Author Topic: Trekking to Freedom  (Read 2929 times)

BigMog

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #100 on: June 21, 2019, 03:02:58 AM »
I’m away next week for a few days for work, so will prepare the usual safeguards and make sure I have plenty of positive activities to do in the evenings. It will be stressful but my aim is to be aware of my mood and meditate and take plenty of exercise to stay on an even keel.
I realise that during my last long streak I definitely experienced stress and became quite miserable, grumpy and morose. Some of this is attributable to my work situation which is difficult at the moment but I think also probably to withdrawal symptoms from staying away from porn. Knowing this in advance, I hope, will help me deal with it.
Anyway 12 Days Clean
Stay strong everyone.

jixu

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #101 on: June 21, 2019, 08:03:14 AM »
Best wishes on your trip-looking forward to a good recap report!

BigMog

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #102 on: June 29, 2019, 08:40:11 AM »
 Thanks for your support Jixu.

So in terms of work, my trip was Ok but I slipped during the week and when I got home on Friday.

Although I know the theory of the various actions to take when I’m triggered I find it very hard to apply them when I’m on the brink of a slip. The “chimp” part of the brain shouts down the rational part that’s telling me that I really don’t want to do PMO.
I’ve applied passcodes to the settings that control the content restrictions of my devices and made sure I don’t memorise them. I thought the fact that I have to hunt down the passcodes would give me enough time to come to my senses, but that doesn’t always work. Once I’ve started looking for them it seems I’m already sliding uncontrollably to a lapse.

I had a good streak of 77 days earlier in the year, but have been struggling to get into double figures during the last month and really want to find a way of crawling out of the swamp I’m currently in. A lot of pressure and stress at work isn’t helping the situation.

I guess one extra layer of short-term protection I can give myself is to send the passcodes to someone else and then delete any records I have of them. If I need to change any settings for legitimate reasons I would contact the holder who could send the codes to me after at least twenty four hours.

Of course I still need to work on the other strands of the process: replacing PMO with wholesome activities, mindfulness, educating myself on the brain science of PMO addiction, generally looking after myself and keeping disciplined. I feel I’ve made some progress with these but I still haven’t been able to tip the scales in favour of staying clean from PMO permanently or at least for prolonged periods.

Keep trekking everyone.





switched_off_again

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #103 on: June 30, 2019, 04:52:01 PM »
Keep climbing back on the wagon BigMog. Another clean streak is just around the corner. That's what I tell myself anyway!

It's weird - I toyed with locking down things, using filters, throwing away passwords etc. But I've done that in the past and the thing I've found is once chimp is in control, hacking through the protection becomes part of the thrill :( The trick for me I think is to keep my mood right - stay on the level and this is easy. Also easier said than done!

Keep fighting!
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

BigMog

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #104 on: July 01, 2019, 02:36:38 AM »
Many thanks for the encouragement and input Switched-off. I think you’re probably right because however good the protection there is always a way through or round it in the end. Ultimately, I have to control myself and avoid letting the chimp dictate my actions. I can let him scream and holler, but have to learn to successfully apply the tricks and techniques to avoid sliding into the pit.
So yes, mindfulness and keeping on an even keel emotionally is very important.

June was a pretty catastrophic month for lapses. I’m working to make July a lot better.

Keep trekking everyone.

Two days Clean.

BigMog

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #105 on: July 06, 2019, 06:58:23 AM »
Going smoothly at the moment. Back into the routine of mindfulness, reading up on YBOP etc. Two extra improvements which I hope will also help me are that I’ve joined a sociable sporting group in the last few weeks and I’ve also found an improvement to the way I organise my work which, although it’s early days, seems to help me stay calmer and more focused. We’ll see.

Stay strong everyone.

7 Days Clean

switched_off_again

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #106 on: July 06, 2019, 06:22:23 PM »
Good to hear your firmly back in the saddle and making progress.

Stay strong!
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

BigMog

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #107 on: July 11, 2019, 01:03:53 PM »
Thanks Switched-off,

Not much to report. Just sticking to the routine. Noticed I was restless and slightly triggered this morning so I read some of the posts in the Success Stories section. That helped get stay focused on my goals.

12 Days Clean.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2019, 03:48:15 PM by BigMog »

switched_off_again

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #108 on: July 11, 2019, 06:38:32 PM »
Good stuff BigMog. I reckon those of us that have slipped a few times at least get better at noticing the warning signs, so hopefully we're better prepared. Good to see you're sticking to it!

Stay strong!
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0

BigMog

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #109 on: July 15, 2019, 03:22:35 AM »
Thanks Switched-off.

Almost had a couple of slips over the weekend. It was the usual scenario, allowed myself to be left on my own, on one of the occasions late at night and a little irritable, without a real plan of what I was going to do. Mercifully, the IT controls I have in place were, this time, just enough for me to recover my composure and escape. Also knowing I’m aiming to take part in some sporting events over the next couple of weeks was a help.
A positive result, but I still feel a little triggered this morning so will do some reading and meditation before starting work.

Keep up the good fight everybody.

16 Days Clean.

workinprogressUK

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #110 on: July 15, 2019, 03:28:17 AM »

A positive result, but I still feel a little triggered this morning so will do some reading and meditation before starting work.


Great work, BigMog. First level controls and Second level emotional commitment paying-off. You have a plan to defend yourself in those trigger moments and you executed it. It worked. Outstanding. And you're executing your processes again this morning with some study. Inspiring. Thanks, mate. Reading your update has strengthened me today.

switched_off_again

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Re: Trekking to Freedom
« Reply #111 on: July 19, 2019, 06:53:26 PM »
Hope you're still trekking BigMog. Stay strong.
This is my old journal. Just I ever feel the need to read from start to finish.
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16467.0