'm usually done for by the time I start thinking about it throughout the day. Here's to hoping that doesn't happen this time.

I'm back to work tomorrow, so I hope that being busier gets my mind away from the trash that's sneaking in.

Decapitare

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #31 on: January 21, 2019, 11:45:35 PM »
You are doing a great job my friend and I'm sure you can go ahead.

Sometimes we can be confusing about it and if all this process worth. Sometimes my mind tries trick me thinking perhaps P it is not the problem and I dont need to do this, so I remember there is all this whole community to remember me I'm in the right way. Remember your brain is trying tricking you to get his drug and you wont satisfied at all at the end.

Stay strong

changemylife

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #32 on: January 22, 2019, 04:52:10 AM »
Sometimes my mind tries trick me thinking perhaps P it is not the problem

I can relate to this. Some time ago (when I didn't know that I was addicted to porn and I only thought I was addicted to masturbation) I had some moments when I told myself: "Your social anxiety is not because of masturbation, man. It's all in your head. Have this attitude, think this way and you will be normal." Yeah, right. You will never escape from the emotional mambo jumbo if you don't quit PMO.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #33 on: January 22, 2019, 09:28:50 AM »
Thanks, guys--you're right. It's hard to remember sometimes that my brain is not always on the same page as me. I am not my thoughts. I'm dealing with thoughts right now that are trying to pull me in the wrong direction, but that's the addiction talking, not me.

Thanks for the boost. Here I go into the day!

Kaingang

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #34 on: January 22, 2019, 01:15:42 PM »
use blocking apps, meditate, focus on your work, seek out different forms of pleasure that are healthier, value more the pleasure of being away from pornography sessions and all its effect that comes later, think how you feel after a porn session, think of your goal here of reaching 100 days without porn. take some deep breaths when these urges appear and stay away from cell phones and computers at these times.

what I've been thinking is that as long as I don't feel that I have self-control and that it will no longer affect me in any way I won't  watch porn again. Ans I also want to reach my goal which is the same as yours: 100 days.

I hope that one day I won't even know how long I am without watching porn and I hope also that one day this desire to watch a video doesn't affect me anymore.

I really expect that porn can lose its importance in my life and to reserve for what it is and should always be: something insignificant. something that doesn't add anything at all in my life.

We are here to help you! Count on us! have a good day

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #35 on: January 22, 2019, 10:28:45 PM »
Muito obrigado, Kaingang! I really appreciate your support.

I've been hearing this phrase a lot lately: Let go of that which no longer serves you. Porn definitely doesn't serve me anymore. It might have been a way to deal with pain in the past, but it doesn't do that anymore and I've found better ways of dealing with pain. It no longer serves me, and I'm in the process of letting it go.

Today was a busy day, but I made it through. Glad to be calling it a night

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #36 on: January 23, 2019, 08:18:35 PM »
Today was decent. The social media got to me today, and I decided that, even if it is for business purposes, it's not worth it. There has to be a way to take care of business without putting myself at risk of exposure to sexualized content.

I saw some things I wish I hadn't, but I don't think it's a relapse. The job now is just making sure it doesn't become one (because once you get the urges going, it's harder to settle them down).

On to another day

Kaingang

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #37 on: January 24, 2019, 08:23:13 AM »
It's good to be away from any sexual content. I'm in the same process. They put us at a very high risk for relapses. Stay focused and have a good day, meu amigo.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #38 on: January 24, 2019, 08:42:07 PM »
It was a chill day today--just school for me. I feel much more in control today than I did last night, but I've still been fighting some thoughts/fantasies. I'm sure they'll settle down the less I pay attention to them and do other and better things.

My focus now is to take things a day at a time. I can't change the past, and I can't control the future. But I can do something about today, so that's where I'm trying to focus my energies.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #39 on: January 25, 2019, 07:52:50 PM »
Had a few strong urges today, but I responded by dropping everything and meditating instead of just worrying about them until they overcame me (like I have done in the past). By the time I was done meditating, the intensity of the urges had dropped off a lot, and I could get through the rest of the day.

I've never successfully dealt with strong urges like these before. In the past they've always meant a relapse was coming. But I'm doing better than before and hoping that they ease up more as they realize that I'm not going to give in.

