Author Topic: Not gonna go it alone  (Read 10377 times)

Ender

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #425 on: August 05, 2019, 11:12:38 AM »
Wow! Congratulations on 150 days! That's really impressive and very inspiring. Keep up the awesome work.

I really related with what you said about falling for women at the drop of a hat and never doing anything about it. That's me all over. In fact, I've never approached a woman, every partner I had approached me first. This is one of the big reasons I am trying to end my addiction. I'm done with my lack of confidence and my completely passive attitude towards dating. I think you made an excellent decision by talking to them but not becoming immediately attached to one.

Your story so far has been really inspiring. I look forward to hearing you continue your journey!
"They wanted to have a good time, but they were like children playing in the street; they could see one after another of them being killed--run over, maimed, destroyed--but they continued to play anyhow."

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #426 on: August 05, 2019, 04:48:12 PM »
Seems like the potluck went well! I actually had a similar experience this weekend at a party, got to talk to a bunch of women that I didn’t know...on one hand it’s not a big deal but on the other it felt really nice to organically strike up a conversation with people I didn’t know, given my shyness. It’s cool to see the benefits of a streak unfolding, but sometimes you can only see it in hindsight. Keep going strong my man!

squid

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #427 on: August 05, 2019, 07:43:55 PM »
Wow! Congratulations on 150 days! That's really impressive and very inspiring. Keep up the awesome work.

I really related with what you said about falling for women at the drop of a hat and never doing anything about it. That's me all over. In fact, I've never approached a woman, every partner I had approached me first. This is one of the big reasons I am trying to end my addiction. I'm done with my lack of confidence and my completely passive attitude towards dating. I think you made an excellent decision by talking to them but not becoming immediately attached to one.

Your story so far has been really inspiring. I look forward to hearing you continue your journey!

Yes this is relatable to me too.  Let's be courageous and speak the truth and find awesome ladies!!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #428 on: August 05, 2019, 08:49:41 PM »
Damn, man! 150 days! That's an example of discipline for all of us.

I understand what you mean by saying you know how you got to 150 days. I could say the same for my 15 days. I know it's not as many, but we did it because of doing the right things, not by hoping luck would somehow make us survive. It wasn't accidental. I understand now what's like to want porn but choose not to do anything about it. This has been a big help for me. I like to look at it this way: "Recovery is pain but it's a short period in comparison to the rest of our lives. One day this big craving for porn will leave us alone." I'm just waiting for that day to come.

Thanks, Lero! Don't sell those 15 days short: I'm super excited about where you are right now. The only day that really matters is today (but it is fun and helpful to talk about streaks). It really does make a difference that we know exactly how we got to where we are. It wasn't an accident, and that means we can keep doing it. The days of intense craving do pass (or, at least, I've been in kind of a quiet spot for the last while).

150 is an amazing milestone, congratulations on your latest success and thanks for your constant support to me and the whole community!  :)

Good to see things went well at your event, I hope this means the wave of sadness vanished?

Thanks so much! Yeah, I guess the wave of sadness did pass. Usually the sort of thing that a good night of sleep will fix.

Wow! Congratulations on 150 days! That's really impressive and very inspiring. Keep up the awesome work.

I really related with what you said about falling for women at the drop of a hat and never doing anything about it. That's me all over. In fact, I've never approached a woman, every partner I had approached me first. This is one of the big reasons I am trying to end my addiction. I'm done with my lack of confidence and my completely passive attitude towards dating. I think you made an excellent decision by talking to them but not becoming immediately attached to one.

Your story so far has been really inspiring. I look forward to hearing you continue your journey!

Thanks for you support! I definitely haven't had many healthy relationships. A couple, but they have been few and far between. Usually what happens is I think that there's no way the women I'm interested in could be interested back, so I just pine for them from a distance. Meanwhile, because I've tanked my self esteem, I let women I'm not interested approach me. So there's this endless mismatch. But I'm learning to like myself more and definitely working on becoming the kind of guy that would be interesting to an awesome woman. We'll get there!

And your story has been inspiring to me too. I'm excited to see where it takes you!

Seems like the potluck went well! I actually had a similar experience this weekend at a party, got to talk to a bunch of women that I didn’t know...on one hand it’s not a big deal but on the other it felt really nice to organically strike up a conversation with people I didn’t know, given my shyness. It’s cool to see the benefits of a streak unfolding, but sometimes you can only see it in hindsight. Keep going strong my man!

