Author Topic: Kraken's journal  (Read 14492 times)

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #500 on: February 26, 2020, 09:15:28 PM »
Sounds like you have some good plans and goals. Holding myself to a schedule, even one I make up, has been helpful. It keeps me doing the things I need to do and not getting sidetracked too much by other things.

It's also worthwhile to just focus on one or two key changes instead of trying to fix everything. It might take longer, but going step by step and mastering small changes along the way seems a lot more sustainable than trying to pull off a massive overhaul all at once.

Just keep going!

squid

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #501 on: March 04, 2020, 03:32:36 PM »
Things have been going very well.  A few ideas have been profound. 

You are who you are, and you are what you are, because of what has gone into your mind.

Logic cannot change an emote, action will.

A three second break is all it takes to have enough space to make a new decision.  First impulse decisions are not as useful as the second decision.




BlueHeronFan

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #502 on: March 05, 2020, 07:50:45 PM »
Wow, good insights! Glad to hear things are going well.

I like that first one, especially. I have definitely started thinking more lately about what i'm feeding my mind and how it affects my mood, thoughts, and actions.

Keep it up!

Reboot4good

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #503 on: March 06, 2020, 12:53:31 AM »
Thanks so much for the thread man. Your comment about feeling bad about yourself affecting how you treat others is soo true. I think we often project our own worst criticisms of ourself onto others as if they are saying those things about us. It’s clear your are are making gains and moving in the right direction. I think it is so important to love and be patient with the guy you see in the mirror. through the process. You have a vision of what you want to be and can and will become that if you hold onto that vision. Sometimes believing you can or can’t  do something creates a self fulfilling prophesy. The only way you’ll fail to become who you want to be is to stop trying. The only way you’ll stop trying is if you stop believing you can do it. That negative self talk is so toxic! You’re growth may not be linear but you got this. Look in the mirror and see the guy you will be, soak it in and love yourself because that’s who you are deep down, not some compilation of your temporary flaws and mistakes.

squid

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #504 on: March 07, 2020, 11:04:10 PM »
Thanks so much for the replies everyone!  I hope that this record of my journey can convince a least one person that they can do it too.  I love you all.  Don't die while the music is still inside you.

-squid

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #505 on: March 08, 2020, 06:58:15 PM »
Thanks, squid! Just reconnecting with the music and letting it play. I like that thought.

Keep crushing it!

squid

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #506 on: March 09, 2020, 09:49:08 PM »
Had a sore and swollen throat the past week that I got looked at today   Nothing serious, just need a few more days of rest.  I'm a little behind my half marathon training because of it but hey that's life haha. 

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #507 on: March 10, 2020, 07:56:21 PM »
Sure is, nothing wrong with taking it easy to get healthy. Keep on keepin' on!

squid

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #508 on: March 21, 2020, 02:43:08 AM »
Finally after two weeks I'm feeling well again.  It was a rough illness.

As I sat tonight at 3am I was struck by a deep thought, my thought.  I'm ready to give my goals another try.  I thought about quitting and settling down a bit and letting some go.  But that's not true to who I am.  I meant what I said and it's time to put in the work.  I've been talking a lot to anyone who will listen the past few years about all these cool things I want to do.  I'm done talking, I know I can do these things and that they are important to me. 

There is nothing worse than being something and not living that way.  A runner who doesn't run, a hikers who doesn't hike, and painter who doesn't paint.  This is not the way.

I just want someone to know that I recognize that I've been living dangerously and not in a way I'm proud of.  Sleeping till noon, staying up till 4, playing 14 hours of video games a day, only going outside for 30 minutes a day.  Not job searching like I should and just generally hiding from my calling in a virtual world.  It hasn't all been like this and I've had bright spots but this habit has got to go.  The trend line on it is deadly.

So what am I going to do?  Everything I should be doing that I've been putting off.  Tomorrow that's crosstraining, studying and setting up the online blog.

As far as pmo, it's been smooth sailing for the most part.  There was one event a few days ago where I was reading the news on my phone and after reading an article I noticed it was in an online magazine I used to pmo to.  I didn't do anything but a few hours later the chaser from that triggered me again and I typed in the name of the site to get to the hot section.  But then on the homepage where I couldn't see anything except because of tiny thumbnails I mentally said stop and turned off my phone.  So turned a dangerous situation into a victory.

