Author Topic: If you haven't told anybody,...tell someone  (Read 1365 times)

Gabe Deem

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    I found out the soft way that porn is sex negative
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Re: If you haven't told anybody,...tell someone
« Reply #25 on: December 28, 2018, 10:40:47 AM »
I can't believe this thread has gone this way. Honestly baffled.

I didn't tell a single soul about my porn-induced ED/addiction until I was seeing recovery/recovered. Yes, telling someone, even after recovery, is liberating. Getting secrets off your chest and helping others is always powerful.

He came and gave advice. Tell someone. The same advice I give. The same advice Noah Church gives.... just about anyone who has recovered advises people to tell people as soon as possible, because we realize how powerful opening up to others is, and that we wish we would have opened up and told others sooner. 

This is similar to telling a championship winning coach who struggled for years before winning, who is giving advice to struggling coaches, that he should have followed his advice way back when he was struggling, and that his giving of advice sounds a little arrogant now... I mean FFS.. come on. "It's a lot harder to win a game when your still losing dude..." Or "Everybody loves a good championship story, but you should have realized and followed what would have helped you before you realized what would have helped you win sooner."

Melando & Nikola, we need to treat members better. And, while opinions are welcome, and sure you can point out that it is easier to tell someone about porn addiction after you beat porn addiction (which everyone already knows), it would be helpful if we encourage advice from people who believe they have something helpful to say.

@Remmington, Thanks for sharing bro and congrats on 9 months and being able to open up to others. Much love and keep truckin, you never know who needs to hear it is possible to beat this addiction and come out the other side and openly discuss it. Noah Church told me that seeing me openly talk about it encouraged him to come out with his story, and he has inspired thousands of others.... a ripple effect. Keep sharing bro :)
« Last Edit: December 28, 2018, 10:44:12 AM by Gabe Deem »
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Gracie

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Re: If you haven't told anybody,...tell someone
« Reply #26 on: December 28, 2018, 02:49:33 PM »
Thanks Gabe for your response.  As a partner, I do not care when someone talks.  I want it in the light.  I want people talking.  I want people to know that it causes consequences.  Whether some one talks as they are using, rebooting, a day after or a gazillion years after, makes no difference. Bring it forward!

Gracie

Remington.22

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Re: If you haven't told anybody,...tell someone
« Reply #27 on: December 28, 2018, 05:42:32 PM »
Outstanding response, Gabe.  Thanks for that. Neither can I believe the direction this thread has turned & I've specifically avoided posting into it further as I don't want to get dragged into the food fight.

I can't imagine a scenario where one in this struggle would see reason to criticize another merely for breaking silence and opening up with a friend. Whether that happens while caught in the fail/try again/fail cycle we've all been in or if walking in victory. If in victory; whether having been 9 days sober, 9 months, 9 or 19 years. I cannot understand the basis for criticism at all and for the life of me can't figure reasoning for the snarkyness behind something like "Perhaps this post should have been called   "after you beat the addiction  Tell someone you were addicted to porn and beat the addiction  …..  its liberating  Than people will know what your talking about"  Does anyone NOT know what I'm talking about? Would the content and message of my op have somehow been more palatable to readers had I used that title instead of the one I did?

But I recognize the fact that communicating via the web, i.e. purely textual form, is not without its challenges and I think that's where we are.  While others can only read what we type they cannot construe our intentions or what we 'meant' we tend to filter our own words and sentences thru those lenses. We, of course, know what we mean. That very inability is what leads to rounds of point/counter-point as we strive to be understood, and, no one in the heat of an e-debate likes not having the last word.

This thread was meant to bless. It had the opposite affect on some of you. Please know that was in no way the intent. We're all flesh and blood humans, imperfect in many ways. Let's recognize these truths, recognize the true enemy on this forum and work toward our common goals of mutual healing.