Yeah, it was great. You know, there's a lot to be said for just talking to women without romance or sex being on the table. Like just relating to people as people and developing social skills. I've been to speed dating things a couple times, never with the expectation that it would go anywhere, and it was a lot of fun because it was just a chance to talk and meet people and practice. I'm the worst as starting conversations (once they get started I'm okay), so structured things definitely help.

And that hindsight stuff is real. As I've gone through the last few months, they have felt like some of the hardest and worst ones I can remember. But I've been looking back on them in the last couple days, and I'm starting to see some of the payoff that I didn't recognize in the moment. Here's to looking back on many days of unrecognized success!

Yes this is relatable to me too.  Let's be courageous and speak the truth and find awesome ladies!!

Lol, for sure! Sounds like a great plan to me! Thanks for you continuing support!

Today was a pretty normal day. Worked on a creative project, went to work. I had another social thing tonight (hoping maybe to see some of the same women from yesterday). They didn't show, and the event was suuuuuper boring. Kind of a bust, but I'm okay with it. I'm just working on being okay with things, accepting them and carrying on. There will be other chances and other people. Today was never going to be my only chance.

I did get back late today, and I thought I wasn't going to post. But I just had to: now I'm on a 10 day streak of posting in my journal! It's not something I want to be too strict about, but it has been so helpful to me that I definitely want to make sure it doesn't slip. So much has changed since I started posting here, and I owe it all to you all. It's good to have to space for my own reflection, but I had been doing that before on my own. The real difference is having people on the other end and working on this in a community.

Keep up the amazing work, each of you! Tomorrow is another day for success!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #429 on: August 06, 2019, 07:02:44 PM »
Another busier day, but an okay one too.

I have mentioned before how I'm also working on my weight. Well, I ordered some clothes that I was 100% sure were the right size, but they got here today and ended up being too small still. In all reality, it's not a big deal. I'm still working on my weight, and I'm pretty sure they will fit just fine before too long.

But it still tossed me into a deep feeling of disappointment. Like, even after all my work and progress, it still didn't count. I wasn't sure if I was sad or angry (still not sure, but I'm calmer than I was).

Probably I've been riding a little high on myself the last couple weeks, and that's good to recognize. To be fair, I really have started to see and feel the results of my work the last few months, and that is exciting. But I might have blown it out of proportion. Either way, it was really frustrating to realize that I still wasn't where I wanted to be. I'm closer than ever before, but still not "good enough."

I don't know. I think this is the sort of thing that I just need to sleep off. I'm also pretty stressed out about how busy I'll be with orientation stuff for the next week or so, so that probably isn't helping. There was a split second in there when my brain tried to suggest porn as a solution, and I was just like, "Really? That's obviously not how we fix this problem." No urge, just a momentary thought.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day, and there's nothing about where I am today that has to be final. I'm still progressing and still going places. Those clothes didn't fit today, but it probably won't be too long before they do.

squid

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #430 on: August 06, 2019, 08:03:11 PM »
Good job recognizing the thought and not inviting it into your mind.  P thoughts, as you know, are terrible house guests and leave messes everywhere.  Best to let them go on by.  Weight is a tricky one because it's a personal struggle that is very visible to the outside world.  If you have a plan and are sticking to it you will lose the weight.  And you will look back on the activities you had to do to lose the weight like running through neighborhoods, going outside more, finding a new sport etc, and realise the pleasure you got out of the journey.  Enjoy it man.  Make sure you have a plan and stick to it and you'll get there before you know it.

I always think when things don't go my way super easy.  "At least I'll be able to use my personal story to motivate others who are struggling, my story has become more relatable"

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #431 on: August 07, 2019, 04:28:28 PM »
I can definitely relate to this. It is easy to feel not good enough about certain aspects in life when you are doing all the right things and the results aren’t always there. Progress first is motivational, then starts to feel normal, and then can turn into a burden. Know that you are always good enough just by putting in the effort to improve, as that is a sign of strength of character. Unfortunately you can never see that in a mirror, but it is infinitely more important than whatever your outside appearance may be. Best of luck to you man, you have helped so many people here and we are all rooting for you!

rob24

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #432 on: August 07, 2019, 06:06:51 PM »
Congratulations on over 150 days man! Inspiring to hear it, and glad you're doing well in many ways, and it also sounds like you're good at managing your emotions, which I'm learning is becoming a core skill to work on after using PMO as a pair of crutches for years. Now I need to learn to use my own legs to walk. Good to hear that you're putting yourself out there more and open to different types of encounters. Still trying to work on this myself, as I was so one-dimensionally obsessed with sex from PMO. Using different social contexts to be more socially healthy sounds like a great idea. Keep at it!



BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #433 on: August 07, 2019, 07:07:47 PM »
I'll never get tired of saying it, and it continues to be true: you all are the best. Thanks so much for your comments and support.

Weight is a tricky one because it's a personal struggle that is very visible to the outside world.  If you have a plan and are sticking to it you will lose the weight.  And you will look back on the activities you had to do to lose the weight like running through neighborhoods, going outside more, finding a new sport etc, and realise the pleasure you got out of the journey.  Enjoy it man.  Make sure you have a plan and stick to it and you'll get there before you know it.

I always think when things don't go my way super easy.  "At least I'll be able to use my personal story to motivate others who are struggling, my story has become more relatable"

Thanks, squid! Yeah, this is a tough one. I don't how weight and porn and all the rest got tangled up with my poor self-image through my teen years, and I'm never going to try to untangle them. Long story short, there was a cocktail of awful things working together to make me feel miserable and now, over a decade later, I'm finally straightening myself out.  I really appreciate the reminder that things will work out if I just keep doing what I'm doing. I think I wrote it earlier, but I actually enjoy working out. Never thought that would happen, and that's a big victory no matter what. Can't lose sight of that.

And thanks for that last line, too. I always forget about stuff like that. I'm usually in a grumpy mood and think things like "I don't care if this will let me help people later. I want things to be easy now!" But that's kind of a silly attitude. Just being in this community has helped me to see how my own struggles can help me to understand and help people who are struggling too.

I can definitely relate to this. It is easy to feel not good enough about certain aspects in life when you are doing all the right things and the results aren’t always there. Progress first is motivational, then starts to feel normal, and then can turn into a burden. Know that you are always good enough just by putting in the effort to improve, as that is a sign of strength of character. Unfortunately you can never see that in a mirror, but it is infinitely more important than whatever your outside appearance may be. Best of luck to you man, you have helped so many people here and we are all rooting for you!

Such a great boost, man. Thanks a lot! It really does mean a lot to  know you're rooting for me.

Congratulations on over 150 days man! Inspiring to hear it, and glad you're doing well in many ways, and it also sounds like you're good at managing your emotions, which I'm learning is becoming a core skill to work on after using PMO as a pair of crutches for years. Now I need to learn to use my own legs to walk. Good to hear that you're putting yourself out there more and open to different types of encounters. Still trying to work on this myself, as I was so one-dimensionally obsessed with sex from PMO. Using different social contexts to be more socially healthy sounds like a great idea. Keep at it!

Thanks, it definitely is about more than just quitting PMO. It really is about building the kind of life that PMO kept us from having. Porn sucks up all our time and tells us we aren't worth it anyway so why try. Once we get some distance from PMO, the possibilities open up, and the drive to achieve them definitely comes back.

Today was a long day. I'm helping to facilitate an orientation at school, and so it feels like I'm "on stage" all day. I also didn't sleep very well last night (probably just nervous about today), but I did wake up early so that I could get some exercise in. It would be very easy to let it slide for the next few days because my schedule is messed up, but it's important to me to keep the habit going.

Long story short, it was an exhausting, but overall decent day. Back at it all tomorrow, but at least it won't be "new" anymore. Busy days. But busy days are good: they give me less time to get in my own head and get into trouble.

Keep on going strong! And thanks again for your support!

Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #434 on: August 08, 2019, 06:50:53 AM »
 I think you are doing a beautiful job figuring out some heavy shit. Wishinig nothing but the best on your journey. Fortunately, you don't have to face it alone. Sending good vibes zazzle! zing! your way!  :)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #435 on: August 08, 2019, 07:23:47 PM »
I think you are doing a beautiful job figuring out some heavy shit. Wishinig nothing but the best on your journey. Fortunately, you don't have to face it alone. Sending good vibes zazzle! zing! your way!  :)

Thanks for the zazzle and zing!

Today was another day like yesterday, structured and busy from start to finish. I spend a lot of time teaching, and I really like it, but for some reason, I'm super self-conscious when it comes to helping with this orientation. Maybe it's just because my audience is more experienced and has stronger opinions now. I don't know. One more day of it for this week, and then I can get some rest over the weekend to do it again for another few days.

