Day 6/100: Sundays are usually pretty chill days for me. Church helps me keep my head screwed on straight, which has been helpful for me. School and work start up for me again tomorrow, and I'm excited for that. I'm sure it will bring stress, but I've been working on more productive ways to deal with it (meditation, yoga, etc.) rather that resorting to pornography to escape it
Quote from: BlueHeronFan on January 06, 2019, 07:26:18 PMDay 6/100: Sundays are usually pretty chill days for me. Church helps me keep my head screwed on straight, which has been helpful for me. School and work start up for me again tomorrow, and I'm excited for that. I'm sure it will bring stress, but I've been working on more productive ways to deal with it (meditation, yoga, etc.) rather that resorting to pornography to escape itThat's right, mate. This is my day 1/90, hardmode, no excuses.
For sure, let's do it! Today's been a decent one. I was doing some reading for class (and it was boring), and I noticed that my thoughts started turning to porn--sort of out of the blue. It's making me think about environmental cues that I hadn't thought about before. I can't help but wonder if there are some changes to my desk area, etc. that I could make so that my brain doesn't go "Oh yeah, this is the place for pornography."
Quote from: BlueHeronFan on January 07, 2019, 08:26:22 PMFor sure, let's do it! Today's been a decent one. I was doing some reading for class (and it was boring), and I noticed that my thoughts started turning to porn--sort of out of the blue. It's making me think about environmental cues that I hadn't thought about before. I can't help but wonder if there are some changes to my desk area, etc. that I could make so that my brain doesn't go "Oh yeah, this is the place for pornography."That's right. Porn pops up in our minds just like that. It's annoying because you can never really stay away from it. It invades your thoughts, dreams etc.I support the idea of doing some changes to your environment because I've seen how this worked in my case. I would be outside, having no urges, but coming back to my bedroom, where my computer was and where I always masturbated to porn, and hard urges would hit me.
Thanks for your support! The more time I spend here the more I realize that my situation isn't unique. There are a lot of people facing very similar situations, and it's been a relief to know that I'm not alone in it. I think one of the things that porn does is isolate us--so reaching out and being involved with other people, even here, is a good way to fight back. I really do appreciate the responses I've gotten here.Today went well for me. I'm fighting a little bit of a cold, so I ended up taking a nap this afternoon. That and homework made for a pretty uneventful (but also clean) day. Onward!
the difference is that I am now an adult and I'm aware of all the problems that this addiction causes for me. I have compassion for the boy who entered this not knowing very well what he was doing and seeking a certain relief for his pains. but now as an adult I feel more responsible and I have been charged much more to deal with my problems in a different way.I also know that I am human and that mistakes I will always commit. I also know that those difficult moments in my childhood are still engraved on my body and memory. but I believe it is possible to learn from mistakes and bad experiences and try to deal with problems in a wiser and more balanced way. That's what I've been trying to do.
I was noticing today that little fantasies flash across my mind from time to time. I guess they haven't ever seemed like too big of a deal to pay attention to, but I realized that they might be getting me into trouble. I think I've only ever relapsed after entertaining fantasies, but I've always thought of fantasies as harmless...which they aren't. Anyway, something to think about and work on.I was listening to something yesterday that was talking about how our brains rely on habits and patterns of thought and behavior and about how, when our brains have habits for a long time, it takes a long time to change those habits. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that it's taking years to fully shake off an addiction that I didn't even fight for more years. It's okay that it's taking time. All progress is progress.
Quote from: Kaingang on January 13, 2019, 08:22:33 AMthe difference is that I am now an adult and I'm aware of all the problems that this addiction causes for me. I have compassion for the boy who entered this not knowing very well what he was doing and seeking a certain relief for his pains. but now as an adult I feel more responsible and I have been charged much more to deal with my problems in a different way.I also know that I am human and that mistakes I will always commit. I also know that those difficult moments in my childhood are still engraved on my body and memory. but I believe it is possible to learn from mistakes and bad experiences and try to deal with problems in a wiser and more balanced way. That's what I've been trying to do.All of that is really great--thanks for sharing it with me! I think I agree with you. I was pretty young when I started experimenting with porn and masturbation, too young to know what I was getting myself into. Now that I know, though, it's my responsibility to shake it off and deal with life more productively. I've been thinking a lot about something else I heard a couple weeks ago: the way we live today is the way we live our life. In addiction and in everything, all we can do it live each day at a time. I hadn't thought before about how our life is the sum of each day. If we can live each day well, we'll end up living our life well. So I'll just keep trying to live each day well. (Today is 13/100)