25 days/100--let's keep going!

brandnewself

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #40 on: January 26, 2019, 07:40:51 AM »
Hi BlueHeronFan, thanks for dropping by my journal the other day. I'm happy to hear that you made the right decision and got through the day safe. I believe the urges do ease up as time goes by. On the one hand they will appear less often, on the other hand we will do better at ignoring them.

Fapstronaut2019

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #41 on: January 26, 2019, 03:27:21 PM »
It's interesting how we're in a very similar spot. My goal is 5 months though. I feel this is gonna be the cutoff point for my brain to rewire, because I've done 3 months and relapse before.
After skimming through your journal for a while, I guess your situation is milder than mine since you stopped viewing explicit materials for 2 years. Your brain already doesn't want porn, but it still stands in a place where it sometimes would demand masturbation or non-explicit material. You're right in taking this seriously, because if you leave yourself you can relapse again into explicit material, because addicted brain keeps wanting a higher dose when lower doses don't satisfy it anymore.
Even though your addiction is not that strong, you have to keep reminding yourself everyday about the logical arguments you have against pmo and masturbation. You might know all the whys and hows, but you tend to totally forget them during urges, and that contributes to relapsing, then we keep asking ourselves afterwards how did we relapse while we had all those anti-porn arguments in our minds.
Take a look at this: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/6-step-reboot-plan-helped-me-quit

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #42 on: January 26, 2019, 09:03:04 PM »
Thanks for your suggestions! That's helpful.

I have been talking myself away from it today for most of the day. I've gotten a lot done, but those urges have just been quietly running underneath it all. I feel more exhausted at the end of the day than I probably would if I had just been working.

It's a struggle: I know that I don't want porn or masturbation in any form, but there's a part of me that wants it desperately. I'm not sure what part of me that is. It feels very alien from my normal day-to-day self.

I guess what I'm learning now is just how far the urges can and will go. I've usually just caved after a day or two of feeling them, but I'm committed to staying strong this time. If I can just do it once--actually beat them this time--then I'll have done something I have never really done before. I've always caved as soon as they've gotten intense.

It's going to be an interesting couple of days, I think. But I really appreciate the support here. It really is giving me another reason to stay on course.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #43 on: January 27, 2019, 07:12:14 PM »
Another day in the bag. I went to church today, and that always helps take the edge off. Still dealing with some urges but not as bad as the last couple days. Here's to hoping they're on the run, at least for a little while.

Here goes another week!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #44 on: January 28, 2019, 07:48:11 PM »
I'm going to call today a relapse, I think.

Did I outright look at porn? No. But I did search it, and it was on my screen even if I wasn't really looking directly at it. Maybe that doesn't count, but it still feels like a step back. At least where I am in my recovery, this is what I'm trying to quit doing. There was nudity on my screen, and I saw it out of the corner of my eye, but I refused to look. I don't even know if that makes sense, but I really don't want to cross back over that line. It feels like a weird thing to me, but it's like my thing now is not porn but being in the presence of porn. Of course, if this stuff made sense, it would probably be easier to beat.

I've learned a couple of things about myself in the last couple days, though: 1) I'm not a happy person. I mean, I always think that my happiness is in the future, but I've realized I need to learn to find happiness in the moment. I think it would be a lot harder to want to porn if I was able to find happiness. It only ever comes when I'm frustrated or hurting in some way. 2) I've been paying too much inappropriate attention to the women around town. I think I've been telling myself that I'm single so there's nothing wrong with looking out for women. But I'm not realistically going to date any of the people I pass on the street--so giving them the wrong kind of attention isn't going to help them or me.

At times like these, I don't really know what to do but reset the counter and call tomorrow a new day. It's frustrating, but it's part of the process. I guess what bothers me is that I knew it was coming. This is never a surprise when it happens. But I'm just not sure what's still missing--what am I not doing? Hopefully it won't be too long before I learn to recognize the urges, feel them, and reject them or let them pass. One of these days. Starting tomorrow.


Pete McVries

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #45 on: January 28, 2019, 08:00:20 PM »
Have you thought of installing porn blockers as an additional layer that will keep you from relapsing?
eleven months clean and counting...

Ashu001

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #46 on: January 29, 2019, 09:43:30 PM »
I'm going to call today a relapse, I think.