Some quiet sadness this evening, not really attached to anything in particular. Probably just me feeling tired. So I guess it's time to call it quits for the day.

squid

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #436 on: August 08, 2019, 10:34:33 PM »
Rest up my friend, tomorrow's another awesome day :)

achilles heel

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #437 on: August 09, 2019, 01:45:55 PM »
Thanks for your constant support, you are doing an incredible job and seem to have your problem under control due to your awareness of the slightest trouble along the road. You are helping me and others here to gain hope in this fight while making awesome progress yourself. While there's not much to say about your quiet and busy days, I hope things stay as quiet as they are now for you and you keep being an inspiration!  :)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #438 on: August 09, 2019, 06:22:10 PM »
Thanks, guys!

The third day of the orientation is over, just three more days of it next week. I definitely feel self-conscious/uncomfortable being "on" all day in front of people, but I did have some people today tell me that they thought I was doing a good job, which really meant a lot and helped me to feel more comfortable.

Huge headache tonight, though. I've been having to get up slightly earlier than usual in order to get to the orientation and still have time for working out (a few months ago, I would have just skipped exercising, but it is more important to me now). My body always gets really mad at me when I get even a little less than 8 hours of sleep a night, punishing me with headaches. But the day is almost over, and hopefully I can get my head to forgive me, lol.

I had an interesting experience today when I was driving home. For as long as I can remember, whenever I have seen an attractive woman, I have felt a sort of urgent feeling, usually in my stomach and groin. It's that kind of hungry feeling that makes me want to stare just for the pleasure of it, the thought that I have to look (in a gross, creepy way) because I don't want to miss out. I came to realize that that was just me being triggered and using real people as dopamine buttons.

But here's the point. When I was driving home today, I noticed that there was a very attractive woman jogging down the side of the street, dressed in a sort of revealing way. Normally, this would be a high-alert moment where I would feel that kind of feeling that makes me stare and kind of feel sick (I hope you know the kind of feeling I'm talking about). But that's not what happened. Instead, I just had the thought, "Wow, she's very good looking." And that was it. It was just a thought, an observation. There was no intense feeling associated with it. Sort of as if I had noticed that the sun was out or there was a bird on road. It was just a fact about what I was seeing, and it didn't trigger the sort of physical/emotional thing that used to take over me when I saw women. It was calm, and I felt for the first time like it was something I could observe and appreciate but not get carried away by.

After a few months away from porn, signs of progress have sort of slowed down. Most days feel like business as usual. But today was another little signal that things are still progressing. I was able to see a woman, recognize that she was attractive, and still not lose control of my mind and body. A first for me, I think.

Recovery feels more normal as the days goes on, less restrictive and "unnatural." But even then, there are still signs that things are getting better. I'm excited to see what other unexpected improvements are in store.

rob24

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #439 on: August 09, 2019, 08:22:59 PM »
Thanks, guys!

The third day of the orientation is over, just three more days of it next week. I definitely feel self-conscious/uncomfortable being "on" all day in front of people, but I did have some people today tell me that they thought I was doing a good job, which really meant a lot and helped me to feel more comfortable.

Huge headache tonight, though. I've been having to get up slightly earlier than usual in order to get to the orientation and still have time for working out (a few months ago, I would have just skipped exercising, but it is more important to me now). My body always gets really mad at me when I get even a little less than 8 hours of sleep a night, punishing me with headaches. But the day is almost over, and hopefully I can get my head to forgive me, lol.

I had an interesting experience today when I was driving home. For as long as I can remember, whenever I have seen an attractive woman, I have felt a sort of urgent feeling, usually in my stomach and groin. It's that kind of hungry feeling that makes me want to stare just for the pleasure of it, the thought that I have to look (in a gross, creepy way) because I don't want to miss out. I came to realize that that was just me being triggered and using real people as dopamine buttons.

But here's the point. When I was driving home today, I noticed that there was a very attractive woman jogging down the side of the street, dressed in a sort of revealing way. Normally, this would be a high-alert moment where I would feel that kind of feeling that makes me stare and kind of feel sick (I hope you know the kind of feeling I'm talking about). But that's not what happened. Instead, I just had the thought, "Wow, she's very good looking." And that was it. It was just a thought, an observation. There was no intense feeling associated with it. Sort of as if I had noticed that the sun was out or there was a bird on road. It was just a fact about what I was seeing, and it didn't trigger the sort of physical/emotional thing that used to take over me when I saw women. It was calm, and I felt for the first time like it was something I could observe and appreciate but not get carried away by.