Things with my gf have been awesome, we are both in love.  I have lots of sex now and she says I'm the best she has ever had.  That meant a lot because only a year ago I wondered if I would be single and never have sex again forever while I was deep in my pmo habit. All the PE and ED and DE have gone away as I've gotten more comfortable and stayed away from pmo. 

I do feel a conviction to live more actively but that's not to say 2019 wasn't my best year on record.  I moved out to an awesome apartment with an awesome roommate, got a new job (that has since ended), am dating a wonderful woman, and stopped pmoing.  What a year.  Do you know how many times I tried to quit pmo?  Thousands and thousands of times over 10 years.  It got to the point where I thought it was impossible, that I would always be doing it.  But I haven't in 37 weeks. 

That's amazing to me.  It's totally worth it too, real sex with someone you love is infinitely better than pmo.  And only by leaving pmo for a few months was I able to get out there and start dating again.  The positive effects of the reboot were very helpful for dating. 
« Last Edit: March 21, 2020, 02:49:20 AM by squid »

squid

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #509 on: March 23, 2020, 12:29:58 AM »
Had a great weekend and was able to do my five mile run today :).  Tomorrow I'll take care of some chores and then do pt exercises and study a bit of korean.

faenoe

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #510 on: March 23, 2020, 07:43:55 PM »
Dude, incredible posts recently. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your progress. Stay clean, man.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #511 on: March 23, 2020, 08:05:46 PM »
Yeah, it sounds like you're doing awesome right now! You have a great foundation to go out and make some real progress on those goals.

You've got this!

squid

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #512 on: March 24, 2020, 01:06:23 PM »
Thanks everyone for your replies!  I'm going to try a new thing and make a small 21 day goal that's part of my big goals but broken down.  21 days is what it takes to make a habit.

For my first one, I want to change my sleeping from 4am-noon to Midnight- 8 or 9am.

My plan is to exercise before evening, eat food in early evening not late, and to limit screens an hour before bed.  I also have melatonin as a backup.  This habit change will enable a lot of positive options in the future.  The reason I've been up so late is playing videogames and feeling bored.  I'm unemployed and the job market seems hopeless with the virus so I've been lazy. 

But it's time to start taking control of some good habits.  So that's the why.

Stay safe everyone.

squid

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #513 on: March 25, 2020, 10:08:05 PM »
New sleeping habit 2/21

Yesterday I stopped playing videogames at 11:10pm, took a bath, and a melatonin and didn't use screens and went to bed at 12:10.  Slept pretty well and woke up at 9.  Everyone was like wow how are you awake so early? haha.  I just said I had some things to do today which was true.  I don't like to talk about new habits I'm making until they are more well developed.  When I talk about what I'm going to do a lot the odds of me doing it go down lol.

As a direct result of this little sleeping habit change, I got some car stuff done I've been putting off for a month, cleaned my bicycles, and did my PT exercises, ate pretty healthy food, and played games with friends reasonably after things I needed to do got done.  What a great day! 

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #514 on: March 26, 2020, 06:47:15 PM »
Hey, that's awesome! I think it's smart to start with a habit of changing your sleep pattern. It sounds like that one change is helping you get some more useful hours in your day and will support the development of other healthy habits going forward. If you had to pick one thing to focus on, this sounds like a great thing to pick.

Keep it going!

squid

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #515 on: March 26, 2020, 11:25:31 PM »
Thanks blue, yeah the day really begins with how I go to sleep the night before.  Yesterday I got to sleep a little after 12 with melatonin but no bath and woke up at 9 and snoozed for 40 minutes, I was tired all day.  But I have been running a lot more so it's to be expected.  I might switch to midnight to 10am after tough training days.

Today I didn't to much all day except hang out and play a bunch of games.  I did make good food though and did a run in the evening.  Only got through half because I was sore but it was so beautiful outside I wanted to try.  Then had a great evening at my gf's watching movies and eating take out and playing with the puppy. 

The sleep habit change is reasonable and has been very helpful.  Besides that, I want to get a good job searching habit down, that's really important.  I want to work again.  But for now I'm focusing on the sleep although I do hope to get some job searching done tomorrow.

Stay free my friends,

Squid

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Kraken's journal
« Reply #516 on: March 27, 2020, 07:00:54 PM »
Sounds like a pretty decent day, and that's a win! Keep listening to your body and being thoughtful about your adjustments. It really sounds like you're on the right track. Make the changes sustainable, and you'll be going places!

Good luck on the job searching habits next. Piece by piece, it will all fall into place.