Did I outright look at porn? No. But I did search it, and it was on my screen even if I wasn't really looking directly at it. Maybe that doesn't count, but it still feels like a step back. At least where I am in my recovery, this is what I'm trying to quit doing. There was nudity on my screen, and I saw it out of the corner of my eye, but I refused to look. I don't even know if that makes sense, but I really don't want to cross back over that line. It feels like a weird thing to me, but it's like my thing now is not porn but being in the presence of porn. Of course, if this stuff made sense, it would probably be easier to beat.

I've learned a couple of things about myself in the last couple days, though: 1) I'm not a happy person. I mean, I always think that my happiness is in the future, but I've realized I need to learn to find happiness in the moment. I think it would be a lot harder to want to porn if I was able to find happiness. It only ever comes when I'm frustrated or hurting in some way. 2) I've been paying too much inappropriate attention to the women around town. I think I've been telling myself that I'm single so there's nothing wrong with looking out for women. But I'm not realistically going to date any of the people I pass on the street--so giving them the wrong kind of attention isn't going to help them or me.

At times like these, I don't really know what to do but reset the counter and call tomorrow a new day. It's frustrating, but it's part of the process. I guess what bothers me is that I knew it was coming. This is never a surprise when it happens. But I'm just not sure what's still missing--what am I not doing? Hopefully it won't be too long before I learn to recognize the urges, feel them, and reject them or let them pass. One of these days. Starting tomorrow.
hey man i wouldnt call it a relapse. you just had a sneak pic of the stuff. its totally fine but try to avoid that in future. i also looked at it for 20 second or less but i immediately switch back. its more about telling brain that its not a good stuff. we are all human we make little mistakes in  a way but it doesnt mean we have to start the journey all over again.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #47 on: January 29, 2019, 11:26:28 PM »
Have you thought of installing porn blockers as an additional layer that will keep you from relapsing?

I have, thanks for checking! I have a couple layers of blocking enabled, but I found my way through a gap in the system. (i.e., a site or two that ended up not being blocked). Now I know where those gaps exist, at least.


hey man i wouldnt call it a relapse. you just had a sneak pic of the stuff. its totally fine but try to avoid that in future. i also looked at it for 20 second or less but i immediately switch back. its more about telling brain that its not a good stuff. we are all human we make little mistakes in  a way but it doesnt mean we have to start the journey all over again.

Thanks for your thoughts and support! At least for me, at this point, it feels right to start my count over--since it's those sneak peeks that I'm trying to weed out. I definitely recognize that it's not a full-on relapse. It probably would have felt more like a success than a failure a couple years ago when I was deeper in the stuff. Besides that, it wasn't just a quick click and quit. I was clicking around and scrolling through and not really engaging for quite a while yesterday. I don't know, you're probably right. But I'll call today day one for now.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #48 on: January 29, 2019, 11:29:46 PM »
I wasn't planning on it, but I ended up having a talk with my church leader today about porn. It was good. I've talked to church leaders about it before, but not this one (because I've moved around a lot).

I think that talk was just what I needed. He shared some thoughts and encouragement that I really needed to hear, and it gave me some hope that was especially helpful after my slippage yesterday.

Porn thrives on secrecy. It feels good to have added another ally to my fight today.

Pete McVries

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #49 on: January 30, 2019, 12:59:11 AM »
Great news that you confided to your church leader. This forum offers great support but it's another level talking to someone about in person. I confided to my best friend about my porn addiction and he was/is very supportive. Now, whenever I feel the need to, I can talk to him about it, which is great.

The next big step for me is to talk about my younger brother (25) about the destructive nature of porn. I suspect, he uses it frequently (like literally every young male with internet access on this planet, right?). He has never had a girlfriend even though he is highly intelligent, looks good and is in good shape with a healthy social circle. I just don't know how to tell him yet. Do I tell him about my P addiction and all the tolls it took on me, or do I just tell him the facts without telling him about me?! Difficult. But I'll do it soon, I promised it to myself. I just don't want him to be a sexual fuck up, like I turned out to be. Sorry for rambling on your journal, I should start my own very soon but there is so much to talk about, I don't know where to start yet.

About the blockers... Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't have any at the moment and I'm doing just fine but I fear the day major urges arrive. Have you heard about open DNS? From what I understand, you install blockers on your router that are impossible to get around if you throw away the password and it blocks all NSFW content. Maybe something you should look into?

Take care!
eleven months clean and counting...