After a few months away from porn, signs of progress have sort of slowed down. Most days feel like business as usual. But today was another little signal that things are still progressing. I was able to see a woman, recognize that she was attractive, and still not lose control of my mind and body. A first for me, I think.

Recovery feels more normal as the days goes on, less restrictive and "unnatural." But even then, there are still signs that things are getting better. I'm excited to see what other unexpected improvements are in store.

Sounds like you are doing a good job in both your rewiring and your work!

Good observations on subtlety of rewiring changes. I've been experiencing the exact same thing almost constantly on my commute, passing hundreds of attractive women each day and looking around like a hungry guy in a bakery who's not allowed to eat. I simultaneously feel sick, longing, horniness, disgust, insecurity, happiness, an impulse to stare, and an impulse not to stare. It's like I feel like a dying animal looking longingly at all of the women it could have been with/missed out on. It increases this awful sense that I'm a victim, which is exactly the feeling that I'm trying to teach myself to challenge and turn over. Do you think it's related to the endless novelty of pornography? I feel bad for myself whenever I feel these things.

Though I too felt this weird sort of momentary resolve today while sitting at a bus stop, and I just suddenly stopped thinking those thoughts, and I thought less about myself and how I felt in comparison to these people - I thought "I just look like another person to them", which made me feel more normal, and I thought more good-willed, positive thoughts about other people, even when I saw a woman I thought looked attractive, and I'd normally judge/feel judged. I didn't feel like she was quietly judging me, and if she did, I would have felt bad for her or anyone else thinking like that (like I am/have been). I think it relates for me to some experiences I had in grade school when I minded my own business a lot, but there were one or two occasions when other kids took it upon themselves to make me feel ostracized since i was a huge geek and that's how teenagers behave. I remember this one girl in seventh grade asking where I went out on Friday nights just to have a laugh. I was just quiet. I had no EQ back then and took it really hard. Anyway, on this ride, I ended up having a conversation with the bus driver, with whom I've never spoken, but it turned out to be a fun conversation, and he made me laugh really hard. Maybe I need to pull the plug on rating myself and thinking that seeing women is just a search for novelty. It would be amazing to walk around in society and not feel like people were always trying to negatively judge and one up each other. It seems like having a good will and thinking positive thoughts and less about yourself helps you see yourself not in comparison, but in community. Maybe I (we?) are making progress on this end. Though perhaps these are thoughts only I'm having. Just weighing in!



squid

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #440 on: August 09, 2019, 11:52:38 PM »
Quote
Good observations on subtlety of rewiring changes. I've been experiencing the exact same thing almost constantly on my commute, passing hundreds of attractive women each day and looking around like a hungry guy in a bakery who's not allowed to eat

Haha me too dude.  It will calm down in a few weeks in my experience.  But yeah my brain is like okay no pmo but I'm feeling lots of things and there are lots of attractive women, why can't we bring the two together?  Lol

Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #441 on: August 10, 2019, 05:03:16 AM »
Completely tottaly proud of you :)

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #442 on: August 10, 2019, 01:38:33 PM »
Sometimes when things start to feel the most mundane, exciting things are in the near future....keep going and inspiring others, and thank you for your continued support!

Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #443 on: August 10, 2019, 01:40:19 PM »
Sometimes when things start to feel the most mundane, exciting things are in the near future....keep going and inspiring others, and thank you for your continued support!

That's right, man. Blue Heron has a big part in me reaching 20 days.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #444 on: August 10, 2019, 05:55:29 PM »
I've been experiencing the exact same thing almost constantly on my commute, passing hundreds of attractive women each day and looking around like a hungry guy in a bakery who's not allowed to eat. I simultaneously feel sick, longing, horniness, disgust, insecurity, happiness, an impulse to stare, and an impulse not to stare. It's like I feel like a dying animal looking longingly at all of the women it could have been with/missed out on. It increases this awful sense that I'm a victim, which is exactly the feeling that I'm trying to teach myself to challenge and turn over. Do you think it's related to the endless novelty of pornography? I feel bad for myself whenever I feel these things.

I know this feeling exactly! I used to just sit at stoplights and watch the people drive by in the other direction, hoping to see someone attractive go past and also afraid that I miss one. I definitely think it's related to porn use. My commutes used to be exactly like walking around a bakery and not being allowed to eat. In fact, a lot of my most recent triggers have involved not handling myself well when I saw an attractive woman out and about.

What happened yesterday was like a prime meditative experience, though, lol. I just observed her going by without getting wrapped up in the fact that she was there. What I have spent a long time practicing with my thoughts finally actually happened with a potential trigger. (So another shoutout to meditation!)

Completely tottaly proud of you :)

Thank you! It means a lot!

Sometimes when things start to feel the most mundane, exciting things are in the near future....keep going and inspiring others, and thank you for your continued support!

I'm all set for exciting things in the future, bring them on! Thank you for your continued support and encouragement, too!

That's right, man. Blue Heron has a big part in me reaching 20 days.

Thanks so much, Lero! For years, this addiction was my own private nightmare and I was pretty sure that A) I would never overcome it and B) No good would ever come from it. Since joining here, though, I have found more success in overcoming it, and, more amazingly, I have found ways that this addiction has put me in a position to help other people. The fact that I have had any part in helping you is just amazing to me. Truly, thank you for your kind words, and keep crushing it!

Today was a chill and much-needed day at home. I did a little cooking, a little cleaning, and took an accidental nap. I downloaded an audiobook about addiction today. It has been pretty interesting, and I laid down just to finish the last 5 minutes of the chapter. Then I woke up a few chapters later. Guess I'll have to rewind a little and catch back up.

One thing I learned today from the audiobook: addicts and non-addicts experience the same levels of pleasure. Addicts experience way more intense cravings, though, and that's dopamine at work. The more we act out, the more intense the cravings get. In fact, the more we act out on our addictions, the more we supercharge our pleasure center and the more our brain numbs itself to compensate. That's why addictions escalate and probably why it's so hard to find pleasure in things that aren't our addictions. We talk about how our addictions numb us to the world, but that is literally what happens. Our brains try to shut down our pleasure centers because they're being overworked.

Keep on keeping on!

pichaelthompson

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #445 on: August 11, 2019, 12:49:43 PM »
Very interesting to hear that addicts and non-addicts experience the same pleasure, I've never thought about it that way but its true; when I feed my addicted brain P, it's partly pleasurable but a huge part of it is just the feeling of relief from the negative feelings of rebooting. That's why if we keep relapsing, our sense of relief is less and less, even if our pleasure levels are similar.

I have been very committed these last two days to having a more meditative experience; whenever I catch a distracting thought, I center myself through focusing on my senses, and then I let my mind be free until I catch myself being distracted again. I think before I was too focused on forcing my brain to pay attention; it is important to gently guide the brain and then let it go so there is a sense of freedom rather than restriction. Keep on being great!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #446 on: August 11, 2019, 08:35:06 PM »
I have been very committed these last two days to having a more meditative experience; whenever I catch a distracting thought, I center myself through focusing on my senses, and then I let my mind be free until I catch myself being distracted again. I think before I was too focused on forcing my brain to pay attention; it is important to gently guide the brain and then let it go so there is a sense of freedom rather than restriction.

Yeah, this is great! I have definitely found more success lately just treating real life triggers in the way I treat thoughts when I meditate. Going into the meditative mode more often (and not just when I'm meditating) has saved my skin a couple times in the last few months. Man, meditation has made such a big difference for me, but it has taken a couple years of daily practice for it to really sink in.

Today was a pretty good day, actually. Had a good time at church and then I had dinner with a friend. Tomorrow is a busy day, but today was pretty restful and good, so I feel ready for whatever tomorrow will throw at me (I hope).

Just a few more days of this orientation and then I can go back to normal for a little bit before school starts up. I don't even want to think about that, though, lol.

Let's go have a great week!

rob24

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #447 on: August 11, 2019, 09:55:22 PM »
The meditation and church sound great! I'd love to get back to church just to be part of my town community again. The audiobook also sounds interesting...very interesting. Would you possibly be able to share? Keep it up Heron!



Lero

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #448 on: August 12, 2019, 04:50:29 AM »
Very interesting to hear that addicts and non-addicts experience the same pleasure, I've never thought about it that way but its true; when I feed my addicted brain P, it's partly pleasurable but a huge part of it is just the feeling of relief from the negative feelings of rebooting. That's why if we keep relapsing, our sense of relief is less and less, even if our pleasure levels are similar.

Definitely, man. Sometimes I just want to relapse to stop the pain of withdrawal.

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Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Reply #449 on: August 12, 2019, 02:28:04 PM »
I am with you BlueHeron,  have meditating for 2 years as well and only just recently have I found a deeper sense of appreciation for it...before it just felt like I was doing it because "why not, it couldn't hurt...it could only do good." But now, I have really thought about it as a part of my life that will never leave me, as the mind will always dictate our thoughts and actions.